


An Ineffably Profound Bond

by Dingobaby



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Supernatural
Genre: A little PTSD, Aliens, Anthony J. Crowley and Dean Winchester should be bffs, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale is precious, Aziraphale is so done with these two, Badass Castiel, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Confused Dean Winchester, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley is a Little Shit, Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx Mixtape, Dean's great with kids, Dean's in dean-ial, Drunk Castiel (Supernatural), Fluff and Angst, Happy? Reunions, Honestly tagging anything else beyond this point would be spoilery, Idiots in Love, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Jealous!Cas, M/M, Mixtape origin, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Episode: s14e20 Moriah, Sam is a Saint, Sorry Not Sorry, This is Getting Out of Hand, Winchesteritus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2020-04-08 10:55:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 147,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19105684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dingobaby/pseuds/Dingobaby
Summary: After Chuck sets 'The End' in motion, the remaining members of TFW make a miraculous escape. Not willing to waste any time, Castiel comes up with a plan to travel to one of the other world's to try and get help from the angels there, but after a fight with Dean, it's the hunter who gets sent into an alternate universe,with seemingly no hope of return.When a mysterious human with a heavenly weapon shows up in Aziraphale's shop, he and Crowley learn that their world is not the only one. Now it is up to them to decide whether or not they want to join forces with the human and help him save his world or simply find a way to send him home.





	1. Down the rabbit hole

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've been considering writing a Good Omens fic for a while but I wasn't sure where to go with it and I hadn't really been into writing fanfics until recently. Now, with the show coming out and all, I can see the parallels between Cas& Dean and Aziraphale & Crowley even more now than when Good Omens was just in book form and y'all, they are staggering.
> 
> So, I decided to be bold and do a crossover! I can't promise it will be good, I can't even promise it will be remotely readable, but I will say that it makes me happy to combine one of my favorite books and one of my favorite shows and really...that's all that matters.
> 
> I have no idea where this is going, all I know is the ideas have been keeping me up these past couple of days, so... enjoy!

"Dean!"

Cas's panicked scream was the last thing he heard before he was sucked through the portal and began tumbling towards the unknown. As he was tossed through the dimensions, a sick part of him couldn't help but think that it served the son of a bitch right! He thought it would be different now. This was the big one. The real end of the world, set in motion by God himself. All they had left was each other, and that asshole's first instinct was to leave them again!

It was nothing short of a miracle that they made it out of that grave yard when they did. Though, now that Dean thought about it, it was probably just another way for Chuck to give them the middle finger. "Here Cas, my most loyal creation, the only being who never lost faith in me, let me fix your wings, right when it won't matter anymore because I'm going to destroy everything you know and love and there's nothing you can do about it." Fucking dick. That's probably exactly what he did. He didn't even have the decency to stick around and tell him. It was pure fucking luck that Cas managed to fly them out of there when he did, before they were eaten alive. Either that, or it was sheer force of will. It's been said that a human can lift an entire car off a child if their adrenaline it running high enough. Maybe it was something like that?

Either way Cas had saved their asses, but it didn't give him the right to run away again. Dean needed him, he and Sam both did. They had just lost their mom, again. Their entire universe was ending. Everything they had spent their entire lives fixing, every ghost put to rest, every demon exorcised, every person saved, it was all erased with the snap of God's fingers. They watched the child they claimed as their own, killed, right in front of them. Emotions we're high to say the least. Now wasn't the time to go off on another fruitless crusade to some other dimension to beg for help. No one was going to help them. Nobody cared. Even if they did, this was God they were going up against! Even if anybody was willing to help, who could.

The longer Dean fell though (Jesus Christ! He'd been falling for forever! It shouldn't be taking this long!) the more he started to think he had tried to stop Cas for more selfish reasons. A lot had happened recently. Even before Chuck decided to play Thanos and wipe out creation. Between Michael and Lucifer and Nick and Mom and Jack...He hadn't even had the time to apologize to Cas for saying he was dead to him. Hell, Cas didn't even let them catch their breath before he started in on his plan to create another rift, let alone take the time to sit down and talk about everything. All the secrets and the lies. They really needed to clear the air before they jumped back into action. Cas wasn't having it though. That's what losing a child does to you.

Cas's plan was still stupid, none the less. He was on the phone with Rowena the second they landed back at the bunker. Dean wished he could say he was surprised she had managed to steal a bit of Gabriel's grace in their brief....um...moment together, but the witch was nothing, if not crafty as hell. Even still, it was only enough for a one-way trip. What if he had landed somewhere that didn't have witches, or magic, or even angels for that matter!? Then he really would be lost to them forever and Dean was sure that was the last thing they needed. He couldn't lose Cas, not now, not ever again.

Trying to wrestle Cas away from the portal probably wasn't the best idea, in hindsight. In his defense, Dean did try to talk him out of it first. Though, calling him a dumbass and telling him it was the stupidest idea he had ever heard wasn't the best route. Not when Cas was still angry about the whole "trying to lock their kid in a box for all eternity, then trying to kill the kid with and gun that would also kill himself" thing. Clearly, there was still some bad blood there, which was all the more reason they should've sat down and talked about it first! Maybe Sam had this whole "communication" thing right all along. Go figure, Dean wouldn't figure it out until he was hurdling who knows how fast towards who knows where. He never thought Cas would push him away, though, being the angel of "literally, zero personal space" and all. It was just a matter of Dean's "gold star" luck that had him stumbling into the rift when he met the brunt of the seraph's rage.

It was all his fault, as usual. He should've thought before he acted. He should've at least tried to talk to Cas before things got out of hand. They probably wouldn't have been in this mess if he had just tried to hear his friend out before letting his emotions get the best of him. Some friend he was. Cas had made some serious mistakes over the years, sure, but no more than Dean or Sam had. Cas's mistakes just seemed bigger because they were on a more cosmic scale, but he was a cosmic entity so that wasn't really his fault. It usually boiled down to him trying to protect humanity, or not feeling appreciated. He should've let Cas know how much he meant to them more, how much he meant to Dean. Maybe if he had made more of an effort to let Cas know he was important, to let him know he was more than another tool in their arsenal...maybe if he just told Cas...

THWACK

Dean was knocked out of his thoughts when his back met a solid marble floor.

"Oh! Oh, Dear!" He heard a, distinctly, British voice exclaimed somewhere in the distance. "What in Heaven's name..." Dean closed his eyes, took a ragged breath and tried to form words to call out for the stranger, but all that came out was a pained groan.

"In case you are illiterate, young man, the sign on the door clearly says that we are closed. Though I'm not quite sure what someone without the ability to read would be doing in a book store to begin with." Dean opened his eyes to see a mildly perturbed man standing over him. The man had pale blonde hair, almost white, and shining blue eyes (not as blue as Cas's, but close). He was dressed in a ridiculous cream-colored suit, the long jacket thrown over an ugly tweed vest and an equally ugly bowtie. If this guy and Cas were to go up against each other in a "most ridiculously dressed dork" contest, he's not too sure which one would win.

Dean took another breath, a little steadier this time, and managed to get out a weak, "Where am I?"

" Well, you're in Soho my dear boy," the man paused, his look of annoyance shifting quickly to worry " Oh, my! You appear to be injured! My apologies! I am so dreadfully sorry! How rude of me! Are you alright?!" Dean shook his head and groaned in response. The man reached out his hand to Dean to help him up off of the floor. " Well, come on then, up with you. How did this happen? Where are you hurt?"

Dean grabbed the man's hand, surprised by the strength the little guy seemed to possess for his size and apparent age, and let him help Dean to his feet. He surveyed his surroundings and found that he seemed to be standing in the middle of some old library or something. The place was wall to wall with very old, but well taken care of books. It was an older building for sure, but clean, and very well maintained. It wasn't until he shook his head and looked down at his feet, trying to gain his bearings, that he found cause to be worried. Extremely worried, because there, underneath him, was, unmistakably, a portal to heaven and he was smack dab in the middle of it.

Dean jumped back away from the man and out of the portal, and pulled an angel blade from his belt. "Who are you?!" He demanded, holding the point to the tip of the man's nose. “Are you a Man of letters? I thought we told you to disband?! How did you get me here? I'm not playing any of your sick little games you son of a bitch! The world is ending! I need to get back to..."

With a wave of the man's hand Dean found himself unable to speak and completely frozen in place. "Well, aren't you something?" The man said as he took a step back. " Here you are, barging into my book shop, after hours I might add, pointing a sword at my face and you have the nerve to act like you're the one in danger." The man moved to the side of the blade, gently stroking the flat of it. "Where ever did you acquire such a weapon? It's enochian, clearly, I can feel the energy radiating from it, but it's not like anything I've ever seen before." He plucked the blade from Dean's frozen hand and held it up to the light, scrutinizing every inch. " It's quite extraordinary, really."

He crossed the room and, carefully, set the blade down on a table, before turning back to Dean. "You seem to have a lot of questions, young man, and I'm afraid I might not have any answers you would like, though I will try my best. However, as it were, you are the one who has invaded my home, so, as one can assume, I have a few questions of my own and I feel that it is only right that you answer mine first. For starters, how is it that a human, such as yourself, came across a heavenly object that I, myself, have never even seen?" Dean stood frozen, remaining silent. " Well? Out with it."  
Silence. "Oh, yes, right. I suppose you'll need your voice to answer me, then." The man waved his hand again.

" What the hell are you?" Dean screeched as soon as he felt his voice return. "Are you some kind of fucking witch? A Djinn? Are you one of Michael’s freaks? Where the fuck am I?! I need to get back right the fuck no...."

With another wave of the man's hand Dean crumpled to the ground, asleep. " That's enough of that!" The man said as he strolled past Dean. "Honestly, the mouth on that boy!" The man picked up the receiver of a rotary phone and began to dial. "I don't suppose I should expect anything less from an American though."

The phone rang twice before it was answered "This better be good, Angel, I'm in the middle of something at the moment."

" Yes, Crowley, it's Aziraphale." The man said into the receiver.

" I'm well aware of that." Came the reply in an exasperated, yet, vaguely fond tone.

"Right." Aziraphale half chuckled to himself. " Well, it seems I have bit of a situation here I could use your assistance with."

"Oh?" Came the reply. Aziraphale could hear the smirk in his friend’s voice. " And what, pray tell, is this 'situation' that you can't handle on our own?"

" Oh! Really, Crowley!" Aziraphale replied, flustered. " No, it seems I have an American human in my book store..."

" Well, that's hardly a 'situation', Angel. Americans travel all over the world and you run an establishment in the middle of Soho. You can't expect to keep them from wandering in from time to time."

Aziraphale sighed and rolled his eyes. " Yes, I know that but, well, this one has a sword with him, from heaven it would seem..."

" Are you injured?!" Crowley demanded from the other end.

"No. I mean yes! I mean...really, my dear, I'm fine." Aziraphale assured. He twirled the line,nervously around his finger as he stared back at the flannel covered intruder, dozing on the floor" It's just that...well...he says that the world is ending."


	2. Through the Looking Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel, Sam, and Rowena discuss the loss of Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first of all: Wow! I did not expect the positive response I got from this idea! Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos on my first chapter of this mystery fic ( I say that because I still have no idea where it's headed. Really it's just random plot points right now)! You have no idea what it means to me.
> 
> Now, originally I intended to keep it a story about Dean with Aziraphale and Crowley, trying to find his way home, but, like I said, random plot points! Ideas kept popping into my head about the others processing the loss of Dean, on top of everything else, and well...things were written. Basically, it's most likely going to be: GO universe; odd chapters. SPN universe; even chapters.if you wanna skip all the angsty angst and what not, the GO universe will still be a cohesive story on it's own. Or vice versa! Whatever floats your boat. 
> 
> So, without further ado, let's find out what's happening at the end of the world!

“Dean!”

No! No, no, no, no! How could this happen!? Castiel tried desperately to grab onto Dean before he fell through the rift, but it was too late. Dean was gone. “Dean!” He screamed again at the empty air.” What have I done?” Cas gripped the sides of his head, pulling at his hair. He closed his eyes, fighting back tears. “Dean?” He called out weakly.

“Cas?” Sam said from behind him in a placating tone.

“No, it's fine.” Cas said shaking his head. “It's fine, it's fine he's just...”

“Cas....” Sam repeated, placing his hand on the angel's shoulder.

Cas turned to face his friend, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. “I didn't mean to do it, Sam. I didn't mean to...” Cas swallowed passed the lump in his throat and stared back at the empty space that was once his best friend. While it was true, he didn't mean to toss Dean into the rift, he did fully intend to push him away. Not just physically either. Things between them had been getting worse lately. Even before his father decided to prove he was the cruel, capricious God he claimed himself to be when they first met him, all those years ago.

Dean had been getting more belligerent over the past few years. Not to say he hadn't grown as a person since Cas had met him, but where he grew in some areas, he shrunk in others. He was more willing to accept that not all supernatural creatures were monsters, he even managed to make friends with a few. However, as the years went on, he became less inclined to accept help from those who were willing, those who cared. Cas supposed it wouldn't be so much of a problem, had he not become one of those creatures Dean didn't trust.

It was his own fault, really. There was no denying that. It didn't matter that everything Cas had done since he rebelled, he did for Dean. Sometimes, in order to save him, it required breaking his trust. It was true too, that Cas hadn't always made the right decisions when it came to protecting the righteous man. He really couldn't blame Dean for not trusting him completely. What really hurt, wasn't actually the mistrust between them. Overall, that was, most likely, well-earned. What really hurt was the fact that Dean didn't seem to care anymore. Cas had given up everything for him, and, no matter how many times Dean told him that he was family, more often than not it seemed to Cas that he was nothing more than a burden.

It's not like the warning signs weren't there either. All of Heaven had been telling him for years that his life wasn't worth wasting on the human. The angels had scolded him, the demons had mocked him and still he chose to put his faith in the man who taught him what it meant to be free.

“Cas... he's gone.” Sam was right behind him, but his voice sounded as though he were miles away. He couldn't be gone. No! Jack was supposed to fix everything! He was supposed to make the world a better place.... Jack was... Jack....

A new pain washed over him when he remembered the loss of, what was, for all intents and purposes, his son. His last hope in making his life on Earth bearable. He and Dean had been at odds for longer than they were okay, but Jack had brought him new light. Every time Dean had pushed him away, he could take solace in the fact that Jack would make things better. He had something, someone that was born of evil to look after and mold into something good. Someone to teach and care for, like Dean had done for him. There was a small part of him that thought if Dean could see him turn the Devil's son into the world's savior, maybe he would finally see Cas's worth. That maybe they could become a family, and Cas would finally have a place where he belonged.

But he had failed Jack as well. He had failed Jack, Kelly, Heaven, and Sam, just as he had failed Dean. He was furious with the hunter, sure. Jack was, arguably the most powerful and dangerous entity in the history of creation, but he was still a child! He had no concept on how to control his own powers. It was their responsibility to teach him right from wrong. Mary's death was an accident that they were all to blame for. They all knew something was off with him after he had destroyed Michael. Locking him away in a box, without his consent, for all eternity, without consulting Cas... killing him...it wasn't the answer. What's worse was the fact that Dean was willing to die to make sure Jack was killed. He was willing to ignore what losing both of them would do to their loved ones because he was too stubborn to let anyone else find a more viable solution. So, yes, Cas was mad at him.

“Cas...”

It wasn't only Dean he was mad at, though. He had lost Mary too. She was the closest thing to a mother he had ever had. His brothers and sisters were dying, and with them, Heaven. God, his father, the creator of the universe, the one thing he knew would never let him down, the one thing he had always put his faith in, turned out to be nothing more than a giant, egotistical, dick! He watched his last hope for humanity, his child, killed right in front of his eyes! He had regained his wings when it mattered the least because it was too late to use them to help anything other than himself! He was trying, desperately to figure out a way to fix this, to save the world and everything in it and there was Dean...reminding him that he was nothing more than a colossal screw up and a sad excuse for an angel. To top it all off he had the nerve to try to stop him, again. At least if he couldn't find a way back he could die knowing the world was free of his burden in its final days, and Dean had the audacity to pretend like that wasn't exactly what he wanted. He put his hands on Cas, like his pathetic human strength was enough to stop an Angel of the Lord.

He was sick of Dean thinking that he could get away with pushing him around like he was just his lowly servant, so he pushed back. He never intended for Dean to fall into an unknown world. The Earth would be fine without Cas (it would probably be better off, to be honest) but it couldn't survive without Dean Winchester. Cas couldn't survive without Dean.

“....bring him back...” Cas whispered, his voice raw and broken.

Sam, looked over his shoulder at Rowena, who only shook her head in response. “Cas, man, we can't...”

Cas's eyes lit up as he flipped around. He was across the library, in front of the witch, in the blink of an eye, staring her down with all of his holy wrath. “I said,” He ground out between his teeth, “Bring. Him. Back!”

Rowena straightened, though her face and voice remained calm. “Desperation is nary a good color on anyone, Angel. On you, it is absolutely hideous.”

Castiel leaned even closer, his sharp nose a mere inch from the witch's. “Bring him back, now, or I will disintegrate you and find someone who will!”

“Your threats don't frighten me, darling.” Rowena smirked “You can try to destroy me all you want, greater and more powerful beings than you have tried, and yet here I am! I know my destiny, and you, lad, are not it.”

“Destiny can be rewritten.” Cas growled.

“Alright, enough!” Sam said. The two of them turned to face the younger Winchester. His face was tired, his eyes were red and weary. He looked like he had aged ten years from that morning, yet his voice made him sound so young and small. “She's right, Cas.” He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. “That was the last of Gabriel's grace. Unless he's somewhere playing dead again, or if there's another archangel left living that we don't know about, Cas, he's gone, and we can't get him back.” He crossed the room and plopped down in a chair across the table from them. “You know what, maybe he's better off.”

The bunker went silent for what seemed like ages. A pin could drop all the way in the garage and it would sound as though a bomb went off right next to them. “Sam,” Cas said finally “you don't mean that.”

“Actually Cas, yeah I do!” Sam laughed. “I mean c'mon, it's not like he was living in the lap of luxury, ya know? What does he really have for him here? The freaking world is ending, for Christ’s sake! Dean spent his entire life being God's puppet, sacrificing every bit of happiness he had for the entertainment of that jackass you call a father. Maybe he's better off being somewhere where he doesn't have to constantly keep saving our asses.”

“I don't mean to be rude, Samuel,“ Rowena pipped up, “but it sounds an awful lot to me like you're giving up.”

“Maybe I am.” Sam replied solemnly.

“No.” Cas said. “No, Sam, you can't just...”

“What does it matter, Cas?” Sam snapped. “We're screwed! I shot God! I pissed him off and now he's letting the world fall to shit! He's been using us for his own, sick amusement our whole lives! He never really cared about us! Why should we?! Just, let it go, man.”

Cas straightened to his full height and closed his eyes. He took a steadying breath before he spoke. “ I thought I would be ready, when the time came. I thought I would be able to let go. I even...I even told Jack that it was part of being who we were, what we were. That would have to watch the people we love disappear from our lives, and we would have to take solace in the fact that we at least got to know them in their brief existence on this earth.” He shook his head and opened his eyes, staring deep into Sam's soul. “I was wrong. I'm not ready. I was foolish to think I ever would be. Call it pointless, think me selfish, I don't care. You may be willing to give up, Sam, to let your brother wander some unknown world because you think that he may be better off, but I'm not. I will find a way to bring Dean home, with or without your help.” Then, with the flutter of wings, Cas was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for the positive responses! They feed my soul! 😊


	3. Now I'm here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bound to a chair, Dean learns the identity of his kidnapper(s).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this is going somewhere soon. I just have to get this intro chapters out. Thank you so much for sticking with me!

“I've already explained it to you! I have no idea how he got in!”

Dean woke to the sound of his attacker (attackee?) frantically pacing in front of him, speaking in hushed tones. “I had just closed up the shop and was on my way to the back room to have some tea and read a book when I heard a loud noise and there he was! Lying on the floor. In the middle of the portal, no less! It's lucky for him it wasn't powered up!”

“Lucky for him, maybe, but I'm not so certain it was lucky for us.” Another voice replied.

There were at least two of them now, which left Dean out numbered. At least they had the decency to put him in a chair. Lying on that hard floor too long would've been hell on his back, which felt surprisingly good, having fallen for a long ass time and landing directly on to a marble slab. His head was a little foggy as well, and he would account that to being thrown across dimensions and landing hard, then being put to sleep against his will, if it weren't for the familiar after-taste in his mouth. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he knew it was something he had experienced before, and often too.

“Are you sure you locked the door?” The second voice came again.

Dean pulled at his wrists. They were bound behind his back and judging by the metallic bite against his wrists, the hands cuffs we're real; too strong to be snapped without hurting himself. Whoever his kidnappers were, they were professional, and well-prepared. His reputation probably preceded him, though why they were playing dumb while they thought he was still passed out was beyond him. Maybe they knew he was just biding his time. Tricky bastards!

“I'm not an idiot, Crowley!” The first voice came again. “Of course, I locked the door!”

“I'm just trying to figure out how, a seemingly powerless human, managed to get into your shop without your knowledge. It's not as if he could've slipped through the mail slot!”

Only the two voices so far. That's good. He could manage two, as soon as he could figure out how to get out of these cuffs. It wasn't ideal, but two was a whole lot better than an entire group. He let his eyes slide open enough to keep up the facade of being asleep while he got a look at what he was up against. The dork from before was pacing back and forth, wringing his hands with worry. Behind him, leaning against a table with his arms crossed, was an equally ridiculously dressed man, he assumed was voice number two. He was slender, slightly taller than his counterpart, and clad entirely in black, right down to his stupid painted finger nails and snake skin boots.

“No, don't be ridiculous, that's not possible.” Blondie snapped back “Not unless....he isn't one of your lot, is he?”

“No,” the other replied “'fraid not. Though, he certainly smells like he could be.” He snorted. “But trust me, not even a demon would be caught dead wearing such a ridiculous amount of plaid!”

“That's rich,” Dean chuckled “coming from a douche bag who wears sunglasses inside. At night!”

“Oh, good!” The first man sighed in relief, before approaching Dean. “You're awake! How are you feeling? I do hope you aren't terribly hurt. I did the best I could with your injuries, but it proved quite difficult with your...being incapacitated and all...”

“Oh, honestly Aziraphale!” sunglasses groaned tossing his head back. He pushed himself off of the table and sauntered over next to his accomplice. “It's not like he's an old friend who popped over for a spot of tea and slipped and fell. This man broke into your shop, intending to do, Satan knows what! There's no need to be so....polite!” He spit out the last word and closed the distance between them and Dean, getting right up into his face. “And believe me, boy, it's better for you that I keep these sunglasses on. Wouldn't want you to pass out again, from fear, before you got the chance to tell us how the hell you managed to break into my friend’s shop!”

“Believe me, sweetheart” Dean smirked “I've seen things that would make your worst nightmares look like fairy tales. You couldn't scare me if you tried.”

The other man smirked back, leaning even closer, so he and Dean were almost nose to nose. “Oh, believe me, darling,” he spat “I really think I could.”

“That's quite enough!” The first man said, frantically. “Both of you!” Sunglasses straightened up with a huff (though for a second, Dean could've sworn it was a hiss) and walked back over to lean back against his table. “Right!” Blondie nodded. “Now, I believe that perhaps we may have gotten off on the wrong foot. Introductions then.” The man held his hand out to shake Dean's, before remembering the handcuffs. He drew his hand back and slid both down the front his suit to smooth it out. “My name is Aziraphale and this,” he said gesturing over to Sunglasses “is my...well...um...” He sputtered nervously.

“Crowley.” The other man grumped.

“Crowley, yes.” Blondie...Aziraphale, smiled back at the other man and turned back to Dean. “And you, my dear boy?”

“Dean.” He grunted. “Dean Winchester. I'd shake your hand, but I'm a little tied up at the moment.” He said, tilting his head behind him gesturing to the handcuffs.

“I really am sorry about that,” Aziraphale admitted, apologetically, “but surely you understand. You're a complete stranger, who somehow managed to break into my shop, brandishing a mysterious, heavenly weapon. I have no idea what your intentions may have been, but I obviously had to take precautions.”

“Which brings us right back to our original question,” Crowley groaned, obviously annoyed by the conversation. “How, and as long as we're on the subject, why, are you here?”

Dean had had enough of their games. It was time to get some answers. “I was gonna ask you the same thing.”

Crowley sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Oh, this is just going swimmingly, isn't it?” He said sarcastically.

“Crowley, please!” Aziraphale scolded, to which Crowley replied by sticking out his tongue (wait! Was his tongue forked?) Aziraphale rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Dean. “I'm afraid I have no idea as to how you got here, young man. If I did, I can assure you I wouldn't waste my time asking you a question I already know the answer to. Though, I can't say the same for you. Are you entirely sure that you don't know how you got here?”

“I have an idea,” Dean admitted “but I ain't telling you shit until you answer my questions.”

“Very well, then.” Aziraphale sighed “If that's how you want to play this.” He grabbed another chair, placing it front of Dean, and sat down, crossing one leg over the other, neatly laying his hands on his knee. “Ask away.”

Dean shifted in his chair, confirming the lack of pain in his back that he should definitely be feeling. “Alright, first, wanna tell me what the hell you are?”

Aziraphale shot a nervous look over to Crowley, who shook his head, and stared back at Dean. “I'm not quite sure what you're implying.” He said nervously.

Dean took his tone as confirmation that he was on the right track. “Look, I may not be the sharpest knife in the block, but I ain't stupid. I fell, on my back on your stupid stone floor and, I don't feel a damn thing. You wave your hand and magically knock me out, I'm guessing I probably hit my head pretty hard on the way down and all my cogs are still ticking away at full strength.” Dean saw Aziraphale swallow hard. Good. Maybe he would get his answers easier than he thought. “I'm no spring chicken. There are mornings I hurt myself crawling out of bed, more often than not these days, and I get tossed on the ground here, wake up and feel 20 years younger? That ain't natural! So, I'm gonna ask you again, and if you want your answers, I'm want mine. What...Are...You?”

“I told you that you shouldn't have healed him.” Crowley yawned. “I wasn't one of your most clever ideas.”

“Well, what did you expect me to do?!” Aziraphale snapped back. “There was an injured person lying in the middle of my floor. I couldn't just leave him there! I'm....” He paused and glanced quickly back over at Dean, then bowed his head. “It's my responsibility to help people that are in distress. Besides, he could've filed a lawsuit, and that is the last thing that either of us need.”

“So, what is it then?” Dean asked. “Witches? Men of Letter? You guys hunters? I mean, the last one wouldn't explain the magic, but it would definitely explain how you knew about the blade being enochian.”

Aziraphale scrunched up his nose in frustration and looked back at Dean with determination. “Actually, about that, how is it that you have an enochian sword? What do you know of Heaven and Angels?”

“Been there, done that, worn the t-shirt.” Dean chuckled. “I'm a hunter. I know about all of it. I've killed them all. Angel's, demons, witches, ghosts, the whole nine.”

“Killed?!” Aziraphale screeched as Crowley snapped up and placed himself beside the other man. “You've killed angels? No, I'm sorry that's not possible! Not for a human.”

“Kinda hard to stop the apocalypse without getting the blood of a few feathered dicks on your hands.” Dean retorted.

The room was silent for a moment, Dean figured the other two were taking time to process his badassery. That was, until, both of them broke into laughter. “I think you may have scrambled the poor man's brains, Aziraphale.” Crowley chuckled.

“You may be right, my dear.” Aziraphale agreed. “He's clearly concussed.”

“I don't see what's so fucking funny here.” Dean said, a little annoyed by the mockery of these two assholes. “I deserve a little more respect after saving the world, your asses included.”

“Sorry, mate, but there's no possible way that you could've 'stopped the apocalypse'.” Crowley mocked.

“Why's that?” Dean growled.

“Because, young man,” Aziraphale added “we're the ones that stopped it.”

“Son of a bitch...” Dean had been hoping that maybe the small bit of graced they used in the spell wasn't enough to actually send him to a universe and maybe it had just sent him to another part of his world. It was a slim chance, but it was all he had. If, these guys were telling the truth, that meant that, not only did the spell work, but now he was stuck in this bizarro world, and unless he found some way to get back home, this is where he would stay. “I guess that answers that then...”

“What do you mean?” Crowley asked.

“Well, the good news is, I'm sure about how I got here now.” Dean said.

“Care to elaborate?” Crowley replied at the same time Aziraphale asked “What's the bad news?”

Dean smirked and quirked an eyebrow, glancing between the two of them. “Strap in fellas, I got a hell of a story to tell ya.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so very much for the generous feed back! I'm seriously floored by the response this has already received! You guys are truly the best! ❤️❤️❤️❤️💞


	4. Nobody's Fault but Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All hope is lost, Sam's giving up and Cas is angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter feels a little repetitive. An actual story line started to form for me ( not sure it's really a good thing) and I started pumping out a lot of random stuff to try and get to the point. Please don't give up on me!

It had been at least two hours since Cas had stormed out. Sam probably should've been worried. He should've been sifting through the lore, buried in books, scrolls, and prophecies, finding anything he could on opening rifts to other dimensions. He should be brushing up on every monster and creature in existence, thinking of ways to kill them in mass quantities, figuring out a way to call Chuck and trying to get him to listen to reason. The only problem was, he just couldn't find it in himself to care.

His life, his entire life, was nothing more than a story. A sick form of entertainment for a sad, pathetic, fool. Nothing he did mattered. Nothing he had ever accomplished, meant a damn thing. It was all just a game. His brother, the only person who had ever been there his entire life was gone. His mother...he had never gotten the chance to really know her, and now he never would. His best friend was a nervous, delusional, wreck. The child of Lucifer, one he had claimed as his own, the child he had raised and taught and cared for, had become a soulless monster and was killed right before his eyes, and there was nothing he could do about it. Why should he even care?

“You could at least pretend to look like you're not giving up completely, Samuel.” Rowena chided, she flipped another page in the Book of the Damned, reading through it like she didn't already know every word forward and back.

“Why?” Sam scoffed. He had been sitting in the same spot as he had been when Cas had had his meltdown and flew off, staring at his family's initials carved into the corner of the old, wooden table. Even his family was part of Chuck's little game. He made sure that the Cupid's got his parents together. Nothing in life had ever been their choice. “What's the point?”

“Morale?” She replied. “Believe it or not, there are some people who don't have a perpetual death wish like you Winchesters seem to.” She closed the book and placed her hand neatly on the cover, staring over at Sam. “The world isn't going to save itself. It's currently being overrun by everything you've ever fought and I can't think of anyone who knows better than you lot on how to stop it.” Sam ignored her as he picked at the corner of the table. “Isn't that your whole shtick? Saving people, hunting things and all that nonsense?” Sam just huffed in response. “Could you at least pick up a book or something and try to look busy? I'd hate for the angel to return and see that you haven't even attempted any progress. His emotions are running a bit high at the moment and I wouldn't put it past him to smite is both out of spite. I can return from many things but not if there's no body to return to. I've been alive for over three centuries and I don't plan on dying now just because you're having an existential crisis!”

“I don't even see why Cas cares.” Sam said.

“Oh, Samuel, surely you can't be that daft.” Rowena replied.

“I'm serious, Rowena.” Sam lifted his head to meet her eyes. “ I mean the guy spent his entire life in Heaven following the will of God. He's dedicated the past ten years to searching for his father and protecting his creations. He tried to raise the son of Lucifer to follow God's plan for Christ’s sake, only to watch him kill the kid out of pettiness. If anyone should give up, it's Cas.”

“You poor, delusional child.” Rowena chuckled, shaking her head. “It isn't God, or Jack, or humanity, or even the end of the world that he's upset about. Actually, he probably is, but I can promise you, all of that is the least of his worries.” Sam stared back at her, his expression blank. “It's your brother. Dear lord, I haven't spent nearly half the time around the two of them that you have and even I can see that. A complete stranger could spot it from a mile away!”

“Yeah, Cas and Dean are friends,” Sam mumbled “but I gotta be honest with you they haven't been on the best of terms lately. They've been more likely to kill each other than help each other out for a while now.”

“My dear lad, one doesn't give up for a mere friend what Castiel has given for Dean Winchester.”

Sam shook his head. “What do you mean?”

Rowena opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by the sudden whoosh of wings and the image of a very stressed out angel marching across the library.

“He isn't here.” Cas said as he stormed past the other two.

“No shit Cas.” Sam mumbled.

Castiel came to a dead stop. His shoulders tensed. “I meant he is not on this earth.” He growled out without turning to look back. After a moment he deflated and his voice came out strained “I... I had hoped that maybe the grace wouldn't be enough to send him to another world, or that perhaps, Rowena had gotten the spell wrong.”

“I don't mean to poke the bear here darling,” Rowena said, sounding half offended, half sympathetic “but a witch of my caliber doesn't get spells wrong. I'm certainly not going to get one wrong when the entire world is at stake.”

Castiel scrubbed his hands over his face and turned around. He slumped down in the chair next to Sam and shook his head. “It was wishful thinking.”

“So, you just scoured the entire earth to search for Dean?” Sam scoffed, looking up at his friend. Cas's face was tired. His eyes were blood shot, the bags underneath dark. His face was sunken and pale. For the first time since Sam had known him, he truly looked centuries old. “How bad is it out there Cas?” He asked. He wasn't sure he actually wanted an answer, but the smallest part of him wanted to believe that, maybe, there was still hope.

Cas let his head fall back and let out a humorless laugh.” To put it mildly..... we're fucked.”

The weight of Cas's words could have caved in the entire bunker. It was one thing to hear profanity slip from the angel's lips. Despite everything, he was still an angel. On the rare occasions he did curse, Sam was sure the worst he had ever heard Cas say was bitch. Beyond that, he had never said anything that hadn't been used in the Bible itself. Ass butt was the worst insult he had ever allowed himself to use. Hearing him drop the F bomb would have been jarring enough, but to hear him say it in reference to the state of the world....

As easy as it was to forget, the fact of the matter was, Castiel had watched the Earth since the dawn of time. He had witnessed the great flood, Sodom and Gomorrah. He had a hand in the plagues, though he didn't have a single memory of them. He had lived through the crusades, every war, every genocide there had ever been. He had fought through literal Hell for forty years to rescue the righteous man. He led the civil war against Heaven, experienced the raw power of creation's greatest warriors fall down upon his head. He had Satan himself living within him as he helped to bring down the sister of the Lord. He had died and been resurrected so many times, Sam had lost count, and through it all, he never lost faith.

So, if Cas thought the world was fucked...

Sam took a deep breath and let his head slump back down to the table. As he let the air out, he felt the last little bit of hope he had go with it. This was it. After everything they had worked for, everything they had done, everything they had fought for their entire lives, this was it. This was the end. “Good for Dean then, I guess.”

“Samuel...” Rowena tried to chide. It didn't come out right, though. Her voice sounded as tired and hopeless as Sam felt.

“No, really,” Sam insisted. “If anyone deserves to get out of this, it's him.”

“Sam,” Cas started “we're going to find a way to bring him back...”

“Why?!” Sam's head shot up to meet the angel's eyes. “Why would we do that Cas?!” He demanded. Cas tilted his head and stared back at Sam, his expression a mix between angry and confused. “You said it yourself! There's nothing we can do! We're all gonna die soon anyway! At least one of us got out!” A flicker of something crossed Cas's face, too quick for Sam to register, before the angel dropped his eyes to his lap. “I get it Cas, I do, okay?” He said in a softer tone. I'm gonna miss him too. He's my brother and I love him. I know we don't stand a snowball's chance in Hell unless all of us are here, working together but right now, with this.... Cas, we don't stand a chance either way. What's the point of trying to bring him back if he's just going to die like the rest of us? At least now he has a chance and I know you're still pissed at him, man, but you can't be so angry that you want him to suffer the way we will.” Castiel sat silent. He didn't even spare either of them a glance before pushing back from the table. He stood up and began to walk away. “Look, Cas, I understand...”

“No!” Cas's voice rang out across the library laced with enough power and rage to shake the room. He turned around, grace fading out of his eyes, before calming down enough to speak again. “ No, Sam. You don't. You don't understand a damn thing.”

Sam looked over at Rowena, who was sitting, ramrod straight, looking at Castiel, paralyzed in fear. She had experienced the wrath of an angel before, and he knew that Cas throwing a hissy fit would be enough to knock any sense of confidence right out of her. Hopeless as they were, the three of them were probably all that each other had left anymore and now was not the time to create a divide between them. “Dude! Calm...”

“Listen to me Sam Winchester.” Castiel demanded. “You understand nothing. This world is doomed and everyone in it, except me. I will have to witness all of you suffer and die by the hands of my father. Everything I have come to know and love will be destroyed before my eyes and I will have to spend the rest of eternity knowing that I had a hand in it. Think it selfish of me, I don't care, but I feel I at least deserve one thing before I spend the rest of eternity in agony! I deserve to have Dean know...” His voice lost power as he faltered, his eyes dropped to the floor. “I want Dean to know that I'm sorry. For everything. All of it.”

Sam felt a twinge of sympathy spring through him. He knew what it was like to lose someone too soon, before he got to tell them everything, he wanted them to know. He understood what living with that guilt was like, but Cas was being ridiculous. “You’re not getting a free pass this time, man. None of us are. Chuck's taking us all out. For good. You're gonna die too.”

“God has no say in my death. It's true, there will be no Earth, no Heaven, no Hell. There will only be one thing left, one place where everything, everyone will end up. Everyone except me.” Cas shook his head; his voice was breaking. “That would be too easy. It said it wanted me to suffer. I imagine spending the rest of forever alone after watching everything destroyed would suffice.”

Clearly Castiel had lost it. Sam hadn't seen the guy this delusional since he thought he was God. He was dangerous then, and he was dangerous now. Sam reached underneath the table to grab the angel blade strapped underneath, in case of emergencies. He had seen what happens when angels go AWOL and, yeah Cas was his friend and it would hurt like hell to have to kill him, and yeah, he was gonna die anyway, but he'd be damned if he was going down without some sort of fight. “Cas,” he said, trying to keep his voice calm. He glanced back at Rowena, who knew what he was doing and gave him a nod in return. “You're not making any sense, man.”

The angel blade shot out from beneath the table and flew across the room. Cas looked up at Sam, his eyes full of hurt. “You can't kill me either, Sam. I wish that were an option, but it's not.” Cas walked over and sunk back down in the chair next to Sam. He threw his elbows up on the table and buried his face in his hands. “The Shadow won't let me die.”

Rowena leaned back in her chair, as far away from Cas as she could without actually moving, before replacing her mask of confidence and concern. “Do you think you could share with the rest of the class, dearie?” Her voice was shaky at best. “I think the rest of us are a wee bit confused as to what shadows have to do with anything.” She and Sam shared a skeptical look across the table.

“The Empty.” Cas scrubbed his hands down his face and stared down at the table. “The entity that runs the Empty is called the Shadow. Even God has no power there.”

“Alright,” Sam said. “And why would this entity be the one who gets to say whether or not you live or die?”

Cas let out another humorless laugh and glared over at Sam. “You, of all people should know, nothing good ever comes without a price.” Sam just looked back with a dumb founded look on his face. “I guess it doesn't matter now....” Castiel continued, cryptically “When we lost Jack, after Lucifer stole his grace, and I went to Heaven to retrieve his soul, the Shadow had gone there looking for him. It wreaked havoc on the remaining angel's, searching for Jack's soul because it believed that he belonged in the Empty. I couldn't... I couldn't let it take him, not when we needed him here, I...I couldn't lose him...we couldn't lose him...”

“Cas?” Sam asked forcing the angel to look him in the eye. “What did you do?”

“I made a deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, for the story line that has now magically appeared in my head, it was crucial for Sam to know about "The Deal" before Dean. Also, I know of the other way to open a rift. I will get there I promise. It all comes together! I swear!


	5. All God's People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale sends Dean off with Crowley so he can study the angel blade and try to find a way to send Dean home. Dean and Crowley discuss love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooo! Okay guys this is a long one. Like, reeeeeeaaallly long compared to the previous chapters, but it is also an important chapter. I'll explain afterwards. I really needed to write this chapter the way I did and if I'm being honest, I actually cut it down a lot! This was actually the one of the first concepts that came into my mind as I started writing this. I've been super excited to get to this point and I really hope y'all enjoy it. 
> 
> * Also:side note....please forgive any spelling and grammar mistakes made in this story. I am writing this entirely on my phone ( which is a bitch btw) and the editing app I run it through before posting, doesn't always pick up what it needs to. I have no beta to speak of ( I've said it before in other fics that my husband normally does my editing, but he won't touch my fanfics with a ten foot pole) so my writing may come off a bit sloppy. I'm sorry if that makes it difficult to read.

“Alternate universes....” Aziraphale said again as he set another small glass of whiskey in front of Dean. He poured two more glasses of wine, placing one on the table in front of Crowley, before sitting down back down with his own. They had moved into the back room after Dean explained about his hand in the apocalypse from his own universe. They began drinking somewhere between Purgatory and the Fall. “Forgive me, Dean, I want to believe you, but your story seems a little far-fetched.”

“You're an angel,” Dean said, after downing his glass, “tell me if I'm lyin'.”

Aziraphale's glass stopped halfway to his mouth, a nervous look crossed over his face. “I'm sorry, what?”

“I told you, my budd...Cas... he's an angel.” Dean wasn't sure if he could really call Cas his friend anymore. The seraph had made it pretty clear that things weren't okay with them. “The guy's healed me more times than I can count. I know what it feels like.”

“I told you it was a mistake.” Crowley chuckled in a sing-song tone, as he went to take another sip from his glass.

Aziraphale placed his hand over the top of Crowley's glass, guiding it back to the table. “So you've said.” He groaned. He turned back to Dean apprehensively. It was one thing having a strange human who claimed to be from another world sitting in the back of his shop. Having this stranger know exactly what he was, that was another thing entirely. He gazed into the man's emerald eyes, ignoring his, seemingly permanent, expression of cockiness, desperately searching for any hint of a lie that could be found. There was none. “You don't seem to be lying, but I'm afraid I'm still having trouble with believing you.”

“Oh, come on, Angel. What's wrong?” Crowley slurred from beside him. “Don't want to believe that there's no such thing as 'The Ineffable Plan'? Is it really so hard to think that The Almighty is just an arrogant wanker, using us for their own amusement?” He laughed and tried again for another sip of wine before Aziraphale stopped him. With a snap of his fingers, one of the bottles on the table magically found itself refilled. “Oh, You're no fun.” He mumbled, crossing his arms and slumping against the back of his chair.

“Forgive me for wanting to believe that the creator of the universe has more in store for me than simply being a pawn in some sick game, my dear.” Aziraphale responded. “Besides, even if what Dean here says is true who's to say this... 'Chuck' was it?” Dean nodded. “Right. Who's to say this 'Chuck' fellow, is the same as our Almighty? Who is decidedly more feminine, I might add.”

“Hate to break it to ya, guy,” Dean scoffed “but it's the truth. Now, I know there's such a thing as multiple gods and all, killed a couple of those too, but last time I checked there's only one with a capital 'G'.” Aziraphale looked down at his hands, contemplating for a moment, before glancing up at Crowley, who shrugged in response.” Look guys, I know it ain't easy to believe, hell I'd think I was crazy too if I hadn't met the son of a bitch myself, but it's the truth, and I need your help.”

“Why should we help you?” Crowley snarled.

“Crowley, please!” Aziraphale fussed at the man, before turning back to Dean. “ What he means is, how is you expect us to help you? What are you proposing we do?”

“I don't know!” Dean said, throwing up his hands. “Can't you talk to your angel buddies or something? I'm sure they'd like to know what kind of dick their creator is. Maybe they could come up with something!”

Aziraphale sighed and shook his head. “As you can imagine, I am not exactly in good standing with Heaven, at the moment. I doubt they'd do anything I would request from them. They'd be more likely to try to kill me than anything, for even suggesting such a notion, I'm afraid.”

Dean turned to Crowley, who uncrossed one arm, pulling down his glasses enough to reveal his snake-like eyes, before pushing them back up and returning to his previous position. “ Demon, I'm afraid. The host doesn't take too kindly to creatures, such as myself. And don't think I could persuade Hell in your favor either. As far as they are concerned, I'm nothing more than an abomination.”

“Great.” Dean groaned. He scratched the back of his head and let his eyes fall to the table. So much for saving the world. “You at least gotta help me get back home. Please... I gotta get back... I can't just leave ' em there...” He felt tears beginning to well up behind his eyes.”

“I'm terribly sorry, Dean.” Aziraphale said softly. “I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, but if you don't mind me asking why would you even want to go back? From what you've told us, it sounds like the only thing waiting for you is certain doom.”

“My family's back there.” Dean choked out. “ My brother, Cas, all of them. I can't just let them go. They're all I have. I... I can't...”

Aziraphale reached out and patted Dean's hand, an empathetic smile on his face, causing Dean to look up.” It's late. You must be exhausted.” He said. “ I think, perhaps, you would benefit from a good night's rest. We can discuss this matter more easily in the morning, once you've had some sleep.”

“You'll help me?” Dean asked, a small hint of hope in his voice.

“I'll see what I can find about sending you home, but I won't make any promises.” Aziraphale replied.

“Thank you.” Dean breathed out.

“Of course, if you don't mind, I would like for you to leave your sword behind with me tonight.” Aziraphale smiled. “I would very much like to study it. Who knows, it could be helpful in returning you home.”

Before Dean could open his mouth to respond, Crowley shot up in his chair and glared at the angel. “What do you mean ' leave it behind'?” Aziraphale turned his head slowly to look sheepishly over at the demon. “Oh, no! No, no, no! You can't seriously be suggesting...'

“Well, there's hardly room for him here with me.” Aziraphale explained. “And we can't just throw him out in the street. Besides,” he paused and gave a brief wink to Dean before turning back to Crowley with, what could only be described as, the most pitiful set of puppy dog eyes Dean had ever seen (which was saying a lot, considering he had lived with Sam his whole life) “he's still a complete stranger after all. He might very well be dangerous. Heaven knows what might happen if we left him and the weapon in the same place...”

What happened next, left Dean with a weirdly familiar, and profusely fond feeling. He watched as the two men in front of him continued a conversation with their eyes. While Aziraphale looked on, pleading, yet at the same time demanding, Crowley's face went on, somewhat of an emotional journey. It went from and absolute look of 'hell no' to a slightly softer 'not gonna happen' before sliding into a quiet ' please don't make me do this', finally ending with the demon tossing back his head and letting out a long, exasperated 'Fiiinnne!” The whole exchange gave him a strange sense of home, but he wasn't sure why. He supposed the odd display of affection was enough to radiate out and touch anyone nearby, though it didn't really feel like that was it.

“Gather your belongings, human!” Crowley grumbled. “You're staying with me tonight. JUST tonight!” He said holding up his finger to emphasize his point.

“I... I don't really have...” Dean started to say before Aziraphale interrupted.

“Oh, thank you, Crowley!” The angel beamed “I truly owe you for this!” As soon as Aziraphale turned to face Dean, he could see Crowley scrunch up his face and mouth the angel's words back mockingly. He had to stifle a laugh. “Now, Dean, promise me you'll get a good night's rest and I will do my best to see about sending you back to your family, alright? There are plenty of books here.” He said glancing around the room. “Who knows what some of them might hold.” He smiled back at Dean and leaned in close to his shoulder. “And don't you worry about him. He more bark than bite, really. He really is good at heart.”

“Watch it, Angel!” Crowley hissed. “Alright, that's enough then! Come on, let's go” He grabbed Dean by the shoulder and started shoving him out of the door.

“Play nice!” Aziraphale shouted from behind them. “I'll see you both in the morning.”

They stepped out of the shop, into the brisk night air, and Dean stopped dead in his tracks. The beauty parked on the curb took the breath right out of his lungs. It was an older model Bentley, '20s if he had to take a guess, black as the sky above them and in absolute mint condition. He let out a low whistle and took a step carefully towards it, his hand unconsciously reaching out to touch.

“Yes,” Crowley said “I know she's beautiful. Now get in.” Dean nodded and reached for the handle, only opening it about an inch before the door was slammed back shut. “And just what in Satan's name do you think you're doing?!” Crowley growled beside him.

“I was just...” Dean mumbled pointing at the door.

“This is the driver's side!” Crowley explained. He gestured across the hood to the other side of the car. “That is the passenger side! This isn't America, Dean! Get your shit together!”

“Sorry.” Dean grumbled as he walked to the other side of the car and got in.

Crowley opened his door and slid into his seat. He closed the door behind him and turned to point a finger in Dean's face. “If I ever catch you trying to drive my cat again, I'll...burn off your hands or something!” He snapped his fingers and the car started, and before Dean could even argue they were racing down the street.

As soon as Dean managed to quickly fumble for a seat belt and buckle it, he took a moment to appreciate the car's interior. It was as well taken care of as the outside, and for the most part looked completely original. All, except for the car’s stereo. Choosing not to look out the window (seriously, the guy had to be going 90 at least, even Dean wasn't that reckless) he opted to lean over and turn on some music instead. A familiar voice came lilting from the speakers.

🎶...if I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry-on, carry-on...🎶

Dean lifted a skeptical eyebrow and side eyed the demon. “Queen? Really?” He chuckled.

“Don't like it?” Crowley asked in mock concerned, then added an aggressive “Tough.”

“No, I didn't say that.” Dean defended. “I have mad respect for Freddie. He was a phenomenal musician. Way beyond his time. Just not really my style, ya know...” He shrugged. “Mind if I...” He asked gesturing towards the stereo system.

A wicked smile crept up Crowley's face as he leaned over and popped open the glove box, revealing a couple of extra CD'S. “By all means.”

Dean tried to ignore his creepy tone as he searched through the CDs trying to find something he might like. At the bottom of the pile was a Led Zeppelin album. “Zeppelin! Awesome!” He said as he popped out the old CD to replace it with the new one.

Crowley leaned over to look at the case in Dean's hand and shook his head. “You aren't going to like it.” He stated bluntly.

“Dude, are you kidding?!” Dean scoffed placing the old CD in the case and putting the new one in. “Zeppelin is the greatest band that ever lived!” Dean turned up the volume and waited.

“It's been in here for more than a fortnight...” Crowley crooned.

“What are you...” Dean started, before he heard the distinctive 'boom boom crash, boom boom crash' blaring throughout the car. “What the...?”

🎶 Buddy you're a boy make a big noise playin' in the str🎶

Dean ejected the CD and squinted at the front to make sure it said Led Zeppelin. It did. “What is this? Some kind of joke?” He asked. “You just have a bunch of Queen CDs disguised as others to mess with people or somethin?”

“No.” Crowley replied. “That was Led Zeppelin. But I told you, it has been in the car for more than a fortnight. So, it's Queen now.” He stated, matter of factly, like it made perfect sense and Dean was just being an idiot for not understanding.

“Wha...” Dean stared at him, baffled.

“It doesn't matter anyway.” Crowley said, slamming the car into park. “We’re here.” Dean looked out the window to see a massive apartment building in front of them. “Top floor, to the left and don't touch anything.” Crowley said as he got out.

Dean got out and followed the demon inside and up the stairs. “So, what doya need a place like this for anyway?” Dean asked “I was pretty sure guys like you didn't really need homes.”

“It would look rather suspicious if I were just wandering about all the time.” Crowley replied, without looking back. He reached the top of the stairs and took a left, pulling out a set of keys. “I’ve been here for a very long time, since Eden actually, I wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea. Besides that, I've grown accustomed to a human lifestyle. The simple things in life, as it were.” He unlocked the door and waved Dean inside, closing it behind them.

“Simple things my ass.” Dean mumbled to himself as he took in the sight of the massive apartment. It was brightly lit, decorated with pristine white furniture and the most beautiful houseplants he had ever seen. The TV on the far wall was at least the size of his bed back at the bunker and all the gadgets and gizmos around the room looked to be nothing less than state of the art. One thing was for sure, Crowley definitely liked to live in style.

“Hungry?” Crowley asked ask he sauntered further into the apartment. “Not that I really care, mind you, I just wouldn't want Aziraphale to throw a fit if I didn't, at least offer.

“I would kill for some pie if you got it.” Dean said following behind him. “Actually, a burger sounds great.” He joked. “Maybe with some fries on the si....” Dean's jaw dropped when he entered the kitchen. He was ecstatic when he discovered the kitchen at the bunker. He was pretty sure nothing would ever be able to top it. This place would put a five-star restaurant to shame.

While Dean was busy fawning over the stainless-steel fixtures and brass pots and pans, Crowley set a plate down on the island, piled high with steaming hot, crispy french fries and the juiciest burger Dean had ever laid eyes on. “Eat up.” He said, taking a seat on the opposite side.

That was fast, Dean thought, as he walked over and sat down in front of the plate. “You sure this is safe to eat?” He said grabbing the burger. “ I mean you're a demon, right? You might try to poison me.”

Crowley sighed and rolled his eyes. “I was an angel once you know.” He said. “I don't know if it works differently where you're from, but that's all demons are here. Fallen angels. I'm not any better at being a demon than I was an angel, really. I'm absolutely rubbish at it.” Dean was halfway through his burger before he had finished his statement. Crowley placed his elbow on the island and plopped his chin into his hand. “Besides, I wouldn't keep poison food in my fridge even if I were a competent demon. Somebody has to feed Aziraphale from time to time, and I can't very well poison him.” A fond smile crossed the demon's face with the mention of the other's name.

Dean popped a fry in his mouth and chewed it slowly, thinking about what he wanted to say. It wasn't his place, he knew that, and it's not like the two of them were gonna be in his life for very long, but something was nagging at him, and he wanted to know the truth. “So, what's the deal with you and Halo back there?” He asked.

“What do you mean by that?” Crowley replied. His face almost looked offended.

“I mean are you two like... I don't know...” Dean looked down at his plate and picked up two fires. He held them up and smooshed the ends together. “Like 'a thing' or whatever?”

“You're asking of we're on some sort of ‘gay’ relationship aren't you?” Crowley laughed, reaching over with his free hand and snatching one of the fries from Dean, before popping it in his mouth.

“Well, yeah I guess...” Dean said popping in the other fry.

“I can assure you, Dean” Crowley said straightening up, “there's nothing homosexual about us.“ He snatched another fry and twirled it between his fingers.

“Oh...” Dean grimaced. He really thought he had it figured out with all the staring and what not. Now he just looked like an ass “Yeah... Sorry, I guess. I just assumed...”

“Then again...” Crowley interrupted. “I suppose there's nothing inherently heterosexual about our relationship either....” He smiled at Dean and slowly munched his way down the fry.

“Wait...huh?” Dean was totally confused. This guy made absolutely no sense. It was like talking to a damn maze. All twists and turns with no way out.

“Angels don't really have a gender. Nor do demons for that matter, being angels once ourselves.” Crowley winked, reaching for another fry. “I suppose, if we really wanted to, we could have one, but honestly, who wants to put in the effort? We're more or less just sort of...there.”

“OK...” that kind of made sense Dean guessed. He had heard Cas describe angels as 'Wavelengths of Celestial Intent' a few times. He knew there were some angels who took both male and female vessels. It was just kinda hard to think in those terms. There were dudes and chicks. That's what he grew up knowing. Still, Crowley wasn't answering any of his questions. “But, what I mean is, do you like, love him or whatever?”

“Love?” Crowley scoffed. “Love?!” He pretended to be offended, but somehow, Dean could sense the sarcasm in his voice. “Whatever do you mean by love? Do you mean Eros? Hmm? Philla? Storge, ludus, mania, pragma? Love is such a broad word. I'm afraid you're going to have to be more specific.” He reached over and grabbed three more fries.

If Dean hadn't felt stupid before, he certainly did now. Not only was this guy circling his questions, but he was doing it using big words Dean hadn't even heard of, in a way that made him wonder if he actually was answering him and Dean just didn't get it. “I...uh...”

“See that's the trouble with you humans.” Crowley smiled, taking mercy on Dean.” You're all so narrow-minded. Gay, straight, men, women, good, evil, angels, demons, love, hate, it's all so black and white with you lot!” He continued plucking fries from the plate as he spoke.

“I'm sorry, I just...” Dean mumbled.

“If you're asking about the nature of my relationship with Aziraphale, well---” Crowley took a deep breath and looked Dean dead in the eye (as best he could underneath his sunglasses) “I have stood by his side for over six thousand years, and in those six thousand years, I have watched him do some really stupid things in the name of goodness. He gave away his flaming sword which literally became the summoning tool for War. He tried to justify drowning children because it was part of the Ineffable plan. He trusted a complete stranger that lead him into a den of Nazis because he believed in the good of humanity. He gave holy water to a demon once, so the demon wouldn't risk his life to acquire it himself.” He paused as sad smiled crossed his face. He shook it off quickly and heaved another sigh. “For over six thousand years I have watched him muck up time and time again and still, for over six thousand years, I have stood by his side. Not because I have to, and certainly not because it was fun, or easy, but because I wanted to. And because he has done the same for me. I've made my fair share of mistakes, as well, over the years, after all... I'm no angel.” Crowley chuckled to himself as he swallowed down the last of the fries. “ So yes, if you're asking if I love him, absolutely, just that, it's in a way that I don't think that you can quite comprehend.'”

“Huh...” Dean nodded.

“I think that's enough questions for the night.” Crowley said, grabbing the empty plate off of the island with one hand and snapping it away with the other. “There's a guest room down the hall, to the right and the bathroom is to the left. There should be night clothes in the dresser and please try not to make a mess.”

Dean had about a million and three more questions he wanted to ask (it wasn't everyday he wound up in an alternate universe, not a friendly one at least) but he wasn't about to argue with a demon. Not one from this world anyway. They were from different stock than his own. He wasn't sure he even knew how to fight them if he had to. So instead he just mumbled a “thanks” and wandered off down the hall without another word.

The rest of the apartment was just as massive and extravagant as the front room and kitchen. It looked like one of those model apartments they used for showing, that nobody really lived in, which, now that he thought about it....he went to the guest room first and searched the elegant dresser, finding a ridiculous pair of red silk pajamas, before making his way to the bathroom. Inside the bathroom was a large, white, claw foot bathtub off to one side, with two doors on opposite sides behind it, a massive walk in, stone walled shower with a huge vanity with “his and her” sinks (that he tried not to think too much about) under a giant framed mirror in the center. He found the toilet behind one of the doors, tucked away in its own little cubby, and the linen closet in the other. He grabbed a towel and walked over to the sinks, placing it and the pajamas between them. He started the shower and undressed, testing the water before stepping inside. As he let the hot water flow over his body, his mind began to wander back home. He wondered how Sam was reacting to his disappearance. If Rowena was trying anything to get him home. If Aziraphale could help him get back. How the rest of the world was fairing against all the evil Chuck had unleashed upon the world. If Cas even cared that he was gone...

After he had bathed himself, in what had to be the finest soaps and shampoos money could buy, he made quick work of getting himself dressed and cleaning up his mess before making his way back to the room. He placed his dirty clothes on a chair across the room and let himself sink into the luxurious king-sized bed. He drifted off considering the conversation he had with Crowley. He had never really put too much thought into the gender of angels and demons. The way John had raised him there were only two: men and women. Anyone who said different was just kidding themselves. Same with sexual orientation. Gay or straight. That was it. He never even thought about the fact that angels had been around before those concepts had ever been invented. The world was changing now too. More and more the lines between genders and sexuality we're becoming more blurred and widely accepted. Which was great! Dean loved that he was living in a time when people like Charlie, Cesar and Jesse, and all the others like them could be themselves without living in fear. He just...never thought about it.

He also thought about Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship. An angel and a demon, side by side, for thousands of years, with nothing but each other. It was sweet (if that was the word for it) in way. Loving someone for that long, so entirely, that you would stand by their side through anything. Two creatures that were never meant to be together, going against the laws of nature, consequences be damned. As the last bits of his consciousness slipped away, he wondered, briefly, about what it would be like to have someone he loved that much, someone like that who would love him. There was Sam of course, but that didn't really count. They were brother. They had to love each other. They didn't have a choice.

That night, finally falling asleep, after one of the longest, craziest days of his life, for some reason that he couldn't understand, he dreamed of the night he met Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was super important for me to write. I needed Dean to realize that not all forms of love, outside of family love, are inherently sexual. That it's possible to be madly in love with someone without wanting to jump their bones all the time. I also needed him to understand that the concept of gender has ( almost) nothing to do with sexuality. Love is love. No matter which way you slice it. The world is changing and learning to accept the fact that gender and sexuality aren't black and white concepts ( hi! I am a proud member of the grey here) for some reason I needed crowely to be the one to help him understand that. 
> 
> When I originally thought of this chapter I had the two of them being drunk and Crowley crawling into bed next to Dean to go to sleep and teasing him about it being "too gay" for him but after I drafted it out, it took away from the message I wanted to get across. Dean needed to be alone and soberish to think about what was said.
> 
> Anyway...sorry for my rant. Thank you all so much for the continued support of this little venture of mine. I can't begin to tell you how much it makes my day to see people enjoy my mind fruit. Much love❤️💜💙
> 
> -dingo
> 
> * Also yes, I added a few things from the show. Episode 3 killed me with it's cuteness and I couldn't resist!


	6. Communication Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam learns the truth about Cas's deal, among other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got away from me me and I apologise.

“What the hell Cas?!”

Sam was pacing back and forth across the Bunker's library. He wasn't sure if he was more pissed or worried at this point. On the one hand, he had kept this major secret from them, knowing, that at any point, he could just die, and they would never know what happened. He lied to them and, although that was nothing new, he had dragged the kid into it too. They worked so hard to make sure Jack didn't turn out like his father and yeah, they lied all the time, about who they were, what they did for a living, but that was part of the job. They didn't lie to each other, at least....they weren't supposed to. Then, on the other hand....

“How could you do that to us ?!” He raked his hands through his hair while he walked, unable to look his friend in the face. They could lose him. At any point in time, Cas could just be gone. For good. Especially now. Jack was gone, and there was no way God was gonna bring him back again. He'd be “dead” dead. It was hard enough the last few times, when they at least knew the reasons why and after the last time, he was pretty sure Dean wouldn't make it.... but Dean was gone. Jack was gone. The world was over. And Sam might have to face it alone. He stopped, his back to the table, his head sunk to his chest. “How could you just leave us like that?” He choked out.

“Sam...” Cas started. His tone was all too familiar. He was about to give Sam some stupid explanation on why he felt his actions were justified. He was going to speak to Sam as if he were a child who didn't understand something simple and needed to be told for the thousandth time. He did that a lot. He probably didn't mean to, it most likely came with the territory of being several centuries older than almost everyone around him, but Sam wasn't having any of it right now.

“You’re such a fucking hypocrite.” Sam scoffed.

“Excuse me?” Cas replied. He actually had the nerve to sound offended, which only served to piss Sam off even more.

“You heard me!” Sam said, whipping around to face him. “You're a hypocrite! You got so mad at Dean when he was willing to throw himself into the ocean to keep Michael at bay, when you were doing basically the same fucking thing!”

Cas opened his mouth to speak, then closed it and let his head drop. “This is different...” He replied quietly after a moment.

“How?!” Sam asked. “How is that different, Cas? Huh?” The angel just shook his head on response. “Why? Because at least Dean was doing it because he thought it was the only way to keep the world safe? Because at least there was a chance for us to talk him out of it? I mean, not even God has any power in the Empty over this thing? How the hell did you expect us to be able to get you back?” Cas remained silent. “Actually, you know what? You're right! It is different! At least I told you what Dean was doing! At least you knew! How the hell did you think that not telling us was okay? At least, if you wouldn't have been able to get Jack back, we would've known what happened to him! We wouldn't...”

“I don't matter Sam!” Cas interrupted, his head shooting up to match the Hunter's gaze. “Jack was supposed to save the world! He was supposed to make everything better! You needed him more than you need me. The world needed him. The Shadow was tearing what little is left of Heaven to shreds and it wasn't going to stop until it had Jack. Something had to be done! His life was far more important than my own. I did what was necessary to protect those I care about.”

Sam stood slack jawed as he watched the angel storm off down the hall. After he heard the loud slamming of a door, he walked back over to the table and slunk back into his chair. How, after all this time, after everything they had been through together, could Cas possibly think that he wasn't important?

“Not that it's any of my business...” Rowena said, as if reading his mind. To be honest, Sam had almost forgotten she was there. She had stayed completely silent through the whole ordeal, most likely out of fear, but now her usual confidence was shining through her words. Sam looked up at her, exasperated by his argument with Cas and not really on the mood to hear anyone's opinion. She was back to thumbing through The Book of the Damned, which really didn't help Sam's irritation. “But it seems to me that the angel has developed a serious case of 'Winchesteritus'.” Sam raised a questioning eyebrow at her, waiting for further elaboration. She glanced up for a moment and clicked her tongue. She shook her head, looking back down at the book before she continued. “Well it's not as if you boys are the poster children for 'self-preservation'. You do have a nasty habit of sacrificing yourselves for what you believe to be the greater good. It seems that your friend is merely following the example that was set for him.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam grumbled.

Rowena sighed and rolled her eyes, turning another page. “It means, Samuel, that you calling our dear Castiel a hypocrite, is just about the biggest case of 'the pot calling the kettle black' there has ever been.” Sam opened his mouth to respond, but Rowena wasn't finished. “You know for someone as brilliant as yourself, you are increasingly dense.”

Sam tightened his jaw and glared at the witch from across the table. “I'm not really in the mood for this right now, Rowena. And will you put that stupid fucking book down! You heard Cas! We're screwed! That thing isn't gonna help us!”

Rowena looked up gently closed the book, placing her hands, neatly, back on the cover. “ You're missing a large piece of the puzzle here, dearie. I'm merely just surprised it hasn't come to you yet.”

“What?” Sam asked. “What am I missing? That the world is ending? Yeah, no, pretty sure I got the memo, thanks.” He returned to scratching his families initials on the table. All hope was lost, so it's not like he had anything better to do.

“I’m fairly certain we're all aware of our impending doom, Samuel. I may not be willing to accept it, but I am still aware of the probability of any of us making it out of it alive.” She replied casually. “That’s not what I am referring at all.” Sam just shrugged his shoulders. “It appears to me, that in these situations perilous time a head of us, all we really have is each other for company and comfort. It might not be wise to upset one of your, very few, allies at this point. Perhaps you should avoid bringing up your brother's indiscretions if you want to keep Castiel from losing it completely.”

“Look, Rowena,” Sam sighed. “I get that Cas is upset, okay. I am too. Dean is gone, we don't know if we can ever get him back. It's upsetting. But he's being completely unreasonable. Not to mention the guy lied to us. Again! I mean c'mon l, I know things have been shaky for a while but....and what he wants to bring Dean back into this just so he can up and die again? You didn't see Dean the last time Cas was gone. It wasn't pretty. He was a wreck. I've never seen him so willing to give up, and now, with all this... I'm sorry I'm not willing to put my brother through that again. He's better off, wherever the hell he is.”

Rowena offered a sly smile, as she plucked another book from the pile next to her and began to read. “Oh, I imagine Dean was quite inconsolable during the angel's absence, at least by Winchester standards. That doesn't surprise me one bit.” She paused and gave Sam a slightly mischievous look. “What surprises me, is that you still appear to be in the dark as to why he took it so hard. It's probably something close as to why Castiel just stormed out of here at the mention of your brother's name. Twice.”

“I don't know how things got this bad.” Sam groaned. “They were so close once. I just don't ...”

“I think 'close' is a wee bit of an understatement, dearie.” Rowena scoffed. Sam stared back at her with a blank expression. “It’s a wonder Fergus didn't take his life sooner than he did.” She mused. “I imagine being the King of Hell was much less stressful than being associated with you lot for as long as he was. How he put up with this for so many years, I'll never know. He truly deserved much more credit than I ever gave him.”

“What are you getting at?” Sam asked.

Rowena sighed and looked up from her book. “Love, Samuel. I'm talking about love. That angel loves your brother with every fiber of his being and it is tearing him apart. The worst part of it all, is that he has no idea that Dean feels the same.”

“Cas knows we care about him.” Sam protested. "He's family. Of course, he loves us. He's told us so himself. I mean yeah he wasn't all there the first time he said it, but the last time, he was on his death bed and....” Sam stopped. A wave of realization washed over him as the memories of the last ten years flooded his mind.” Holy shit!”

“There it is.” Rowena smiled.

Cas had spent years fighting through Hell to save the righteous man. “I mean, I guess I always had my suspicions”. Sam said. Cas had disobeyed the Host to help them bring down Lilith. “I mean he's always been a little weird around Dean.” He rebelled against Heaven to join them in their fight against the apocalypse. “But he's an angel.” He had lost his mind when Dean went off to say yes to Michael. "It's not like he was well versed on 'normal human behavior'.” He sacrificed himself to give Dean time to talk to Sam. He paired up with a demon to keep it all from happening again. “He did say that he and Dean shared a more 'profound bound', I just figured it was because of the Hell thing.”

He took on Sam's visions from hell to try to atone for his mistakes. And even completely out of his mind, he aided them in their fight against the leviathans. Neither of them said much about purgatory, but as soon as Cas was free, he came looking for them. He broke through angel brainwashing because Dean said he needed him. He called Dean when he was in trouble. He gave up an entire army of angels, for Dean. He tried everything in his power to cure Dean of the Mark of Cain, even when his life was fading from him. He gave himself over to Lucifer to save them. He was killed trying to do the same. He called Dean when he came back to life. He was devastated when Michael took over him, going back to demons for help. Sam didn't even want to think about Cas's reaction when he had told him about the box. All these years, it was right there in front of him, plain as day and Sam didn't see it, or at least, he kept himself blind to it. Of course, Castiel loved Dean, that was undeniable now, but as for Dean...

“Dean isn't like that.” Sam said shaking his head. “ I know it kinda seems that way sometimes and sure, he makes jokes all the time, but that's just not Dean. “

“Maybe that's just what he wants you to think.” Rowena offered “Or perhaps, Dean doesn't even know how he feels.”

“No.” Sam said. Dean liked women. Plain and simple. Women, cars, and pie. “Not that I'd have a problem with it if he was.” Sam added quickly. “But I know my brother.”

“Well, regardless of your opinions of your brother's love life,” Rowena said, “we can at least agree that there is a broken-hearted creature down that hallway, who is suffering right now, and one of his only friends just spent a good amount of time yelling at him and telling him his plight was hopeless.”

Sam glanced back in the direction Cas had gone. “You think I should go talk to him?” Sam winced. What was he even supposed to say? Sorry you love my brother, but he's gone now so...yeah...

“Aye.” Rowena replied. “And perhaps try to be a little more sensitive to his feelings this time.'

Sam just nodded and pushed away from the table. He wanted to say something about how he was the sensitive one, but he guessed in this case that wasn't true. As he walked down the hall, he let the new information tumble through his mind. Was it really new information though? Cas had always showed preference to Dean. From the moment he walked into their lives, the guy was glued to Dean's side like a little lost puppy. It was obvious, but maybe he just didn't want to admit to it because he knew that it only led to heartache for someone, he had considered his best friend.

Dean had always had a way of charming people into falling for him. He didn't even have to try. It was like a second nature to him. When it came to Dean feeling the same way for them, however... Sam couldn't help but feel sorry for Cas. His pity began to outshine all the other things he was feeling towards the angel at that point. He couldn't even begin to imagine how much it must hurt to love someone who could never love you back. Sure, Dean cared about the guy. Cas was the best friend he had ever had. Even after all the lies and deceit, Dean always stood by his side. He had never seen his brother grown so attached to another person that wasn't already family. He loved Bobby course, and Jody, Donna, the girls, and everyone they had adopted as their own over the years, but Cas....it was like he put the guy on a pedestal. To a point where it had almost become harmful to their friendship. He expected more out of Cas than anyone else, even though he had hurt them more than anyone else had. Dean always took it harder when something when wrong, but he was always quick to forgive the guy, even if he didn't tell him. He had more faith in Cas than he did in anything else.

It was a dangerous back and forth between the two of them. Betrayal and forgiveness. No matter how many times they had hurt each other they always winded up back together. It all made sense why Cas always came back now, but Dean... Sam shook the thought from his head as he knocked on Cas's door. He knew his brother. There had to be a reason, but that wasn't it. “Cas?” He asked after a minute of silence.

“Go away, Sam.” Cas mumbled from the other side of the door.

Sam jiggled the handle to find it locked and let his head fall against the frame. “I’m sorry, man, okay? I didn't kno... I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or whatever. I was just upset.” He waited for a minute, but no reply came. “You gotta understand why I'm a little pissed here, Cas. I mean, we care about you. I just don't understand how you could've kept something like this from us.”

“I told you.” Cas said. “Jack was in danger. I did what needed to be done to ensure his safety.”

Sam shook his head against the frame, trying to remind himself to stay calm. “Yeah, I get that, man and that's great. It was great to get Jack back and all but it wasn't worth losing you in exchange. It would've been messed up, but we could've figured something out eventually. That's what we do.”

“Jack's life was far more important than my own.” Cas argued. “If not for him the world would currently be under Michael’s reign, Lucifer would be running free and who knows what else could've happened if I had simply let him go. He had been far more helpful in his short time on Earth than I ever was.”

'Yeah and mom would still be alive' Sam thought. God wouldn't have had a reason to kick start the end of creation and Dean wouldn't be lost. He chose not to say any of that out loud. It was counter-productive. “You could've at least told us, man.” Is what he opted for instead. “I know we can't really do anything about it now, but you at least owe us that.”

“I didn't want to burden you.” Cas replied.

“I'm sorry, dude, but that's bullshit.” Sam was close to losing his temper, again, and he was glad for the door between them. “It would've been way worse to have you die on us without knowing why. Do you realize what that would've done to us? What it would've done to Dean?” Sam regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth, but what could he do? They were out there now.

It was quiet for a long time. Sam was almost positive that Cas had flown off again until he heard the quiet sigh from inside the room. “You would be better off. Jack was worth it. Dean would move on eventually.”

“Yeah, I don't think he would, Cas!” Sam couldn't hold it in anymore. He had opened the can of worms now, he might as well pour 'em out. “Look, I know we don't really talk about it, mostly I think it's because Dean likes to pretend it didn't happen, but he didn't do so well after Lucifer killed you. It's like he couldn't even talk about it. He wasn't acting like himself. I tried to get him to do anything he usually does. He was taking it out on Jack. He wouldn't even give the kid a chance. He just gave up. You didn't see it because when you came back it was like nothing had ever happened, but I'm telling you man, I don't think Dean could've handled that again!”

It was the truth. Dean was the worst Sam had ever seen him. He was used the anger, and the lashing out but watching Dean just give up completely...it wasn't normal. At first Sam had accounted it to everything they had lost at that point. Mom was pulled the rift with Lucifer. Crowley had killed himself to try to help them, but it ended up meaning nothing. They weren't able to save Kelly like they had planned. It was a lot. But the fact that Dean's mood did a complete 180 the second he heard Cas's voice on the other end of that call...his mind flashed with the image of Dean kneeling helplessly beside Cas's dead body. He watched as his brother carried their friend's lifeless corps from the cabin, wrapped tightly in the curtains from the windows, and placed him gently on top of the pyre. The picture of Dean's broken expression as he watched his best friend go up in smoke was permanently seared into his brain. They had dealt with death before. You couldn't live the type of life they did without having to say goodbye to loved ones along the way, but that was the first time Sam could remember ever seeing Dean so totally lost.

He was always a mess when Cas disappeared, now that Sam really thought about it. It was usually anger though. Whether it was at himself or Cas was usually the only difference. It was probably because, for the first time, Dean wasn't sure that Cas would come back. Hell, even when they watched him walk into that reservoir and explode into a mist of leviathan, he kept the guy's stupid trench coat in every single car they drove just to give it back to him. After they watched Lucifer stab him through the heart though... There was no doubt in Sam's mind Dean would've completely fallen apart if Cas just up and died again without an explanation. He needed him. Cas was the first and only thing he had ever had faith in besides family. He was family now. And Dean loved his family. Dean loved him...he....he lo....wait...

Sam had been so lost in his thoughts he didn't realize how quiet it had gotten until he heard low timbre of Castiel's voice break through the silence. “It doesn't matter anymore. They're both gone now. It's hopeless.”

“Cas listen...” Sam felt like the room was spinning. Nothing made sense anymore. He couldn't risk losing the angel as an anchor. Not now. He couldn't watch someone lose their faith again. “ We can find a way to bring him back. I don't know how but, please, you can't give up. We'll...”

“I would like to be alone, if you don't mind, Sam.” Cas interrupted. “I'd rather not get my hopes up. God has made it pretty clear that there is none.”

Sam stood in front of the closed door. There wasn't anything he could think of to say that would help the situation. He opened and closed his mouth a dozen times, trying to get something out, but nothing came. He finally gave up and made his way down the hall to his own room. He shut the door behind him and began getting ready for bed in a mechanical manner. Everything was a blur. He couldn't believe he had been so blind. He laid down on his bed, hoping that he could sleep off the headache brought on by everything that just occurred.

There had to be a way to get a way to get Dean back. There wasn't another option at this point. He couldn't let either of them suffer like this. But Cas was right. It was hopeless. Jack was gone. The archangels were all dead. Even if they weren't there was no way to be sure they could even get to the right universe in time. Everything was over. There was nothing they could do. There was no one else who could possibly open a rift...

 

“Kaia!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for your continued support! You are really all so amazing.
> 
> Just a heads up it might take me a bit to get new chapters out. I have family coming to town for the next week(including a couple of 8 year olds) so my hands will be a little full but I promise to do my best! 
> 
> ❤️ Y'all.


	7. Breakthru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The odd trio brainstorm on how to get Dean home to his brother and "not his" angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey party people! Thank you all so much for the wonderful feed back I have received! The good news is that I have an entire kid free week to write some new material! The bad news is that next week we go on vacation. So I'm going to try my best to write and edit what I can so all I have to worry about is posting so that maybe it won't take so long to get new chapters up. We shall see....

Dean awoke to rays of sunlight, softly beaming thought the large window on the opposite side of the room. It had been one of the most peaceful nights of sleep he ever remembered having. He looked around the room and found his clothes neatly folded on the seat of the chair he had flung them on last night. He stretched himself out l, swung his legs over the edge of the bed and walked over to the chair to get dressed. When he picked up his clothes, he couldn't help but notice they smelled freshly laundered as well. He wasn't sure whether to be grateful for the clean clothes or slightly disturbed that a demon managed to slip into his room and take his personal belongings without him noticing, but he figured it was best not to question it. He was still uncertain of the level of power celestial beings held in this universe, and he didn't want to test it over something that could just me a pleasant gesture.

He set his clothes on the end of the bed and made it up as neatly as he found it, before he began to stop out of his borrowed PJs. He stood for a minute with the PJs in his hand, realizing that there wasn't a laundry basket or anything to put them in. Why would there be? He opted to just fold them up neatly and place them where his clothes had been. After he got dressed, he walked out into the hallway and was overpowered by the scent of eggs and bacon and something caffeinesque. He began to question the urgency to go home when he walked into the kitchen to find a full plate of breakfast sitting next to a steaming cup of something, waiting for him on the island.

“Morning.” Crowley grumbled from his seat without looking up from his paper, sipping on a mug of his own. “I trust you slept well. Tea?” He gestured to the other chair with his mug.

“Uh...yeah thanks...” Dean said, sitting down on the stool in front of the plate. “I’m actually more of a coffee guy, myself.”

Crowley sighed and set down his paper and mug with an air of annoyance.” Of course, you are.” He grumbled before snapping his fingers and turning the tea into coffee. He picked his paper pack up and flared it out, crossing his foot over the other knee, leaned back and continued reading. “Is there anything else I can do to make your stay a little more comfortable.” He said sarcastically. “Shall I polish your crown and walk the royal corgis as well.”

Dean felt a weird sense of guilt as he bit into a crispy slice of bacon, though he wasn't sure why. It's not like he asked for any of this. He looked up at Crowley and noticed an odd smirk on the demon's face. Was he fucking with him? “Nah, I'm good. “Dean shrugged, playing along and hoping that's what was happening. “Thanks for the clothes too, by the way.” He took a sip of his coffee and waited for a reaction, hoping he wasn't reading the situation wrong.

Crowley flipped a page and continued on reading. “ I couldn't very well have you following me around, smelling like a wild animal. I got enough of that in hell, thank you.”

Dean nodded in solidarity. Been there, smelled that. He decided that he kinda liked this guy. He came off as a snob (Dean assumed it was part of an act) but it was in such a crazy, charming way that it was almost impossible not to get sucked in. He gave off an air of nonchalance that could only be faked, which made Dean think that he probably actually cared too much. He could relate to that. “So, let me ask you a question.” Dean said through a bite of toast.

“You’re awfully inquisitive for somebody who's asking me and my friend to go to the end of the universe for you. Literally.” Crowley replied.

Dean ignored the deflection and washed down his food with some coffee. “Why'd you choose to fall? You seem like a decent enough guy. Can't really see you being very gung-ho about Hell on Earth.”

Crowley stopped reading for a second to glance up at Dean. “I didn't 'choose' anything.” The demon replied before looking back at the paper, though Dean could tell he wasn't really reading in anymore. “I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The group of people I was with decided to act out and God happened to be in a bad mood that day. I never asked to be a demon. It just sort of... happened.”

Dean couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy. Nothing worse than having your life chosen for you by circumstances beyond your control. He understands that all too well. “Alright, let me ask you one more.” He smiled wiping the crumbs on his pants.

“Must you?” Crowley sighed putting his newspaper down.

“Why Queen?” Dean smirked, trying to break the tension.

“Why not?” Crowley smirked back. Dean chuckled and shrugged in response. “Now, if you're quite done with your investigation, Aziraphale called. He told me he has a few questions for you himself.” Crowley snapped and Dean's plate and mug disappeared. He stood up and straightened himself out. “Shall we?” He asked, flourishing his and out towards the door.

Dean suddenly felt nervous about what questions might be waiting for him back at the bookstore, but he guessed it was fair. It was a strange situation for all of them, and he'd answer whatever questions he asked if it got him home. “Let's rock then.” He quickly stood up and followed Crowley out of the apartment and down the steps.

The Bentley was no less beautiful in the day light, the sun reflecting brightly off its flawless midnight sheen. Dean made his way toward the car, stopping briefly to correct his course when he remembered that the passenger’s side wasn't the side he was originally headed for. He opened the correct door and fastened his seat belt, tapping lightly on the dash as he waited for Crowley to start the car. It was a nervous habit he had picked up over the years, and he wasn't even aware he was doing it until the demon placed his hand on top of Dean's to halt it. “That quite enough of that, thank you.” Crowley said after pulling his hand away. “I won't have her scratched up by that silly ring of yours.”

“Sorry.” Dean mumbled as he placed his hands in his lap. Crowley nodded, started the car, and the next thing he knew they were barreling down the street. As much as Dean wanted to take in the sights (he had never been to London before) the thought of looking out the window right now made him sick. The dude's driving was scary enough at night when no one else was sharing the road. In the broad daylight, it was downright terrifying, which was saying something for Dean. Instead, he decided to clear up another issue that had been bugging him since last night. “Hey, uh, listen man l, while we're on the subject of apologies, I wanted to say I was sorry, ya know, for getting all up in your business, er whatever. It wasn't my place and I don't know what came over me. I'm not usually the kind of guy who prods at people's personal lives, not unless it's part of a case or something, I just....”

“Are you always this talkative?” Crowley interrupted as he swerved past a pedestrian without so much as flinching. “Or is this some sort of punishment for making you tea instead of coffee this morning?” Dean promptly closed his mouth and stared down at his lap. “It's fine.” Crowley chuckled. “You aren't the first being to make the assumption and you most certainly won't be the last. In fact, most people, upon meeting Aziraphale, assume he's gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.” He smirked over at Dean who was trying, very hard, not to laugh at that analogy. “Besides, you weren't entirely wrong. We are very dear to each other, though you won't find Aziraphale admitting to it quite so easily, and I truly can't imagine spending my existence with anybody else by my side. It's not entirely your fault that most humans feel the need to assign gender and sexuality to everything. If it makes it easier for you to view us as a homosexual couple than by all means, whatever makes you shut up. And I wouldn't bring it up to him either, if I were you. The poor thing might fall to pieces out of embarrassment.” Dean watched as Crowley's face flicked from fondness, to mild hurt and back within the blink of an eye before he continued. “After all, he's only recently been able to admit out loud that we're friends.”

“Really?!” Dean half shouted in shock. He regretted it immediately, remembering he had made a promise to stop asking questions, but the whole thing was fascinating, and he could help himself. “After everything you told me?”

“It isn't his fault.” Crowley said defensively “I’m a demon. He's and angel. He wasn't supposed to sully his pure nature with my presence, it just happened. It's only fair that he lived in denial. We've always been close. He just had a difficult time accepting that he wasn't what he thought he was. I'm sure your angel struggled with your time as demon as well.”

Dean suddenly found himself choking on air. “Cas isn't my... it's not... he's just an angel. He doesn't really belong to anybody.” He stuttered out eloquently. “But, actually, no. He didn't struggle with being around me at all. He actually helped hint me down and cure me.”

“Is that so?” Crowley replied, sounding only mildly interested.

“Yeah.” Dean nodded, trying as hard as he could to push the images of his time with the Mark from his mind. “Wasn’t even running on full cylinders at the time. To top it off he was also hunting down other angels at the time trying to get 'em all back upstairs. Still managed to show up just in time to stop me from killing me brother.”

“Hmm.” Crowley smirked.

“What?” Dean asked. He didn't like the tone of the demon's him.

“Nothing.” Crowley said in a not so convincing tone. “Never mind. Here we are.” They screeched to a halt in front of the bookshop. “You can get out now. The sooner we go in, the sooner we can get you out of my hair and back to your brother and 'not your angel'.” He said as he practically pushed Dean out of the car.

“Okay! Alright! I'm goin! Jeez!” Dean said stepping out of the car. Even though he hated to admit it to himself, and even though Crowley was starting to touch on some seriously sensitive territory, he was actually kinda starting to really like the guy. He had a similar attitude to Dean's own, he obviously appreciated good cars and their music tastes weren't too far from each other either. It was easy to forget he was a demon. Hell, in another life, they probably could've been friends. As they walked into the bookshop, he actually felt a pang of pity for the guy. Leave it to God to kick a decent person out of Heaven.

“I'm terribly sorry,” they heard Aziraphale say from the back room, “but we are closed for the day.”

“It’s a wonder you have any costumers at all, Angel.” Crowley said walking further into the building. “With the hours you keep one might think this isn't really even a shop.”

Aziraphale popped his head around a corner. His expression instantly softened as he pushed his large, round, wire rimmed glasses to his head and walked into the room. “Oh, good! You're here!” He smiled at Crowley for a moment while he approached them, before his expression fell microscopically when he turned to Dean. “Good morning, Dean. I do hope Crowley didn't give you too hard of a time. Did you sleep well? Can I get you anything? Some tea perhaps?”

Before Dean could even begin to answer any of the rapid-fire questions, Crowley placed a reassuring hand on his companions shoulder. “He's fine, Angel. I already took care of him this morning. Besides,” he leaned down into the other man's ear and in a mock whisper said” he's more of a coffee guy anyway.” The wink was evident, even under the sunglasses.

Aziraphale straightened up, giving the demon a slightly annoyed look at, what must've been, some secret innuendo and shook his head. He tried his best not to smile at the demon's ridiculous joke as he addressed Dean. “Very well then, if the two of you wouldn't mind joining me in the back room, we have quite a bit to discuss in regard to our new friend here.” He turned on his heel and began walking away while the other two followed before pausing. “ Oh, and Crowley, dear, please take off those sunglasses of yours. It's far too dark back there for you have them on.”

“But...what about the human...” Crowley tried to argue.

“I'm sure Dean has seen much worse.” Aziraphale dismissed as he kept walking. “He's been to Hell and back after all. I hardly think it will disturb him. I wouldn't want you to hurt your eyes, straining to see in the dark.”

“My eyes don't get strained. I'm a bloody demon for Satan's sake.” Crowley mumbled under his breath as he proceeded to slip the glasses off, revealing his serpent like eyes. Dean had to bite his lip to keep himself from making a whip noise. He recognized a power play when he saw one. He decided, in that moment, that he really liked the angel as well.

The angel blade was set carefully in the center of the table in the back room next to a pair of white cotton gloves and surrounded by piles of books. “Please, have a seat.” Aziraphale said as he picked up the gloves and slipped them on. “I have a few questions to ask you, Dean, if you don't mind. Before we can discuss finding a way to send you home, I was hoping you might provide me with some answers.” Dean nodded and the angel gently scooped up the blade and ran two fingers over the top of it. “First, I would like to know how you acquired this blade. I know you said you have an in with an angel, and you were kind enough to give us somewhat of a back story, however you said that your angel was called 'Cas'. This blade reads 'Hester'.”

Dean chuckled to himself thinking about the fact that Cas had given him Hester's sword until he realized what Aziraphale had said. “Cas isn't my angel.” He said shyly, hating that he had to repeat that for the second time today. “He gave me the blade after she was killed. Good riddance too. Bitch told me I was poison to him.” Looking back now, Dean could see her point. Cas had nothing but bad luck since he pulled Dean from Hell, but it still didn't give her the right to say it. “Leave it to Cas to do something so unintentionally ironic.” Dean started full on laughing at this point, thinking about how pissed that bitch would be if she knew. She's probably rolling over in the Empty as they speak. “ Castiel: Angel of Irony”

“I'm sorry, what was that name?” Aziraphale asked over Dean's laughter.

Dean let himself calm down a bit before he answered. “Castiel?” He chuckled. “That’s Cas. His full name is Castiel.”

“I thought you said 'Cas' was a seraph.” Aziraphale said, looking like he was trying to fight back laughter of his own.

That stopped Dean's laughing real quick “He is.” Dean said. “I mean I guess he used to be a regular ass angel, but he got promoted when he helped us take out Lucifer the first go around.”

Aziraphale set the blade down. “Castiel?” He said, losing the battle against his laughter. “I’m sorry Dean bit that's just impossible. That sad sack? Always moping about, all alone, watching Kings die and mourning everything! There's no way that is the angel you have described to us.'

“Cas ain't no wimp.” Dean growled. Aziraphale stopped laughing immediately. “Sure, he can be a kinda stupid sometimes, and yeah he gets sad over stuff and whatever, but that don't make him pathetic! He's a total bad ass. He could kick your ass with both wings tied behind his back and not even break a sweat!”

“My apologies.” Aziraphale said, his face stuck in a look of shock.” I guess he's different in your universe....”

It was Crowley's turn to laugh now almost falling backwards out of his chair. “What’s so funny?” Dean snapped at the cackling demon.

“Nothing.” Crowley snorted. “You seem to have a very high opinion of the angel that's not yours is all.”

“Yeah. I do.” Dean grunted.

“Right!” Aziraphale said a little too loudly, trying to steer the conversation away from this potential falling out. “Well that answers two of my questions.” Dean looked back over at the angel and crossed his arms, finding himself a little less inclined to answer anymore. “Now, you said that you were able to open the rift using the essence of an archangel, is that correct?” He tried his best to keep a pleasant tone, but he felt like this human could snap at any moment. Who knew someone could be so protective over an acquaintance?

“Yeah.” Dean answered curtly.

“Well, unfortunately for us, I don't believe we have that option.” Aziraphale said as he began to pace. “They aren't exactly pleased with me after the apocalypse debacle.”

“Well, there was also Jack. “Dean offered. He felt another pain of loss wash over him at the mention of the kid's name. It was like rubbing salt in an open wound.

“Right.” Aziraphale nodded. “The Nephilim.”

“Arch Nephilim, actually.” Dean admitted. He had left a few details out when he told them his story. The fact the half angel kid they were raising happened to be the son of Satan himself was one of them. “He’s...he was...uh.... Lucifer's kid....”

“I see.” Aziraphale nodded solemnly. He paced back and forth a couple more times before stopping. Dean could almost see a light bulb click on over his head as he turned to Crowley and smiled.” The son of Lucifer!” He said excitedly.”

“Oh, no...” Crowley shook his head. “No Aziraphale we can't!”

“He might be the only chance we have in helping this man return home.” Aziraphale argued.

“Really, though, we've put that child through enough.” Crowley said. “You tried to shoot him! We can't possibly ask him to do anything more than he already has!”

“I only tried to shoot him because you told me to! Honestly, you make me sound like a monster.” Aziraphale pouted. “Besides, he's our only option right now.”

Dean sat up, utterly confused by what was going on. He had enough of trying to figure out their riddles. “Mind filling a guy in on what y'all are talking about?”

“Adam.” They replied in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to add that little tidbit about gay monkeys and nitrous oxide from the book. It's one of my favorite lines.
> 
> Also, fun fact: the angel Castiel is based off of in theology is the archangel Cassiel who is the angel of tears and solitude. He is a special angel because he is one of the only angels who actually experiences emotion and was known for falling in love with the idea of the righteous man.
> 
> Another fun fact: seraphim actually rank higher than archangels in theology as they are they ones who sit by the throne. With six firey wings no less. So if the show followed actual theology, Cas could take down all the stupid archangels (Gabriel excluded) all by himself. 
> 
> And here I thought theology was a waste of my time😄
> 
> Thank you again for reading and I promise it picks up from here. Hopefully new chapters soon!


	8. Ten Years Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Cas talk about Kaia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the short chapter. Turns out I have no focus unless I'm constantly under pressure. Vacation does nothing for my mind. Hope y'all enjoy!

“Thanks Jody. You and Donna make sure the girls stay safe. Just keep the cabin warded and don't leave for anything unless absolutely necessary. We'll try to get to you as soon as we can. Okay? Alright talk to you soon. Bye.” Sam heaved a heavy sigh as he let his phone drop to the War room table. It was a long shot, Rowena had told him as much, but a small part of him had hoped...

He had been on the phone for hours now, going down the list of hunters he knew to see if anyone had a lead on where Kaia might be. Even though he was upset by the few that didn't answer (most likely because they hadn't made it) he was relieved that a lot of them seemed to be handling things on their own pretty well, staying in secluded areas, warded down and armored up, but still none of them had any information about where she might be. He waited to call Jody last. He didn't want to have to try to muddle through the other calls of she hadn't picked up. Luckily her and Donna managed to grab the girls and get the hell out of Dodge just in time. Unfortunately, it meant they had to leave just about everything behind. Even if Claire had something from this world's Kaia that Rowena could use to possibly track Dark Kaia, it was gone now.

“It wouldn't have worked anyway you know.”

Cas's voice, which sounded gruffer than usual, broke Sam out of his haze, nearly scaring him to death. He whipped around towards the voice to see the angel in a complete state of disarray. His hair looked as though it had been pulled in thirty different directions, his were sunken and glazed. He had ditched the trench coat and suit jacket, leaving his loosened, backwards tie draped over his half-untucked dress shirt with the sleeves, sloppily rolled just past his forearms. As he walked towards Sam, he began pouring amber liquid into the glass in one hand from the half empty bottle in his other. He set the glass in front of Sam and flipped down into the chair across from him, taking a good few swallows from the bottle himself. Sam took a sniff from the glass and had to set it down and turn his head away. “Dude, are you drinking bourbon?” He asked.

“What have I told you about stupid questions?” Cas replied before taking another swallow. Sam was sure he could light a bonfire off the fumes coming from the angel's breath alone. “We're out of beer.” Cas slurred by way of explanation.

“No way.” Sam shook his head. “We just bought a couple cases last week before...before everything went down.”

“And now we're out.” Cas said, finishing off the last of the bottle. “Of liquor too it would appear.”

Sam looked at him in disbelief. The bunker had a well-stocked liquor cabinet in case of emergency lock down, not to mention Dean's multiple 'secret' stashes around the place that Cas undoubtedly knew about. There had to be enough alcohol in the bunker to kill at least 10 seasoned alcoholics, and Cas had drained it all in a matter of hours? It was worse than he originally thought, and he knew his concern was evident on his face. “Cas, man, that's not....”

“Don’t.” Cas interrupted, lazily waving his hand up to stop whatever Sam had to say. “ Just don't, okay? I'm not your brother Sam. I don't have a drinking problem. I'm not constantly looking for the solution to my sorrows and fears at the bottom of a bottle. I'm well aware that alcoholism isn't a healthy coping mechanism.”

“Then what do you call this?” Sam snapped, gesturing towards his inebriated friend.

Cas pulled himself up and slapped one arm over the table. He focused his gaze on the hunter before giving him his signature head tilt and squint. “The world is ending.” He ground out. “Our only hope fighting it was Jack, and he's dead. Dean is...” He turned his head, closed his eyes and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth with his tongue (a habit he most likely picked up from Dean) before taking a steady breath and turning his attention back to Sam. “Dean is gone and I just learned that my father is nothing more than a giant assbutt! I think I am entitled to a little debauchery, don't you?”

It was like Deja Vu, watching Cas be so dejected. It was the same thing he watched Dean go through almost three years ago when Cas died. It really was a wonder it took him so long to figure out they were so gone on each other. There had always been the weird closeness, for sure. He always questioned Cas's true intentions and as for his brother, well his denial about Dean's sexuality probably clouded his judgement on that part, but this? It was like cutting the head of a fish and watching both parts trying to function separately and failing. End of the world or not l, he wasn't about to watch part two of this saga. Not when they had a possible way to fix it. “Cas, we can find Kaia...”

“No.” Cas interrupted, slinking back in his chair with his hands scrubbing over his face.

Sam ignored him and kept going. “She can open a rift, and we can find Dean and...”

“No.” The angel replied with slightly more force, shaking his head.

Sam kept on. “We can bring him back and we can figure out a way...”

“No, Sam!” Cas practically shouted, uncovering his face and staring into Sam's soul. They sat in utter silence letting the words hang in the air like daggers over their heads. Cas's face began to fall from anger, slipping back into the broken expression he had been wearing since the moment Dean disappeared. “Just...no.” his voice was quiet and cracked. “It’s hopeless. Like you said. He's probably better off.”

“I don't get it man.” Sam barked. He was losing his patience with this self-doubt bullshit. “Why can't we at least try?”

“It won't work.” Cas said simply.

“Why?” Sam asked “What makes you so sure it won't?”

Cas sat up and gave Sam a challenging look. “You mean, aside from the fact that we don't even know if she shares the same gift as her counterpart from our world? Even if she did, perhaps you've forgotten that it took extraordinary effort from an arch Nephilim, that is no longer with us, to open that other rift and with terrible accuracy, I might add.” Sam opened his mouth to retort but Cas wasn't finished. “Besides...we couldn't ask her to do that....”

Sam sat, dumbfounded. He wasn't wrong. Rowena had said the chances of being able to even track her were slim, the chances of them being able to use her if they did were damn near impossible, but it was their only shot. He had weighed the benefits against the negatives in his head for an hour before he even brought it up, and decided that he would rather go down fighting beside his family than spend the last few moments of his life knowing that the two most important people in it, would spend the rest of theirs miserable and alone. Who knows? Maybe they even had a shot at winning, but not if they weren't together. He just couldn't understand why the only other person in the world who lived Dean as much as he did didn't even want to try. “Why?” He asked again.

“We took her from her world, Sam.” Cas's voice was as hallow as his face. “We may not have pushed her through, but we have her the opportunity to leave. It was a dangerous place, but at least there she had a chance to stay alive. We took the only weapon she had to defend herself, with a promise to return it, and we lost it. She is out there alone and defenseless because of us, because of me. Had I not let Lucifer take over my vessel he would never have been able to walk this earth. He wouldn't have been able to impregnate Kelly. Jack would have never been born, the rift never would have opened, Michael would have never gotten through, it was all because of me. Had I just done my job, and pulled Dean out of hell and walked away... everything...all of it... it's all my fault.”

Guilt washed over Sam like a tidal wave. He had spent years blaming himself for everything that had happened to his family, to Jessica. He has spent even longer watching Dean and John doing the same with every person they couldn't save, every lead that went cold, every hitch in the plan. Now, he sat across from a seraph, a creature so great and powerful, a mere glimpse of his true form could melt the eyes out of your head, the sound of his true voice could shatter windows and crumble buildings. Here, was a being who slaughtered millions of his own kind without breaking a sweat, who controlled armies and could move mountains with a single word, blaming himself for the fault of Heaven and man. Because that's what they taught him. He knew nothing of blame, of freewill, of human emotion, of pain or sacrifice before he met the Winchesters and now it was all he knew. Because of them. Winchesteritus. 'When in doubt, it's probably your fault'. “Cas, that's not true.” He said, shaking his head. “You can't blame yourself for all that. It was God's plan. He played you too.”

Cas just shook his head. “It doesn't matter anyway. It's over.”

“It doesn't have to be.” Sam assured. “We can at least try.”

“No.” Cas hissed. “I won't ask anyone else to suffer. I will not harm another being for my sake! I won't! Not ever again.”

“We have to give it a shot, Cas!” Sam snapped back.

Fury arose behind the angel's eyes. He clenched his jaw and shot up from the table. “Fine.” He roared before vanishing in a flutter of wings. Sam sat in shock for less than a minute before he reappeared, shoving a cloaked figure out in front of him. “Then you ask her.”

About a million thoughts raced through his head in a matter of seconds and he watched the girl in front of him stumble for her footing. How had Cas been able to find her so quickly? Did he already know where she was? If not, it didn't take him very long to find her. He was looking for Dean for hours. How many times did he search the Earth to find him? The thought of Cas frantically searching the entire world over and over, desperately searching for Dean was cut off when Kaia's hands found the edge of the table and she lifted her eyes to meet Sam's.

“You!” She said angrily. She stood upright and pulled her hood back, staring the hunter down. “Why did you bring me here? Where is my spear?”

“I...uh...” Sam sputtered.

“I knew it!” She said slamming her hands on the table. “I never should have trusted you! It's a blood bath out there and you took my weapon! I'm as good as dead thanks to you! You were supposed to kill Michael, not make things worse!”

Sam took a deep breath to keep calm. “Kaia, look...”

“Send me home!” She demanded.

“What?” Sam scoffed.

“Send. Me. Home.” She growled. “Your brother promised me if I gave him the spear he would send me home. You lost my spear, the least you can do is get me out of here!” Sam shook his head “You can ask him yourself! He promised!”

“Dean’s gone.” Cas said from behind her.

Kaia whipped around to face the angel, a look of determination on her face. “ You were there too!” She snapped. “You promised that the special boy would send me back to my people! Bring him here and send me home!”

“Jack's gone too.” Sam said.

She flipped back around to Sam, looking back and forth between him and the angel to read their expressions before slamming her fists back down. “Why did you bring me here then?” She screeched.

Cas scoffed and shook his head, a dead smile playing across his features. Sam tried to ignore it as he addressed Kaia. “We need your help.” He explained.

“Forget it!” She yelled. “Last time I helped you, promises were made with no intention of being kept! You have nothing to give me, I won't help you!”

“What did I say, Sam?” Cas mumbled as he walked away. “It's hopeless.”

Sam watched as the angel stumbled back to his room, refusing to look back, leaving him in the room with a dangerous and angry teenage girl. He looked back at Kaia, his eyes pleading, hoping for one last shot. “Kaia, please.” He begged. “Please, we'll do anything we can. You're in this as much as we are now. We'll give you protection, we'll try to help you find a way home, just...please....”

“You're lying!” She snapped. “All you've ever done is lie to me. Give me one good reason why I should help you!”

Sam was stuck. She was their only chance to get his brother back. The only chance at lighting a fire back under Cas's ass and getting him back on board. Their only chance at having a chance and she has no reason to help. They had taken advantage of her too many times, just like everyone else they had come across. All she wanted was one good reason. “What about love?” He asked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🎶what about love? Don't you want someone to care about you?🎶 
> 
> Sorry couldn't resist. Just a heads up. Things are about to get mergey soon. You'll see.
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who chooses to continue subjecting themselves to my madness. Y'all are amazing ❤️


	9. It's A Hard Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping, food and fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Another chapter? Whaaaaat?"  
> I think I've figured out my problem with my inconsistent posting schedule. It's not that I don't want to write! I just have a hard time getting through the angsty chapters so it takes me longer to write. Gotta be it. Totally not a scatter brain. Nope.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

“Oh, no, I'm afraid Adam is on holiday with his gran.” Came the voice of Mrs. Young from the other side of the receiver.

“Oh, dear.” Aziraphale said l, worrying the cord of his rotary. “Might it possible for you to tell me when he'll return.” He glanced over at Dean and Crowley, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Tomorrow morning actually. “She replied carefully. “I'm sorry do you mind telling me what this is regarding? He's not in trouble again, is he? Whatever he did, I promise...”

“Oh, no Mrs, Young.” Aziraphale answered hastily. “It’s nothing like that I assure you. It's just. Will you please make sure that he stays home after he gets back? It's rather important that I speak with him.”

She paused for a moment before answering “Well, alright but...”

“Thank you! I have to go now. Farewell.” He said, promptly hanging up the phone.

“Your manners could use some adjustments, Angel.” Crowley chuckled. “The Youngs are going to start getting suspicious about a grown man calling about their son and hanging up without explanation.”

Aziraphale just waves him off as he faced the hunter. “I'm terribly sorry, Dean, but it looks like you're going to be stuck here for another day, at least. Adam won't be home until tomorrow.”

Dean let out a sigh and scrubbed his hands over his face. “No, that sounds about right.” Dean groaned. “Why would things go the way I need them to? My luck doesn't change just 'cuz I'm somewhere else.”

Crowley sighed and rolled his eyes, not wanting to deal with the human's silly emotions again. “I suppose that means we'll need to be feeding you again.” He grumbled.

Aziraphale's face lit up like a Christmas tree at the demon's suggestion. “That sounds like a splendid idea, my dear!” He beamed. “The Ritz as usual?”

“I ain't got money for a place like that.” Dean said. “You sure ya don't have any burger joints around or something like that?”

“Nonsense.” Aziraphale replied waving him off. “It’s my treat.” He then looked Dean up and down and gave a slight frown. “Your wardrobe might be an issue however. We'll just have to go pick something else up for you on the way there.”

Dean shook his head and stuck his hand out. “Look, I appreciate everything you guys are trying to do, but I don't need all that. Really, I'm fine.”

“Pish posh.” The angel said, waving Dean off again, which prompted Crowley to mouth 'pish posh' mockingly again giving Dean a small wink as he rose from his seat. “Besides, you'll need something else to wear in case...” He stopped himself from saying 'in case you don't make it home' but Dean knew what he was implying “anyway, you wore those clothes yesterday. We're getting you something different. So, there.”

“Smooth.” Crowley murmured under his breath as he passed the angel his jacket. “Come on then Mr. Cobain. Let's go find you something a little less lumberjacky, shall we?” He walked passed and tapped Dean's shoulder, urging him up.

“Seriously, I'm not a shopping kind of guy. I'm good.” He whispered to Crowley on their way out behind Aziraphale.

“He's made his mind up.” Crowley whispered back. “There’s no changing it now so, just suck it up and be grateful.”

Dean just shrugged and followed them out to the car, getting in behind Aziraphale. There was no point in offending the dude who was trying to get him home. They sped down the road and found themselves in front of some swanky building just as Dean had managed to finally get his seat belt on after struggling to get a grip on it with Crowley's reckless driving. Aziraphale turned in his seat and gave him a nervous smile. “You have to be quick on the draw when it comes to Crowley. He hardly has enough patience to breath wait for his next breath.”

Dean just nodded and stumbled out of the car behind them into the building. The place was lined with fancy clothes and bobbles and doodads, crystals and colognes that all looked like they cost more than everything Dean had in his closet. “Just find something you'll be comfortable in for now.” Aziraphale said as he wandered over to the glassware. “No pressure, just find something decent.” Dean nodded in response as he looked around trying to find something resembling a clearance rack. He made his way over to, what looked like the cheaper options, when something on the end of a rack caught his eye.

He ran his fingers down the soft, tan material from the shoulders, stopping to lightly grip the bottom of the lapels. “Didn't really take you as the 'flasher in the park' sort of a fellow.” Crowley said, resting his chin on Dean's shoulder.

Dean jumped, startled by the demon’s sudden appearance, letting go of the trench coat and whipping around to face him. “I...uh...no...” Dean stuttered scratching the back of his head. “It's just...a buddy of mine... he's got one just like it.”

“Aaahh.” Crowley said reaching around, worrying the lapel between his fingers as he examined it. “And this ' buddy' of yours? It wouldn't happen to be Castiel, would it?” He smiled up at Dean and he let go of the material.

“What makes you think that?” Dean said defensively.

“Just a question.” Crowley said holding up his hands in surrender. “No need to get up in arms.”

“Yeah.” Dean said, feeling a little bad about snapping for no reason. “Yeah. He never takes the damn thing off. It's like his little ugly security blanket or something.” Dean chuckled, suddenly feeling very home sick.

“I understand what you mean.” Crowley said patting him on the shoulder and nodding his head toward Aziraphale. “He's been wearing that thing for 180 years. I've tried to tell him it's hideous, but he won’t listen.”

“I can hear you, you know.” Aziraphale said from a few feet away, holding up a glass to the light inspecting it.

“It doesn't mean you listen.” Crowley replied in the same tone, prompting a huff from the angel as he set down the glass and walked away. Crowley chuckled and side-stepped Dean, pulling a pair of pants, a dress shirt, and a vest off the rack and handing it to him. “These look about your size. Go and try the on, and be quick about it. He gets a bit tetchy when he hasn't eaten.”

“Do you guys actually need to eat?” Dean asked as Crowley pushed him towards the dressing room.

“No, but it doesn't stop him.” Crowley replied, shoving him towards the door. Dean was surprised to see how well the outfit the demon picked out for him actually fit. It wasn't to shabby either. He could get used to living like this if it wasn't so important to get back home. Nice clothes, good food, no worries. He rolled the sleeves of the shirt a quarter of the way up and made his way out to show off his look. Aziraphale smiled at him and walked over to pop off the tags, handing him a pair of shoes and walked off to the register. “He lives for helping people.” Crowley said in response to Dean’s skeptical face. “Believe me, you've just made his day.”

“Okay...” Dean said “but what about my other clothes...”

“Oh, right yes.” Crowley said, then snapped his fingers.” They're back at the bookshop, now. They'll be waiting for you when we return.

“Couldn’t you just have...ya know.” Dean said gesturing to his new outfit.

“And miss out on your embarrassment? Never!” Crowley chuckled as he sauntered away. “That's what I live for.”

Dean let out a small laugh as he followed the two out of the store, making sure he got to the car before Crowley, so he had enough time to buckle up. The demon started the car and turned up the music as they sped away from the store. Dean listened as the voice of Freddie Mercury followed through the speakers.

🎶 She's a killer queeen, gunpowder, gelatine, dynamite with a laser beam...🎶

“You know, I've always kinda wondered...” Dean said from the back seat. “Who are Moey and Chandon anyway?”

“I’ve wondered the same thing myself, actually.” Crowley said excitedly.

Aziraphale looked between the two of them absolutely stunned. “You can't be serious right now.” Crowley and Dean just shrugged in response. Aziraphale pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a long, exasperated sigh. “Moët&Chandon. It's a champagne. Honestly.”

“Ooooh.” They responded in unison.

“No, that makes more sense.” Crowley nodded.

“Totally.” Dean agreed.

“Well, at least the two of you are getting along, now.” Aziraphale said. “It will make this whole experience a little bit easier.”

“Getting along?” Crowley scoffed. “With him? Never.”

“Can't stand the guy.” Dean chimed in.

“Makes me sick just to look at him.” Crowley grunted.

“Right.” Aziraphale rolled his eyes. He actually wasn't sure which was worse: having the two of them at each other's throats or having...well...two of them. It'd taken him centuries to get used to Crowley and now (provided they couldn't get Dean back home) he would have to deal with his human counterpart. “It doesn't matter, anyway. We're here.”

Dean let out a low whistle as they pulled up to a large, white stone building with tall windows and a castle-like roof. As the stepped out of the car, Dean watched Crowley pull a set of keys from his pocket and hand the to a young kid in a cheap suit. He heard him mumble something along the lines of “one scratch and I'll take your eyes out with a spoon” and followed them into the building, which was no less impressive inside. After they were seated and ordered, they spent most of the (ridiculously overpriced, in Dean's opinion) meal trading stories back and forth about each of their lives. “ So, you're Crowley was the king of hell?” Aziraphale asked in shock.

“Yep.” Dean replied, a little sadly. He didn't necessarily like the guy, but he didn't hate him either. The day he died was emotional for a lot of reasons. “He was kinda shit at being a demon, too.” He said, winking at Crowley. “He didn't pronounce it as stupidly though.” He chuckled.

Crowley rolled his eyes in response, it was evident even under the glasses. “Yes, well not all of us have those ghastly American accents. Some of us like to say words properly.”

“He was British actually...” Dean retorted. “Scottish? To tell you the truth I don't know, but it's not like you guys actually come from here so it doesn't really matter. He was an alright guy. And at least he didn't go to sleep for an entire century because he got pissy.”

“I was having a rough time.” Crowley defended. “I needed to sleep it off. Besides, it's not like I killed myself after I thought my angel was dead.”

“We’ve been over this.” Dean grunted. “Cas ain't 'my angel.' And that's not why I did it. I was saving people.”

“Tell us more about Castiel.” Aziraphale said, trying to prevent the two of them from getting into a full-blown argument. “I’m rather curious to know how angels might differ in your universe.”

Dean smiled a little and shook his head. “Hate to break it to ya guy, but Cas ain't exactly the best example of angels from our universe. He's a one of a kind hot mess. You wanna know the truth, from what you've said, Chuck seems to have cut all of you from the same douche bag cloth. No offense. You seem cool. I guess you and Cas are just rare breeds. He's just, I don't know, just this dorky, little guy. He doesn't understand humans that well, which makes no sense, by the way, seeing as he's spent so much time with us. He doesn't get a lot of jokes, but he's still funny, ya know, and he's crazy smart, yet somehow a complete fucking idiot. He loves animals, even bugs, like he was obsessed with bees at one point, and he's crazy gentle with them. He's still a total bad ass though. Took out thousands of angels all by himself, he had them all groveling at his feet like babies at one point.... I kinda ruined that I guess...he just...like okay... he makes me so mad sometimes. He just goes off and makes these dumb ass decisions, but then he'll turn around and try to fix it if it makes me mad. I wanna strangle him sometimes, but I can't, because I know that he's doing what he thinks is best, and he always comes back when I need him, and he's just frustrating you know? I've tried too, believe me, I've tried to just cut him out and let go, I've told him to fuck off, but it never sticks. I always end up calling him back and I don't know why.”

Dean paused and looked at the two creatures sitting across from him, listening intently. He wasn't aware of how long he had been talking, which was a little embarrassing. Crowley was sitting with his chin in his hand, his middle finger set across his lips trying to hide the smirk Dean could see playing on his face. Aziraphale was just smiling at him fondly, which made him even more uncomfortable. “Sorry.” He said, sucking his head down. “I'm pretty sure that's not what you wanted to hear.”

“That was just fine.” Aziraphale said patting Dean's hand. “He sounds like quite the character, I can't wait to meet him.”

“Can’t say he'll feel the same.” Dean replied pulling his hand back and squeezing them between his thighs. “He and Sam weren't too thrilled with me when I left. I doubt either of them are really upset that I'm gone.”

“I’m sure that isn't true, Dean.” Aziraphale assured. “They seem to care about you very deeply.” Dean just grunted in response. “Enough, sulking. What shall we do now? We have the rest of the day ahead of us.”

“I say,” Crowley offered “we go back to your shop, and get absolutely hammered.”

“Crowley.” Aziraphale tutted.

“What?” Crowley replied innocently.

“Perhaps Dean would like to take in a few sights, or something.” Aziraphale explained.” He is American after all. A museum or something.”

“I kinda like his idea, actually.” Dean said pointing towards Crowley who smiled smugly at the angel.

“Of course.” Aziraphale sighed pushing back from the table. “You know, I believe I might have some Moët & Chandon stored away.” He smiled thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t that just be a laugh if we went back a drank some. Like a small inside joke.”

Dean and Crowley shard twin looks of skepticism, and they stood up and glanced back at the angel with a chorus of. “Totally.” “Hilarious, really.” “Real barrel of laughs.” “Couldn't agree more.”

The smile fell off the angel's face as he turned around and marched towards the exit. “I hate you both.” He pouted.

“No, you don't.” Crowley smirked sauntering behind him. Dean stuffed his hands in his pockets and ducked his head to hide his chuckle as he shuffled along behind them.

****

After two bottles of champagne, a bottle of wine, and several shots of whiskey, Dean was having the most fun he had in years. The only angel he had ever seen drink before was Cas (maybe Balthazar too but it was hard to tell) and he was always in a bad mood. Watching Aziraphale and Crowley go back and forth about this, that, and the other thing was a drastic change.

“But no, you see, time travel wouldn't work like that.” Aziraphale slurred. Dean had briefly mentioned going back I time, which spouted an entire debate. “You would be changing your future, but if you change your future by changing your past, you would never go into the past in your future! It creates a para..a paraso.. paradol....a paraplox!”

“A paradox.” Dean laughed.

“That's it!” Aziraphale said, pointing at Dean, “That's the one! A paradox!”

“You don't understand.” Crowley slurred back. “He's a Time Lord! The rules of time don't apply to him. And time isn't fluid anyway! It's all...” He tossed his hands in the air and started waving them around, tangling his fingers together trying to make circular motions. “... wibbly-wobbly!”

“Nope. I'm sorry. It's just not how it works.” Aziraphale said with resolve.

“You have no imagination!” Crowley accused.

“I'm just saying, guys.” Dean chuckled. His stomach was now sore from laughter and his face hurt from smiling but honestly, he couldn't care less.” It's not that complicated.”

“It's nonsense.” Aziraphale pouted.

“Of course, it's complicated!” Crowley said. “Everything’s complicated. Humans are complicated. Even you, as hard as that is to believe.”

“I’m really a pretty simple guy.” Dean smiled, shaking his head.

“Oh really?” Crowley smirked back. 

“Crowley...” Aziraphale warned.

“Nothing complicated here.” Dean replied.

“Let’s talk about that trench coat then, Dean.” Crowley challenged.

Dean's smile fell slightly as he fought the wince that was threatening to break. “I miss my buddy. Not really that hard to believe.”

“Are you sure?” Crowley asked slyly.

“We should play a game.” Aziraphale swooped in, trying to save Dean. Unfortunately, it ended up dampening his mood slightly more. The mention of Cas and games in the same few moments cussed his heart to drop a little, remembering a time that playing games was all Cas wanted to do. “As long as it ain't Sorry or Twister, I'm down.”

“Fine.” Crowley said. “I pick Truth or Dare. “

“My dear, that's not....” Aziraphale tried.

“Dean.” He kept on. “Truth or Dare?”

“Ain't happenin, man.” Dean answered.

“And why is that, Dean?” Crowley asked. “Which one are you more afraid of? I doubt that it's Dare. You seem pretty fearless to me. Is Truth then? What is it that you're so afraid I'll ask?”

“Oh my, would you look at that! Aziraphale said, looking at his watch “it’s nearly Supper! Crowley would you be a dear? I could go for Chinese.”

“Fine.” Crowley said, grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair. “Spoil sport.” He mumbled under his breath walking towards the door.

“Oh...uh... Crowley.” Aziraphale stuttered. “You forgot to ask what Dean wants.”

“He'll eat what I bring him.” Crowley said as he walked out the door. Seconds later, they heard the Bentley roar down the street.

“Is he okay to drive?” Dean asked the angel.

“I’m afraid nobody is okay when he drives.” Aziraphale smiled back. “You shouldn't let him get to you, Dean. I promise, he means no harm. He's just a little...”

“No, I get it.” Dean chuckled “He's a great guy... he's just a little...demony.”

“I suppose that's a way of putting it.” Aziraphale smirked. “You know it's alright to be afraid of some things, right Dean?”

“Not in my line of work it ain't.” Dean scoffed.

“I'm not talking about the monsters.” Aziraphale said.

“You guys are lucky, ya know.” Dean said, trying to throw the attention off him. “You have each other, and that's awesome. I don't know you guys all that well, but you seem like a good fit.”

“I beg your pardon?” Aziraphale blushed.

“He told me about how long y'all have known each other.” Dean explained. “All the stuff you guys have gone through together. It's really cool that you guys found each other like that. Not everybody has that ya know? Someone to care about 'em like that. It's rare as hell, and you're really lucky.”

“I suppose we are.” Aziraphale said, dipping his chin to hide his smile. They sat in a comfortable silence for a moment as Dean reflected back on his thoughts after his talk with Crowley. He wondered how different life would be for him if had someone like the two of them had. “What sort of books do you like, Dean?” Aziraphale said, breaking Dean out of his head.

“I've read a few epic poems.” Dean offers. “Beowulf, The Odyssey. I like Vonnegut. Stuff like that I guess.”

“I may have a few of those around here. “Aziraphale said. “You’re welcome to them if you like.”

“I ain't gonna be here that long.” Dean shrugged.

“Dean...” Aziraphale sighed sadly “I know it's difficult to think about, but you have to consider the possibility that we may not be able to send you home.”

“Not an option.” Dean shook his head.

“It may have to be.” Aziraphale said softly.

“Nope. I'm getting home one way or another.” Dean answered. “I got a family to get back to.”

“You’re quite stubborn.” Aziraphale laughed.

“That’s how I stay alive.” Dean smiled back.

They talked about books after that, until Crowley came back with food. They ate and laughed at each other's stories. After dinner, they drank a bit more and continued to talk about the apocalypse and what went down on each side until Dean began to doze off after a few hours. “Come on, Dean.” Crowley nudged. “Let’s go get you some sleep before tomorrow. “

“Am I goin back to your place?” Dean yawned.

“Well where else are you going to sleep? In the bin out back?” Crowley scoffed. “Yes, you're coming back to my place.”

“I thought you said that I was only allowed last night.” He teased.

“Oh, get up!” Crowley groaned. “I'm not carrying you to the car, if you pass out in this chair.”

“Goodnight, Dean.” Aziraphale waved after them. “Remember what we talked about.”

“Later man,” Dean shouted back. “I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“Telling secrets now, are we?” Crowley smirked as they walked out the door.

“Maybe.” Dean scoffed. “What's it to ya?”

“I hope everything goes well tomorrow” Crowley said as he got into the car. “I'd hate to have to suffer through your presence for a third night.”

“Whatever.” Dean laughed as he buckled up. As they drove away Dean let it sink in that he would be leaving this behind soon. He'd have to say goodbye to his newfound friends and step back into his life as a hunter. He'd have to go back to a brother and an angel who were severely pissed at him and leave behind the comforts of this safe little world. It was bittersweet, for sure, but he had a responsibility. He was Dean Winchester: The Righteous Man. It was his job to save the world, even if he wasn't wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist slipping a little DW in there and for that I am deeply sorry! Kinda 
> 
> I tried to make it up by adding a few references to the book at least.....
> 
> Hi my name is Dingo, and I'm a mess.
> 
> Thank you all for not turning me in to the proper authorities.


	10. Wearing and Tearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is officially my most popular fic! Can I get a "wahoo"!? It's crazy to think my least thought out piece of writing (fanfic wise) has become the most well received. I love that people keep indulging in this chaos! You guys rock socks!!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️
> 
> Sorry for the short chapter. Vacation is  
> time consuming. Hope y'all enjoy.

He twirled the tape around in his hands twice, before opening the case and placing it inside the tape deck of the ancient stereo with a soft click. The sounds of heavy riffs and speedy drum beats filled the room as he let himself fall to the floor with his hands in his lap, staring off into nowhere.

🎶It starts out like a murmur  
Then it grows like thunder  
Until it bursts inside of you  
Try to hold it steady  
Wait until you're ready  
Any second now will do  
Throw the door wide open  
Not a word is spoken  
Anything that you want to do🎶

Cas had listened to the thirteen songs on this particular tape more than he had listened to any other type of music in his entire existence. During the nights without any hunts, while the Winchesters were fast asleep, he spent his hours of solitude breaking down every single aspect of each melody. He had memorized every note, analyzed every word, taken every song apart piece by piece in his head to learn more about it as a whole.

🎶Don't you feel the same way?  
Don't you feel the same way?  
But you don't know what to do  
No time for hesitatin'  
Ain't no time for hesitatin'  
All you got to do is move🎶

It was important to him, for several reasons. It was the first real gift he had ever received. He was an angel, a soldier. Another tool in the arsenal of Heaven who's sole purpose was to follow his orders and fight in the name of the Lord. If he failed, he could be replaced. He was no more important that any other screw or bolt that could be found in the box. Certainly not worthy of receiving any praise or reward. So, when Dean had given it to him, even as casually as he did, it was nothing short of monumental in the angel's eyes.

🎶They say you're feeling blue, well  
I just found a cure  
It's a thing you gotta do, yeah🎶

It was years ago, after returning from a 'milk run',as the boys sometimes called it, where they had decided to take Cas's Lincoln instead of the Impala because Dean had said she needed an oil change or something along those lines. He had been busy going over their notes in the library, searching for a way to remove the Mark from Dean when the hunter walked by and slapped the rectangular piece of plastic down on top of the book he was reading.

“ Here.” He had said, unceremoniously, before making his way to the kitchen.

Cas picked up the tape, twirling it in his hands as he read the words scribbled across the top. ' Dean's top 13 zep traxx'. “ Dean?” He asked turning to face the hunter.

Dean stopped and turned around pointing his finger out towards Cas. “No man should have to drive around listening to the crap they play on the radio these days! At least now you'll have some decent tunes if you decide run off again.”

Cas fought back a smile at the man's unspoken admition of concern. Dean was not a man of many words when it came to expressing his emotions, but Cas had somewhat learned how to read his actions over the years. “Thank you, Dean.” He replied, thanking him for both the gift and the concern he showed. It was one of the few times the hunter made him feel as though he was wanted.

“Don't mention it, buddy.” Dean waved behind him as he continued his journey for food.

🎶Now listen, when you say your body's aching?  
I know that it's aching  
Chill bumps come up on you  
Yeah, the funny fool  
I love the funny fool🎶

The fact that it had been Dean that gave it to him probably attributed to his heavy analysis of the music. He wanted to learn everything about the band that the hunter loved so much. They were important to Dean, and Dean was important to Cas. Admittedly he had probably read into the whole thing too much. Dean probably just wanted something to listen to if he ever had to ride with Cas again. It was probably nothing more than an act of convenience for him, rather than an act of friendship towards Cas, but that didn't make it any less meaningful to the angel. He cherished the tape with everything he had, going so far as to carry it with him where ever he went, if for nothing else but to serve as a reminder of a time when Dean seemed to care.

🎶Feel a change is good for you  
When you keep convincin'  
Ah, don't keep convincin'🎶

But it didn't matter now. Dean was gone.

🎶What's that creeping up behind you?🎶

He was gone and he was never coming back.

🎶It's just an old friend, it's just an old friend🎶

He was lost to them forever.

🎶And what's that he's got for you?🎶

And it was all Castiel's fault.

A knock on the door broke him out of his spiral. “Go away.” He choked out over the blaring music. He couldn't face Sam right now. He was responsible for the loss of his brother. He couldn't bare to look him in the eyes. He contemplated just flying off and never returning when the second knock came. “Go away, Sam.” He yelled, trying his best to sound forceful through the onset of woeful regret he was feeling. The door swung open and Cas stood to usher the hunter out. “ “Sam, I can't....” He shut off the music and turned towards the door, stopping when he saw Kaia standing in the entrance instead.

“I figured since my name isn't Sam, I was allowed to come in.” The girl said.

“Kaia.” Cas bowed his head as he approached the girl.” I am so sorry to have dragged you into this. I'll return you at once.” He reached out to grab her arm, but she took a step back.

“ Whoa there, bird man.” She said holding up her hands. “ I'm still not fully recovered from the last time you decided to scoop me up and drop me somewhere.”

“ My apologies.” Cas dropped his hand and turned his head in shame. “I forget that human's have issues adjusting to flight. I should've known better.”

“ It's no big deal.” She shrugged. “I wasn't exactly safe where I was anyway. A little warning wouldn't have hurt though.”

“Sorry.” Cas apologized again.

“What were you listening to?” Kaia asked as walked passed Cas and wandered farther into the room, kicking various liquor bottles aside as she moved.

Cas squinted at her, confused by her sudden casual attitude, given the situation. “A band. Led Zeppelin. The tape was a gift fro...from Dean.” His voice cracked on the hunter's name.

Kaia continues to stroll around the room, picking up things and examining them before putting them back down. “Yeah, the big guy out there said you were pretty broken up about what happened with Tall, Dark, and Angry.” She ran her hand over lightly the stereo and glanced up at Cas. “Wanna talk about it?”

“No.” Cas growled between gritted teeth.

She shrugged and walked over to his bed, sitting down on the edge looking down at the folded hands in her lap. “ He told me a little about you. Sam did. We're not that different you know? Stuck in world's, separate from our own, desperate to get back what we've lost.” She looked up at him, sadness and wisdom beyond her years playing behind her eyes. “I chose to come here. To run. I chose to get away from the monsters that haunted me in my world, to come to a place that I would be free of the things that plagued my nightmares. I had no idea that I would still be fighting for my life here too. The grass is not any greener than it was back home. Just... different. I was stripped of my defenses, and even though I gained some knowledge, new experiences, what I lost was so much more than I gained.”

“ I suppose I can relate to that.” Cas nodded solemnly.

She smiled at him then, a knowing look on her face. “The difference is, I didn't have anything that made it all worth it.”

Cas just stared at her, mouth agape. He has no idea what to say. Was he supposed to deny that he had ulterior motives behind staying on Earth and renouncing his place in Heaven? He hardly knew this child. There was no reason to tell her lies. However, there was also no reason to tell her the absolute truth.

“I wanna help you.” She said, standing up from the edge of the bed.

“Kaia....” He shook his head. “I...we can't ask you to do that. You've already sacrificed too much.”

“ Damn right I have.” She scoffed. Cas looked at her with another apology in his lips. She held out her hand to stop him. “But I've also taken something from you. Your friend, the other me, I killed her. I meant to kill the blonde girl but I killed Kaia instead. It's funny though, from the look on the blonde girl's face, I think it killed a piece of her as well. Not to unlike the look you're wearing now.” She paused to examine his face, causing him to turn away. “Sam told me she's kind of like your daughter. The blonde one. She's pretty.”

“Claire was my vessel's child.” Cas answered “After I stole her father away and got him killed, along with her mother's passing, I figured it was my responsibility to step in as a sort of parental figure. She does not answer to authority well.” Cas chuckled. “ And yes she is very pretty. She does better with Jody now, though it is my understanding that she has been having a rough time since Kaia's passing.”

“ There, see.” Kaia nodded. “I hurt your kid. Let me make it up to you?”

“That still doesn't pay for what you lost.” Cas sighed.

“ Then send me home.” Kaia replied.

“I've already told you...” Cas started, before she interrupted again.

“ If it works,” she said “if we can open a rift to get Dean back, then make me a deal. Open another one to send me home. We'll call it even after that.”

“We don't even know that it's possible.” Cas argued.

“I have dreams like she did.” She pleaded. “We can find away to make it work. Please? I told you. I have people too. People I need to protect.” She paused, waiting to catch the angel's full attention. “People I love. I just want to go home. I'm better off there anyway.” She laughed, her voice taking on a much lighter tone. “Rumor has it, this world is pretty much screwed.”

“All the more reason for Dean to stay where ever he is.” Cas sighed sadly.

“You don't want that.” Kaia said softly.

“No.” He agreed. “But it's what he needs.”

“And what about what everyone else needs? Huh? What about what you need?” She huffed back.

Cas needed Dean. Plain and simple. It had been that way from the moment he laid a hand on his soul. Sam, needed his brother. The world needed every last Winchester it could get. They needed to find Dean. “ What do you propose we do?” He asked.

They had next to nothing. Hardly any knowledge about how to open rifts. They knew even less about finding the right world without previous knowledge about where Dean may have landed. They had no archangel grace. No son of Lucifer. They had nothing more than a Dream Walker, a witch, and a weakened seraph. It was hopeless, dangerous, and completely impossible. And they we're gonna pull it off. They had to.

“That's the spirit.” She grinned. “Let's go ask the witch.” She made her way towards the door and. Cas followed behind, then stopped at the entrance. He turned around, going back to the desk and popped the tape out of his stereo. He placed it back in its case after running his thumb over the words across the top, then dropped it in the inner pocket of his coat, giving it a pat, and left the room to go find Rowena. They would get dean back, even if it killed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have about 21 million headcanons about how Dean gave Case the infamous mix tape, but most of them involve him trying to make it casual as hell, knowing it's not. I felt like adding one of them in here because why not.
> 
> Thank all y'all so much for the continued support!


	11. Save Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets Adam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vacation is over😟but that means I have more time to write again so yay! 
> 
> So let's get cracking!

So, it all just turns into Queen?”

Dean and Crowley were currently zooming down the streets of London on their way to pick up Aziraphale for their trip to Tadfield, listening to Mr. Mercury belt out the words to 'I Want to Break Free', discussing the Bentley's affinity for the band.

“All of it. Yes.” Crowley replied as he drifted through a stoplight. “If any music is left in here for more than a fortnight, it's Queen.”

“What's a fortnight?” Dean asked. “Isn't that a video game or something?”

“Satan help me.” Crowley sighed. “No! For the love of... it's two weeks’ time!” He swerved past a milk truck, narrowly missing an old woman crossing the street.

“Okay...” Dean said, holding his hands up in defense. “But like, why?”

“I don't know!” Crowley said for the umpteenth time since they left his flat. “It just does!”

“Is it like, cursed or something?” Dean knew he wasn't going to get a real answer. He suspected that the demon had done it himself and was afraid to admit it. However, without Sam or Cas to harass, Crowley was the obvious target, and, honestly, Dean was finding it more fun than he did with those two. There was just one big difference.

“It really is no small wonder, that your brother or your angel haven't killed you yet, with all these incessant questions you ask.” Crowley smirked.

Crowley gave it back as good as he got it.

“Not for lack of tryin' on both their parts. Believe me.” Dean scoffed. “And will you please quit callin' Cas 'MY angel'?!”

“Will you stop asking ridiculous questions?” Crowley retorted, as he pulled up to the bookshop.

Dean glared over at him with his jaw set. Naturally, being a demon, Crowley knew exactly how to get under someone's skin (no pun intended) but he was kidding himself if he thought that would stop Dean Winchester. “So, where's this 'Tadfield' place anyway?”

“You're insufferable.” Crowley said sharply, slamming the door of the Bentley as he got out and made his way to the shop.

“Oh, c'mon!” Dean chuckled, following behind. “I got a right to know, don't I?”

“No, really.” Crowley argued. “If you open up a dictionary and look up the word, I'm fairly certain there would just be a picture of you with the caption 'Avoid at All Costs' in bright red letters!”

“You know you like me!” Dean smirked, opening the door for both of them.

“I know no such thing.” Crowley replied, indignantly. “After, you.”

“Good morning, gentleman.” Aziraphale's voice drifted through the shop as soon as they passed the threshold. He appeared a moment later, dressed in his same dorky outfit, carrying a long parcel wrapped in leather. “Are we ready for our little journey across the dimensions?” He wore a smile on his face, but something in his eyes told Dean he wasn't genuinely happy.

“What's the matter, Angel?” Crowley asked, voicing Dean's thoughts.

Aziraphale shook his head and looked directly to Dean. “I just want to remind you Dean, that if this plan doesn't work out...”

“I already told you,” Dean interrupted,” that's not an option.”

“Yes.” Aziraphale said sadly. “I was afraid you would say that. I fear, however, it might be our only option.”

“What happened, Aziraphale?” Crowley's voice was stern and demanding.

Aziraphale looked up at the demon sheepishly. “Well, I was trying to think of other ways we might be able to get Dean back home if Adam was unable to assist us, and well, I went over several old books of theories and such and I wasn't finding anything there and I couldn't really find anything else that might help, so I sort of.... well... I went to Heaven...to...to see if someone there might know of anything...”

“You what?!” Crowley half shouted.

“Crowley, it's fine.” The angel insisted.

“How could you be so stupid?!” Crowley rushed to his side and began circling him, checking for any damage. “You know what they want to do to you! How could you put yourself in danger like that?”

“I'm fine, Crowley.” Aziraphale said, waving him off, which earned him an irritated hiss. He held up the leather wrapped parcel and pulled away a corner. “I had this with me.” He said showing off the hilt of Dean angel blade. “They were terrified of it. Wouldn't come within three feet of me.”

“And?” Crowley growled. “Did you get anything out of your idiotic venture into the lion's den?”

“Well, no.” Aziraphale dropped his eyes in shame. “I’m sorry, Dean. I tried to explain our plight, but the archangels just wrote me off. None of them were willing to believe the almighty was capable of such malice. They called me a 'boob' and sent me away. I'm afraid if Adam is unable to help you, you'll be stuck with us forever.”

Dean drew his bottom lip between his teeth with his tongue as he let this information sink in. He knew going to other angels was a long shot to begin with. In his experience, most of them were dickbags anyway. He hated that Aziraphale had put himself in danger like that for something he figured was pointless. He wondered briefly if Cas would've had more luck had he been the one that landed here, but the thought of him being stuck here with a bunch of ruthless angels who might kill him was enough to have him shake the thought off quick. It was better this way. The world, his world, needed Castiel now more than ever. He was the only angel worth his spit left. Cas was the only way they stood a chance against Chuck. At least between him and Sam they had a shot at making it, a slim one, but a shot nonetheless. And Dean wasn't gonna let a couple of feathered assholes stand keep him from fighting right by their side. “I guess that means we better go get this Adam kid, so I can get home then.” He said confidently.

“Right.” Aziraphale smiled at him sadly. It was a look Dean was used to, when someone was to tires to argue with his stubbornness. A look of someone who had very little hope. “Let's be off then.”

“Good.” Crowley stormed passed towards the door, clearly still irritated. “I’ll be glad to have home back. It's starting to smell like a wild animal, anyway.”

Aziraphale wrapped the angel blade back up and walked up to Dean, placing his free hand on his shoulder, causing him to flinch slightly. The angel quickly and patted him instead. “Sorry, I didn't mean to...”

“No, it's fine.” Dean insisted “It... it's just...uh...Cas...he uh....”

Aziraphale nodded his understanding. “You know he doesn't mean that, right? He's just angry with me right now. It is not a reflection of you in the least.”

“No, I get it.” Dean smiled. “He loves you and he's concerned.” Aziraphale sputtered nervously trying to find the words to argue. Dean chuckled threw his arm over the angel's shoulder and guided him to the door. “He's right, though. You really shouldn't have done that. No need to put yourself in danger on my behalf. Too many people have gotten killed that way.”

Aziraphale relaxed a bit at the change of topic and smiled proudly up at Dean as they walked out the door. “I’m an angel. It is my duty to help humans at all costs.”

 

“Yeah,” Dean said “if you're one of the good ones.”

“If you two are quite done playing kissy face,” Crowley called from the car, “I’d like to get on the road before rush hour! The M25 is a nightmare.”

“And whose fault is that, my dear?” Aziraphale lectured as he got in the passenger’s seat after Dean was sat.

“Shut it!” Crowley snapped, pulling away from the curb as soon as dean managed to click his seat belt in place.

*****  
The ride to Tadfield was mostly peaceful (aside from the stretch on M25, which was an absolute nightmare; according to Aziraphale, that was due to one of Crowley's more demonic acts) and they filled the time with idle chatter. Aziraphale talked about books that covered the subjects of time and space travel while Crowley shot down the angel's theories with his own. Dean piped up every now and then with a question he knew would get Crowley's goat but for the most part he stayed silent while he listened to the two of them go back and forth. It was calming to hear them speak to each other, no matter how heated the subject got, because Dean knew each word came from a place of love and affection. It reminded him vaguely of the times when he and Sam hit the road, before they knew anything about chuck or the angels. Just two brothers off to save the world one monster at a time. He wondered if he would ever be able to get those times back. Care free and cocksure. It made him a little sad when he realized that those days were long gone.

After a while, he found himself longing for times he would never have. Times when he could ride along with someone who would listen to his hair-brained theories and indulge his whimsies. Someone who would go along with every crazy scheme that popped into his head without question or complaint, no matter the risks.  
Someone who would listen to music with him, and watch his favorite movies with. Someone he could joke around with. He wanted someone who worried about his safety when he went off on dangerous quests to save humanity. Someone who put him first.

🎶Can anybody find me....🎶

Somebody to love.

 

“It's right over there.” Aziraphale said, breaking Dean from his thoughts. He looked out the window to see that they were driving through a quaint little village, old brick houses covered in vines, white picket fences surrounding plush lawns, a mail box in front of each one. Something that Dean would probably never see in his world again. They pulled up behind a well-kept classic car parked in front of one of the houses. “Now, Dean,” Aziraphale said turning in his seat “You are welcome to come along, but it is important that you let Crowley and I do the talking. He's very powerful, and we don't want to upset him, you understand.”

 

“Lead the way.” Dean said, holding out his hand.

The three of them got out of the car and walked up the drive way to the door, the angel and the demon in front, before pausing at the entrance. “Remember Dean, “Aziraphale said after ringing the bell “he may not be able to help us, in which case...”

“Let's hope it doesn't come to that.” Dean said with an air of finality.

The angel opened his mouth to say something else when a middle-aged man opened the door. “Hello.” The man said. “How can I help you?”

Aziraphale plastered on a smile and turned to face the man. “Hello Mr. Young. My name is Mr. Fell and these are my friends Mr. Crowley and Mr. Winchester. We were wondering if it might be possible for us to speak to young Adam for a moment.”

“Oh no.” Mr. Young grumbled. “What has that boy gotten himself into this time?”

“Oh, heaven's no! It's nothing like that!” Aziraphale assured, quickly. “We just need a moment with your son to discuss...”

“Hold on a tick...” Mr. Young interrupted “Don’t I know you?”

“Uh...uh...no... you couldn't possibly...” Aziraphale sputtered.

“Yes, aren't you those two men who were at the airbase that day when all that strange stuff was happening?” He asked.

 

“No?” The angel replied weakly.

“Yes. That's it. I don't forget a face....and you.” Mr. Young pointed over to Crowley. “Aren’t you the doctor that delivered Adam?”

Aziraphale gave Crowley a nervous glance, but the demon kept his eyes fixed on the man. “That's right.” Crowley nodded. “I delivered Adam. We're here to speak to him about his hospital records. If you would be so kind as to...”

“What’s all this really about?” Mr. Young said suspiciously. “I'm not about to let my son speak to a group of strange men without some sort of proper explanation.”

“Dad?” Said a small voice from inside. The man turned around as a young boy appeared behind him. Dean wasn't sure what he was expecting (the Antichrist from his world was young and innocent too, not to mention Jack who was the epitome of sweet looking) but it certainly wasn't the bright-eyed, curly-haired child that was in front of him. “It's fine. I can handle this.” The boy said.

“Adam, go back inside.” Mr. Young lectured. “I don't want you getting yourself into any trouble.”

“I've got this, Dad.” The boy smiled. “Don't worry.”

Mr. Young's eyes traveled back and forth between his son and the strange men outside for a moment before stepping back inside. “Alright, son.” He said. “You shout if you need me. Understand?”

Adam nodded and watched as his father went further into the house before turning his gaze on them. “What do you lot need?” He said in a bored tone. “I’ve already told you, I have no interest in ruling the world. I've got enough on my plate, thank you very much.” Dean couldn't help but chuckle at the kid's cocky attitude. “Who's he? Another one of your stupid friends?” Dean laughed even harder. The kid had some serious balls.

Aziraphale bent down and held out his hand to shake Adam's hand. “Hello, Adam. It's a pleasure to see you again. This is our friend Dean. He is a very long way away from home, and we were hoping that you could help him get back.”

Adam ignored Aziraphale's hand and looked past him to Dean. “I already saved the world, you know. I can't be helping everyone who comes to my door step. I'd never get anything done, then.”

“Listen here, you little...” Crowley started before Dean pushed them both aside.

“Heya, kid.” Dean said crouching down in front of him.

“My name is Adam.” He huffed.

“Adam, huh?” Dean smiled. “Cool name. I had a brother named Adam once. He was real brave. I bet you're brave too, aren't you?”

“The bravest!” Adam said proudly. Then his face turned curious. “You said had. What happened to your brother?”

“Some bad people took him from me and my other brother Sam.” Dean told him. “But he went down fighting. That's what matters.”

“I'm sorry to hear that.” Adam said earnestly.

“Hey, things happen. Thank you though. Can I ask you a question, Adam?”

“Alright.” Adam said carefully.

“Do you believe in aliens?” Dean smirked.

Aziraphale and Crowley exchanged a look, confused as to where Dean was headed with this conversation, but impressed with his ability to speak to the child. Adam's eyes lit up as he nodded enthusiastically. “Absolutely.” He smiled. “I write stories about them all the time!”

“Awesome.” Dean said. “I bet you write amazing stories.” Adam nodded proudly in response. “Well, you see, I'm kind of like an alien.”

“No way!” Adam gasped. “But you aren't green or anything.”

“It's true!” Dean insisted. “I’m from a totally different world.”

“Well what are you doing here?” Adam asked.

“Well, you see, my world is in danger.” Dean explained. “My friend was trying to contact other worlds to see if he could find help, but I didn't trust him, and we got into a fight.”

“Oh, I understand that. Pepper, Brian, Wensleydale and I get in fights all the time because they don't listen.” Adam stated.

“Yeah,” Dean continued “and I made my friend really mad by not listening to him, so he pushed me. He didn't mean to push me into the portal to your world, it was an accident, but he did. And that's how I got stuck here.”

“Well that's terrible.” Adam said “He doesn't sound like a very good friend to me.”

“No, he is.” Dean insisted. “The best actually. I was the one being a bad friend and I made him push me. But now I'm stuck here and my world is still in danger, and he and my brother are all alone. I heard that you are super good at helping people, and I was hoping you could help me get back to them.”

“I don't really know anything about portals to other worlds.” Adam admitted.

“Oh...” Dean sulked.

“But I bet Anathema would!” He smiled. “She's a witch, so she knows all about that kind of stuff!”

“A witch?” Dean grimaces. There were very few things Dean hated more than witches. He had only recently gotten used to Rowena being around, he wasn't sure about trusting another one.

“Well, she's not a proper witch with warts and everything.” Adam explained. “She's actually very pretty.” A hot witch? Dean could deal with that. “Her fiancé tells her so all the time.” Or not....

“Fiancé?” Aziraphale asked excitedly. “Young Newton proposed?”

“Last week.” Adam conformed. “It was all gooey and romantic like too.” He scrunched his face up in disgust.

“Do you think you could take me to Anathema, so I could ask her for help?” Dean asked trying to stay on topic.

“Alright.” Adam nodded. “Let me just go tell my mum I'm leaving, so she doesn't get worried.”

Dean stood up as Adam scampered into the house and face the other pair with a smirk. “ How did you managed that?” Aziraphale asked, stunned.

“Just gotta know how to talk to kids, man.” Dean shrugged.

A moment later Adam came back out the door and started walking away. “Jasmine Cottage isn't too far from here. Follow me.” They walked for about half a block before Dean noticed Adam starting up at him, and cocked his head in silent question.” Is there an America on your world?” He asked.

“As a matter of fact, there is.” Dean answered.

“You're American, aren't you?” Adam asked, still staring at Dean’s head.

Dean was starting to get self-conscious. “...yes...” He looked back at the other two, who just shook their heads back.

“Funny,” Adam shrugged. “Your head looks perfectly normal to me. Maybe it's just different where you're from.”

“What?” Dean scoffed.

“Father says that all Americans are pigheaded. Your head isn't pig shaped at all. Your America must be different.”

“Your dad sounds like a real smart guy.” Dean laughed.

“Sometimes.” Adam nodded. “Other times not so much. The world needs balance you know.” They walked a little further as dean tried his best to hold back his laughter. The child like Wonder of the Antichrist was almost too much. “It's just around the corner, here.” Adam said ad he ran across the street. He opened the gate to a beautiful garden, letting the others in behind, and walked up the path that lead to the cottage and knocked twice on the door.

 

An olive-skinned woman with long dark hair and large round glasses, dressed in a flowing tunic answered the door. The kid wasn't wrong. She was beautiful. “Adam!” She smiled, scooping the boy into a hug. “It's so wonderful to see you! How was your trip? I wish you would've called first. I would've prepared some snacks for you or....” She passed and looked up to see the three men standing behind him. “Adam, get in the house.” She said sternly pushing him behind her, before addressing the men. “Whatever it is you want from him, forget it! He's just a child. He's already done what you wanted of him, now leave him alone!”

“It's alright, Anathema.” Adam assured. “I’ve already told them I won't be ruling the world.”

“Very good, Adam.” She smiled fondly down at the child. She glanced back at the men and her eyes locked onto Dean. “Who's he?”

“Oh, that's Dean.” Adam answered. “He's an alien from another planet, and he needs our help to make a portal back to his world before it's destroyed.”

Anathema's head snapped back to Adam to make sure she heard him right and back to the men when she didn't see the lie on his face. Dean just smiled and waved at her awkwardly. “Adam, why don't you go inside and make yourself a sandwich or something while I talk to you're new alien friend.” Adam nodded happily and shuffled inside. Anathema checked to make sure he was safely in the kitchen, before closing the door behind her and turning an inpatient gaze to Dean, Aziraphale and Crowley. “Alright, now perhaps one of you can tell me what's really going on here before I make you all regret even looking in that boy's direction.”

Dean looked at the other two and stepped forward, scratching the back of his head, trying to give her his most charming smile. “Uh, yeah, hi, I'm Dean. I guess you already know these two. I uh.... well the kid's not wrong. I am from another world and I really do need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unlike the Winchester's, I didn't forget Adam. 💁
> 
> Let's open us some rifts!


	12. Bring It On Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An attempt to open a rift is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a moment and tell y'all how grateful I am to those of you have followed me this far. I really can't thank you enough. Also sorry about the inconsistent posting. Adulting is hard man, but I'm doing my best.
> 
> I hope y'all are ready for this one.

“You put those fingers down right now, understand? Or I promise you, you will never see the Winchester boy again!”

Rowena was standing in the middle of the library, dressed in purple silk pajamas with red fuzzy slippers, her hair tossed up into a bun, clutching the Book of the Damned in one arm like a teddy bear with the other hand held out in front of her ready to strike. Castiel brought his hand down slowly to his side, releasing the pressure of his middle finger from his thumb. He was sick of people getting his hopes up only to have them dashed away again. If Rowena wasn't willing to help, he was determined to find someone who would, but the threat of her making sure Dean was lost forever was enough to give him pause.

“There's a good lad.” She smiled, lowering her own hand. “Now, if you are ready to listen, I didn't say that it was impossible. I simply told you that it would be extremely difficult, and highly unlikely. That's hardly ever stopped you before and it's certainly no reason to go around smiting the only person who is willing to help you, wouldn't you agree?”

Castiel narrowed his eyes at her and clenched his jaw in response. “Just give her a chance, Cas, alright.” Sam came up behind him and placed a hand gently on his shoulder. He hated to admit it, but he was probably just as scared of the guy as Rowena was at that moment. He had slaughtered entire armies in Dean's name before. Killing a couple people who might not be able to get him back would be as easy as breathing for him. They needed to keep him calm, for all of their sakes. Even powered down, Castiel was lethal.

“Thank you, Samuel.” She smiled before shuffling over a table and dropping the book down on top. She slid out a chair, sat down and started flipping through the pages as she spoke. “I was up the entire night, buried in several books, for you, since you deemed it impossible to wait until morning to look for a way we could retrieve your precious Dean.” She looked up and quirked and eyebrow at Castiel. “The least you could do is have the patience to let me speak. I don't have to be doing this at all, you know. I am offering my help out of the kindness of my heart. There are more pressing matters at the present time.”

“We don't have time for your games, Rowena.” Cas replied coldly. “If you would prefer, I could take you back to that hotel that I found you in. Next to a grave yard. I'm sure you'll be perfectly safe there.”

They stared each other down for a while, before Rowena carefully schooled her features and returned to her book. “As you know, in the instances we were able to open a rift, it took the grace of an archangel, or at least a half of one, to do so.” She gave Cas a wicked smirk, as if she was trying to goad him. “Now, as 'great' and 'powerful' as you are Castiel, an archangel you are not.” Cas set his jaw and slowly began bringing his fingers back up. “However,” she added quickly, “I may have managed to find a spell that can be used in assisting your strength in this matter.”

“What do we need?” Asked Sam, trying his damnedest to keep the tension between the two of them to a minimum.

Rowena turned a sympathetic smile towards him. “I have all the basic things here with me already. All I need is something that belonged to our poor, sweet Jack. Something he kept on him. It would hold enough of his energy to do the trick. “

Sam nodded and slowly pulled a knife from his pocket. He had given it to Jack to protect himself after Lucifer had eaten his grace. He looked down at his hands, twirling it back and forth between his fingers as he quietly reminisced about teaching him how to throw it, watching him slice his fingers every time he tried to open it quickly, seeing how proud he was the first time he managed it without a mistake. He had given it back to Sam the day after Michael had been destroyed. He had said he wouldn't need it anymore, that he could protect himself against anything on his own again. Sam gave the knife one final squeeze before handing bit over to Rowena. “Here, uh, this was his. He cut himself on it a couple times...it...uh...it should work.”

“It's perfect, Samuel.” Rowena said, almost apologetically. “And while that settles one problem,” she perked up setting the knife off to the side, “there was another issue we have to address.”

“And what 'issue' is that?” Kaia asked. She had been leaning casually against the far wall of the library, a safe distance from the fire, keeping to herself until everything was settled, but the witch's vague words were beginning to get under her skin.

“Opening a rift, with all the proper materials, is all fine and well, when you know where you're going.” Rowena explained. “Unfortunately, we haven't the slightest idea where Dean...shoved off to.” She tried her best to hide the smirk creeping up on her face at her little joke, but if the audible click of Cas's jaw was anything to go by, she failed miserably. “Fortunately for you, I read into that as well. What I found is not entirely unlike a simple tracking spell, but it is a little more complicated. I should be able to handle it though. It's not fool proof, mind you, but it's the best chance we have at locating him.”

“Great.” Sam said, a little too  
loudly. He could almost feel Cas's rage building by the second. He was just ready to get all this over with. They were all doomed either way, at least if this worked, they could all be doomed together. “What do we gotta do?”

“We need something of Dean's that holds sentimental value...” Rowena began before being interrupted by Sam saying “Baby” at the same time Cas said “The Impala”. “So that I can burn it and mix the ashes with the other ingredients.” She finished gravely.

Sam and Cas looked at each other with absolute fear in their eyes. They were both silent for a while, until Sam let out a long breath, pushed back his hair and started shuffling away. “I... I think Dean may have some pictures and stuff from when we were kids in his room.” Sam said as he backed into the hallway.

Kaia watched him disappear into the bunker then turned to the other two with a million questions in her eyes. “Pictures from his childhood? Isn't he like 80? It's not like he has them saved somewhere else. Those are pretty impossible to replace. It makes more sense to just, take a part or something off of the car.”

“Absolutely not.” Cas replied, sternly.

“Why not?” She asked incredulously.

“Because dearie,” Rowena chuckled, “it is the end of the world. God has given up on us.”

“Meaning...?”

“Meaning, that if we are to get Dean back into this world, there will be no one to pray to if something happens to that car.” Rowena smirked.

Kaia stood dumbfounded for a moment, tying her best to understand why someone would put so much stock into a vehicle when Sam returned, holding out a stack of pictures to Rowena.” I found these in his desk. They're all he really has from our childhood. Think they'll be enough?”

She shuffled through the pile, looking at each one carefully, before plucking one from the stack and handing the rest back to Sam. “This one of Mary should do perfectly. It's bound to be fresh in his mind given her recent...” she paused, giving Castiel a weary glance “.... departure.”

Sam nodded head, stuffed the remaining pictures in his pocket, and gave Cas a sympathetic look.

“Who's Mary?” Kaia asked. It was the first thing she could think of to say.

“She was our mom.” Sam answered walking over to the angel and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You know it wasn't your fault Cas. Dean was just upset. He didn't mean...”

“There is no need to placate me, Sam.” Cas shook his head. “I'm fully aware of my part in your mother's death. I hold no illusions of thinking I am without blame.”

“Hold on a minute. What?” Kaia scoffed waving her hand in front of her face. “His mother is dead?” There was so much information flying around it was causing her head to spin.

“Very recently, yes.” Cas nodded solemnly.

“And he blames you for her dying?” She raised her eyebrow at him. Cas just nodded again. “The guy whose car you're afraid to even touch?” There was no way she had heard all of that right.

“Yes.” Castiel confirmed.

“Are you sure you want him back?” Kaia was barely holding back her laughter. They had to be messing with her.

Cas squinted his eyes at her, tilting his head to the side, obviously confused by her question. “Very much so, yes.”

“Are you kidding me?” She laughed.

Castiel straightened back up and looked her dead in the eyes. “I assure you. The implications of what would happen if someone were to harm the Impala are much more severe than his animosity towards me regarding his mother's death.”

Kaia let out another small laugh, looking between the three of them to see that they were all wearing stoic expressions. “You're serious?” She waited for someone to clue her in on the joke, but when nobody seemed to move all she could do was shake her head in disbelief. “I have to get back home. This place is too weird for me.” What kind of world was this, where people cared more about their cars than their own mothers? “Monsters make more sense than you people.”

“It's more than a car.” Sam said. He realized how it must have sounded and was trying to run damage control before Kaia decided they were too heartless to waste her time on. “Before we found this place, it was more like our home than anything. We traveled a lot when we were younger, never really stayed in the same place more than a few weeks. The Impala was our only constant, growing up.” Kaia listened to him with her lips pursed, still seeming unconvinced. “And to be fair, we've known the car a lot longer than we knew our mom.” Her eyes grew wide with confusion, and she looked as if she was about to say something when Sam threw his hands out in defense. “Don't get me wrong, Mom was great. We really did love her, but she wasn't exactly around until recently, which wasn't entirely her fault, then when she did come back she wasn't really warm and fuzzy about hanging around her adult sons at first... she eventually came around, but she still kinda kept her distance and there was probably still a lot left unsaid between her and Dean, I didn't really know her at all, but her did and I think Dean just kinda had it in his head that she'd just eventually come around to being the mother he knew when he was a kid, even though it turns out she wasn't exactly that person either. He just really wanted a parent that cared about him, not that our dad was completely horrible either, I mean he wasn't the best, but it's not like he...”

“Alright then.” Rowena said, cutting off Sam's rambling, which he found himself extremely grateful for. “It seems we have everything we need to attempt this crazy crusade of yours.” She tapped her fingers over the table, making a mental check list in her head. “It will take a couple of hours to get everything just right, then, I suppose, we can get to it.”

“Wait.” Kaia said. She swept her hand out in front of her, gesturing towards the room. “Here? Just out in the open like this, where any old body could just walk in? What if he's in some crazy monster filled world like mine, and he's not the only thing that comes through?”

“The bunker is warded against everything we know of.” Sam shrugged. “It’s not like we don't expect something to go wrong, but we'll be prepared.”

“I believe the girl may be right, Samuel.” Rowena said, looking around. “We’re playing with fire here. It might be wise to move this somewhere a little more secure.”

Sam let out a long breath, pushing back his hair as he thought. The outside world was already crumbling around them, the last thing they needed was to bring something dangerous inside their home. “I guess we can try the dungeon. If anything comes through we aren't sure about, we could lock it up in there until we can figure it out.” The other three nodded their agreement, and they all set to work gathering everything up to bring down there. He was starting to wonder if maybe they were doing the wrong thing, tempting fate like this. Nothing good ever came from them refusing to leave well enough alone.

******

 

“Hey, Cas, can we talk?”

They were standing outside the dungeon door watching as Rowena mixed various ingredients into a large bowl, explaining each step to Kaia as she went. The girl seemed incredibly interested in the process, hanging on the witch's every word. She said it might do her some good to know a little witch craft when she returned home.

“Of course, Sam.” Cas nodded, taking a step back from the door. He followed Sam into the hallway and leaned against the opposite wall if the one the hunter had posted himself against. “What is it?” He asked, unable to read the younger Winchester's expression.

Sam scrubbed a hand over his face several times finally landing with his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “Everything.” He scoffed. “Honestly I don't even know where to start.”  
“The beginning is usually a good place for that.” Cas supplied.

“Yeah.” Sam chuckled removing his hand from his face. “Look Cas, I'm sorry I blew up at you about the whole empty thing, man.”

“I understand why you did.” Cas said. “I wasn't truthful with you. I know honesty is a problem around here and I didn't help, lying about Jack's return. I was just so focused on getting him back, I wasn't thinking about the consequences.” A small smile spread across his face. “I honestly didn't think you guys would care at the time, anyway. “

“We care about you Cas.” Sam insisted. “You’re more than just a tool to us. You're family. I know we're shitty about showing it sometimes, but you gotta know by now that we do care. You mean a lot to us, man.” He swallowed hard trying his best to choose his words carefully, so not to set the guy off again. “You mean a lot to Dean.”

Cas bit his lip and shook his head. “It hardly matters anyway. The Shadow said it would only come for me when I allowed myself to be truly happy...”

“That can still happen...”

“Look at my life, Sam.” Cas held his arms out then let them drop to his sides. “Look at everything I have done since I came to Earth, all the pain I've cause, all the destruction. I can't... I can't possibly allow myself to be happy knowing how much has gone wrong in this world simply because I am here.”

“I’m sorry man, but that's bullshit.” Sam argued. “Look at everything Dean and I have caused. Doesn't cancel out all the good we've done. Bad things happen. It doesn't give you the right to sulk about it forever.”

“Are you happy, Sam?” Cas challenged.

It was quiet for a moment, while Sam thought the question over. “I guess it is kind of hard to keep your chin up when you choose to live this life.” He resigned. “But that doesn't mean I can't try. I let myself get pulled back into this life. I was happy, I was free. I had someone I loved, and because of her, I let myself get dragged back into the life I spent so much time trying to get away from. After Jessica was killed, I... I let myself turn into my father. I was so focused on revenge that I denied myself the opportunity to ever be happy again. Who knows what I passed up because I couldn't stop blaming myself for what happened to her? Love makes you do crazy things, I guess. I didn't even realize how bad it was, how crazy it all seemed until...” until I saw what Dean went through after purgatory, he thought to himself as he looked up at Cas. “You can't hold your mistakes against yourself forever dude. You gotta learn to forgive yourself sometimes, now more than ever.” He watched as the angel fidgeted with his hands, trying his best to look everywhere but Sam. “Are you seriously telling me there's nothing? Not one thing you want, one thing you're willing to let yourself have, even at the end of the world, that would make you even remotely happy?”

Cas went still as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes tight. He lifted his head trying to force his face to remain absolutely neutral. “No.”

Sam shook his head. Now was as good as time as ever to get everything out in the open. It would probably be the only time. If they did manage to get Dean back, it was going to be balls to the wall trying to find a way to fix the world and there definitely wasn't gonna be anytime to have a heart-to-heart about what he had been so blind to for so long. “Cas...

“We’re ready.” Rowena called from the other room.

Cas stood up straight and gestured with his head towards the dungeon. “Time to fix one of my mistakes.” He said, walking away. Sam sighed and followed quietly behind.

Rowena had a chair set up in the middle of the room facing away from the door. “Now Kaia, dear,” she said, leading the girl to the chair “you will be sitting here. Once the spells have been cast, Sam and I will retreat just beyond the door. I figured it would be best to have the opening as far from the door as possible, that way if anything charges through, we all can escape quickly and lock it in.”

“Smart.” Cas nodded.

“Whoever said I wasn't, darling?” Rowena smirked. “You don't get to live as long as I have without having your wits about you. Castiel, love, you will be standing right here behind her.” She said as she nudged Cas into place. “I will place a circle around the two of you with a line out stopping directly in front of this wall. After I have done my part, it will be up to the two of you to do your thing. I've explained to Kaia, here, how to channel her energy already. I assume you know what it is you are to be doing?” Cas gave her a quick nod. “Excellent.” She smiled, walking to the table placed in the corner of the room where the large bowl sat. “Now, as I said before, this isn't fool proof.  
“She turned to face Cas and gave him a desperate look. “This will drain you both significantly. If it doesn't work, we have no other options. I want to be sure you're prepared for what that means.”

“I understand.” Cas said. “This has to work.”

“Alright, then.” Rowena smiled sympathetically. “Let’s attempt the impossible. Again.” She walked the bowl over and began chanting, pouring out the contents as she moved. She circled them three times before stopping in front of the chair and making a line to the wall with the ingredients as she said. “Come with me, Sam,” she said after placing the bowl down against the wall, grabbing him gently by the arm. “It's best we stay out of the way for this part.” She pulled him out of the dungeon and turned them to face the other two. “Go ahead, now, and good luck.” She squeezed Sam's arm and gave him a weary smile.

“This will work, won't it?” Sam whispered down to her.

“I surely hope so.” She said. “For all of our sakes. Heaven knows what good we'll be against God without the help of an angel on our side. If the spell doesn't kill him, knowing your brother is lost forever certainly might.”

“Kill him?!” Sam barked.

“Shhh.” Rowena placed a slender finger over his lips to hush him. “Let them work.”

 

“Are you sure about this, Kaia?” Cas asked, placing his hands on either side of her head.

“If it works, you'll send me home, right?” Her voice was shakey as she stared straight ahead.

“I promise to do my best.” Cas assured.

“Okay then.” She nodded, closing her eyes. “Let’s do this.”

Cas nodded too as he closed his eyes and let his grace flow through her. The circle around them began glowing bright white as a soft blue light began to rise from the ashes. It swirled around in the air encasing them entirely before surging into Castiel. He let out a stranger's groan as the pain of Jack's grace began coursing through body. It was almost more than he could handle, but he kept on. Soon after, a green haze began rising from the ashes as well, flowing softly into Kaia.

“I.... I see him.” Kaia gasped out. “It's not very clear...but I see him.”

“Keep focused, dearie.” Rowena encouraged. “Don't let the image out of your sight.”

Kaia nodded and kept her mind focused on Dean while the image became clearer. “He's... he's in a house. He has people with him...there's a child and....AAH!” Her scream of pain echoed through the room, mixing with Cas's.

“Stop!” Sam screamed as he lurched forward. Rowena pulled him back and shook her head, warning him not to interfere. The twin screams rang out again. “Stop! Cas, please you're gonna kill her!” He pulled forward again.

“Avi!” Rowena yelled out, tossing Sam across the room. He tried his best to scramble to his feet when an ear shattering screech brought him and Rowena to their knees, clutching their ears as the lights overhead began to explode. The entire bunker began to shake as Cas's true voice, mixed with Kaia's screams of agony rang out for what seemed like forever before an explosion of light knocked them apart. Cas was flung against the wall, crumbling to a heap next to Sam as Kaia slumped in the chair.

 

Sam shuffled next to Cas, grabbing him up by the collar of his shirt and shook. “Cas?! Cas, man come on stay with us!” He choked out. “Come on Cas! You're okay. You can't die on us now, remember? You gotta be happy first. Cas? Please, we can't lose you too!” Cas's head lolled back and forth as Sam shook, no response, no sign of life. Sam set his friend back down gently and let his head fall to his chest as he began to cry. His brother was gone. His best friend was dead. It was all for nothing. He was alone.

“Ow.” Kaia groaned from the other room.

“Kaia!” Sam shouted as he scrambled to his feet. He ran over the shattered glass, passed Rowena where she was still kneeling on the floor, and into the dungeon, dripping back to his knees in front of the girl. “Kaia? Hey, hey I'm right here, okay?” He held her face in his hands moving it left and right checking for any damage. “I'm right here.” She opened her eyes and gave him a weak smile to acknowledge that he was speaking to her. “Hey, are you okay?”

She shook her head slowly and let it fall against the back of the chair. “No.” She scoffed. “But I'm alive I guess. I'm sorry, Sam I don't know what happened. I saw him. He was right there and then, it was so hot and bright and then there was this pain and...”

“I know.” Sam said. “I know. It's fine. I know you tried your best. You're alive. That's what matters.”

Kaia let her head fall to the side trying to look over her shoulder. “What about him?” She asked, pointing her eyes at where Cas was laying.

“I...” Sam swallowed, shaking his head. “I don't know. You were both screaming and there was this light and...” He let his head fall back down, trying to hide his fear that he had lost his friend for good. “ I don't know.” He closed his eyes and tried to take a steadying breath. He heard glass shuffling around him as he felt a warmth growing behind him. He felt a hand fall on his shoulder, and he turned, expecting to see Rowena there to offer her sympathies.

“Heya, Sammy. Why the long face?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've said it a million times but I'm saying it again: thank you for the encouragement.
> 
> Next up, Dean and the gang try to open a rift themselves....


	13. Don't Stop Me Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I've been waiting to get to this point! 
> 
> There's some super important notes at the bottom of this for those of you who have been chapter skipping so just a heads up. Read them, or don't, that's up to you, but I really suggest that you do.

“Fascinating.” Anathema repeats for the thousandth time as she runs her fingers over the angel blade lain across the table. “Truly astounding.” She pressed the fingers of her free hand to her lips as she mulled over the story she was just told. She was no stranger to the absurd, that much was for sure. She had spent her entire life trying to decipher the, seemingly nonsensical, ramblings of an ancient witch. Absurd was her bread and butter, but this...” I wonder if Agnes knew of this.” She murmured to herself, list in thought and forgetting her company.

“No, I don't suppose she did.” Aziraphale answered, pulling her from her haze. “The Nice and Accurate Prophecies were explicitly written to tell of the events leading up to the Apocalypse. We are well past that now. Uncharted territory, if you will.”

Her eyes grew wide as she stared across the table at the angel. Her fingers tapped at her bottom lip nervously for a moment, before she stood up and turned to the stove to grab the kettle. “Right.” She said, her voice an octave too high. “You’re absolutely right. That is all Agnes wrote about. Nothing more.” She lifted the kettle and whirled around, completely unfazed by the fact that she had managed to spill some of its contents on her foot. “Tea?” Her smile was pasted on, forced.

“No...” Aziraphale answered slowly. “We’re fine thank you.”

She nodded quickly and poured a cup, practically running it to the other room. “Adam, I made you a cup of tea for your sandwich.” She called as she went.

Dean waited until she was out of sight, her voice a quiet hum in the distance before addressing the other two. “She’s hiding something.” He said bluntly.

“Now Dean,” Aziraphale sighed “ I understand that you come from a different world, but that is no reason to go around assuming the worst of people that you don't know.”

Dean shook his head. “Look man, I'm in the business of lying. I've been talking to people who got somethin to hide my whole life. I may not be a genius or anything like that, but I know people. She's hiding something.”

“Hold on.” Aziraphale said, already exhausted with this conversation. “Just put yourself in her shoes for a moment. Imagine some stranger walked up to you and turned everything you knew inside out. She has every reason to be a tad jumpy. Imagine how frightened and confused she must be. Tell him Crowley.”

“Kid's right.” Crowley says. “She’s definitely hiding something.”

“Is that how it is now?” Aziraphale squawked. “You’re just going to side with him?”

“I'm sorry, Angel, but he's right.” The demon shrugged. “She's acting extremely suspicious. I know you want to believe that everyone is full of rainbows and sunshine, but something is definitely going on with that girl.”

“Maybe you're just too pessimistic.” The angel huffed.

“Are you sure there's nothing I can get you gentlemen?” Anathema asks as she walks into the room, holding an empty plate in her hand.

“Yeah.” Dean says. “How’s about you tell us what you're hiding.”

“Dean!” Aziraphale gasps as the plate shatters on the floor and Crowley begins laughing.

“I... I'm sorry.” She mutters as she bends down to scoop up the broken pieces. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“Sure, ya don't.” Dean smirks. “I get pretty twitchy too when I'm tellin the truth.”

“Enough, Dean!” Aziraphale waved his hand and the plate restored itself. “We are guests in her home. We have no right to be accusing her of anything. Are you alright?” He turned to face Anathema as she stood and was met with a very nervous face. “Anathema, dear? You aren't hiding anything, are you?”

“Agnes wrote another book!” She blurted out.

“She...” Aziraphale leaned back his face a mixture of excitement and confusion, “...what?!”

Anathema's features twisted into a look of pained guild as she marched over to the sink and dropped in the plate. “She wrote another book. 'Further Nice and Accurate prophecies'.” She let out a sigh as she gripped the edge of the counter, dropping her head. “Ye Saga Continues.”

“That's brilliant!” Aziraphale beamed. “Don’t you understand? This is wonderful. Perhaps it has the information we need in order to get Dean home.”

“Yeah, maybe.” She scoffed. “One, problem. It's... it's gone.”

“Gone?” The angel asked. “How is it gone?! Did you lose it? Was it stolen or...”

“I burned it okay!” She turned around waving her hands in the air.

“You WHAT?!” Aziraphale screeched.

“I burned it!” She began frantically pacing the kitchen. “I was just here, minding my own business and it showed up on my doorstep and I burned it to ashes!”

“How....how could you...” Aziraphale stuttered in shock.

She stopped her pacing and turned on the angel, her face determined and hard. “How would you feel? Huh? How would you feel if your entire life was determined for you by someone you hardly even know? No room for error, no straying from the path, destined to do one thing with no say!” Aziraphale gave her a very unamused look. He was an angel, after all, that's all his life was. She pulled back a bit after remembering who she was speaking to, but kept on. “I didn't want to be just a descendant anymore. I wanted to be free of it all, have a life of my own. I knew that was impossible if I kept that damned book. So, I burned it.” She flipped down into a chair and covered her face with her hands. “It’s not like I had any idea something like this would happen. I just wanted to be my own person.”

Dean placed a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. He knew exactly what she meant. His whole life had been determined for him too. He would burn Chuck if he knew how. He couldn't blame her for doing what he wished he could. “Hey, hey it's alright. I get it. It's not your fault. That just means we're back at square one is all. Nothing I can't deal with.”

Anathema peaked at him through her fingers and gave him a weak smile. “Is there any way we can achieve it the same way you did before?”

Dean grimaced and shook his head. “I don't think so. Everything's a little wonky here. It's all so different.”

“How do you mean?” She asked.

“Well for starters, our Antichrist was just some half demon kid.” He chuckled “Lucifer's kid was actually an arch Nephilim. He was able to open a couple rifts himself. The other times it took an archangel's grace. Their essence.”

“How did you manage that?”

Dean scratched the back of his head looking around the table sheepishly. “Well...we kinda...uh.... bled them... I guess.” The tension between the group became palpable at that statement. “Not the last time!” Dean added quickly. “A witch friend of ours had some grace on hand after she...uh...kinda...slept with one. She used it and cast some spell and well...” Dean held his arms out and dropped them back down.

“Well, that's certainly not an option.” Crowley stated.

“No....” Anathema said shaking her head. Then a spy smile began to creep over her face. “But we may just have the next best thing!”

“How so?” Crowley asked the question that was on all of their minds.

“Well, we have a witch of sorts.” She said gesturing to herself. “And we have an Antichrist.”

“Whoa, there lady!” Dean balked. “I'm desperate to get home and all but I ain't bleeding no kid!”

“Dear Satan!” Crowley shuttered. “I’m a demon and even I think that's evil!”

“No!” She chided. “Not that! I would never! But Adam is extremely powerful. He like to pretend that he doesn't have his powers anymore, but I've seen him use them from time to time.” She paused and turned her head towards the other room, a soft smile spreading over her face. “I think he just doesn't want them getting to his head again, so he pretends they aren't there.” She turned back to the other three and nodded. “If anything will get you back to your world, Adam is the key.”

“Alright.” Dean said rubbing his hands together. “Then how do we do this?”

Anathema pursed her lips and thought a moment. “I’m not entirely sure.... but I might have some books that can help us.” She pushed back from the table and marched back into the other room. “Adam, dear? Help me gather my books. We have some reading to do!”

******

It was well into afternoon before they decided to take a break. They had been reading almost non-stop for hours, each of them at least three books in, except for Adam. He was in for about two books, one magazine, three comics about aliens, and approximately 30 questions about everything ranging from, “Do your people ride around in space ships” to “what kind of food do you eat”. They had managed to find four spells that looked promising, only for each of them to end in utter disaster. Crowley's hair was still smoking from the last one. Basically, it looked hopeless. Anathema made a call to Mrs. Young to ask if Adam could stay for dinner, while Aziraphale fussed at Crowley for not getting out of the way when he was told. Dean stretched his legs out in front of him, under the table, and scrubbed both hands over his face. Maybe being stuck here wasn't so bad. It's not like he had a hell of a whole lot waiting for him back home, if there even was a home to go back to.

“Do you have a wife?” Adam asked from across the table.

“Huh?” Dean asked removing his hands from his face.

“Do you have wife?” Adam repeated, his face filled with the same curiosity it had shown the entire day.

“No.” Dean chuckled shaking his head.

“What about a girlfriend, then?”

“Adam!” Anathema scolded, returning to the table with a tray of snacks. “You mustn't be so nosey. It's impolite.”

“Nah,” Dean smirked, ignoring Anathema's warning, “I got a pretty dangerous job. It takes up a lot of my time. I don't really have the energy for a girlfriend or anything like that.”

Adam nodded and reached across the table, grabbing an apple and taking a bite. “Don chuu geff ronly?”

“I ain't lonely.” Dean smiled. “I got my brother Sam and my buddy Cas, remember? They're all the company I need.”

Adam chewed for a bit, seeming think that over, then swallowed. “They're aliens too, then.” It was more of a statement than a question.

“Oh, yeah.” Dean nodded. “Super cool aliens.” Despite the fact that they were getting virtually nowhere with getting him home, and the fact that he was starting to feel both emotionally and physically exhausted, Dean was really enjoying talking to Adam. The kid was chock-full of questions, so thirsty for knowledge, and Dean would be lying if he said he wasn't having fun convincing the kid he was something more special than he actually was. “Sam is the smartest alien on our planet. He knows everything about everything, and he's not afraid of anything either. And Cas? He's got tons of super cool alien powers, like you wouldn't believe.”

“Really?” Adam asked skeptically.

“Honest!” Dean nodded. “Coolest powers you've ever seen.”

“I have cool powers.” Adam said defensively, crossing his arms. “I bet mine are better.”

The room went quiet, Crowley and Aziraphale stopped their bickering and Anathema pausing mid bite. She said that the kid pretended like his powers didn't exist. It was probably the first time he had brought them up since the apocalypse. Dean had unintentionally stumbled upon what could be a breakthrough. He did his best to keep his face from showing his excitement, opting to shake his head and cross his arms too. “I don't know, Cas's powers are pretty cool.”

“Can he read minds?” Adam smirked.

“Can you?”

“Yes.” He answered. “Well... I can't really read them, it's more like pictures. I just discovered it recently. I used it to figure out what pepper wanted for her birthday. I wanted my gift to be the best, so everyone knew I was still on charge of course.”

“That's a pretty cool power.” Dean said.

“All my powers are cool.” Adam replied confidently. “I try to keep them to myself mostly. If you go around telling everybody you have powers, they tend to expect things from you. Like super heroes, you know? I always thought they were a bit rubbish, anyway. Who wants to go around saving everybody all the time? You'd never have anytime to yourself. I don't want that, so I just use them sometimes when it benefits me. That's the smart way to do it, I think.”

Dean couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. The kid wasn't wrong. Saving people tended to be a full-time job. He couldn't really remember the last time he was able to just be him. “That is smart.” Dean agreed. “Do you think you could show me?”

Adam made a show of rolling his eyes but Dean could see he was actually really excited to show off. “I suppose. Here, let me see your arm.” Adam reached out and grabbed Dean by the upper left arm, jumping back almost immediately with a gasp. “Oh!” He shook out his hand and looked back up at Dean. “That was weird!”

“Are you alright.” Anathema said rushing to his side taking his hand in hers.

“Y... yeah I'm fine...” He politely waved her off and reached out towards Dean again. “That was just...” He gripped Dean's arm again closing his eyes. “There's a man...but not really a man... he's incredibly strong. And fierce. His eyes...there an extraordinary shade of blue...he seems very sad.” He let go of Dean's arm again and looked into his eyes. “Why is he so sad?”

Dean gave him a soft smile, trying his best to hide his own sadness. “That's Cas. He has a lot to be sad about. He lost his whole family. His home. Everything. A lot of it was my fault.”

“Why would you do that?” Adam asked.

“It wasn't on purpose.” Dean shook his head. “It just happened. I didn't mean to make him lose anything.”

Adam swallowed and nodded his head, grabbing Dean by the wrist instead. He closed his eyes again, Dean doing the same, and concentrated. “There's a tall fellow now, with long hair like a girl.”

“That's Sam.” Dean snorted. “I keep telling him he needs to cut it.”

“That's odd.” Adam said gripping tighter. “I see both of them, they're talking about you, but you aren't there.”

“Dean?” He heard Crowley said quietly, but Dean ignored him.

“Why is that weird?” He asked, keeping his eyes closed.

“Dean.” Crowley said, a little louder.

“It shouldn't work like that.” Adam said. “It should be pictures, memories. You can't remember something if you weren't there. They're talking to a woman now. She's really small and she's wearing silk pajamas. Her hair is very red. And a girl...” It was funny, the way Adam was describing them, Dean could almost picture Sam, Cas and Rowena himself. “They're in a small room with a chair...”

“Dean!” Aziraphale and Crowley practically shouted together.

“What?!” Dean snapped, turning an irritated glance towards them.

“Well, never mind now.” Crowley said slumping back into his chair.

Anathema shot up from the table and shouted “Sugar!” Everyone turned to stare at her like she grew a second head. “We seem to be out of sugar for our tea.” She lifted the small pot, looking pointedly at Aziraphale, then at the pot. The angel seemed to catch on to what she was saying and waved his hand to empty the pot, playing it of as if he was just brushing his fingers through his hair. She nodded and held it out to the boy. “Adam, would you be a dear and run next door and ask if we could borrow some sugar. They shouldn't give you any trouble.” Adam nodded and took the pot, still staring back at her like she had gone crazy. “Take your time.” She smiled, waving her fingers.

Dean waited until he heard the door close before turning on the witch. “What the hell was that about?!”

“Did you guys see that?” She asked the other two excitedly, ignoring Dean's question.

“It was definitely something.” Aziraphale nodded. “Quite extraordinary, really.”

“What are you talking about?!” Dean demanded.

“There was light.” Crowley said, staring over Dean's shoulder. “ It was a weird, little, flickering, thing. It showed up as soon as Adam said that he saw your brother and Castiel speaking.”

“What did it look like?!”

****

 

When Adam returned with the sugar, he entered the kitchen to three suspiciously happy adults standing in a line. “Why is everybody smiling at me like that?” He asked.

“We think we found a way to get your new alien friend back home.” Anathema said, taking the sugar from Adam and placing it on the table.

“Oh...” Adam said, looking slightly disappointed.

“It's a good thing, Adam.” Aziraphale assured.

“I know.” Adam sighed. “I was just hoping he could stay a little bit longer.”

“Hey,” Dean crouched down in front of him, so he could look him in the eye, “ I've had a real good time hanging out with you. You're really cool, and crazy smart. I wish I could stay here and get to know you better, but I gotta get to back to my world. My family needs me. I wasn't smart like you. I spent my whole life saving people and now I gotta go be a superhero.”

Adam nodded and gave him a small smile. “You should've hidden your powers better. I understand though. The sad man and your brother probably miss you very much. I wouldn't want to be selfish.”

“There's a good lad.” Crowley smiled. Not for the first time, he found himself to be glad he and Aziraphale had wasted their time trying to convert Warlock instead. The humans did a good job raising him on their own. “Your parents must be so proud.”

“They are.” Adam smiled back. “They just forget sometimes. So,” he turned back to Dean, “how are you going to get back?”

“That's the really cool part.” Dean said, straightening to his full height. “You’re gonna help me.”

“I already told you,” Adam said, “I don't know anything about how to open portals to other worlds.”

“It seems as though you didn't even have to try.” Aziraphale said. “You see, Adam, when you were looking at Dean's mind, a portal started to open on its own. You must've tapped into something from Dean's world without even realizing it.”

“Really?” Adam gasped.

“Really.” Dean nodded. “Looks like your powers are way cooler than you thought, huh?”

Adam's smile beamed for a moment, then faded slowly as he stared down at his feet. “Will you come back to visit? After you save your world, I mean. It doesn't have to be forever. Just a holiday or something. I'd love for you to meet the gang.”

“I don't know if I can, kid.” Dean scratched the back of his head. “I don't even know if I'll be able to save my world. Things are... really bad there.”

 

“You'll save it.” Adam smiled. “And then you'll come visit. The guys are going to lose it over meeting a real-life alien.” Dean couldn't help but grin back. “I suppose we should send you home now then. The sooner you go, the sooner you can come back. Sit down.” Dean smiled and followed him back to the table. He sat down and Adam hovered his hand over his upper arm again. “The connection was stronger here, I felt it better. Are you ready?”

“As I'll ever be.” Dean replied, closing his eyes.

Adam nodded and closed his eyes, gripping Dean's arm tightly. “ I see the sad man again. He and the girl are in the room together. Your brother and the small woman are behind them, he looks really concerned.”

“Keep going Adam,” Anathema urged, “It's working!”

Dean began to feel the air crackle around him as Adam's grip got tighter. “There's strange lights coming up out of the ground. The sad man looks like he's in pain. He's screaming.”

“What's happening?” Dean asked. “What's wrong with Cas?!”

“Stay focused Dean!” Crowley growled. “You're losing it!”

“The girl is screaming now, too.” Adam said, his voice sounding a little scared. “Your brother is trying to stop them but the small woman won't let him. He's just flew across the room!” Dean tried his best to stay focused through the fear. He had to keep it together no matter what was happening. He had to make it home. Adam's free hand flew up and gripped the side of his head. “There’s a sound! A horrible sound! It's coming from the sad man! It hurt! I... I can't!”

Dean's eyes flew open, and he gripped both of Adam's hand with his own. “Hey! Hey, kid! It's okay, it's okay! Just let it go.” He needed to get home, and he would do almost anything to manage it, but he wasn't about to let this kid hurt himself. “Hey, c'mon. It's fine, just stop.”

Adam opened his tear-filled eyes and sagged against Dean. “I’m sorry, Dean.” He gasped. “I really am. I tried so hard, but that sound, that awful sound...it was too much...there was so much pain.”

“Don't worry about it, kid.” Dean said, rubbing Adam's back. “I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself. It's not your fault. I'll find another way back. You did so good. It's okay.”

“Dean...” Crowley said softly behind him.

“I can't make him do it man.” Dean shook his head. “We’ll find some other way.”

“We won't have to.” Aziraphale said.

Dean lifted his head and looked ahead of him to see a thin light floating in the middle of the room. “He did it.” He said, astonished. “Adam! Adam, look man! You did it!”

Adam lifted his head and his eyes went wide. “Oh my God! I actually did it!” He said, excitedly.

Dean hugged him right and ruffled his hair. “Yeah you did pal! You really are the most powerful!” He let Adam go, shot up, grabbed the angel blade off of the table, tucking it into his belt and took a step towards the rift, but stopped. This was it. He was going home. He was leaving behind his new demon friend, the dorky angel, the pretty witch and the totally awesome Antichrist, to go home. To his angry brother, and a mourning beat friend. To a world taken over by monsters, abandoned by God. No more comfy rooms restful nights. No more luxurious meals or speeding through the streets of London as Queen blasted through the speakers. No more insightful conversations, no more playful teasing. Just home. Where all hope was lost. He took a deep breath and shook his head. He couldn't stay. Mad at him or not, his family needed him. Even if they didn't, he didn't deserve any better than they did. He deserved to die with them. That's how it had to be.

“Can I come see it?” Adam's voice brought him out of his thoughts.

“'fraid not, kid.” Dean shook his head. “Things are super dangerous there and I wouldn't want you to get hurt. I'll try my best to make it back here when it's all over.” He lied. He turned to Anathema then and smiled. “Be proud of making your own choices. I wish I had the same option. Being your own person is way better than having some silly old book full of the future.” She gave him a warm smile in return. “And keep an eye on the kid. He's gonna do great things when he grows up.”

“I will.” She nodded, pulling Adam beside her.

Dean turned then, to Crowley and Aziraphale. He was gonna miss them. It had only been a few days, but he felt like he had made lifelong friends. He had learned so much from them. It was gonna be hard to let them go. He held his arms out wide and took a step in towards them. “Bring it in fellas. I'm gonna miss you like hell.”

Crowley put his hand out and placed in on Dean's chest. “Please don't. I am not a hugger.”

“Hey, me neither guy, but...”

“Do you honestly think we aren't going to walk you through?” Aziraphale interrupted. “It's the least we can do.”

“Huh?” Dean said, dropping his arms.

“We do have manners, Dean.” Crowley added “We came with you this far, we're not just going to let you without making sure you make it there safely.”

“Seriously?”

“Of course, seriously!” Crowley's tone sounded like a mix of irritated and sincere. “Besides, you were supposed to find help weren't you. At the very least we should be there to help you explain why you failed miserably. I wouldn't miss that for the world.” He smirked.

Dean chuckled and licked his lips. “Alright then. Let's go watch me fail.” He took another deep breath and walked towards the rift, Aziraphale and Crowley close behind. here goes nothing he thought, as he stepped through to the other side.

The dungeon was a mess. The whole place was covered is glass and ashes but it was one of the happiest sights he had ever seen. Sam was on the floor in front of whoever was sitting in the chair in the middle of the room with his head down and his back towards Dean. He had to stop himself from running and scooping the Sasquatch up into a bear hug, instead, choosing to take slow, tentative steps. He could hardly believe it was real. He placed his hand on Sam's shoulder waiting for him to turn around before he spoke. “Heya, Sammy.” He chuckled, watching his brother's eyes practically bug out of his head. “Why the long face?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, when I started this fic, I fully intend for it to be quick and simple. I wanted Crowley and Aziraphale to to help Dean get home so he could have a fluffy moment with cas.
> 
> That's is not what this story became.
> 
> I debated for a while on splitting it into two parts and leaving it here, for those who wanted to avoid any serious angsty angst, but it felt unresolved. This is my warning that the two stories will be combined from now on. There will be fluff....there will be angst...but ultimately it should end happyif you wish to end it here and leave it open to your interpretation of what happened after this, that's great. Thank you for coming on this journey with me.😘
> 
> However, if you do wish to see it through to the end, I can give you a brief summary of the other story line so you won't have to go back and read it.
> 
> Cas is upset he pushed Dean through the rift. He travels the world searching for him only to come up empty handed. Sam is depressed and felling hopeless until Rowena helps him see how Cas and Dean actually feel about each other. Cas tells Sam about his deal with the Empty and the two fight. Cas gets drunk and goes off to find Kaia to prove to Sam she wouldn't be willing to help them. We find out the origin of the mix tape and Kaia agrees to help. They set up an elaborate spell and Kaia and Case get severely hurt in the process of trying to open another rift.
> 
> I hope you continue on this path with me. Thank you so much for your support.


	14. What Is and What Should Never Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two world's collide!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when i started this fic, I fully intend for it to be quick and simple. I wanted Crowley and Aziraphale to to help Dean get home so he could have a fluffy moment with cas.
> 
> That's is not what this story became.
> 
> I debated for a while on splitting it into two parts and leaving it here, for those who wanted to read a purely SPN fic or those who skipped this chapters and wanted all the fluff and no angst, but it felt unresolved. This is my warning that the two stories will be combined from now on. There will be fluff...there will be angst...but ultimately it should end happy if you wish to end it here and leave it open to your interpretation of what happened after this, that's great. Thank you for coming on this journey with me.😘
> 
> However, if you do wish to see it through to the end, I can give you a brief summary of the other story line so you won't have to go back and read it.
> 
> Dean landed in Aziraphale's book shop with an angel blade and after explaining his story to him and Crowley the agreed to help. Dean stayed with Crowley while they searched for a way to get Dean home and they discussed the different types of love and companionship. They all became quick friends, though Crowley and Dean aren't willing to admit it. They went to Adam and Anathema to find help and attempted to open a rift themselves. I encourage you to read those chapters, if for nothing else, than at least for the banter between Dean and Crowley.
> 
> I hope you continue down this path with me and thank you so much for all the continued support.

(IMPORTANT NOTES ABOVE. PLEASE READ)

 

 

“Dean?!”

Sam scrambled to his feet and threw his arms around his brother, squeezing tight. It occurred to him briefly that he should probably test him; throw some holy water on him, or some salt, maybe touch him with a silver knife, but at the moment he didn't really care. He was just so happy to see Dean again, it almost didn't matter whether it was really him or not. “I can't believe it actually worked! We thought that we lost you man.”

“Hey, hey, alright.” Dean chuckled as he patted him brother on the back. “ I'm fine, see? You know me. You can't get rid of me for shit.” He glanced over his Sam's shoulder to see that the person he had been kneeling in front of, was none other than Kaia. She looked to be in really bad shape, too. “Whoa!” He pushed Sam to the side and placed himself in front of her. “Hey, kid. Are you alright?” He brushed the hair from her eyes and gripped her shoulder. “How'd you get here? What happened?”

She lifted her head slightly, her eyes barely open, as she looked him up and down. “You.” She scoffed, her head falling again. “Welcome back.”

“Hey...uh... Dean?”

“Just a second, Sammy.” Dean waved him off. “Kaia? Hey, you okay.”

“Fine.” She said looking up again, then leaned slightly to look beyond him. “Who's that?” She gestured behind him with her chin.

“Yeah, kinda wondering the same thing, here.” Sam took a step back, his hand reaching for his waistband where he kept his gun.

“Huh?” Dean looked back to see Aziraphale and Crowley standing, awkwardly, in front of the rift.

“I believe introductions are in order, Dean.” Crowley laughed, mockingly putting his hands up on surrender and turned to Sam smiling. “Don’t shoot! We come in peace!”

“Oh, Crowley!” Aziraphale sighed, pulling the demon's arms down. “That's enough. The man has every right to be cautious.”

“It's cool, Sam.” Dean chuckled, placing his hand over Sam's arm to keep him from pulling out his gun. “They're friends. This is....”

“Dean?”

Dean's heart leaped to his throat as Cas's gruff voice made him pause. He whipped around at the sound of shuffling glass to see a very disheveled angel leaning for support against the doorway. His trench coat and suit jacket were missing, leaving him in just his wrinkled pants, scuffed up shoes and tattered white shirt, one sleeve rolled up just past his elbow, the other hanging loosely over his arm. His face had several small cuts, his hair sticking out in every direction, as if he had stuck a fork into a socket, his eyes were red rimmed and watery. Cas looked like he had been through hell, and it was one of the most beautiful sights Dean had ever seen. He let out a sharp breath and gave a weak smile. “Hey, Cas.” He managed to choke out.

The weight of the world seemed to fall off the angel's shoulders the second he heard Dean speak. He straightened up and swallowed, his eyes never leaving the hunters as the hint of a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. “Hello, Dean.” He nodded.”

Dean didn't notice Rowena shuffle passed as he practically ran across the room to pull Cas into a hug. He couldn't hear the others speaking around him as he sobbed his apologies into the angel's shoulder. He wouldn't care even if he did know what they were saying. He had almost lost his best friend, yet again, without the guy knowing how sorry he really was. “I'm sorry Cas. I'm really sorry man. I didn't mean it. Any of it. I fucked up so bad. Please forgive me?”

Cas placed his hands on Dean's shoulders and held him there at arm's length searching his eyes. “No, Dean. I'm sorry. You were right. I was being stupid and selfish. You had every right to be upset.”

“No, Cas. Not just about this whole mess.” Dean licked his lips and swallowed. “I mean everything. Everything with Jack and mom... I've been such a dick man...none of this was your fault and I just... I...”

“Dean...” Cas shook his head and continued to stare into the hunter's eyes as they continued their conversation in silence.

“Is it always like this with?” Crowley asked, leaning into Sam as they all stood and watched the exchange from the other side of the room.

“Believe it or not, this is actually progress.” Sam chuckled shaking his head.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, they're actually using words this time.” Sam answered.

“How do they normally communicate?” Aziraphale asked.

“Lingering touches.” Rowena said.

“Angry staring.” Sam added.

“Lots of staring.” Rowena nodded.

“Most of the time it's just yelling at each other until one of them throws a punch or walks away.” Sam shrugged.

“I see....” Crowley smirked. “And how do you get...” He waved his hand out in front of him, gesturing towards Dean and Castiel, “... That to stop?”

Sam huffed a laugh, before loudly clearing his throat. “Hey...uh guys...”

Cas' face changed the instant he looked up and saw Crowley. In the blink of an eye, he had managed to swipe Dean's base and push the man behind him. “Leave!” He growled out between clenched teeth.

“Cas, man what the hell?!” Dean scrambled to get a hold of the angel's arm as he marched across the room.

Cas ignored him, flipping the blade into his hand ready to throw. “He's a demon Dean, I can see his face...”

“Yeah, I know Cas,” Dean managed to push himself in front of Cas, pressing one hand on his chest and used his other to keep the angel blade from being thrown, “just hear me out...”

“A demon?!” Sam gasped reaching back for his gun and pointing it at Crowley's head. Kaia stood out of the chair, pulling a knife from her boot. Rowena threw up a hand ready to strike. “What the hell, Dean?”

Aziraphale began pulling Crowley back towards the rift, while Crowley just began to laugh at the chaos. Dean rushed to put himself in front of them holding his hands out in front of him. “Can y'all just calm the fuck down for a second and let me explain? I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for these guys okay?”

“Dean,” Cas shook his head “please tell me you didn't make some sort of deal...”

“What?!” Dean shrieked. “No Cas I'm not stupid! Would you just...”

“What about the other one?” Sam asked turning his gun to Aziraphale. “He a demon too?”

“Worse.” Cas glowered. “An angel.”

 

Sam shook his head in disbelief. “Jesus, Dean! What the hell did you get yourself into?”

“Would you just shut the fuck up and let me talk?!” Dean yelled. Everyone stopped and lowered their weapons slightly, waiting for him to speak. “Thank you.” He sighed, then turned to the other two. “I'm sorry you guys, they mean well, it's just...”

Aziraphale smiled and nodded. “It's quite alright Dean, we understand. They're frightened, is all, and rightfully so. I wouldn't expect any less. After all, I believe my first meeting with you went much the same way. “

“Yeah.” Dean chuckled scratching the back of his head. He turned back around and hitched a thumb over his shoulder at Crowley and Aziraphale. “Look, these guys, they aren't like that, okay? I just fell into their laps, and they've done nothing but help me from the get go. They took me in and helped me get back. I swear. They aren't here to cause any trouble.”

“We understand why you have your reservations about us.” Aziraphale added. “Dean has told us some about your world, of the events that have transpired in the recent years. Let me assure you, our intentions are not to bring you harm.”

“We just wanted to help.” Crowley spoke up. “And that's what we're here to do.”

“You are?!” Dean smiled back at him.

“We are?!” Aziraphale screeched.

“Yes.” Crowley nodded, answering both questions.

“See?” Dean said excitedly, turning back to the others. “They’re gonna help us.” Everyone put their weapons away slowly and shared looks across the room.

“Dean?” Aziraphale said, keeping his eyes fixed on Crowley. “Would you mind giving us a moment. I believe we need to discuss somethings.”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Dean looked at the others and jerked his head towards the other room. “We’ll just ...be over there.” Dean made his way towards the door, the rest of them following after, each giving them a skeptical look as they went.

Once every one was out of earshot, Crowley finally turned to face Aziraphale with a sheepish grin on his face. “What?”

“We were only supposed to guide Dean back home. Now you want to stay?”

“Why not?” Crowley shrugged.

“Why not?!” Aziraphale scoffed. “My dear, we just finished fighting our own apocalypse. I don't know about you but I believe one 'end of days' enough for a lifetime. This world is dangerous, Crowley.”

“Oh, everywhere is dangerous, Angel.” Crowley rolled his eyes. “Our world is no safer than this one, really.”

“We were almost shot!” Aziraphale argued.

“Discorporated.” Crowley corrected. “You know as well as I do, that plain bullets can't do us any real harm. Though, I suppose, given the circumstances, we might not be returned to our Heaven or Hell if that were to happen. Where do you suppose we'd go?”

“Crowley...” Aziraphale warned.

“Come on, Angel!” Crowley smirked “Where's your sense of adventure? Things back home have gotten so drab. Don't you suppose it's time we liven things up a bit?”

“Is that what this is about?” The angel asked. “Adventure?”

“Maybe.” Crowley shrugged.

Aziraphale narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “This is about Dean, isn't it? Look, I know you've grown to care for the boy over the last few days, I have to, but we can't be expected to save every stray human that comes wandering into our midst.”

“Aziraphale...”

“I know Dean is fun and exciting,” his voice began to take on a panicked tone as he spoke, “ and I'm sorry that you find our lives so boring now, that you feel the need to go off on a suicidal crusade with a virtual stranger, but I won't allow you to put yourself in harm's way simply because you...'

“Aziraphale, look...”

“No, you look! Life with me, back in our world, may not be life in the fast lane, but we've done well for ourselves so far. I promise you that once we get home, we can try to find things that you find more exciting, if that's what you want, but I can't let you...”

“No, Zira....” The nickname was certainly enough to give the angel pause. Crowley had only used it a handful of times in the centuries that they had known each other(he found nicknames utterly ridiculous for the most part, when it involved shortening a person's real name, because he found it lazy) and never when they were in the middle of an argument. Crowley took a step closer and gripped Aziraphale by the chin, turning head to face the room where the others had gone. “... Look...” He said quietly.

 

The family of misfits were deep in conversation, exchanging stories about their experiences of the last few days, no doubt. He watched as the others crowded around Dean, relieved smiles on their faces, as he used wild hand gestures to articulate his words. He watched Dean's giant of a brother give him a playful shove while the other three laughed at whatever was said. It was a bittersweet sight to see, knowing that soon they'd all be dead, or worse, but it wasn't what Crowley had him focused on. Castiel was standing closer to Dean than the rest. His hand twitching at his side, every so often, when the man swayed even the slightest bit closer. His eyes never left the man's face as he spoke, even when he wasn't looking back, and when he did, it lit up brighter than the sun. Dean looked over at Castiel the most while he told his story, his eyes lingering for a moment longer than when he made eye contact with the others. He moved closer to the angel, ever so slightly, only to pull back a moment later. He had seen Dean smile enough times in the past few days, but none of the ones he witnessed were as pure as the one on his face when the angel smiled back.

“He was telling the truth about everything.” Crowley whispered as Aziraphale watched. “I found most of it hard to believe but I went along with it because he seemed like a genuinely good man. Being here, now, it's hard to deny that everything he said was true.” Dean had turned to face Castiel entirely now, gesturing at the angel's torso with one hand. Castiel held out his arms and looked down, shaking his head before looking back at Dean. He didn't so much as flinch when the man reached up to muss his hair and fiddle with his clothes, straightening them out. “That means God is everything Dean told us. Every awful thing.” Dean ran a thumb over one of the cuts on Castiel’s face and held the blood out for him to see. The angel looked back down with a shy smile as a soft blue light began leaking from each cut before disappearing completely. “What if the almighty decides to come for us next?” Aziraphale tore his gaze away from the pair to look into Crowley's eyes. He couldn't tell for sure, past the sunglasses, but they almost looked to be on the verge of tears, and he could take a guess as to why. “I couldn't bear it, Angel.”

Crowley liked living on Earth well enough, but truth be told he could take it or leave it. More than once he has mentioned leaving it all behind, the two of them flying off into the stars and starting over somewhere new. He couldn't care less about Hell or his fellow demons, even less so about the other angels or Heaven. He enjoyed humans, as they always provided entertainment, but it wasn't their possible loss that he was mourning. Crowley wasn't attached to any of that at all. In over six thousand years, there was only one thing he cared about above it all. “Oh...” Aziraphale felt tears welling up in his eyes as well. “... Crowley....” a million thoughts flooded his mind of things he could say, things he should say, but the words died on his tongue when he saw a flash of light from the corner of his eyes.

“Wicked!” Adam exclaimed in awe as he stepped further into the bunker from the portal. “A real-life alien planet!”

“Adam!” Anathema called after him, as she stepped through the portal.

“Kid!” Dean jogged up to them from the other room placing his hands on Adam's shoulders. “What are you doing here, man?” He shot a disapproving look to Anathema.

“I'm sorry,” Anathema breathed out apologetically “I was trying my best to keep him away from it while you were saying your goodbyes, but he just...”

“It's not her fault, Dean.” Adam interrupted. “She really did try, but I was too fast for her.”

Dean smiled back down at Adam and clapped him on the shoulders. “Sure, you were, kid. But I told you my world is dangerous. You really shouldn't be here.”

“I know.” Adam said, looking down as he shuffled his feet. “But I couldn't help it. A great, big portal to another world right in front of me? I had to see it.” He lifted his head and looked around a bit before settling back on Dean. “It’s a little messy you know. My mother would have a fit if I were to let my room get like this.”

 

“Uh, Dean?” Sam coughed.

Dean turned his head to see the others standing behind him, questioning looks on all their faces. “Hey guys.” Dean smiled and slid beside Adam placing his arms around his and Anathema's shoulder to show that they were safe. “This is Anathema and Adam. They're the ones who helped us get here.” He crouched down beside Adam and pointed to the other others. “Adam this is my family. They're aliens too.”

 

“Aliens?” Cas said, head tilted in confusion.

“Just go with it.” Dean mouthed over Adam's head.

Cas nodded and bent down, reaching his hand out to shake Adam's. “Hello, Adam. Thank you so much for saving our friend. It is an honor to meet you, my name is...”

“Oh, I know all about you!” Adam said shaking his hand.

“You do?”

“Yes!” He smiled. “You’re the sad man!” Cas looked up to Dean and narrowed his eyes, to which Dean just shrugged in response. “Your name is Cas. I don't understand why you're so sad though. Dean told me you have all these awesome powers. I have powers too, and I'm hardly ever sad. I suppose it's probably because my powers are cooler. Dean told me so himself."

“Oh, he did, did he?” Cas said narrowing his eyes even further.

“Yep.” Adam nodded proudly. “And you, the tall man with lady's hair.” He said pointing at Sam “You're Dean's brother, right.”

Sam let out an indignant squawk and looked at Dean, who was trying his best to hold in his laughter. “Yeah, that's Sam.” Dean chuckled.

“I don't think I remember the small woman's name,” Adam said thoughtfully and then shifted his gaze to Kaia. “Dean didn't tell me about you, but I saw you. You were in this room with the sad man. You seemed to be in an awful lot of pain. Are you alright now?”

“Um...fine.” Kaia answered cautiously.

“That's Kaia.” Dean told him. “She has been helping us out for a while now. She's from a different world too. “Adam’s eyes grew large as he took in the information that there were even more worlds out there with even more aliens on them. Dean let him soak it up for a minute before pointing over to Rowena. “And the small woman? That's Rowena. She's a witch. Kind of like Anathema.”

“Really?!” Adam asked excitedly.

“Really.” Dean nodded.

Adam turned his full attention on Rowena then, examining her carefully. “But you don't look like a proper witch either. Do any witches have warts?”

“Some do.” Rowena said, stepping forward. “Not all of them are visible from the outside, is all.” She stepped up to Anathema, sizing her up as she rounded her. “Did I hear that correctly? You're a witch?”

“Of sorts.” Anathema answered nervously.

Rowena stopped and smiled at the rest of the group. “I suppose that means that my services are no longer needed. If you don't mind, I'm going to go freshen up and I'll be on my way....”

“Not so fast, Rowena.” Dean stood up and got in her face as she tried to skitter away. “She ain't stayin. She's still gotta get the kid home.”

“But I want to help.” Adam protested.

“Adam, no.” Anathema shook her head.

“But they need help!” He pouted. “I saved our world by myself. It shouldn't be too hard to save another. I can be useful. Then Dean could visit us whenever he wanted and I could introduce him to the others. They'd love to meet him. I'm afraid they won't believe me if I don't have proof that I know an alien.”

“Adam.” Dean said gently as he bent back down to face the kid. “Look, I appreciate that you wanna help us out kid, I do, but it's way too dangerous here...” He paused for a minute, going through all the explanation s of why that he could think of l, before landing on one that the kid might accept. “What if something happened to Anathema. She can't go back all by herself. She needs someone to protect her, back there, you know.”

Adam seemed to think this over, finally letting out a sigh. “I suppose you're right. I can't expect Newt to be her sole protector. No, that won't do at all. You'll still visit though, won't you?”

“I'll try my best.” Dean said, plastering on his best fake smile, hoping it would be enough to convince him.

“Come on Adam,” Anathema urged grabbing his shoulder lightly “It's time to go.” She turned to face Aziraphale and Crowley where they standing silently by the back wall. “Are you two ready?”

“Well, about that...” Aziraphale said while side eyeing his partner before stepping forward. “It seems we are staying here for the time being, to lend our assistance.”

“Then it seems we have another issue.” Rowena sighed.

“And what's that?" Crowley asked.

Rowena walked to the wall and traced her fingers along the edge of the rift. “From what Dean told us, you were trying to open a portal at the same time that we were. As grand as it is that one of us succeed, there is no way of knowing which group it was. It's very possible that our combined efforts are what got us to this point. Unfortunately, that means it's nearly impossible to replicate the actions. Once this portal closes, we may not be able to open another.”

The room was silent. The weight of the witch’s words fell on all of them, as they considered all the possibilities of not being able to open another rift. Crowley and Aziraphale were their last hope of help, but if they stayed, they would never be able to come home. “Is there a way we could contain it, maybe?” Anathema offered looking around the room.

“What, like some sort of cosmic Tupperware?” Dean scoffed.

Rowena shook her head and dew a long nail down the wall. “There are very few things that can contain power such as this. I don't know of anything that would.... unless....” She paused and whipped around excitedly “Anathema, darling? Do you know what a Witch's Ball is?”

“I've heard of them.” Anathema says. “They were used centuries ago to ward off evil spirits from homes. Now they're mostly used for decoration.”

“That is one version, yes.” Rowena sighed. “Other's say it's possible to used them to see the future or talk to spirits. That is beside the point. They can be used to capture evil spirits, or things of great power and hold them without hope of escape. Do you know how to use one?”

“No." Anathema admitted. “But I'm a fast learner.”

******

 

Anathema, Crowley, and Aziraphale sat around the table as Rowena fussed over the crate of witch's balls, explaining the uses and history of them to the group, so they could understand how they work. Sam left to set up a room for Kaia to rest in and heal any injuries she might have sustained from the rift. Which left Cas and Dean alone with Adam.

“So, you teleport then?” Adam asked. They were filling him in on what had got them to this point, leaving out the gritty details of course.

“Well...no.” Cas answered carefully. “I fly. I have wings. They haven't worked in a really long time, so we were very lucky that they got fixed when they did.”

“But you have healing powers, too.” Adam insisted. “Couldn't you have healed them sooner? That's what I would've done. It seems like your wings would've been more useful sooner.”

Cas smiled patiently and shook his head. “Believe me, I would have if it were possible. My powers are limited at times and some things take more power than others. If I use too much of it, it drains me.”

“I never get tired when I use my powers. “Adam stated proudly.

Cas let out a small laugh. “Then, I suppose Dean's assessment of your powers being 'cooler' than mine, is correct.”

Dean chuckled and clapped his hand against the Angel's shoulder. “Don't take it too hard buddy. The kid's pretty awesome, but I think we'll keep you around.” He looked over his shoulder, to check on the other's progress, to see Crowley looking over at him with a wicked smirk. Dean stopped unconsciously rubbing over the spot he had placed his hand and shot the demon a confused eyebrow, only to get an eyebrow waggle and a shrug in response before Crowley turned his attention back to what Rowena was saying. He wasn't even aware that Cas had been watching the entire silent exchange.

“Is that why you're so sad, Castiel?”

Adam's voice caught both of their attention, prompting them both to look back at him.

“I... I'm not quite sure what you mean.” Cas stuttered.

“When I saw you, inside Dean's head, you were talking to Sam and you seemed very sad.” Adam explained. “I felt it. I felt your pain when you and Kaia were trying to open the portal on this side. Your pain wasn't just physical like hers. It was emotional pain. I've never known anything like it. You were crying. I heard you. It wasn't in English, or really any other language I know of, but I heard you crying. Are you sad because your powers aren't as strong as you wish they were?”

Both Cas and Dean stared at Adam, completely dumbfounded. The kid was perceptive, that was for sure, and while Dean wrestled with the fact that Castiel's crying must have been the awful sound that caused Adam so much pain, Cas was reeling from the fact that someone had heard him crying, in his true voice no less. Cas opened and closed his mouth about a dozen times, trying to give him an answer that wouldn't reveal too much when he was saved by Rowena calling over to them.

“We're ready to give it a shot.” She said, less confidence in her voice than usual. They all gathered around the right as Rowena picked up a single ball and knelt on the ground towards the bottom of it. “I’m going to attempt to capture half of it first. Of this doesn't work, you will still need part of it to get through.” She explained. The group nodded, and she took a breath, her eyes glowing purple as she took the ball and held it to the bottom of the rift. At first, nothing happened, everyone letting out a disappointed groan, but then the rift began to wave. They watched as the bottom began to swirl around, getting sucked into the large glass orb. Rowena pulled away quickly as soon as half of it disappeared.

“Awesome!” Dean exclaimed, turning to Aziraphale and Crowley. “Now you guys can get back after this whole mess is over!”

“We don't know that yet.” Rowena shook her head. “Getting it in the orb was only half the battle. We have to make sure we can get it out before you start celebrating.”

“Okay...” He said, sinking a little. “How do we do that?”

“Stand back.” She said, holding the ball over her head. “Everyone took a few steps back as Rowena threw the ball down on the ground under the remaining piece of the rift.

Sam walked in at the same time that the ball shattered into light and the rift reassembled itself. “What the hell?!” He screeched.

“They did it, “Sammy.” Dean smiled. “They figured it out.”

“That's ... great.” Sam huffed. He looked over at Crowley and Aziraphale, skeptical still and gave them a weak smile. “Guess this mean y'all can stay behind and help us out.”

Crowley smiled back at Sam and tipped his glasses down slightly to reveal his eyes. “Yesssss.” He hissed out. “I sssuppossse it doessss.”

Sam leaned back in shock at shot Dean a horrified look. Dean elbowed Crowley in the ribs. “Dude, knock it off!!” Crowley laughed and pushed his glasses back up. “It’s fine, Sam. He's safe, I promise.”

“Whatever you say Dean.” Sam replied, unconvincingly.

“I best be getting you home, now Adam. “Anathema said grabbing the boy's arm. “Your mother will be terribly worried. “

“Fine.” Adam said sadly. He turned to Dean and gave him a pleading look. “Remember, you promised to visit, so don't go getting hurt or anything, or I'll be very cross with you.”  
“I'll do my best.” Dean laughed giving him a hug. “You stay out of trouble, too alright?”

“I'll try...” Adam said rolling his eyes. He turned to Castiel then and looked him up and down. “ You'll take care of Dean, won't you?” Cas nodded and was surprised when Adam threw his arms around his waist. “Try not to be so sad, alright? Things will get better. There's no point in staying sad all the time. You won't get anything done that way.”

Cas awkwardly hugged one arm over the kid's shoulder and nodded. “I'll try to remember that.”

Adam looked up and gave him a bright smile before letting go and turning to Sam and Rowena “Good bye nice Rowena. Thank you so much for helping us. I'm glad you aren't a warty witch.” Rowena smiled and bowed her head. “Goodbye, lady hair.” He waved. “It was very nice to meet you as well.

Sam turned to Dean as soon as Adam and Rowena began speaking to Rowena about how to reopen the rift. “Lady hair?” He grunted.

“He's a kid, Sam.” Dean shrugged. “And he's not wrong.” He added with a smirk.

Sam self-consciously tucked his hair behind both ears, taking a deep breath. “Listen... Dean...”

“Well, I suppose this is where we take our leave.” Anathema announced, efficiently cutting off whatever Sam had to say. She grabbed an orb out of the crate and ushers Adam towards the rift.

“Now, remember,” Rowena lectured, “when you see the other half appear, stand back before you smash that. It's volatile energy and can hurt you if you're too close.”

“Thank you, Rowena” she smiled, then turned to Crowley and Aziraphale. “See you two on the other side.” she nodded, then her and Adam stepped through.  
Rowena took a ball from the crate and sucked up half of the rift like before. A moment later, the other half disappeared.

 

“That's it then “Dean clapped his hands together. “I’m gonna miss that kid.” He said sadly.

Cas came up behind him and placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “He was very nice.”

“Yeah, great kid.” Sam said in a rush grabbing onto Dean's sleeve pulling him out of earshot of everyone else. “Listen Dean we need to talk...”

Dean threw his arms around his brother again. "I know, Sam. I messed up and I'm sorry but I'm back now, and we can..."

"No, Dean...." He struggled pushing his bother off and holding him at arm's length.

“Oh, Dude! I'm sorry!” Dean winced. " I forget about you getting winged when you shot Chuck! How's it feeling."

"What?" Sam shook his head "No, my shoulder's fine. Cas healed that for me when we got back. But Dean..."

Dean was looking over Sam's shoulder, not paying any attention to what Sam was trying to say. "That's great man," he said distractedly, not breaking eye contact with whatever was going on behind Sam. "Listen we'll talk later. I gotta go run damage control." He walked away, clapping Sam on the shoulder as he passed.

"Dean!" Sam called after him, but to no avail.

Dean walked towards the rest of the group where Cas and Aziraphale were awkwardly standing in front of each other, sizing one another up and Rowena was inching a little to close to Crowley. " So, what's up guys?" He asked looking between the four. The two angels straightened up immediately turning to face Dean while the witch finally landed beside her target, placing her hand over the demon’s forearm.

"Well, it occurred to us, Dean" Rowena purred, " that amongst all the chaos, we were never properly introduced." She slid her hand down Crowley's arm and place it in his. "Rowena McCleod. Pleasure to meet you." She winked.

"Anthony J. Crowley." He replied bowing his head. "The pleasure is all mine. This is Aziraphale." He said holding his hand out to Gesture to the angel, who nodded his head in response.

"I'm sorry," Rowena grimaced, " did you just say Crowley?"

"I did."

Rowena quickly snatched her hand away and shook it out. "Ew. Too weird!" She quickly walked over to the crate and snatched it up to carry it back to the storage room, shaking herself out as she went.

"Did I say something wrong?" Crowley asked innocently.

"We worked with a demon named Crowley for a while, before his death." Cas answered stiffly. " Rowena was his mother. I believe she was trying to flirt with you and the similarities between your name and her late son's gave her 'the creeps'."

"Oh..." Crowley nodded. “that’ll do it." He turned then to Castiel and gave him a wicked smile. "And you of course, are the infamous Cas. We've heard all about you. And Sam over there of course. But you were the more interesting story I have to say." He held out his hand to shake Cas's only to be met with a blank stare.

"My name is Castiel." He said coldly.

"I must say," Aziraphale swooped in, trying to cut through the tension, "you seem rather different from the Castiel from our universe. It makes me wonder if any of the angels are the same here.

Cas narrowed his eyes one more time in Crowley's direction before turning to face the other angel. " I'm afraid you won't be able to find out. Aziraphale, was it?" Aziraphale nodded in response. " Heaven is dying here...part of it is my fault...there are very few angels left in existence."

Crowley leaned over to Dean while the other two were wrapped up on conversation about Heaven and angels. "He's not really a friendly one is he." He whispered.

Dean laughed and slung his arm around Crowley's shoulders. "Nah, Cas is great. He just takes some warming up to is all."

"Hmm." Crowley quirked his eyebrow at Dean.

Dean glanced over at the other two, who were still wrapped up in their own little world and looked to see that Sam had left the room for some reason, before he began to pull Crowley aside. "Look, man. Not that I'm not grateful or anything, but I gotta know. What made you guys change your minds about helping us?"

Crowley snickered and shook his head. "Well it seems that I was completely wrong about you, Dean. You understand a lot more than I gave you credit for."

"What's that mean?" Dean said as he came around to face him.

"You're completely gone on that angel, boy." Crowley smirked. "I may be a demon, but I would hate to contribute to the destruction of true love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo....that chapter got looooong. Sorry about that. There was a lot to unpack. Strap on folks. Things are gonna get wild.


	15. Innuendo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley is relentless and Cas is not amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is what I will call a buffer chapter. It doesn't contain a bunch of crucial plot points but it will be an example of how most of the story is gonna be written from now on. Alot of switching POVs and some bits and pieces of conversations left out for...reasons. it'll be fun I swear! 
> 
> Also a GIANT thank you for all the positive vibes and to everyone who's chosing to stick this through with me. You guys are the best and this would never have gotten this far without you.

"That's actually a little funny." Castiel smirked. Despite himself, he was enjoying learning about the differences between the Heaven he knew and the heaven from this other world. He still wasn't sure to make of their new allies of course. Aziraphale seemed fine, he was polite at least, which is more than he could say for most of his brothers. The demon though, everything about him was rubbing Cas the wrong way. His look, the way he talked, his snake like eyes, his apparent closeness to Dean. It wasn't the first time Dean had gotten himself tangled up with the wrong type of people. He tried his best to keep his focus on the angel in front of him as he spoke, but he couldn't help but watch Dean and Crowley from the corner of his eye as they floated off into their own little world. "Uriel was actually under my charge before he..."

"What?!" Dean half shouted, causing Cas to pause. "No, dude! No. You are way off base!" Dean was waving his hand in front of him, shaking his head, and he took a step back from the cackling demon.

"Dean?" Cas turned his head fully then and took half a step toward them before Dean's panicked eyes shot up, and he shook his head more vigorously.

"It's fine, Cas." He huffed. "It's cool. We're good!" His eyes went back to Crowley, and he yanked the demon by the sleeve, pulling them farther out of the room. Cas watched them leave through narrow eyes, barely suppressing the growl that was growing in his chest.

"He really is quite harmless, you know. " Aziraphale said, calling Cas's attention back to him. "Crowley, I mean. I don't think he would do anything to hurt Dean." He shook his head and let out a small laugh. "I actually think he's grown rather fond of him these past few days, though he would never admit it." Cas just gave him a grunt in response. "They're actually quite insufferable together, if you can believe that. You've no idea what I've had to go through with those two."

Cas's heart sank a little at that, for reasons he couldn't really explain (at least not out loud, to a stranger) and he nodded his head. " That I can believe." He mumbled to the ground.

"Crowley isn't at all like he seems." A soft smile spread across Aziraphale's face. "He was an angel once." Cas's head snapped back up with a curious expression. " From what Dean explained, it works very differently here, but in our world, demons are merely fallen angels. Those who followed the Almighty got to stay in Heaven, while those who followed the Adversary were cast down along with him. But Crowley....wrong place, wrong time, wrong angels, I think. He's chaotic for sure, and mischievous to say the very least, but I promise you, he's a far cry from evil."

Cas considered that for a moment, letting it all sink in as he stared off into the distance where Dean and Crowley had disappeared to. He understood being marked for evil when he wasn't, more than anyone should. After a minute of silent contemplation Aziraphale began speaking again, pulling him from his thoughts.

"He simply asked the wrong questions I suppose, at least ones that the Almighty wasn't to keen on answering. Knowing what we do now, I can understand why. He mostly just wanted to know why. Why the pain, why the suffering, why the secrets about good and evil? I personally never saw the problem with his curiosity, they seemed like legitimate questions, as far as I was concerned, but I figured that if the Almighty deemed it necessary to have those things, then that was just...how it was. I never questioned it. It's the only reason there's any difference between our species." He paused, looking Cas up and down before speaking again in a cautious tone. " You two have quite a bit in common in that sense, from what I've heard."

 

Castiel stiffened and squared his shoulders. He has done plenty of questionable things in his time on Earth...but to be compared to a demon? " Is that so?" He snarled.

"Dean told us what you did for him." Aziraphale said." He told us quite a bit about you, to tell the truth. How you abandoned Heaven to fight alongside him and his brother. How you rebelled against the angels to fight in the name of free will for all of humanity. How you later aligned yourself with a demon to fight for the freedom of heaven and to prevent another apocalypse. He told us that you took responsibility for your mistakes, sacrificed yourself to atone what you had done to Sam. That he had to search for you in purgatory because you had felt it best to separate in order to keep the monsters away from him. How you turned down an entire army of angels and rule over heaven because they wanted you to kill him, and you didn't believe the life of even one human was worth it. He told us that you saved them both from Lucifer. He thinks very highly of you, you know. And while Crowley's reasons for falling may not have been quite as noble as yours, they were still far from deserving of an eternity in Hell."

Cas stood in shock as the pain and guilt of having his worst hits recounted for him crashed over  
Him in waves. Dean had told complete strangers about every horrible mistake he had made.  
Every misstep, every wrong turn, everything that cost him his life and, more importantly, the lives of others. How could they possibly assume Dean thought highly of him after learning about all the horrible things he had done? He was just probably trying to keep Cas calm, so he wouldn't harm his demon friend, who, quite frankly seemed like a hell of a whole lot better company than he was. "I don't think my intentions were as noble as Dean made them out to be. " He said solemnly.

"Never the less," Aziraphale said gently, " I wanted you to know that Crowley isn't just a demon. You shouldn't judge a book by its, scaly, cover. After all, if you were from our world, you and he would be in the same boat."

Cas opened his mouth to protest, but no words came. There was nothing to protest. Aziraphale was right. He was no better than a demon. A shuffling of glass signaled the arrival of another person, and he tried his head to see Sam with a perturbed look on his face, enter the room, armed with a large broom and dust pan.

"Oh, my!" Aziraphale shook his head. "That won't be necessary." He snapped his fingers as Sam began to push his first pile of glass and rubble into the pan and the entire place was as good as new. "There you are." He smiled up at Sam.

"Uh...thanks....' Sam said awkwardly as he held his hand out to the angel.

"Aziraphale." He said, stepping out to shake Sam's hand. " It's a pleasure to meet you Sam. Dean's told us so much about you." He smiled brightly between the other two after releasing Sam's hand.  
"Now, I believe we have an apocalypse to prevent and a God to stop. We should find the other's and get to it. I do have a shop to run so time is of the essence." He nodded once, pulling at the bottom of his coat to straighten it out and marched out of the room.

Cas came to stand next to Sam as they watched him leave. Sam picked up the dust pan and shook his head. "So that guy is...."

"Odd." Castiel finished for him.

"Yeah." Sam huffed. " And that Crowley guy... I don't really know how I feel about him. He's...did he and Dean seem a little 'too close for comfort' to you?" Cas grunted his displeasure causing Sam to shuffle half a step away. " You trust 'em?"

"No." Cas replied. "But right now, they're all we've got."

Sam couldn't help but notice the bitter tone to Cas's voice, and he didn't have to think too hard to take a guess on why that was. She pushed the dust pan against the broom and placed his free hand on Cas's shoulder to get his attention. "Hey. We got Dean back. That's the important thing. As for those two ... we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, but for now the guy's right. So whatdya say we go save the world? Again."

*****  
"You can deny it all you want, Dean, that's your prerogative, but I do have eyes you know."

Dean sighed pinching the bridge of his nose, as he leaned against the war room table. They had been going back and forth about this since they left the dungeon and, no matter how hard he tried, Crowley refused to drop the subject. It wasn't the first time someone had made a remark about his and Cas's relationship. Hell, people have been crackin' jokes pretty much since the moment he got back from hell. That wasn't the issue. It was the fact that Crowley had been so insistent about it (not to mention, at least halfway sincere) that was really getting under Dean's skin. "Dude, for like the millionth time...."

"I mean I had my suspicions over the past few days, " Crowley interrupted, " but I was mostly pulling your leg at that point. It wasn't until I actually saw you two together... I mean for Lucifer's sake Dean, I'm surprised you didn't bowl him over running into his harms like that. It was like a bloody romance novel. And the staring...ugh!"

"Cas. Is. My. Friend." Dean said firmly. "He's family. I wasn't sure I was ever gonna see him or Sam again. So sue me for getting a little emotional. It won't happen again."

"I certainly don't behave around that way around my family." Crowley huffed. "Granted, I'm a demon and my family is nothing but a bunch of evil, rotting, smelly, bastards, but still..."

"There you two are!" Aziraphale smiled, marching into the room, followed closely by a weary looking Sam and a (still) utterly wrecked Castiel. "We've been looking all over for you."

Dean turned to Crowley, snatching him by the collar and shoving a finger in his face" Can it, alright?!" He whispered harshly, before releasing his hold and turning to face the others. "Hey, guys. Sorry, had to fill this guy in on a few more details about what we're up against. What's up?"

"Actually, we were just discussing that ourselves. " Aziraphale replied. " So, let's get started. What's our plan?"

Dean swallowed as he looked between us brother and best friend. They looked exhausted. He was sure Sam probably hadn't eaten or slept well since he left and Cas had used enough of his power to shatter every light on that whole floor of the bunker, so there was no doubt in Dean's mind he could use a bit of R&R as well. "Look, I appreciate you guys staying behind to help and everything and I'm sure you want to get this done and over with, but I mean I just got home. It's getting late and some of us kinda require food and sleep to operate at our best, ya know? You think it would be okay if we started tomorrow? We ain't gonna be any good if half our team's running on fumes."

Aziraphale seemed to consider this a moment as he looked around the room at the others before nodding. "Yes, I suppose it has been a rough couple of days for all of you, hasn't it? One night of relaxation couldn't hurt anything."

"Awesome?" Dean clapped his hands and rubbed them together. "I don't know about y'all but I'm starving."

Aziraphale’s face lit up at the mention of food and Crowley raised his hand to snap his fingers. "On it." He said before Dean reached out and grabbed his wrist.

"No, you don't." Dean shook his head. "I'm cooking for everyone."

"Oh, are you?" Crowley replied with a smirk.

"I am." Dean smiled back." For two reasons. One: I miss my kitchen. Cooking helps me relax and that's what we're doing tonight. Two: it's the least I can do after everything you guys did for me. Are doing for me."

"Very well then.'" Crowley conceded, lowering his hand. " If it will make you feel better."

"It will. But first things first." He turned to Cas, who was still in nothing but his tattered shirt and pants. It was rare to see the guy in so few clothes and it made Dean uncomfortable (for reasons he never really understood) to see so much of his skin. It wasn't a bad feeling, but it wasn't welcome either and Dean had never really taken the time to unpack all of that before, so there was no reason to start now. "You gotta do something about that Cas." He waved his hand gesturing to Cas's clothes. "It's almost like seeing you naked dude and I gotta say it's a little distracting."

Cas simply rolled his eyes before snapping his fingers, returning to his normal holy tax accountant look, stupid trench coat and all. He held out his arms and let them fall back to his side with a clap. "Better?" He asked.

"Perfect." Dean smirked, immediately regretting his word choice as he felt Crowley lean in close to his ear.

" I don't really see how that's any better. Generally, you would ask someone to take clothes off, not put them on, but whatever floats your boat."

Dean's eyes went wide in panic as he tried to think of some way to change the subject. "Yeah, man! Of course, you can help me out!" He said, a little too loudly. "I'll show you how to make...that thing...so you and Aziraphale can have it when you get home."

Crowley straightened back up, barely suppressing a laugh, and he waved his hand out in front of him. "Lead the way."

Dean marched off in the direction of the kitchen, Crowley following (a little too closely, in Cas's opinion) behind. He was trying. Dean seemed to trust these guys, so he was really trying. He tried to keep in mind what Aziraphale had said about Crowley being a good guy who got the short end of the stick. He was trying to accept that they were here to help them, even though they didn't have to. Cas was trying his absolute damnedest not to make a snap judgement about either of them. They had helped Dean, after all. Kept him safe, got him home. So, he was trying. But trying only got someone so far when they were already teetering on the edge.

"See what I mean?" Aziraphale piped up, as if he was trying to run salt in the wound. "Absolutely insufferable, those two."

Sam could feel Cas tense up, more than he could see it, and after already having suffered an irate seraph for the past few days he figured, now would probably be a good time to find himself anywhere but here. "I'm uh... I'm gonna go check on Rowena and Kaia. Let them know that dinners soon. Make sure they don't need anything.' he quickly made his way down the hall, refusing to look back.

"So." Aziraphale said after a moment of silence, looking on as Castiel stared in the direction that Dean and Crowley went off. He tapped his fingers over his legs and rocked back and forth on his feet, painfully aware of the tension winding around the other angel. "What about Gabriel?"  
******

"I'm just trying to understand." Dean said, slamming a pack of chicken down on the counter. "Was it a language barrier or something? I know Cas had problems with slang there for a while." He sliced open the plastic and began pulling out the breasts, slicing down the middle of each before setting them aside. "Does 'can it' mean something different to you? Should I have said something a little more obvious, like 'keep your fucking mouth shut'?!"

"Those are some impressive, knife skills you have there." Crowley said avoiding Dean's question.

"Oh, you think so?" Dean snarked. "Cuz I got a demon killing blade here with your name written all over it, pal."

Crowley leaned against the counter, placing his chin in his hands, a wicked smile spread wide. " You can be mad at me all you want, Dean. I'm not the one who was drooling over a naked angel."

Dean grunted and rolled his eyes. He pulled out a pan and slammed it down on the stove top to heat up, before turning back to the demon. "So what's your game here then, huh? You're just gonna risk life and limb in another dimension to play matchmaker? Cuz if that's the case, buddy, I gotta tell you you're wasting your time." He poured some oil into the pan and placed in a couple of seasoned breasts while he set about cutting up some spinach.

"Contrary to what you believe, not everything is about you, Dean." Crowley said "What are you making?"

"Stuffed chicken." Dean replied, and he took the breasts out and set them aside placing a couple more in. " It's got spinach for Sam, cheese for me and it goes great with beer, which everyone can enjoy." He threw the spinach into a bowl on went to the fridge to grab some cheese. "So what are you doing this for, if it's not just to make me die of embarrassment?"

"You wouldn't be embarrassed if it weren't true." Crowley chuckles. Dean stopped pulling chicken out of the pan to give him a dirty look, which only made him laugh harder. "I have people I care about too, you know. Well, not so much people as person...angel...whatever. If God is hell-bent on destroying your world because you deviated from his plan, I can't imagine it will be too long before he comes after ours. Better to get the Almighty out of the way now, than have to take care of it later. It's simple strategy." He watched Dean work as he spoke almost mesmerized by the quick precision of his hands. Hand that have killed. It was lucky that they were on the same side. "Getting you to realize that you may not be the man you think you are is nothing more than a fun bonus, really."

"Hey! I'm plenty man!" Dean shouted, pointing his knife back at Crowley. " I'm the manliest man you've ever met!"

"Struck a chord, did I?" Crowley smirked, tipping the point of the knife back down with his finger. " I never said you weren't a man. I simply meant that I don't believe you're this emotionless brute that you portray yourself as."

"Yeah, well.... you're wrong!" Dean finished his prep and started spooning the mixture into the seared breasts. " And as for Cas... he's just... he's Cas. He's my best friend. I mean yeah, he's great, like really great, and we've been through hell and back together, but that's all there is. He's not my angel, he's not my...whatever you think he is... he's just Cas." He placed the chicken on a baking pan and popped it in the oven before setting the timer. Then he leaned against it and crossed his arms. "I'm not like that anyway. I dig chicks. I can't speak for Cas, but I'm pretty sure I've never seen him wavin a rainbow flag either so...there." Crowley just stared back at him in silence tapping his fingers over the counter top. "What?!" Dean demanded.

"Nothing." He shrugged. " I just never imagined you were this repressed. You humans are so hung up on gender and sexuality. It really is quite astounding."

"I ain't repressed!"

"No?" Crowley quirked an eyebrow. "Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe we had a discussion about angels being genderless. Loving your angel wouldn't make you gay, or bi, though that is something we'll have to discuss later, or anything else it is you seem to be afraid of being called. It would just be you...in love...with an angel...which you are."

Dean opened his mouth to argue, but immediately closed it. It was pointless to keep going on like this. He was just gonna have to show the guy that him and Cas were just really good friends. "Are you gonna make yourself useful and help me out, or you just gonna keep standing there beating a dead horse?"

"So, you aren't denying it?"

"I did. A million times. Not my fault you're deaf." Dean replied. "Now go in that cabinet and grab me the vanilla. Imma show you how to make a killer dessert."

 

******

 

"That was absolutely exquisite Dean." Aziraphale sighed after dropping his spoon into his ramekin. " Had your life gone differently, I believe you would have had a promising career in the culinary arts."

Everyone in the room hummed in agreement as they all leaned back in their chairs, sufficiently stuffed. " I mean hey," Dean shrugged. Everyone's gotta have a fallback right?"

"Don't get too excited." Crowley grumbled, licking the last of his Creme Brule from his lips. "Aziraphale just loves food in general. I wouldn't quit your day job if I were you." He winked.

"Don't be so patronizing, Crowley." Aziraphale chided. "Cooking is an art of passion. It is easy to tell through taste whether or not the chef cares about what he is doing. It was a truly marvelous, Dean. Thank you."

"Passion, you say?" Crowley smirked up at Dean, earning him a very clear 'watch it' look from the hunter in return.

"It was good, man." Sam added "Thanks. I'll take care of the dishes in a minute. I just gotta let everything settle."

"Definitely better than the scraps I've been living off of lately." Kaia chimed in.

"It was an adequate meal, I suppose." Rowena said, dabbing the corners of her mouth. " Though it hardly makes up for everything you owe to me."

Dean clapped his hand over heart and gasped. "I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." He mocked. " Really, it was nothing, guys. But thanks for the ego boost."

"Yes, because Satan knows you need a larger head." Crowley rolled his eyes, before turning his attention to Cas with a mischievous glare. " What about you Castiel? You've hardly touched a bite. Do you not think as highly of Dean's cooking as the others?"

Cas fixed him with an unamused glare of his own. "Unfortunately, God did not see it fit to gift the angels of this world with the ability to taste and enjoy food, since we do not require it as sustenance. It all tastes of molecules to me, and since I did not get the opportunity to taste Dean's cooking in my time as a human, I have no opinion about it one way or the other. However, I am certain that he is quite masterful at it, as he is with most things that require him to use his hands, therefore I'm sure that the meal was good, as every else has suggested." The tension in the room grew stronger with each clipped word that left the angel's mouth.

"You seem to be quite familiar with his 'handy' work." Crowley replied, his grin growing wider.

Cas's head tilted as his eyes squinted to the point of being almost closed. "I have known the Winchester's for a long time now. Dean may not be as apt at things that require significant brain power as Sam is..."

"Gee, thanks Cas." Dean snorted.

"But yes," Cas continued, ignoring Dean's remark " he is skilled with his hands. He is an excellent mechanic, he has great knowledge when it comes to medical care...." Cas paused, and for half a second Dean could swear he saw a maniacal smirk pull at the corner of his mouth, but it was gone before he could be certain, "...and he is an excellent hunter. Particularly, when it comes to those of the, demonic variety."

Crowley was fully invested at that point, completely ignoring the uncomfortable stares from the rest of the group, as he was now leaned with both elbows on the table, his chin resting in his hands. "Really?" He gasped. "Are there any other...skills...that we should know about?"

"Sam!" Dean shouted, causing everyone in the room to jump. He didn't want to let this go any further, and he was desperate to break it up. "Why don't you and Cas get started on these dishes while I set these two up for the night. Gotta long day tomorrow, planning to take down God and all. I think everyone could do with some rest."

 

"That won't be necessary, Dean." Aziraphale insisted, although sound relived at the change of subject. "Crowley and I don't require any sleep. We wouldn't want you to have to go to any, unnecessary trouble on our account."

"Speak for yourself, Angel." Crowley yawned as he pushed back from the table. "I'm never one to turn down sleep when I can afford it. Besides," he smirked," I shared my home with Dean while he was with us. It's only fair I give him the opportunity to return the favor. It's the least he can do."

He winked over at Dean, causing the man to shake his head and stand up. "C'mon man, let's get you locked in for the night." He grumbled.

Rowena stood shortly after they had left and stretched herself out in an exaggerated manner. " I believe a good night's rest sound like an excellent idea!" She tapped Kaia on the shoulder and jerked her head towards the door. " Come Kaia, dear, let me make you some of my special tea. It will heal any lasting wounds you may have and help you get some sleep. "

Kaia looked up at her in confusion. " I mean I took a nap earlier, and I feel fine but..."

"Nonsense." Rowena said sharply as she pulled the girl up and began nudging her out of the room. "Come now. Long day tomorrow. We all need to be at our best."

The remaining three watched as they left, sitting in awkward silence for a minute, before Aziraphale spoke. "Well, then. I suppose I should help two do the dishes." He rose his fingers, as if to snap them clean but Sam stopped him, shaking his head.

"Nah, it's cool dude." He said. "We'll do it the old-fashioned way."

" Alright." Aziraphale nodded. "I guess that means it will give us more time for Castiel and I too continue discussing the differences between our worlds' he added brightly.

"Oh, goody." Cas said robotically, through a forced smile as he began gathering the plates. Sam has to try way too hard to bite back the laugh that almost escaped him.

******

"Okay, man. I get it." Dean had waited until they were deep enough in the hallway to say anything about what happened after dinner. He led Crowley to one of the extra rooms and shoves him inside before turning on him. "You're not gonna let up on this whole 'me and Cas' thing. Fine. Whatever. Take jabs at me till your little black heart is content in but you gotta lay off of Cas, alright?"

"What if I don't want to?" Crowley half pouted.

"Look," Dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "me? I can take it. I ain't gonna like it, but at least I have a sense of humor. Cas? He's been on edge for a while now and trust me, you do not want to be the one who pushes him over. He may not look like much, but.... the guy just lost his kid, okay? And I'm kinda responsible for that. We haven't really gotten the chance to talk things out and neither of us have really earned the 'buddy of the year' award here lately. I'm sure once we hash a few things out he'll be a little more welcoming, but I still wouldn't push it if I were you."

"Oh, come now, what's the worst he could do?" Crowley scoffed.

"Kill you." Dean said bluntly. " I don't know how much of his power is back but I don't think anything could stop him if he wanted to. I've seen him kill for a lot less than pissing him the fuck off. If you're lucky it'll be quick. Just a hand to the forehead and lights out."

"Stand-up guy you've got there, Dean." Crowley said sarcastically.

"Hey, I'm just warning ya. Don't let the Holy Tax Accountant look fool you. Cas is not to be fucked with." Dean shrugged.

"Noted."

"Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna go pass the fuck out." Dean said. "Today's been crazy, and I'm ready to get back into my normal routine. Killing evil shit and saving the world."

 

"Godspeed, then." Crowley snickered.

"Dude, fuck you." Dean laughed as he moved to open the door.

"Sorry Dean." Crowley replied. " I'm afraid you're not my type. Besides, I was told not to do anything to piss off Castiel. I don't think he would be very keen to the idea of me..."

"Good night Crowley!" Dean rolled his eyes shutting the door behind him. He turned to make his way down the hall to his bedroom, when he saw Cas standing with his mouth open a few feet away. "Dude!" He jumped. "Seriously, are you ever gonna stop doing that?! What's up?"

Cas closed his mouth and swallowed, his eyes dropping to his feet. "Dean, listen ... About your new...friends..."

Dean shook his head and walked over to him slapping his hand on his friend’s shoulder, prompting him to look up. "Look man, I get it. There's a lot we still gotta talk about, I know. And we will, I promise, but right now? I'm beat man. I just want to go to sleep. In my own bed. That cool?"

"Of course." Cas sighed, dropping his head again.

"Great." Dean slapped his shoulder one more time before heading off towards his room. "See ya tomorrow buddy." He called behind him.

He didn't hear the soft, sad "Good night, Dean." That followed him down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: the plan! part one.


	16. The Song Remains the Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team splits up to put part 1 of the plan into action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is. The second part of this chapter is to blame for this entire story. I was sitting there one day, after watching Good Omens and thought " wouldn't it be funny if Crowley and Dean were riding around and (redacted). And I started writing. This little piece was the inspiration for this entire fic. I hope you enjoy.

"The hell he is!" Dean shouted, slamming his fists into the table.

The first part of the plan was simple enough. Castiel had shown Aziraphale the library, and while everyone else was sleeping the two of them spent the entire night burying their selves in lore. Aziraphale, more or less, trying to fill in the gaps of what Dean had already explained, while Cas studied over what he already knew and cross-referencing his knowledge with books containing various theories on each different subject (his main focus being on God). They had both come to the conclusion that their best bet in course of action, was to recruit both sides of the cosmic opposing forces to their cause first. Starting from the top and working their way down, so to speak. God could show up at any time. The world was close to shambles. With the powers of both Heaven and Hell on their side, they stood a fighting chance.

So, that was the plan. Dean and Rowena would take Crowley to the gates of hell and have him convince the demons to join them. Easy. Dean already had a duffle bag in hand ready to go. But having Cas and Aziraphale go to heaven....

"There's no way in hell he's going up there with those feathered dicks!"

"Dean..." Cas said admonishingly.

"No, Cas!" Dean shook his head. Forget it! It ain't happening!"

"Dean I will be right by his side." Aziraphale assured. "I promise you that no harm..."

"Listen. You don't get it guy! Okay?" Dean snapped. "Your world? The angels are pissy with you 'cuz you stopped the apocalypse. Big woopty-fricken-do! You got in with an angel blade, they called you names and sent you packin. Here? Cas didn't just stop the apocalypse. He killed to do it. He rebelled against all of them. He slaughtered them in masses and tried to be their God. He broke through their brain washing and managed to make every single one of them lose their wings. They aren't just pissed off. They want him dead!"

"Whoa, Dean! C'mon man!" Sam shouted over him. They didn't have time to discuss what might go wrong. Dean was being emotional and in times like this, one tiny outburst could cost them all their lives.

"No, Sam, you c'mon!" Dean shouted back. "Are you forgetting what happened the last few times Cas mossied on up to the pearly gates? Those sons of bitches have a tendency to convince him that they know what's best, and we get fucked! No offense Cas, but I ain't risking it." He glanced over at the angel to see him standing with his head bowed and his fists clenched. He couldn't tell if it was because if it was because Cas was upset or furious, but he knew it had to do with what he had said. He shouldn't have laid everything out like that. It wasn't the point. Cas would be putting himself in danger if he went, Aziraphale too. The past thing they needed was to be down two men in the final quarter. "Cas..." He took a step towards his friend.

Cas's head shot up, eyes glowing bright, stopping Dean in his tracks. "I am not a child Dean! I do not need your protection, nor do I require your consent!"

"No... Cas...no." Dean took a deep breath and took a few more cautious steps forward, speaking softly. " That's not what I... that’s not...are you forgetting who's up there man?" Cas deflated a little at that. It was a low blow, but he had to do it. Mentioning her might be his only chance at talking him out of this suicide mission.

°°°°°°  
It was a movie night, when Cas had told him about Naomi. They were watching A Clockwork Orange and it had gotten to the part where they had the guy's eyes pried open, forcing him to watch all that crap and Cas had just started panicking. He was on the floor clutching his head screaming in a mixture of enochian and English. Dean didn't understand most of what was saying as he clutched onto the angel's shoulders and tried to coax him out of it, but he heard her name, and that was enough. It took Dean forever to calm him down, even longer for Cas to tell him what happened. When he did though, he told Dean everything. What she had done to him to erase his memories every time he screwed up, everything he didn't tell them about the time they were hunting the tablets, right down to Naomi making him kill Dean over and over again until he got it right. And now she was back, sitting on her throne, waiting for the day she could scramble his brains for good. They had spent the rest of the night watching chick flicks, just to make sure nothing would trigger him again.

°°°°°°°

"She's imprisoned, now." Cas said defiantly, though the fear was still dancing behind his eyes. "Duma saw to that, before I disposed of her."

"See, that's the other thing, man." Dean said. "How many angels are even left? Four? Five? Not counting the fucked-up things Jack made, cuz fuck if they know what they’re doing, what good are they even gonna do? I mean, for all we know, you're the only one who even got their wings back, and I don't know how much of your powers to you got back, but if you want my opinion, you're a thousand times stronger than Al of those assholes put together. You've got compassion, man. Them? They're nothing but a bunch of bureaucratic shit bags who can't tell their ass from their elbow without going up the chain of command to ask permission to check."

 

A small hint of a smile played at the corner of Cas's mouth before disappearing just as quick as it came. "There are still good angels, Dean."

"Great." Dean shrugged. " Then we'll ask their help. Later. When all of us can be there. Can...Can we please just take this one cosmic plane at a time?"

" Dean, we don't have time..."

" Please?" It was wrong. Dean knew it was wrong. He had figured out a while ago he could get Cas to do just about anything if he asked him a certain way. He had been using that tidbit for years now, for little things here and there, but he always felt guilty for it after (though he'd never admit to it.) He never used it for big things like this though, mostly because he didn't think he could live with himself after. It wasn't right at all to manipulate Cas this way, but the guy was a sucker for human emotions, he hated swing his friends hurt, and it's not like he could tell the difference between real hurt and faking it, but hey, Dean had already broken a big personal rule by bringing up Naomi, so might as well pull out all the stops. He dragged his bottom lip between his teeth with his tongue while he looked the angel in the eyes as he bit down enough to cause some pain. That, coupled with thinking about every sad thing he possibly could on the spot, was enough to make Dean's eyes well up, just enough to make it look like he could start to cry.

" Fine." Cas sighed, looking away. "We'll wait until you return to talk to the angels."

"Thank you." Dean smiled before turning to his brother. " Sammy?"

" I guess I'll stay here and try to contact the other hunters." Sam said. "I'll get on the circuit, see who's still alive, tell the ones that are to meet here as soon as possible, so we can make a game plan."

"Awesome!" Dean said. " We'll swing up to the cabin and pick up the girls on the way back and escort them here. Kaia? You mind helping Sam set up a few of the rooms for every one?"

Kaia stared him down for a moment, before letting out a sigh and rolling her eyes. "I'm a warrior. Not a chamber maid."

"Thanks, kid." Dean chuckled. "Aziraphale? You cool with hanging back and keeping an eye on everyone?"

"No problem at all." Aziraphale beamed. "Your library is quite extraordinary. I'm looking forward to exploring all the information it has to offer. Though I am rather curious as to why a good majority of them smell like petrol."

Dean let out an awkward cough and started backing out of the room. "I'm gonna go get some snacks and stuff for the road, so we can head out as soon as Rowena's ready. Sammy?" He jerked his head over to Aziraphale and left the room. Better to let Sam explain all that business with the Stein family. He really didn't want to have to relive it. He had managed to stuff a small bag full of jerky and chips and was standing in front of the fridge pulling some beers out to put in the cooler, when he felt an odd shiver run up his spine.

"That was quite the show you put on back there."

"Jesus!" Dean jumped at the sound of Crowley's voice, slamming the fridge shut. " You're worse than Cas you know that?"

"Am I?" Crowley smiled. "Are you going to beg me to stay with you, as well?"

"Shut up." Dean groaned as he handed Crowley the cooler and snacks to carry. " The angels are dangerous. Cas knows that as well as I do. He just needed a reminder."

"I'm sure those crocodile tears didn't hurt either." Crowley said as he sauntered behind Dean back towards the library.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Dean said, only slightly embarrassed at being called out.

"I'm sure." Crowley grinned.

When they got back to the library Rowena was standing beside her bags with her arms crossed. " You boys ready to go to hell?"

 

"Ready as I'll ever be. " Dean said as they started to file out towards the garage. "Cas, ya comin?" He called behind his shoulder when he realized the angel wasn't right beside him.

" I didn't know I was invited." Cas replied, confused.

Dean stopped and turned around to face him. "Of course, you are man. I need you."

Crowley opened his mouth (to make a smart ass remark no doubt) but thankfully was interrupted by an affronted Sam. "Wait! Why do you get Cas?"

"Um, hello?" Dean waved his hands around the room then pointed to Sam." Big, warded, underground fortress, a kick ass warrior, and an angel..." then he pointed to himself, " out in zombie land, on my way to hell with a snarky witch and a demon. You really think I can survive a trip to Nebraska with nothing but these two to babysit?"

"I understand." Cas said, his face a mixture of hurt and duty. " You wish me to fly you to Kennesaw in order to ensure you arrive safely."

 

"What?" Dean scoffed. "No. No way! Look Cas, I'm glad you got your wings in full working order again or whatever, they really saved our asses back in that grave yard, but zappin from place to place still isn't exactly my favorite mode of travel. No offense."

" Your stomach issues " Cas nodded in affirmation.

"Oh, poor lad." Crowley mocked. "Does flying mess with Dean wittle tummy-tum?"

"Shut up." Dean barked.

"Why do you need my assistance then." Cas asked (a little bitterly, in Dean's opinion). " I'm sure your demon friend and Rowena will provide sufficient protection."

"I don't know man." Dean shrugged. "Company. Nostalgia. Hell, when's the last time we even worked a simple case together. Besides," he tried his best to make his tone sound teasing, but it was difficult to hide the truth behind his words, " You really think I'm just gonna leave you behind so Sam can talk you into some hair brained scheme that'll get you killed?" Cas wasn't stupid. He knew Dean was being serious. It was written all over his face. But he would go, nevertheless. " Let's just hope there's a rust bucket in the garage somewhere that won't be too crowded for all of us."

Cas smile then and tilted his head up proudly. "Actually, Dean, about that...."

******

 

"Baby!!!" Dean dropped his bag on the ground and went running, stretching his arms as far as he could over the Impala's hood." Oh, you sexy thing. I missed you so much!" He kissed the cool black metal beneath him and looked up with tears of joy in his eyes. " How is she here? We left her in the grave yard when we had to ditch the zombies."

"Castiel went searching for you when you disappeared." Rowena said as she walked up placing her bag by the car. " He scoured the entire earth several times over. I assume he brought it back then."

"Cas?" Dean looked at the angel and saw him shuffle from foot to foot nervously, looking down and wringing his hands. " I figured you would want her here when you can back." He mumbled.

Dean closed the distance between them and scooped Cas up into a bone crushing hug. The guy had saved his ass more times than he could count, but saving the Impala was one of the nicest things he had ever done. " You're awesome Cas. Thank you."

"As much as I hate to break up this love fest," Crowley said from behind them, " we, do have a mission to attend to some..." He reached for the handle and was stopped immediately by Dean slamming his hand against the door.

"And just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Dean grunted.

"Trying to get a move on if you don't mind." Crowley challenged, reaching for the handle again, until he saw a playful smile cross Dean's face and understanding struck him.

"That's the passenger’s side." Dean said, pointing over the top of the car. " This, is the driver's side. This is America, Crowley. Get your shit together." Crowley started laughing (completely confusing the other two) as he made his way to the other side of the car. Dean waited for everyone else to load up before sliding into his own seat and pulling the keys from his pocket. "Don't you ever let me catch you trying to drive my car again." He said to Crowley as he slipped his keys into the ignition.

"Or what?" Crowley smiled back. " You'll burn my hands off or something?"

"You got it." Dean winked as he revved baby up and peeled out of the garage. It was about a half mile away from the bunker when they came upon the complete carnage that used to be the forest on the outskirts of Lebanon. "Jesus!" Dean cursed under his breath. "It looks like a bomb went off here. Maybe we should head back to the bunker and warn Sam about this."

"Actually," came Cas's voice from the back seat, " it's been relatively inactive around her in terms of attacks."

"Inactive?!" Dean was shocked at the angels, almost, caviler tone as he took one utter destruction around them. " Are you not seeing thi...." He looked around again noticing that the land beyond them seemed completely untouched. The chaos was only a few hundred feet around, almost like someone had planted a burning building on top of the forest. It looked insanely familiar. " Did...do you go full angel for me buddy?" Dean asked Cas through the rear-view mirror.

Cas looked down at his lap, trying his best to hide the shy smile creeping over his face. " It would appear that my wings were not the only thing that was restored. I felt it best to use all the tools at my disposal in order to find you."

"So, you're like, 100% back? A flying Chrysler building full of holy wrath?"

"I'm not entirely certain I'm completely restored, no. " Cas replied. " But that appears to be the case so far. I'm still weakened a bit, as my powers are tied to Heaven, and well.... but yes, I am more myself than I have been in recent years."

"That's awesome, Cas." Dean smiled at him, through the mirror." I'm happy for you man!" Cas met his eyes in the mirror and have him a rare, genuinely (almost) happy smile in return. It wasn't until Dean caught Crowley's smirk out of the corner of his eye that he broke the eye contact and stared back at the road ahead. He swallowed deeply, and started tapping on the steering wheel. The awkward silence was stifling, and he had to do something about it before he suffocated. " How bout some tunes? Huh?"

"I think Castiel might have something for us to listen to." Rowena piped up, looking over at the angel.

"Oh yeah? Whatchya got in mind buddy?" Dean asked.

Cas glared over at Rowena as he pulled the rectangular piece of plastic the inner pocket of his coat and handed it over the back of the seat, Crowley snatching it from his hands. "Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx." He read out slowly before beaming over at Dean. " A mixtape?"

"You still carry that around with you?' Dean asked, bewildered.

"Of, course." Cas nodded. " It was a gift. I was told you keep those."

"A gift?!" Crowley practically giggled. " You gave him a mix tape, of your favorite songs? As a gift?!"

 

"Someone's gotta teach the guy about good music, alright?!" Dean said as he snatched the case and pulled the tape out one handed. " Everyone should know Zeppelin." He grumbled, popping the tape I to the player.

It happened in slow motion for Dean, like one of those nightmares where you're trying to run away but it feels like you're caught in quicksand. It didn't register right away, what was happening. As soon as he pressed play, the world slowed almost to a halt as a familiar voice flooded through his speakers.

🎶I can dim the lights and sing you songs full of sad things, we can do the tango just for two🎶

The first thing that clicked in his head, when he looked over at Crowley with rage to see the demon singing along to the words, with a cocky smile on his face, was that this was definitely NOT Zeppelin.

🎶I can serenade, and gently play on your heart strings, be a Valentino just for you🎶

He glanced back up into the rear view, ignoring the wicked smile growing on Rowena's face, to see Cas's face scrunch up in confusion as his head tilted to the side.

🎶Oooo love, oooo lover boy, what're you doing toni...🎶

Time didn't speed up again until he clicked the fast-forward button on the player, releasing it when he felt that he was safe, and the song was over.

🎶...thing called love, I just can't handle it...🎶

Click.

🎶 I really love the things you do, ooooh you're my best friend...🎶

Click.

🎶Love of my li...🎶

Click.

🎶.... it's so easy, all you have to do is fall in lo...🎶

 

Click.

 

🎶...radio what's new, someone still loves yo...🎶

Click.

🎶Give me your body! 🎶

Dean snatched the tape out of the player and through it back at Cas, fixing Crowley with a vicious glare "Oh, you are so dead when all this is over!"

"I don't understand, Dean." Cas said as he scrutinized the tape flipping it over in his hands. "Those were not the songs that were previously on this tape. I've listened to it several times and I had never heard any of those before.

Dean swallowed hard, his ears tinged red (though he wasn't sure of it was more from anger or crippling embarrassment) as he turned back to the road, refusing to make eye contact with anyone in the car. " It's fine Cas. Crowley's just being an asshole. Your songs are still on there. He just doesn't want us to listen to anything good."

"We can try the radio if you like." Crowley suggested smugly. " I'm sure we could find a station more suitable to your tastes.

"No music!" Dean snapped. He shuttered to think what other songs Crowley had in mind to embarrass him with.

"Very well." The demon sighed. Then he turned in his seat and placed his arms over the back of the bench and placed his chin on top of his hands. "So, Castiel. Tell me any yourself." he smiled.

Just because he wasn't the brightest when it came to the subtle nuances of human behavior, didn't mean Cas was completely oblivious. He had caught onto the theme of the songs by the third one and he was hurt to say the least. The fact that Crowley had been the one to change them was really just salt in the already festering wound. He had found himself wishing he had chosen a different vessel several times over the past few years, for reasons he didn't want to say out loud. But those reasons didn't seem to matter anymore. He was mostly hurt that Dean felt the need to hide his relationship with the demon from him. They were friends, after all. Above everything else, Castiel almost always supported Dean, even when his decisions were questionable at best. Dean also knew that he was completely indifferent to sexual orientation, though he wasn't sure if that was the aspect about this whole thing that made Dean afraid to come forward, or if it was the fact that his new 'friend' was a demon, that made Dean assume Castiel wouldn't approve. Neither was the real issue, but the facts were there, nonetheless. After everything they had been through, what really hurt was that Dean didn't trust him. That's why he brought him with. To babysit him. That's also why he was keeping this secret, however poorly he was managing, because he didn't trust Cas to accept it.

Cas glared at the demon silently, refusing to play into his games. The ride to Kenesaw was going to be the longest hour of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally thought it was an unforgivable crime not to use "Good old-fashioned Loverboy" in Good Omens. Like go give it a listen if you have never heard it and I dare you to tell me I'm wrong! So I fixed it here.
> 
> Thank you again for all the love and support. Next up, some Aziraphale and Sam interaction. Plus: DEeEemons


	17. Another One Bites the Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Aziraphale discuss passing judgement and the rest go to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had this chapter fully written out like THE day I posted the last one, fully intending on editing it and posting the next day. The story was coming together fast and I kept writing intending on pumping out like three to four chapters a week. Then I found a fic that looked interesting. So I started to read it, and it wasn't until I was three chapters in and fully invested that I realized it was over 500k words....long story short...I've been reading instead of writing and editing. Sorry.... but it was soooo worth it. 
> 
> Anyway.... here's this now....

“Fascinating.” Sam heard Aziraphale say beside him, for the thousandth time as he poured over the books in the library. “Absolutely remarkable.”

Sam rolled his eyes and focused back on his conversation. “Yeah, Garth, I know you think the house boat is safe, but it wouldn't be the first time it got busted into okay? Just get you and your family here, and we'll take care of you. We need all hands on deck for this one. Yeah, okay. See you soon.” He hung up the phone and crossed Garth off his list.

“What is a 'ruhgayrow'?” Aziraphale asked. Sam let out an exasperated sigh and leaned over to the book the angel was reading.

“A rugarou.” Sam grunted, he looked back over his list. “It feeds off human flesh.”

“Really?!” Aziraphale gasped, looking over the book one more time before closing it. “You boys really have had to tangle with some nasty creatures, haven't you?”

“You have no idea.” Sam scoffed. He dialed the next number only for it to go unanswered. “Dammit.” He muttered as he drew a line through Max's name.

“It makes one wonder why the Almighty chose to make our worlds so different.” Aziraphale went on, seemingly oblivious to Sam's increasing frustration. “We don't have anything like these things on our world. Oh, sure there're witches and all that, but nothing quite so savage as what I've read about so far.” Sam groaned again slamming his phone down and crossing out Krissy's name as well. “Things like this reside in story books wear we're fro....”

“Okay!” Sam snapped. “Alright can you just...look I'm glad you find the horrors we face on a day to day basis so 'fascinating' or whatever but can you read about all that like...over there or something. I'm a little busy here and I'm really not in the mood for conversation.”

 

Aziraphale stared at him for a minute before adjusting his glasses and picking up another book. “ You know, I understand you not liking me, from what your brother explained you have Every right to have your reservations against my kind, however you could at least try to be polite. I am your guest after all.”

“It's not....I... I don't....” Sam stuttered in shock.

“Given Dean's surly nature, I'd assume you would be the sibling to have a kinder disposition.” He continued, staring over the rim of his glasses at the open page. “ It just goes to show you that even with years of knowledge, it is foolish to make assumptions, even when based on experience.”

“I never said I hated you” Sam mumbled.

“Oh, you didn't have to, Sam.” Aziraphale said, still not looking up from his book. “It's written all over your face. I've lived amongst humans for thousands of years, you know. I've learned a thing or two about them in that time.” Sam stated at him in silent shock for a moment, not really knowing what to say. “I suppose my only question is,” he finally set down the book and turned to face the hunter, “whether it is my personality that you seem to utterly abhor, or my nature. I can't change either, mind you, but if you were to ask my opinion, I have a feeling the answer is leaning a little more towards the latter, considering the variety of people you two seem to surround yourselves with.”

 

Sam scoffed in disbelief and shook his head. “Okay, you caught me, but mean, can you blame me? You said it yourself, Dean told you all the shit the angels have put us through over the years? You really can't expect me to invite one into my home with open arms.”

“You seem to have no problem with Castiel.” Aziraphale countered. “He's a seraph. Far more dangerous than I am.”

 

“Cas is...” Sam sighed and shook his head, deciding not to get into all that with a stranger. “He's different. He's not like the others. Yeah, he's made a shit ton of mistakes, but he only does those things to protect us. He's been with us a long time. He's family.”

Aziraphale purses his lips and nodded, then turned back to his book. “Yes, I suppose his love and devotion for your brother would make him quite the exception.” He said casually.

“What?” Sam choked out in a nervous chuckle.

“Please. I have eyes, do I not?” Aziraphale replied turning the page. “Even if I didn't, my ears work perfectly fine, and from what your brother has explained to us about Castiel, there is no other viable explanation. “

Sam was completely caught off guard. It had taken him how long to figure this out completely? And this guy comes in knowing it off the bat? “What makes you say that?”

Aziraphale sighed and set down his book. He slipped off his glasses and placed them gently in his breast pocket, before turning to Sam. “In my experience, an angel is devoted to Heaven and the Almighty, entirely. Though things do differ here, the mission is still the same for the angels. Follow God's word, and protect humanity. Now, one can only go so far in protecting humans before it starts conflicting with the word of the Almighty, and at that point they must be left to their own devices. You are tenacious creatures after all, give you an inch and you'll take a mile. Once our job is done, and nothing else can be done to help the charges left in our care, it is vital that we step back and let you sink or swim on your own, you might say. However, Castiel...he has gone above and beyond for you. As far as I know, there has never been an angel willing to give up their place in Heaven for anything. Nothing short of love or power, that is. Angels do not rebel. The Almighty showed us what would happen if we do by casting out Lucifer. We are soldiers who do what they're told and that's that. We follow orders. We do not wallow amongst the creatures below us. To do that....it is the ultimate sin. It is a direct disorder from God. There is nothing in the universe that would make an angel go against Heaven unless it was quite an extraordinary exception. To Castiel, Dean is the exception.” He picked up the book and began reading again.

Sam let out a small laugh and shook his head. “Hate to be the one to break it to you, but the angels here have all rebelled at this point.”

“Yes.” Aziraphale replied. “With each other. Castiel did it on his own, before he even knew the heavenly father didn't care."

"Like I said," Sam shrugged, "Cas is different."

"Yes." Aziraphale agreed. "So much so, that he's even willing to work with demons to protect you lot."

You're one to talk Sam thought to himself. He didn't like the guy's mocking tone on the last sentence at all. " Yeah, and I'm sure Dean told you how well that worked out for us." He snorted. "If you ask me it's only a matter of time before you and your demon buddy screw us over as well."

 

Aziraphale tensed up then, but he kept his eyes on the page in front of him. "Crowley is not like other demons."

"Oh, yeah I'm sure." Sam said sarcastically. "He seems like a real stand up guy. Look, man, we've been down this road before, and no offense, but a demon is a demon no matter which way you slice it."

For the first time since they had arrived Sam saw the angel look pissed. It was shocking to say the least. For such a giddy, proper guy, he actually looked a little terrifying when he was upset. " I believe we discussed making assumptions being foolish, even when they are based off of proper knowledge." Aziraphale gritted through his teeth.

"What makes you so sure that the guy won't turn on you the second he gets the chance?" Sam challenged.

"I have known him for a long time." Aziraphale stated in a calm voice that seemed a little forced. "Since Eden actually. I was the angel guarding the Eastern Gate, and he was the serpent who got Adam and Eve kicked out."

"Wow," Sam scoffed, " really painting a good picture of 'trustworthy' there."

Aziraphale took a deep breath, still refusing to look up. "We have worked together since the beginning. He has done his demonic duties, to the minimum extent, but he has also assisted me in mine."

"So, he's playing the long con." Sam said. "He's a demon for a reason. They manipulate. That's what they do."

"He doesn't deserve to be a demon." Aziraphale shook his head. " He's really good, deep down. I know it."

"Right. So, you're telling me Heaven had no problem with one of its angels working together with a demon for over six thousand years because he's a good guy."

Aziraphale faltered a bit at that. "They....they didn't know. Not until recently, anyway. It would have been looked down upon."

"I thought you said angels followed orders." Sam said. " That you wouldn't risk your place in Heaven for anything. Knowing the guy for years or not, what would make you stick out your neck for a demon if you knew that heaven wouldn't approve."

"Because Crowley is an exception!" Aziraphale half shouted, finally looking the hunter in the eyes.

"Oh." Sam said, taken aback by the angel's sudden outburst. Then everything clicked I to place. "Oooh!" That's how Aziraphale knew about how Cas felt. He knew that an angel would never rebel for anything other than love because...then he started thinking about what he had witnessed between his brother and the demon since they got back. The pushy nature and the weird behavior. He had been thinking that something was going on between them, that Dean just decided to say 'fuck it ' to sexual norms and start fooling around with a demon...but now it was making sense...at least...he hoped..." Are you two.... are you his exception, too...or..."

Aziraphale looked down and fiddled nervously with his jacket. "Well... it's never been explicitly stated...I suppose after a few millennia you just sort of know and..." His head popped up then, and he gave Sam his best fake smile. " You know, I do believe it is getting close to lunchtime. Why don't I go check on the girl and whip us up something to eat?"

Sam watched as the guy practically shot out of his chair and scurried off in the wrong direction, before correcting himself and disappearing down the hall. He chuckled to himself silently, thinking he might just fit in with them yet. After all, avoiding sensitive conversations is one of the things they did best.

******

"Fuck you." Said the demon, slamming the metal door in Rowena's face.

"The nerve!" Rowena huffed walking back to the car where the other's stood.

"Told ya they weren't gonna let you in." Dean laughed, leaning against Baby's hood with his arms crossed.

"Then why did I have to come along? Especially if you knew I would be treated so rudely?!"

"You know the lay out." Dean shrugged. "If we gotta sneak in, we need you to tell us where to go."

"Oh, I see." Rowena sneered. " I just another tool in the Winchester arsenal, then?"

"You got it, lady." Dean smirked.

"Have I not proven myself more to you, time and time again?" Rowena asked.

"Meh." Dean replied shrugging one shoulder and tilting his head.

"I don't know which one is worse." She mumbled under her breath as she leaned against the wall. " You, or the demons."

The whole conversation was hitting Cas close to home. He stood straightened up and started marching towards the door, determined to prove his worth. "I got this."

"Cas, man, I don't think that's such a good idea." Dean called from behind him. But it was too late.

Cas firmly knocked on the door and waited for it to be open. Instead, the peephole slid open reveling the top half of a female head with jet black eyes. " Hello. We would like to request entrance into hell. It is imperative that we speak to..."

"Ha!" The demon laughed, slamming the peephole shut on him as well.

"I don't got this." Cas said as he walked back to the others in defeat.

"Step aside, Angel." Crowley said taking off his sunglasses. " This is the devil's work.

Cas glared after the demon as he sauntered up to the door with confidence, pulling at his hair and checking his breath before knocking on the door.

"No offense, Cas," Dean said from behind him, " but maybe it'd be best if they didn't see you. You're not exactly their favorite person either you know."

"I understand, Dean." He said hanging his head. "I'll just wait in the car."

"No." Dean said softly, grabbing him by the arm. "That's not what I meant, it's just...you said your powers are back? Couldn't you just go invisible or something like that? I still want you with us but..."

"They would still be able to see me, Dean. They have seen me when I tried to hide before."

"Crowley saw you." Dean argued. "And that's because he was looking for you. These guys. They're just a bunch of run-of-the-mill demons. If they ain't lookin, you should be good."

 

Crowley knocked on the door and waited patiently for someone to answer. "I already told you to fuck off...." Said the demon on the other side of the peephole, pausing when she saw Crowley.

"Hello, miss. Have you heard about our Lord and Savior?" Crowley smirked.

"Who the hell are you?" She demanded.

"Your worst nightmare, darling, if you don't let me and my friends in."

"Yeah right!" She scoffed, attempting to slam the little door shut again. Crowley waved his hand and the door snapped off, bursting into flames, leaving a hole where it used to be. The demon's eyes went wide as she stared back up at him.

"I rather think it would be in beat interests to do as I say. Wouldn't want you to end up like this door here would we?" He hissed.

The group saw Crowley wave them over with a confident smile as he slipped his glasses back on. "Alright guys, you ready?" Dean asked. "Cas?" Cas sighed and let himself disappear into the ethereal plane." Awesome. Just keep a hold of my sleeve or something, so I know you're still with us, alright? Don't let go unless it's an emergency and keep quiet." Cas rolled his eyes and followed the other two to the door where Crowley was waiting. The four of them followed the other demon into the depths of Hell.

Hell, was not at all what it used to be, it turned out. With no souls to torture it was just full of demons, laying about, bored out of their minds, and sulking. "This is your Hell?" Crowley whispered skeptically to Dean. " I hardly see why we needed to bring the Armada with us. This is the saddest bunch of creatures I've ever seen. They could be taken out with a paperclip."

"Chuck took all their fun away." Dean whispered back. "They might seem like nothing now but trust me you don't wanna get them riled up. They're sadistic fucks when they want to be. I know from personal experience."

"Oh, that's right!" Crowley smiled. " I forgot you said you spent time as a demon. That would have been fun to see." He winked.

Cas pulled roughly on Dean's sleeve to get his attention, He didn't have to say a word for Dean to understand him. "Right. Sorry." He whispered back to Cas. "So, we need to get to the throne room." He told the demon leading them.

"Why?" She snarled.

"We need to speak to whoever's in charge." Dean answered.

"Ha! Yeah, okay." She laughed. "Whatever you say." She started walking down the hall, so they followed her. "Fuckin Winchesters." She mumbled under her breath.

"What crawled up her ass?" Dean asked nobody in particular.

"I think anyone who has been on the receiving end of your brutality would share that sentiment." Rowena said bitterly, from the front of the line.

"Oh, come off it Rowena.' Dean groaned. "You know I was kidding." Rowena just huffed and pointed her nose up as she walked briskly ahead.

Hell was definitely different. Without the screams and the smell of rotting flesh, it seemed like nothing more than a creepy, blood soaked, sulfur cave. It was almost worse than before. If anything, it was just a reminder that everything that made it the horrific shit-show that it once was, was now roaming above them, taking over the earth. They passed more demons along the way, sprawled out and disheveled, bottles of liquor and cigarettes being passed between them. None of them acknowledged their little motley crew. None of them seemed to even care. The scene wasn't any different as they entered the throne room. A few of the demons Dean knew personally were slumped up against the walls in haphazard fashion, but unlike the demons throughout the rest of hell, they definitely took notice.

"Why the hell is there a Winchester here?" One of them barked from his place in front of the throne.

"And he brought fire crotch with him?" Another one groaned.

"They said they wanted to speak with who ever is in charge now." Their demon guide said. Then the entire room burst into howling laughter. "Have at it guys." She smiled closing the door behind her as she left.

"What's so damn funny?" Dean demanded once there was a lull.

"No one’s in charge." One of them cackled, wiping tears from its eyes. "Your brother made sure of that."

"There will be no new king of hell!" One of them boomed, before they all burst up again.

 

"Not today...haha...not ever!" Another one said between chuckles, putting on its deepest voice.

"If anybody wants the job," said another one as she wobbled to her feet, speaking in a mocking tone, "he can come through me!" The laughter grew even louder then as the group looked on with disgruntled stares.

"This is what you want to take into battle against the almighty?" Crowley asked, skeptically. "A bunch of hyenas?"

 

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, what?" The demon in front of the throne gagged, waving his hand out in front of him. " You're... you're trying to take on God now?" Dean stared back at him, nostrils flared and jaw clenched. " Jesus Christ!" The demon howled. " Just when I thought you couldn't get any stupider!" The room filled with demonic laughter once again.

"That's something coming from an entire army of demons afraid to disobey one measly little human." Crowley barked out, fed up with the display.

The room quieted the as the demon who was standing narrowed her eyes. " We're evil. Not suicidal." She said sharply. "Who the hell are you, anyway? Another one of the Winchester's pets?"

Dean could feel the hand on his sleeve tighten at that remark as he watched Crowley step forward, straightening himself out before he spoke. " Anthony J. Crowley. Demon." He introduced himself. The room was dead quiet for about five seconds before another roar of laughter took it over.

"No, you're not!" Chuckled one of the demons on the floor.

"I am." said Crowley defensively.

"Nope." Said another, taking a solid swallow from his flask. " He's dead. Long gone."

"And good riddance." Added another.

"My son was a thousand times the demon any of you could ever hope to be." Rowena snapped. "He deserves a little more respect!" The laughter only grew louder.

"Alright, look, ya clowns!" Dean barked. " His name is Crowley, and he's a demon! He ain't like the king was but it seems to me like y'all are in need of some leadership. So here you are. New king. Winchester approved. Don't even have to change the monogrammed towels."

Crowley looked back at dean in shock. " King?" He mouthed, to which Dean just shrugged.

"We don't want him." Standing demon said. "It's the end of times. Who needs a king when the castle is falling?"

"Are you serious right now?" Dean growled. "You sad, sorry, sacks of shit! You're telling me that you'd rather spend the rest of your days lying around like garbage than go out and reclaim the souls that are yours?" The demons all looked at each other and nodded in agreement. "Well fuck you! I ain't goin down without a fight. So, you're gonna get up off your lazy asses and help us when this thing or I swear..."

"No. Fuck you!" Throne demon said as he stood. " We're done taking orders. Especially from you."

"Excuse me?!" Dean scoffed.

" You heard me." The demon said making his way towards Dean." We are so SICK of you fucking Winchesters thinking you can boss is around like you own us. We're fucking demons. We eat prices of shit like you! You're nothing. All you've been is a thorn in Hell's side from the moment Azazel met that whore you call a mother."

"You watch your fucking mouth." Dean snarled pulling out the demon blade, before it was tossed from his hand.

The demon gripped him by the throat raising him a few feet off the ground and stared into his eyes. "Oh yeah? Who's gonna make me?"

Dean toppled to the ground as the season flew across the room, hanging in the air over the throne and grasping at Castiel's hand around his neck. "ME!" Cas growled, the shadow of his wings splaying across the wall. The demon let out an ear shattering wail, his eyes and mouth exploding in a hot white light before Cas tossed the lifeless vessel to the ground. He turned to face the rest of the room and wiped his hand on the throne. "Any more questions?"

The demons all scrambled to their feet and backed themselves up against the wall as Cas crossed back to Dean across the room. "C- C- Castiel." The female demon stuttered, pressing herself closer to the wall as he passed. "I see you've got your wings back. How ya been?"

Cas grunted in response, leaning down to pick Dean up off the floor. "Dean. Are you hurt?" He asked as he grabbed Dean by the arm, pulling him up gently.

"I'm good, Cas." He replied, a little breathless as he stood. "Thanks." He smiled. He stared up at the walls behind the angel, mesmerized by the outline of his wings. They looked larger than he remembered, fuller. He found himself wanting to reach out and touch them, but they were only shadows. He wondered if he'd ever be able to see the real thing.

"Well!" Crowley said from beside them. "If we're all going to let our wings out...." Jet black wings burst from the demons back and stretched up high before falling to his sides. His wing span wasn't nearly as large as Cas's, but they were impressive nonetheless, mostly because they were actually visible. "Ahh, there we are." He sighed, looking around the room. "No? Nobody else?" The demons all just stared at him in horror with their mouths agape. "Just us then? How odd." He smiled and gave Cas what could only be considered as a wing-five, and sauntered over to the throne. "So guys," he  
smirked as he plopped down, crossing his legs over one arm of the throne, leaning against the other, and casually examined his nails. "Let's talk war."

 

********

Sam sighed as he set down his phone and crossed the last name off his list. It wasn't good. Only a handful of them had answered, and unless they were just busy (or being dicks), he could only assume that the ones that didn't were dead. He let his head fall to the table and choked back the tears threatening to fall. Even with everyone that was currently on their way to the bunker, there was no way they had enough people to take out all the monsters that were set loose, let alone God.

"You know..." Aziraphale said, finishing off the rest of his tuna wrap. "Your brother talked at great lengths about you as well, in his time with us."

"I'm sure he did." Sam groaned, without lifting his head.

"Though, I'm starting to believe he may have exaggerated a bit."

Sam rolled his head to the side to see the angel staring down at him disappointed. "Yeah? How so?"

"Well, he described you as a man of action." Aziraphale explained. "Someone who 'got tough, when the tough got going'. Someone who never gave up. He said that even when he was willing to throw in the towel, you kept him going. That you never stopped believing."

"Sounds like something Dean would say." Sam agreed.

"However, I have personally yet to witness anything of the sort on your account. I've heard nothing from you but helpless groans and pitiful sighs. I have to say that I hardly find it even remotely inspiring."

"Excuse me for being realistic." Sam retorted.

"See, there you go again." Aziraphale said. " Hardly the man your brother made you put to be." Sam huffed and scrunched his face up rolling it back down to stare at the floor. "You have fought against angels and demons alike. You have defeated the devil himself, several times over, and came out the other side each and every time. Why now, when it your famed tenacity is needed the most, have you suddenly decided to give up?"

"Because this is God!" Sam snapped, looking up at him. " This isn't just some demons that we can exorcize or an angel we can stab. It's freaking God, okay?" Look I know I'm supposed to be fighting for my life here, and believe me I've been trying my best to keep a good face on for everyone, telling Cas that getting Dean back will fix everything, going along with this crazy plan, but it's God! I Mean, it's kind of a 'damned if we do, damned if we don't' situation here!"

"What do you mean?" Aziraphale asked.

"Seriously?!" Sam shook his head. "Just take a look outside. He did all of that with a snap. Not to mention he's unkillable!"

"You managed to shoot him, didn't you?"

"Yeah." Sam scoffed. " I shot him, with a gun he made, I missed, and he did this. Even if we did manage to find another way to take him out, we could still mess up, and we lose. Or we don't mess up, kill him, and the universe crashes in on itself, and we lose. Or we keep fighting the good fight until something takes us out, or he tracks us down because he's bored and takes us out himself, and we lose! So, yeah, sorry if I'm feeling a little hopeless right now, when there is literally no hope!"

Aziraphale stayed quite for a moment, mulling over everything Sam was saying. "What do you mean by the universe crashing down on itself if you kill him?" He asked, finally.

"The world needs balance." Sam explained. "Goodness and evil, dark and light. It's why we couldn't kill his sister when we broke her out of her cage. It almost happened once already when she tried to kill him. One can't exist without the other. Apparently, neither can we."

"And where is his sister now?"

"Reno, apparently." Sam scoffed. "Though, I wouldn't put it past him to have lied about that too. For all I know, he has her locked away again, somewhere."

"That keeps the balance then, yes?" Aziraphale asked thoughtfully. "Having her alive, but locked away where she can't cause harm, it keeps the balance so that the universe can keep on existing."

"Yeah, I guess." Sam said. " I mean that's how it worked before."

"Then why wouldn't it work for him as well." Aziraphale replied.

"What?"

"Instead of trying to kill him, upsetting the balance of the universe, why not just trap God?" The angel suggested.

".... holy shit...." Sam gasped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say I feel wildly untalented after the beautiful fic I just read....so I'mma try my best to up my game...can't make any promises...but I feel I must....next up: emotions!


	18. "Friends"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monster madness and finding a trap for God.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so let me explain something. When I get stuck on something it's bad. And I end up babbling on until I can pull myself out of the hole. Basically this chapter was gonna stop in a certain spot, then I realized that I had completely neglected one of the main characters, therefore it got longer, and because of that one little bit I added I have to now write an additional part to this story that was never intended and work what I already have planned around that. This thing was supposed to end like a chapter or two after Dean got home, but because I keep writing myself into corners, you lovely readers are being submitted to my ramblings far passed that. I apologise.
> 
> *Also side note:
> 
> My editing app is refusing to accept Cas and Aziraphale as names. I try my best to go through and correct it when it changes them to Case, Cash or Airplane but I might miss a few. Please don't hesitate to let me know if you catch it. I am but a betaless writer, trying their best to make their work readable. 
> 
> Anyway... here's more story

He was getting to old for this shit. That much was certain. It wasn't something Dean liked admitting, even to himself, but with the creaking in his joints as he swung his blade through the neck of the final vamp left standing, it was hard to deny. He wiped the fresh blood from his face and glance up to see the rest of the group take on the last couple of monsters and slumped against Baby's door. To be fair, the trip shouldn't be taking as long as it was. Donna's cabin was only a half-day's trip from the bunker, and here they were, barely three hours outside Kenesaw, with the sun already setting behind them. He was exhausted. They had been fighting their way through every vamp, werewolf, zombie and whatever the fuck those green things were, for most of the day now, and it was all he could do to keep his head upright. The plan was simple: stay in the car, rundown anything that gets in the way. It was easy enough through the city. Most everything there was too busy hunting down their next victim to be concerned about the lone car traveling along the abandoned road. When they got closer to the country though, closer to the graveyards, to the unpopulated areas, all hell broke loose. There was no way they were getting through the chaos without taking matters into their own hands. They tried their best to clear the road as quick as possible, jumping back in the car when it was clear enough to drive, but they could only make it a few miles at a time before they were swarmed again.

They had to be getting close to another city now, only about 20 creatures jumped them this time. Dean had tried to run as many over as he could, but when a pair of vamps landed themselves on the windshield, snapping their angry jaws and beating against the glass, they had no choice but to pull over and take them, and everything else around them out. But damn, if it didn't wear Dean out. Five, maybe ten years ago, it wouldn't be so much of a problem. He probably could’ve taken most of them out himself and kept driving until he reached the cabin, no matter how long it took. Not anymore. He never though he would be grateful for the demons. They had agreed to, not only stay out of the way, but we're also currently taking all the souls that Chuck had set free back to hell where they belong. It would probably take them a few days, weeks even, considering all the evil people who ever walked the earth in all of human history had to be replaced, but it was one last thing they had to worry about.

He let his machete slip to the ground as soon as Cas smitted the final werewolf that Rowena had set flying in his direction. A tired smirk crossed his face as he watched the angel clap Crowley (who was busy wiping who knows what from the bottom of his jacket) on the shoulder as he walked passed towards the car. The two of them had managed to come to a silent agreement to put whatever tension was brewing between them aside while they fought off the things trying to take them all down. Dean just wishes they would've done it sooner than the fifth stop. Maybe they'd be a little bit closer to the girls than they were now, but beggars can't be choosers he supposed. He hoped that eventually the two of them would get to know each other and become friends. Crowley had grown on him quick, and Cas was so important...it was probably too much to ask for, considering the circumstances, but a guy could dream. At least they were getting along for now, whatever the reason may be.

"You look like shit." Dean half chuckled as the angel approached. It was only half true. Cas was a mess, for sure. His hair was sticking out in every direction, his clothes were splattered with blood and dirt, and his stupid backwards tie was in worse shape than usual, but for some reason it made Dean smile. It was like looking into the past and seeing the badass angel that walked into that barn all those years ago. It shouldn't be a happy memory, it should've been the exact opposite of one, as a matter of fact. He guessed that it was just a testimony of how fucked up Dean truly was that he always looked back on that night as one of the most important nights of his life.

"Speak for yourself." Cas mumbled back, running his hands over Dean, inspecting him for injuries and healing every minor scratch he came across. His annoyed expression quickly changed to concern when his eyes finally landed on Dean's face. He placed to fingers on the man's forehead and closed his eyes, letting his grace flow between them. " You're exhausted." He said opening his eyes and meeting Dean's.

"I wonder why." Dean snarked, shooing the angel away, so he could grab the keys from his pocket.

Cas's hand reached out and grabbed him by the wrist, stopping him. "You need to rest, Dean." He used his best authoritative tone, the one that sent shivers up Dean's spine and made him almost impossible to argue with. Almost.

"Oh yeah?" Dean said, pulling his arm out of the angel's grip. "Where? In case you haven't noticed, Cas, we ain't exactly standing in the middle of Disney Land here. It ain't safe."

"Well you best figure something out." Rowena piped up from behind the car. "You aren't the only person who's tired Dean. I can't keep going like this. A lady needs her sleep."

"I'd listen to your angel if I were you." Crowley agreed. "You'll be of no use to us if you're half-dead."

Dean's eyebrows shot to the sky as he looked over at Crowley, blush slowly creeping up his neck. It wasn't the first time Crowley had called Cas his angel, Dean had been begging him to stop since day one. It was, however, the first time he had said anything like that in front of Cas. A fact only made worse when the angel disappeared as soon as the words left his mouth. Dean was only allowed a few seconds of panic though, when Cas returned moments later, seemingly unfazed by Crowley's comment.

"There is an abandoned hotel not far from here." He said. "I can take us there for the night. We can ward the room and I will bring us back in the morning."

" And leave Baby here?" Dean's voice come out a little higher pitched than intended, still trying to come down from his, almost, embarrassing moment. " "Hell no!" He said, managing to drop it back down a few octaves. "I ain't leaving her out here in the middle of nowhere with these freaks!"

Cas rolled his eyes then, and stuck out his hand. It was probably exhaustion that made Dean's brain short circuit for a moment trying to register that Cas was asking for the keys and not his hand. He was gonna have to have (another) serious talk with the demon about speaking that way in front of Cas. He pulled out his keys, eyeing them for a minute remembering the last time he had handed his keys willingly over to the angel. He gave a small shrug and dropped the keys in Cas's hand, scooped up his machete, walked around the to the other side and got in. It's not like there were any crazy ladies around carrying the spawn of Satan to kidnap the car, and he had made a vow to be a better friend to Cas. Trusting him to drive her safely was the least he could do. He waited inside while everyone else piled in, not missing the wink Crowley gave him in the rear view as he crawled in the back. That son of a bitch knew exactly what he did, and it was all Dean could do not to reach back and smack him. He opted to just glare back as he waited for Cas to start up the car. They pulled into the road and drove off towards safety just as the sun dipped passed the horizon.

******

 

"So you wanna tell me what you two idjits did to screw things up this time?"

Sam chuckled at Garth's use of the term as he glanced over his glass of whiskey. He and Bess had made it to the bunker an hour beforehand, their small daughter and only a handful of their family members in tow. They had a rough time making it through the chaos, losing most of the other werewolves along the way. Had sent Kaia and Aziraphale to get everyone else settled while he and Garth say down in the kitchen to catch up. It was the first time they had seen each other since Garth had attacked him and Jack in that parking garage when he was under Michael's control. He had to admit that he was nervous calling Garth at first. He took off immediately after they had let him out of the trunk, and they hadn't spoken since. Leave it to Garth though, not to hold a grudge.

"I shot God." Sam coughed, after letting the amber liquid slip down his throat.

"Good one." Garth laughed, lifting his own drink to his mouth as he studied Sam's face. He scrunched his brow in confusion, lowering his glass marginally. "You're pulling my leg, right?" Sam just shrugged in response, finishing off his glass and pouring another. Garth slammed his drink back down. "Well I'll be damned." He said in an astounded whisper that slowly turned into a laugh. " You Winchester's, I swear. What the hell were you even thinking, man?

"I wasn't." Sam scoffed, downing his drink.

"I'm sorry, dude, but I'm gonna need the whole story here." Garth managed between laughs.

So, Sam explained. He told Garth everything, starting with Michael taking over Dean. He told him about Dean managing to lock Michael in his head, the Malik box. How they managed to talk dean down from throwing himself into the ocean only to have Michael escape when that gorgon knocked him out. He told him about jack burning off the rest of his soul to save them. About Nick and Lucifer. Mary. He told him how Dean was determined to take Jack out, how God showed up and pretty much told them that their entire lives was just one giant game for him.  
"He was going to let Dean kill himself, kill Jack, just for his own entertainment and when Dean refused, he just snapped his fingers and...and Jack was dead. I just lost it. So, I grabbed the gun and I pulled the trigger. I don't know man, it was like he didn't even care about anything he did. Like he wasn't even remotely sorry. I only caught him in the shoulder but.... he got pissed, and we'll...here we are."

Garth leaned back on his chair and let out a heavy sigh. " That really sucks man. I'm sorry about your mom. Jack seemed like a real good kid." Sam just gave him a grunt in response as he drained the last of the whiskey into his glass. "So, is that why you got that angel lurking around? You know them other universe folks ain't gonna take too kindly to having him around here."

Sam stared at him in shock, chocking on his drink. He hadn't even gotten to that part of the story yet. " How did you..."

"Heightened senses, amigo." Garth said proudly. " One of the perks of being a werewolf. Not to mention the fact that ever since Mikey hit me with his go-go juice, I've been able to smell a feather-head from a mile away. You'd be surprised how little of them are left."

"Ha, yeah." Sam said, shaking himself out. "I've heard." He took his last sip and set the glass on the table. " I guess that's pretty much why Aziraphale's here. He got a demon with him too, but he took off with Dean and... I don't know man...it's all so fucked up."

"Whoa now!" Garth chuckled " you telling me Dean willingly went off with a demon? This really is the end of the world."

"Well I mean, they're friends, I guess... I don't know..." Sam sighed. "He just came back with those two in tow, claiming that they were here to help us and..."

"Slow down." Garth chuckled. " Back up your story there. Dean came back? Back from where?"

Sam heaved another sigh, really wishing he has more alcohol to explain this part. "After Chuck Thanos snapped the universe, we were surrounded. Cas saved our asses and got out of the graveyard but when we got back, he came up with crazy idea to go find help in other universes, and he and Dean started going at it, and he kinda.... tossed Dean into another dimension."

"Ah," Garth nodded. "A lover's quarrel gone wrong." Sam stared at him in shock again, but before he could say anything Garth just tapped the end of his nose. "Heightened senses, Sam. It ain't just fear we can smell. Anyway, continue."

"Yeah," Sam chuckled, still reeling from the fact that everyone seemed to know about his brother and Cas. Except them. Maybe they did for all he knew. What the fuck was happening? "Anyway, Dean gets there and buddies up with this angel and his demon.... friend, and we managed to get him back, and he just... I don't know he expects us to trust them. Like it's nothing you know." Sam ran his hands through his hair and rested his elbows on the table.

" Have they given you any reason not to?" Garth asked.

"Well, no..."

Garth leaned down to match Sam's position and smirked, quirking his head slightly before he spoke. "Then I don't see what the problem is. You of all people should know that not all creatures are monsters, Sam. Hell, me and mine are a living testament of that. The way I see it, you got two guys that your brother trusts enough to bring around that are willing to help. I wouldn't look that gift horse too hard on the mouth of I were you."

"You're right." Sam chuckled. Garth never seemed to amaze him with his weird little nuggets of wisdom.

"Alright then," Garth smiled leaning back into his chair, "what's the game plan?"

"Actually, I think I better wait to explain that until everyone gets here." Sam said sheepishly, still unsure of the plan he and Aziraphale mapped out earlier. It was crazy, and stupid, but it just might be their only shot. " I think I better call Dean for now. Check up on him and the girls and let him know y'all made it here safe."

******

"I don't know Sam, maybe because there's a damn apocalypse happening right now!"

Dean had been arguing on the phone with Sam for the better part of an hour now. He hadn't even gotten the chance to appreciate the sheer enormity of the hotel Cas had found for them before his little brother had called to check in. Which was an absolute shame because from the outside, this place looked like the God-damned Palace of Versailles. He couldn't say much for the inside though. As soon as Baby had been safely parked inside the half-empty parking garage, Cas zapped them all to the penthouse suite. He said that it was necessary for everyone's peace of mind to avoid the carnage throughout the rest of the hotel. "No, I already called the girls and told them to wait. We can probably be there by tomorrow night, and I don't want them out in that mess by themselves." He swirled the perfectly aged whiskey Cas had gotten him (after Dean had insisted it would be the only way he'd be able to get any sleep) from the bar downstairs, around in his class, mindlessly watching the whirlpool of liquid in the center as he spoke. " I told you dude. It's bad out there. There's no way we'd make it before tomorrow anyway, and Cas demanded we get some rest."

He was sitting in the shared living space of the suite, lounged across the small but soft sofa set in front of the fireplace he could fall asleep right there if he wanted to, even though it wasn't necessary. The suite had two rooms (one of them already claimed by Rowena, who was quick to shut herself up and was probably snoozing away) with king-sized beds, along with the living space, a dining area and a large kitchen. To be honest, it looked more like a decent sized apartment instead of a hotel room, but Dean wasn't complaining. If he was going to spend another night away from home it might as well be in the lap of luxury. "Since he used his 'Angel of the Lord' voice on me, that's when!" Dean squawked at Sam when he asked when he started listening to what Cas said. Admittedly he probably shouldn't be so snippy with Sam. It wasn't his fault Dean was still so wound up over Crowley's teasing, but the tone of his question sounded way to amused for Dean to let it go. "Besides, Rowena said she's not budging till morning anyway, so it's not like I have a lot of choices. Yeah, okay, just keep me updated on who's there and give Garth and the family my best. Make sure to feed the Angel too. Crowley says he gets pissy if he don eat. Later bitch." He laughed as he hung up the phone before Sam could reply with his usual "jerk" and tossed it to the side.

He laid still for a while, trying his best to will himself to get up from the sofa and failing miserably. It was all he could do at this point not to let the exhaustion take over and pull him into a deep sleep. It wasn't until he registered that the conversation coming from the kitchen had become heated that he was able to move. "Son of a bitch, what now?" He mumbled as he pushes himself to a standing position, His muscles and joint creaking in protest.

"I have known them for years!" Dean heard Cas practically growl as he walked in to the kitchen. " I have watched over them and fought by their sides through more than you could ever imagine. You've been here for a day? Two? You've barely known Dean for a week. You're wrong."

"I've lived amongst humans far longer than you have." Crowley argued, in a too casual tone." I know them better than I know myself at times. I've learned from their history, I've seen their movies, I've read their books. I assure you, I'm absolutely correct."

Dean froze, panic washing through him. He had told Crowley to drop it, even accepted that he would keep teasing him regardless, but now he was dragging Cas into this bullshit. The guy wasn't exactly the most knowledgeable when it came to human behavior. He has gotten better for sure since they first met, but there were still a few holes here and there. What if Crowley managed to convince him that Dean had some weird crush on him. He didn't need that awkwardness. He and Cas were finally getting back on the right foot but circumstances were shaky at best. Anything could tip the scale one way or the other and a demon telling Cas that Dean had feelings for the angel that he didn't was definitely something that could mess with that balance. "What the hell are you two talking about?" He demanded, glaring daggers at Crowley.

"Dean?" Cas jumped when he heard Dean's voice. It was odd because he was usually always acutely aware of the hunter's presence, which just further worried Dean and solidified his concern that he knew exactly what the topic of conversation was. " I thought you were asleep." Cas said, furrowing his brow in... confusion...anger... disappointment? It was hard to tell. "Your friend here seems to think you aren't a sufficient hunter." He turned to Crowley again and have him an annoyed look. " I was informing him otherwise. You and Sam have been doing this your whole lives. I believe that you would know exactly what you are supposed to do."

"I merely stated that it was a terrible waste of energy killing vampires the way that you do." Crowley said. " It's stupidly inefficient to cut off their heads, when everyone knows you can stab them in the heart with a stake, or drown them in sunlight."

"Seriously?!" Dean chuckled through a sigh of relief. "That's what you're arguing about?"

"Yes." Crowley smirked. " Why? What else did you think we were discussing?"

"Nothing." Dean glared, before going to lean against the counter next to Cas. "Cas is right though, dude. All that stuff about garlic and stakes is just Hollywood bull shit."

"Oh." Crowley sighed. " Aziraphale will be terribly disappointed then. He loves monster novels. Though, I suppose it shouldn't matter. We don't have such creatures on our world." He glanced over at Cas and received a cocky sneer in return. "Gloat all you want, Castiel, I still know more about humans than you."

Cas's response was cut off when Dean's stomach let out an angry roar. " You should eat something." Cas scorned. " You will need all your energy of tomorrow is anything like today was. I'll go down to the hotel kitchen and see what they have." And just like that he was gone.

Dean sighed and glared at Crowley. "What did I say about getting Cas riled up?" He grumbled.

"It started off as a completely civil conversation, I assure you." Crowley said innocently. "It isn't my fault that your angel is so wildly protective of you that even suggesting that you're anything less than perfect is enough to send him into a tizzy."

"Enough." Dean grunted. "Don't think I missed that shit earlier. Cas is my friend. Yeah, he's protective, but he always has been. Me and Sam are the only family he's got. He'll fight for us to the death if he has to and it goes the same way for us. Tell me you wouldn't do the same for Aziraphale?" Crowley raised his eyebrows at that, a wicked smile creeping up his face. Dean knew exactly what his mistake was, bringing up their relationship in parallel to him and Cas. "Shut up!" He groaned. It was a fight he wasn't going to win.

Cas appeared next to them a few moments later, placing a plate down in front of Dean, with a massive sandwich teetering in the center, before setting a glass of water next to it. "Eat." He demanded. "Drink the whole glass and then go to bed."

"They run out of the good stuff?" Dean said, eyeing the water in front of him.

Cas rolled his eyes and pushed the water closer. " You need to stay hydrated. Consuming nothing but alcohol won't do you any favors if we are required to run tomorrow."

"Okay, mom!" Dean mumbled through his bite of sandwich, noticing the slight flinch Cas made at his words as he took a drink. Shit! Mary was still a sore subject. For both of them, Dean realized when a small rush of anger and hurt coursed through him. They say in awkward silence for a while, staring at each other, waiting for the other one to say something.

It was a good thing Crowley stood up and yawned when he did, effectively cutting off whatever the angel was about to say. The balance of their friendship could remain intact for the night. "I hope nobody has claimed the couch yet." Crowley yawned again. "I would very much like to get some rest myself."

Cas tilted his head in Crowley's direction. "I thought you didn't need to sleep."

"I don't." Crowley shrugged. "I like to sleep. It makes me happy. You could afford to indulge in a few human luxuries yourself, Castiel. You never know what you might find to tickle your fancy."

Cas watched in confusion as Crowley sauntered off into the living room. Dean cleared his throat (trying his best to ignore what the demon could have possibly meant by that) to get Cas's attention. " He's very cocky, for a demon." Cas stated.

"He's a good guy." Dean insisted. "He takes some getting used to, but I promise, give him a chance and you'll learn to like him."

Cas's expression was unreadable as he studied Dean's face. A million emotions seemed to fill his eyes once, ranging from one end of the spectrum to another. He opened his mouth, as if to speak, then shook his head and cast his gaze to the counter. "I'll do my best," he said quietly, "if that is what you wish."

*****

 

"Was that Dean?" Aziraphale asked Sam when he walked into the library after hanging up his phone.

"Yeah." Sam said. "They ran into some trouble after they left hell and had to stop for the night." Sam sat down next to the angel, pulling one of the books spread out over the table and flipping it open.

"Trouble?" Aziraphale fussed. "Is everything alright? Was anyone injured."

"They're fine." Sam insisted, scribbling some notes down on his note pad. " More monsters than they expected, I guess." He felt Aziraphale shift in his seat and looked up to see the worried expression taking over his face. "They're good, okay?" He said reassuringly. "They've got Cas with them, and he won't let anything bad happen to them." Aziraphale nodded and glanced back down at his book, still looking unsure. "Got anything new?" Sam asked, trying to change the subject.

"Not really." Aziraphale replied, shuffling notes around in front of him. "I've looked into everything from capturing demons to archangels and I'm afraid none of it seems strong enough to hold the Almighty himself. I don't even think a combination of each would be sufficient."

"Yeah well, I guess we're the first ones crazy enough to try to cage God." Sam scoffed, flipping through his own notes.

"You've had more experience with him than I have." Aziraphale sighed. " Do you know of any weaknesses he might have, perhaps?"

 

Sam blew out a large breath and scrubbed his hands over his face, shaking his head. " Souls? He said souls were complicated, even for him. We built a would bomb once, to take out Amara, but we never got the chance to use it. We don't even know if it would have worked. It was hard enough trying to gather enough to even make it I don't think building a soul cage would be any easier."

Aziraphale stared at him with wild curiosity, as if he had a million questions, but he shook his head instead. "No, it's probably best to set that idea aside for now. Anything else?"

"He was scared of Jack." Sam shrugged. " I don't think that was part of the act but I could be wrong. It wouldn't matter anyway. Jack's gone and unless you and Cas feel like going around and making a few Nephilim and waiting nine months, I think we can throw that in the trash too.'

"I'm alright." Aziraphale gulped, looking absolutely mortified. " Besides, I don't believe we have that kind of time to spare."

Sam grimaced at the next thing that floated through his head. He didn't even want to bring it up, but they were all out of options. "There's Amara. She tried to kill him once, almost did. I think, besides that gun, which he probably has, she's the only thing powerful enough to even hurt him."

"Do you have any idea on how to contact her?"

Sam bit his lip and shook his head. "We know where she is, or at least where Chuck told us she is but...no. We can't go down that road again. It's a bad idea."

"Why's that?" Aziraphale asked.

"Besides the fact that he's her brother, and we'd be asking her to help trap him?" Sam scoffed. It wasn't totally outlandish. She might still harbor some ill feelings towards Chuck for locking her away. Hell, she might even jump at the idea to get some revenge...but still ..." She's chaos dude. She's the embodiment of destruction. We aren't exactly lacking in that area right now, I don't think it would help to being more in."

"But if she's the only thing that can even touch him, what other choice do we have?"

He was right. They could sit there for days and go over every book in at their disposal ten times and still come up with nothing. Amara was the only surefire way they had any hope. " Dean's gonna hate this." He groaned.

"I thought he and Amara got along rather well." Aziraphale said.

"Is that what he told you?" Sam scoffed, the angel shrugging in response. " I would call it 'getting along'. It was more like a sick obsession with those two. He was the first thing she saw when she escaped and because of that she latched on to him. They shared some weird bond because of the Mark or whatever. She had kind of this spell over him. He couldn't even bring himself to try to hurt her. It was like nothing could break them apart. The only time he was able to snap out of it for even a second was when she kidnapped Lucifer and I think that's only because the son of a bitch was riding shotgun inside Cas at the time."

"I see ..." Aziraphale nodded, nervously tapping his fingers over the table-top. He stayed silent for a moment, lost in thought, opening and closing his mouth several times before he finally spoke again. " Do you think, that maybe if Castiel accompanied Dean to search for her, he might be able to manage?"

Sam considered the idea for a while. His bond with Cas was the only thing that managed to break him out of her spell. He didn't like the idea of the two of them going off and facing her alone, but if she was their only other option..." Maybe. I guess." He sighed.

"Then I really don't see the harm in trying." The angel concluded.

Sam nodded and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes and shaking his head. " Dean's gonna hate this." He groaned again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick thank you again to all of you for your continued support. Your positivity gives me hope.😘


	19. Keep Yourself Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and the gang unite with the wayward sisters and Sam fight his demons with the help of an angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've been feeling some type of way these past few days and as a result, y'all get a nice long chapter. Enjoy!

"Oofta! You look a little rough there Dean. Come in, come in."

They arrived at Donna's cabin a little after 7 that night. The trip went a bit faster than the day before. They did their best to stay off back roads when possible, the lower population of the Dakota's and Minnesota helping out a lot. Less people living in an area, less people to turn into monsters. It wasn't easy by any means, but it was better. Dean stepped into the cabin, followed closely by Castiel, Rowena and Crowley, using all the energy he had left to scoop Donna into a big bear hug. "Heya Sherriff!" He smiled, as she hugged back. "How you ladies been holdin up?"

"Oh, we're peachy!" Donna replied in a sincere and cheerful tone.

"Really?" Dean scoffed, holding her at arm's length to scrutinize her face.

"Oh, you betchya." She nodded. "Getting here was a little rough going, but the girls were able to hold their own. Claire's a real firecracker and Alex did a bang-up job of patchin everyone up when we got hurt. Patience's visions helped a lot, too. We were able to avoid most of the danger before it even came at us. Jodes is in the kitchen making dinner with 'em right now."

"That's...really good to hear." Dean chuckled. He had no idea what he was so concerned about. These weren't fragile women by any means. They probably could hold down the cabin by themselves and ride out the end of the world right here without batting an eye.

"Dean Winchester." Came Jody's voice in a scolding tone behind Donna. He peaked around Donna's shoulder to see Jody standing a few feet away, tomato sauce splattered across her apron making her scowl look that much more intimidating. " Just what kind of trouble have you boys gotten us into this time."

"Hey.... Jody..." Dean said nervously, scratching the back of his head.

Her expression softened into a smile as she held out her arms. "Bring it in Dean. I'm so glad you're okay." She hugged him right and swayed him back and forth a couple times, before pulling back and smacking him on his arm.

"Ow!"

"You had us worried sick! We haven't heard from you since you left this morning! Haven't you ever heard of picking up a phone!" She scolded.

"Sorry!" Dean said defensively, rubbing the spot she hit. " We got a little tied up." Right on cue he heard a throat clear from behind him and saw the other three standing awkwardly by the door.

"Uhm...hmm..hello." Cas said shuffling forward a bit. "My name is..."

"Oh, I know all about you Castiel." Jody smiled, side eyeing Dean. "It's nice to finally meet you in person.

"Jiminy Christmas!" Donna squealed. " You're Castiel? The Castiel. The angel?"

"Um...yes...?" Cas replied nervously.

"Well, gosh aren't you just a tall glass of water!" She said grabbing his hand and shaking it vigorously. " I can see why you boys felt the need to keep him all to yourselves.  
Nice to finally see where Claire gets those big baby blues from."

 

"I... uh...um." Cas sputtered nervously, looking to Dean for an out, but before he could provide one Donna had quickly moved onto hugging Rowena.

"And you must be that witch the boys are always going on about." Donna smiled. " That fiery hair of yours is a dead giveaway."

"Rowena." The witch said gently pushing herself away and dusting herself off. "McLeod. A pleasure." She sneered.

"Oh, and just look at that pretty dress of yours." Donna fussed. "We'll just have to clean you up as soon as you get settled. Oh! And who's this handsome fella?" Donna smiled holding a hand out to Crowley.

"Anthony J. Crowley. At your service." Crowley shook Donna's had and stepped forward to shake Jody's as well but was stopped at the edge of the rug. He looked up, his face twisted in confusion.

A devil's trap! Shit! Thought Dean in a moment of panic. He knew there was something he forgot to tell them. He turned to Jody to try to explain but it was too late. She already had a vial of holy water in her hand aiming it at Crowley. Dean tried to shout, he tried to stop her, but it was all happening too quick. He watched as the water flew in droplets across the air in slow motion, heading straight for the demon, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He couldn't even register the telltale flutter of wings unfurling at first. It was like lighting as Cas dashed the few feet across the room, placing himself between the demon and the water. Time sped back up as the others gazed at the angel in shock and awe, water dripping from his face and, what looked to be midair beside him, though from the shadows on the wall it was clear to see that he had his wings spread wide, preventing even so much as a drop from touching the demon.

Cas spit the water from his mouth and stepped a safe distance away from Crowley, fluffing his wings out to dry them, before tucking the back in. " He's a friend of Dean's." He said, wiping the excess from his face. "He's here to help."

"I'm sorry." Crowley chuckled. "Am I missing something? Is it customary to douse your guests here, or is it just a hunter thing?"

"Holy water." Dean gasped in disbelief.

Crowley's eyes went wide behind his glasses as he pressed himself against the door. "Holy water?! I haven't even done anything! I simply gave you my name, I hardly think that would be considered a killable offense?"

Dean scoffed at the demon's dramatics, ready to argue that it would probably just burn him a bit, but Cas interrupted, addressing the women. " Crowley is not from this world. Holy water has a much stronger effect on the demons where he is from. As it was explained to me, a single drop could incinerate him almost entirely." He turned to Crowley again, an annoyed look plastered over his dampened face. "You're welcome."

"Thank you." Crowley said breathlessly. "You saved my life. I owe you Castiel. Truly...thank you."

Cas nodded briefly and turned back to the others, each of them in various stages of shock. "He helped Dean when he needed it. If Dean says he can be trusted than we should believe him."

Donna and Jody cast their eyes on Dean then, but he couldn't take his eyes off Cas. He just saved Crowley's life. Cas just saved a demon's life. Someone he obviously didn't like. Why? Dean had no idea the effects of holy water on demons from Crowley and Aziraphale's world, but Cas did (he and Aziraphale must have discussed it) and he still saved him. "Cas..."

"A demon, Dean?" Jody said disapprovingly, breaking him out of his stupor.

"Yeah," Dean said turning to face Jody. " He's different. Trust me. While we're at it you might want to take all the demon warding down. Crowley here is kinda the new 'King interim' of hell. He's got them helping us out so..."

"Well ain't that just a hoot and half." Donna said, still sounding a little skeptical.

"You'll have to explain all of that over dinner." Jody nodded. She walked over to the door and pulled out a knife before flipping up to corner of the rug and scratching away at some paint from the devil's trap. She flipped her knife closed and tucked it away, walking towards the kitchen as she spoke. "C'mon, let's go eat before you get washed up. Hope everyone likes lasagna."

 

The rest followed behind her, further into the cabin where Dean could see the girls setting the table waving excitedly over to him. He waved back briefly, but stayed in place, holding Cas back as everyone else walked by. He waited for everyone to take their place at the table (Crowley understandably farther from the rest) and turned to the angel, keeping his voice low. "Dude, why'd you do that?" He asked.

"He is your friend, Dean." Cas said. "I wouldn't let harm com to someone you care about if I am able to prevent it. You say that he is trustworthy. I trust you."

It probably said something horrible about their friendship, that such simple words could draw such a profound feeling of guilt from Dean. There was pride there too, a little bit of happiness mixed in, but the guilt was overwhelming. So much of what they had been through over the past few years could have been avoided if had simply trusted Cas. So much of what was happening, even now. And here Cas stood, after saving the life of someone he didn't even like, for Dean's sake, not only saying the words, but proving them to be true. Dean had no idea what to say. He reached out and wrapped his arms around the angel, pulling him into a tight hug and buried his head into Cas's shoulder. " Thank you." He said softly, unable to come up with anything more meaningful to describe just how much those words meant to him.

Cas hugged back briefly, pulling away first, because it was too much. He always enjoyed physical contact with the human, but it was too much now, seeing him emotional over someone he barely even knew. Dean wasn't the emotional type, not in this way, and it was just too much for Cas to handle. He patted the hunter on the back, mumbling a simple "Of course, Dean" before making his way into the kitchen with the others.

 

He sat through dinner, on the opposite end of the table from Crowley, watching as Dean explained the story, the demon filling in points he missed, the two of them laughing at supposedly funny parts. The rest of the group listened quietly, but Cas just watched Dean, tuning out as much as he could. He watched Dean's expressions change with each mood each part brought on. He watched his arms flail widely as he described particularly exciting scenarios. His eyes crinkle at the corners each time a smile slipped over his features. He found himself musing about the fact that those crinkles weren't there a few years ago. How he had watched each one appear with the passing of time. He became acutely aware that, every so often, the girl known as Patience would lean in and whisper something to Claire, causing the two of them to giggle. It wasn't too long before someone else noticed it as well.

"Got something you wanna share with the class P?" Alex said, putting her fork down on her empty plate.

"Sorry." Patience said quietly, looking down at her lap shyly. "It's just.... Dean's thinking something's pretty loudly, and I thought Claire might find it amusing."

"I... I'm thinking loud..." Dean asked skeptically. " You Can read people's thoughts now?"

"My skills have improved over the past year or so." Patience admitted. " Ever since I opened myself up to them, they've been getting stronger. I'm nowhere near where my grandmother was at my age, but yeah, I can kinda read thoughts now. Mostly just the unconscious ones, but all of yours are pretty loud." She smirked.

"Patience," Jody sighed. "What have I told you about reading people's personal thoughts?"

"That I should block them out or keep them to myself." Patience  
said petulantly. "Sorry, miss Jody."

"Don't worry about it kid!" Dean smiled." Missouri had a way of doing that too, except she had no problem callin someone out. So, tell me, what was I screaming atchya in my head?"

Both her and Claire bowed their heads trying their best to hide their smirks. "Trust me Deano, " Claire chuckled " I don't think you want her telling everyone what's going on in that pretty boy noggin of yours."

 

"Oh, c'mon kid," Dean whined. " You know me. I got no shame."

"Oh, I really think you do, old man." Claire smirked back.

"Okay!" Jody said loudly as she stood up. "Girls why don't you get dinner cleaned up and put away while we get these guys settled for the night?"

"C'mon Jody." Claire protested. "If Dean doesn't have any shame, he should have any problem with me telling everyone that he..."

"Claire, kitchen. Now."

"Whatever." Claire mumbled as she and the other girls gathered up the dishes. They walked around the island and the three began whispering to each other, giggling as they worked.

"Alright guys let's get you set up for the night." Jody smiled. "The girls have claimed the loft and Donna and I have been making the pull-out work, but if Rowena feels like she'd rather sleep on that instead of the floor, I have no problem making a pallet. I have a cot set up in the work shed for Dean, I don't know if either of you need sleep but there's plenty of space out there. I'm sure we can fix something up."

"Thanks Jody." Dean smiled. "That's fine. I think we're just for concerned about how all of us are gonna get back to the bunker in one piece."

"Oh, that shouldn't be a problem." Donna said cheerfully. " I think I found the perfect solution."

 

********  
The bunker was full again. The last of the hunters he had been able to contact had arrived early that morning and were now roaming the halls. Sam should have been happy. They were safe here, for now (at least from the monsters roaming around outside). He had done that. They were together because of him. But as he looked around, watching each of them trade stories and exchange words of encouragement, expressing their relief, he felt nothing but anguish. He looked into each face and saw burnt out eyes and broken bones. One minute they were all standing, and in a blink, all he could see was each of them sprawled across the floor, drowning in their own blood. He had been here before. He had led a group of hunters to fight against the odds, and now each and every single one of them was dead. He did that too. He had promised those people safety and refuge. People who had survived war against Heaven, only to die at the hands of the one angel they feared the most, because Sam couldn't protect them.

His breathing began to become erratic, his vision became a blur, he felt his heart speed up, his throat was closing up as he remembered the sound of Maggie screaming his name. It was a sound that had haunted his nightmares ever since it happened. She sounded so desperate, so pleading, and all Sam could do was watch as she fell to the floor. Suddenly it was like he was witnessing the whole horrible scene all over again, when a Hardy hand landed firmly on his shoulder. "Hey there Chief." Came Bobby's voice from beside him. He whipped around to face the man, and the familiar face should have been enough to calm him, but even Bobby wasn't the same. This wasn't the man who was his surrogate father, just someone who shared his face. Sam had let his Bobby die too. "Whoa, kid you okay?" Bobby asked taking his hand back. " You look like you've seen a ghost. Which I guess ain't that unlikely considering." He chuckled.

"Yeah." Sam breathed out, trying to shake himself from his panic. "Yeah I'm good."

"If you say so..." Bobby said looking him up and down suspiciously. "I just wanted to let you know that we're ready whenever you are."

"Yeah...yeah okay thanks Bobby I just...uh give me a minute..." Sam said.

"Sure thing." Bobby nodded. " I'll just go gather the masses and you come talk to us up front when you get your head together. "

"Thanks." Sam breathed out, watching the man walk away. He quickly ran to the bathroom as Bobby began calling out for everyone to head to the War Room. He flung open the door, locking it behind him, and ran over to the sinks. The cold water he splashed on his face did very little to calm his nerves. He was shaking, he was nauseous, he couldn't even take a solid breath. He couldn't do this. Not again. How was he supposed to do this again, when he had failed so miserably the last time? How could he be expected to lead another group of people to their inevitable deaths? He glanced at himself in the mirror, droplets of water falling from his face as he stared back at the monster he saw in the reflection. That's what he always was. He wasn't a hero, he wasn't a leader. From the moment Azazel entered his nursery, all those years ago, he became a monster, and that's all he'd ever be. It didn't matter how much good he tried to do, how many lives he tried to save, nothing could erase what he truly was. His eyes began to sting as he gripped the sides of the sink, his knuckles bleeding white over the porcelain. A knock came at the door. "Occupied!" He choked out, trying his best to keep his tone even.

"Sam?" Came Aziraphale's voice, accompanying another knock.

"I'll be right out." He said, a little calmer this time. " I just need a minute."

"Sam, are you alright?" Aziraphale asked. " You sound upset."

"I'm fine." Sam replied, his voice breaking on the lie. "I ..I just...I'm good."

The door unlocked then (curse the man for being an angel) and Aziraphale stepped inside, locking it again behind him. " You don't sound fine. You don't look fine either. Care to tell me what's wrong?"

"No."

"I'm only here to help." Aziraphale stated, holding his hands up in surrender. " I saw you run in here after talking to that man. I assumed you might need some assistance, but if you insist, I'll just..." He moved his hand down to the handle as if to leave when he heard Sam break out into a pained sob.

"I can't do this." Sam choked. "I can't lead these people into battle, I...I can't.... it's not who I am." He had no idea why he was suddenly pouring his heart out to a stranger, but he was. Aziraphale moved away from the door and let his hands fall to his side, listening intently while same spoke. "I'm not a leader. I've tried. I tried to save people my entire life and almost every single one of them has ended up dead because of me. And this? This is too big. I couldn't even save a handful of people from a single angel. How am I supposed to lead everyone against all the crazy out there? How am I supposed to help them fight God? I'm not a hero, okay. I'm the villain. Everything that's happening now, it's all my fault. I'm a monster."

Aziraphale shook his head and took a step forward, " Now, now none of that. That isn't true."

"And how do you know?!" Sam snapped, causing the angel to take a step back. "You think you know all about me? You think you get to form an opinion based on a few stories my brother told you. I've got news for you. Dean's an idiot! He likes to pretend like the sun shines out of my ass. He's spent my entire life trying to convince me that I'm more than I really am, that I'm this amazing person that he raised me to be, when he knows just as well as I do that I'm not!"

Aziraphale stood in silence by the door. He waited with a neutral expression on his face while Sam yelled at him, and stayed silent for several minutes after he was done. Finally, he approached the hunter leaning against the sink next to Sam and staring off at the opposite wall. " Do you know why the almighty made the angels?" His tone suggested that it wasn't a question that he expected Sam to answer, so he stood and waited for the angel to continue. " We were made to be his perfect soldiers. To stand by his side and guard Heaven. It was silly really. At the time there was nothing to protect, yet still, we were made. We had a purpose. It was only when Lucifer rebelled that our purpose gained meaning. Do you know why he made humans?" He glanced at Sam briefly then, turning back to the wall when Sam shook his head. "Neither did we. But it wasn't our place to ask. We all assumed it was because he was lonely, but he had put them in a separate place away from him, so that didn't make a bit of sense. All we knew was that we were to protect them. I failed pretty spectacularly at that from the get go. I had let Crowley into the garden. I allowed the very first humans become aware of the knowledge of good and evil. I tried to right my wrongs by giving them my sword to protect themselves in the wild, and that turned into a disaster as well. They use it to create war. It became a summoning tool for the horseman. What's worse is I became friends with the very demon caused all that. I felt like a failure fore quite some time, but I kept doing my job.  
I am an angel after all. So I watched over the humans and helped where I could. It was my penance in a way. Deciding to stay on Earth with them. I certainly didn't belong in Heaven after doing what I did. So I stayed. Alongside with Crowley."

"He was a demon. A 'monster' at its core definition. His job was to create chaos, make trouble. He was to corrupt human souls and bind them forever, in Hell's name. And that's what he did. He tempted Eve to eat the fruit, forever damming every human who disobeyed the word of the Almighty to suffer forever in Hell." Aziraphale paused, a small smile graced his features as he pulled from the memories from centuries ago. "Our very first conversation was on the walls of Eden as we watched Adam and Eve venture off into the wilderness. It was raining. The first rain actually. I remember him saying to me how he felt like it was an overreaction, tossing them out for one simple sin. I ignored it, of course. God said they must be punished for their sins, so it must have been justified. He laughed at the fact that I had given them my sword for protection. It was a minor thing, I thought. That was my job after all. He said how he thought it would be funny to find out that he did the right thing, by teaching them about good and Evil and I did the wrong thing by giving them my sword. That had to be impossible, I thought, he was a demon, and I was an angel. Our natures would prevent us from doing the opposite of our purposes. Let me tell you, it wasn't funny at all when we discovered how right that statement really was." His smile faded slightly before he continued. "Still, he amused me, so we kept in contact. Showing up to various major events here and there, exchanging our opinions based on our different sides of the coin. He stayed on Earth as well, preferring the company of humans over demons, not that I could blame him. He'd cause a battle here, a plague there, but over time his efforts became less and less nefarious. He'd stand out of the way, more often than not, and I found myself letting him cause his minor bits of chaos, which dissolved into little more than pranks really, without interfering."

Aziraphale finally turned to face Sam then, his face turning serious as he took a deep breath. "You see, the more time we spent around humanity, the more we learned that nothing was ever really their fault. No human is born entirely evil, nor has there ever been one born that was entirely good. Humans are just born. Entirely human. It is the circumstances in which they find themselves that tip them one way or the other. That's how God made you. Monsters are not born, they are made, but that decision to become one rests entirely on their shoulders. Do you know what makes a monster? Lack of remorse. An angel is not a monster because he wipes out an entire village at God behest, but they become one when the feel no sorrow for the lives that are lost. A demon who feels sorry for the souls he has damned to hell, simply because he has no other choice cannot be considered a monster either. They are simply doing what they are made to do. A werewolf who decides to live off of animal hearts, rather than take a human life is a different type of creature, most definitely, but a monster he is not. A man who was cursed by a monstrous demon, before he was old enough to defend himself, because of a deal that was made before he was even born, does not a monster make."

Sam gazed at the angel in awe, earning him a soft smile in return. "It is true that your brother may have embellished stories about you." Aziraphale nodded. Meeting you in person, I can see where he exaggerated about you. I do not see before me, the man that was described. What I do see, however, is not a monster, but a man who is very scared, and with every right to be so. I can not begin to imagine the horrors you boys have seen in your lifetime. It must all be very frightening, but I also believe it has made you strong. What I see before me, is a man who has the opportunity to take that strength, that knowledge based on years of sheer horror, to go out there and share that wisdom with people who need it to fight off the actual monsters that are plaguing their existence." The angel pulled on the bottom of his coat and straighten up, making his way to the door before pausing with his hand on the knob. "If you don't feel that you can lead them that's fine. You don't have to, but if you want to avoid becoming the monster you fear that you are, the least you can do is help them lead themselves, rather than damning them to die on their own."

 

The click of the closing door echoed throughout the room, as Sam slumped against the sink, with nothing he could say.

******

 

Dean let the soft crunch of twigs beneath his feet, the crisp morning breeze and the bitter taste of his morning coffee ground him as he followed Donna out to another shed further back on the property. His sleep had been restless, to say the least, but if someone were to ask him why he wouldn't be able to give an answer. He knew the night mares were bad, but he couldn't remember why, and for some reason that made them that much worse. The unknown was a concept that shook everyone to their core but for Dean Winchester, the unknown usually amounted to a matter of life and death and now wasn't the time to be letting things like that keep him from a good night's rest. He briefly wished he had asked Cas to stay with him last night and watch over him (the Angel had a certain knack about keeping the things that go bump in the night from haunting Dean's slumber) but things were still fragile between them and the guy had acted so weird last night after that hug that he didn't want to say or do anything to upset that precious balance again.

He tried his best to surprise a yawn, watching as Donna threw open the barn doors to reveal what was inside. "Is...is that a fucking snow plow?" He asked, completely confused as to how this was going to help them get home.

"Oh, yeah." Donna said, leaning her shoulder against the massive vehicle. "Winters get real dicey out here, you know. It'd be downright stupid of me not to own one. You never know when a blizzard might hitchya. Wouldn't wanna get snowed in with no way back to town for supplies." Dean nodded along, still looking utterly confused. Donna smile and knocked her free hand on the metal frame. " This puppy here has been upgraded quite a bit though. She's got a few speed boosters, a massive fuel tank and I had the plow custom-made. Extra wide, and just a bit taller than your standard one." She shrugged and gave Dean a cheerful smile. " I may have gone a tad over board but you know, woman out in the woods alone, better to take extra precautions. She's real good at getting through bad weather, not to shabby when it comes to pushin dead trees and junk out of the road either."

It took dean a minute to catch up, mostly due to his lack of sleep, but when he did finally figure out what she was saying, he scooped her up into a crushing hug. "You're a damn genius Hanscum!" Dean cheered twirling her around.

"Tell me something I don't know." She smiled back as he set her down. " Now let's go get the others. I'd say it's about time we get this show on the road."

They walked back discussing the plan of action all the way to the cabin, entering to find a cluster of packing and petty arguments. Donna went to help Jody situate the girls while Dean pulled his three aside to go over the plan. "Alright, so we're gonna do this caravan style. Me and Donna are gonna ride up front in the snow plow. It's got some extra speed, and we should be able to push anything solid out of the way before it attacks. Still, we wanna be prepared just in case, so we need one person with some sort of mojo in each vehicle. Crowley, you're with us. Rowena, I want you in the middle with Jody, Alex and Patience. P's got eyes on what we can't see, so she should be able to alert us each way. They'll be carrying all the supplies so it's better for them to stay in the middle so everyone has equal access. We'll have walkie-talkies in each vehicle. It's faster than phones and easy for everyone to communicate at once." He paused, fiddling with his keys in his pocket for a minute before turning to Cas.

It was something he had thought about most of the night while he was trying to fall asleep, even before a full form was planned. Cas had given him his trust when it came to Crowley. It was huge. He knew it couldn't have been easy for the angel to accept the demon's help, especially considering their previous experience with working with one, but he did it anyway for Dean. It was the least Dean could do, to give Cas a show of faith in return, and this was a giant amount of trust he was about to lay on the angel. He pulled out his keys, trying his best not to show how nervous he was about the decision, and tossed them over to Cas. " Buddy, I need you and Claire bringing up the rear in Baby. You're our toughest fighter, and we need you on everyone's six."

Cas stared at the keys in his hand, his eyes almost comically wide, before looking back up at Dean. "You...you want me...."

Dean gave a nervousness laugh, trying to play it off by slapping cad on the shoulder. " I gotta be up front with Donna to give directions and it's not like I can trust any of these bozos to get baby Back in one piece. Claire's gonna be more comfortable with you than with a witch or a demon and besides..." He scratched the back of his head, unsure how the next part of why he put those two together could was gonna come out. He leaned in and lowered his voice so the girls wouldn't be able to hear. " We need someone to talk to her about the Kaia situation before we get back, and since your kinda the expert on people wearing the faces of people she loves, you're sorta our best bet."  
Dean watched as Cas processed that information, his face slipping slowly from a look of deep thought to one that read 'please don't make me do this' as realization kicked in. "Dean...I don't think that's such a good idea..."

Dean shook his head and patted Cas's shoulder one last time before going to pack up his things. " You got this Cas. I trust you." He didn't turn around to see the angel's reaction to those words. It was a catch 22 at that point. If he had seen a look of skepticism on his face, it would have hurt to know that the angel didn't believe him. If he had seen extreme joy...well it probably would have made him feel worse that such simple words could bring that emotion out in his friend when trust should have been something that was a given, not a gift. So instead he kept his eyes ahead, focus on the task at hand. They each finished packing, quickly, and split into their respective groups, parked up the cars and headed out.

It was miles down the road that Castiel was finally able to get over the shock of being allowed to drive the Impala, without Dean in it, no less, but after that faded a wave of panic set in. "So.... Claire....how is life."

"Like, mine specifically?" Claire chuckled. " Or just in general? Cuz I gotta tell you Castiel, in case you haven't been paying attention, I'm pretty sure everyone's life is kinda the same right now. Bloody." Cas furrowed his brows in embarrassment and kept his eyes on the road, promoting Claire to break into laughter. " Relax, dork! I'm teasing you. I'm good. Up until recently, things have been going pretty well. I had some trouble working through some stuff, but you know me. I can bounce back."

Cas nodded, relaxing a bit at Claire's tone. " I'm glad to hear that. What sort of stuff were you having trouble with? You know you can always call me if you're struggling. I owe it to you..."

"Chill dude." Claire interrupted. "We've been over this. You're not my dad. You don't owe me anything. You don't have to keep trying to make all that up to me. I know you feel responsible for me or whatever but... don't. I'm an adult now. Just...be a friend...okay?"

"Okay." Cas agreed after a moment. " But as your 'friend' I would still like to help you whenever possible."

"It's nothing. Really." Claire assured. "You know, just typical stuff for a girl my age. Orphan child fighting monsters, trying to hunt down the creature that brutally murdered the first person I loved. You know the usual. And Jody's been great. I have sisters now. It was rough going for a bit, but I'm good."

Cas took a deep breath and nodded his head, bracing for the storm he was about to unleash. Claire, listen. About K ..."

"Your boy toy keep any snacks in this rust bucket, of his?" Claire cut him off shuffling through the glove box.

"Claire...we need to talk about..." He began again, watching her search through the small compartment, before pausing. "Wait. My what?"

"Dean." She scoffed before pausing and looking up at the angel "Does he...wait..what?" She looked up at him in confusion, while Cas did his best to keep his eyes both on her and the road. "Am I missing something? She asked, receiving nothing but a blank side eye in return. "Are you missing something?" She chuckled, noting Castiel's confused expression remained unchanged and burst into another bout of laughter. "Oh, man this ride just got so much more interesting." She snatched the walkie-talkie off the dash and went back to searching the glove box. " Hey, Deano!"

"What's up, kid?" Came the scratchy reply through the speaker.

"Got anything besides hard candy and Rolaids a girl can eat stashed away in this thing?" Claire smirked.

"Ha ha, very funny." Dean replied. " There's a bag of jerky up under the seat on the passenger’s side."

Claire reached under the seat and pulled out the bag. " Thanks, old man. I needed a snack for the show. I'll finish it off for you so you don't mess up your dentures. Over." She set the walkie-talkies back on the dash and tore open the bag, stuffing a few pieces in, a pleased smile on her face.

"You, know..." Cas said after a while, " Dean is only 40. In the grand scheme of things, I don't think that really constitutes as 'old'."

"Not to you." Claire said through her mouth full of jerky. " To me he's a fossil. But you're like a trillion years old. Really robbing the cradle with that one, aren't you?"

"I don't understand what my age has to do with kidnapping infants."

"It's a..." Claire started, before shaking her head and moving on. " Never mind. You won't get it. You're like an alien I swear!"

Cas huffed out a breath, trying again to steel himself for what he had to say. "We need to discuss..."

"So you guys, really haven't talked about it, huh?" Claire interrupted again.

"About what?" Cas said, once again getting distracted by the girl's vague questions.

"Wow!" She scoffed. " I thought I was the blonde one."

"Your hair color has nothing to do with this Claire. I need to tell you about..."

"Cas... don't." She said, suddenly looking very sad. "Just...stop, okay. If you want to talk to me about Kaia, save yourself the trouble." She let out a shallow sigh, her eyes shifting to her lap. " P already told me. She saw it in a vision. I know what killed her. I know who she is. I know you guys ha e been working with her. You don't have to tell me anything. I already know."

"You do?"

"Sam called Jody while you were in panic mode and I guess that triggered something for Patience. She saw you scooping up the hooded figure and her hood falling of and..." Her voice broke slightly, and she bit back some tears. "Yeah, I know. And I gotta tell you at first I was pissed. I hadn't felt so hurt or betrayed since..." She looked up at Cas with watery eyes, conveying what she meant without words. "But I get it you know. Getting Dean back and saving the world was more important than my stupid little crush."

Cas's heart broke for her as he watched a single year slip down her face. "Claire.... that's not."

"No, you're right! " She said, sounding a little angry. " It wasn't just a crush. It was stupid and fast but I fell for her and then I watched her die. But that's not what I'm mad about! I'm mad because she was taken away from me before anything even had the chance to start! And I have to live with that! No one should have to live with that...."

The car was silent, both of them refusing to look at each other for at least ten miles.it was Claire who spoke first, in a small quiet voice. "You're not my father, Castiel." She said. His heart was overwhelmed with sorrow, and he began racking his brain for anything he could say to comfort this girl he had broken so many times in so many ways. "But that doesn't mean I don't look up to you." It was the last thing he expected to hear. He kept his eyes forward, letting the agonizing seconds tick by as he waited for her to explain." I hated you, at first. I really did. I wanted you to die. I wanted you to suffer like you made me suffer. And then I got to know you. I watched you try and try and try, with everything you had to make up for your mistakes. And even when that wasn't enough, you just kept trying, no matter what. You lost everything, just as much as I did, but you never gave up. If that ain't a role model, I don't know what is. You aren't perfect and you screw up more than anyone I know, but you try. So, I figure, if you can make it through all of that, lose everything you love again and again, over and over, then I can manage to do it too."

"Claire..." Cas was so choked up, he could barely manage to get out the word.

"I still have regrets, though. And nothing is gonna fix the fact that I let opportunity slip through my fingers." She looked at him, meaningfully, her eyes searching his face. " I have to live with those forever now, but to be honest .in the grand scheme of things human life is short. You're gonna out live all of us and you can't ...."

"Hey, guys heads up." Jody's voice came through the speaker, cutting Claire off. "Patience, says we have a pretty massive hoard up a head, so stay on your toes. We might have a fight a head of us."

******

Sam took a deep breath and walked into the war room, trying his best to gather his courage as he stood up on the table to address the room. "Hey." He said a little weakly, clearing his throat before starting again." Hello. For those of you who don't know me...uh... I'm Sam Winchester." The room was filled with a series of murmurs and nods, a few rolled eyes and scoffs. " I'm sure you're aware of the dire situation we're all in right now. I was able to explain a bit of what was going on to those of you I called but I think you all deserve to know what happened to get us all here. God's pissed. He's been playing with all our lives since the beginning of time. He told me so himself. " He looked around gauging everyone's reaction, ranging from indifferent to confused. "My brother and I decided we weren't going to play his game anymore. So, he unleashed hell. Literally."

The room exploded into a state of chaos. While some hunters were in panic, others were confused, angry, or annoyed. Everyone was talking at once, trying to figure out what was what. Sam could barely her himself think over the mayhem. It was expected. It wasn't until he heard someone call out "leave it to the fucking Winchester's" that he managed to pull his thoughts together. He stared out over the crowd to see Aziraphale slap in the middle, keeping his eyes on Sam with a calm expression on his face. He gave the hunter a reassuring nod and Sam steeled himself for what he had to say." Hey! HEY! Enough!" He screamed over the crowd. " I get it, okay!? We've screwed up a lot! I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that what has been going on the past few years has nothing to do with my brother and I, but we're victims here too! God's declared war on all of us. If you believe that he'll be satisfied once we're gone and everything will go back to normal, fine! There's the door! Good luck out there on your own because we aren't coming to save you! This isn't just us this time. This isn't some monster we released or some crazy angels out for blood. This is fucking GOD! If you think you can take his wrath on your own shoulders then so be it!"

The room was silent, the tension was thick, and Sam was doing his best to keep it together. " You're mad! I get it. Be mad. A lot of you blame us for all the disasters that have happened in the past decade, and you have every right to. We've fucked up. But we've also saved all of your asses more times than I can even count. If it wasn't for us the world would have ended years ago. It's been a ticking time bomb for longer than you realize. What's happening now has never been a question of why, but when. God was always gonna pull the trigger, he's just been biding his time. He didn't need a reason, he just wanted an excuse. And us? All of us, we're nothing but pawns in his sick little game. You can pace the blame on Dean and I all you want, but the truth is it could have been anyone. I didn't call you all here to ask you to pull our asses out of the fire. We can do that ourselves. I called you here to give you the opportunity to save yourselves!"

"Oh, yeah? How's that?" Called an angry voice from the back.

"How are we supposed to fight God?" Called another.

A litany of similar phrase were shouted out as the room burst into chaos again. Sam bowed his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, wishing like hell he knew what he was doing. He found himself wishing that Dean was there, or Mary, his Bobby...maybe even John. They knew how to handle these things. They all knew how to put up a fight... Sam's head snapped up then, in realization. "I don't know if we can!" Sam shouted, calling everyone's attention back to him. " I'm gonna be real honest here. The chances of us being able to take on God himself and come out the other side winning are probably slim to none. But that's not the point! Each and every single one of you became hunters for a reason! Whether you lost someone close to you, or got hurt yourself, or were born into it, it doesn't matter. The reason is all the same. You became hunters to fight! To take down the things that go bump in the night and make the world a little bit safer. I doubt there is a single one of you who doesn't know someone that died on the job, but they died fighting for what they believed in, because that's what we do! It's bad out there! Everything we've worked to get rid of is fighting back. Are you just gonna sit around and wait to die or are you gonna fight?"

A few murmurs and head shakes spread throughout the crowd. "We're hunters! We don't pay down and wait for monsters to come to us. We take the fight to them. We go in guns blazing, knowing that we may not make it out alive, but that doesn't stop us from taking a few of them down with us." The mood of the room shifted suddenly as people began to nod along. "So, things look bleak right now. So what!? When are they not? We chose this life because we knew it was our responsibility to protect people from the things that have been haunting us our whole lives!" A few quiet cheers rang through the room, building Sam's confidence that this could actually be done. "Are you gonna spend our final days huddled in fear because things seem impossible, or are you gonna go down swinging, because that's what hunters do?" The cheers of agreement grew louder, bouncing off the walls of the bunker, ringing hope in Sam's ears. "My name is Sam Winchester! I was born to be a demon slave and I fought against it! I have been to hell and back more times than I can count. I have faced the devil himself. I have been beaten and broken my entire life by demons and angels and monsters alike, but I kept fighting and I'm not stopping now! Not even for God himself! Who's with me?!"

The cheers produced the thunder of hope Sam had been missing since he watched Jack die. Most of them weren't making it out of this alive, if any, but none of them were going down without a fight. "Find a room, get some rest. Tomorrow, we fight back!" Sam jumped down from the table, feeling better than he had in years as he walked through the crowd, receiving a few back slaps and high fives. He stopped in front of Aziraphale, who had remained in unmoved from his spot with an odd smile on his face. "What?" Sam asked.

"I see before me, a man, who was so afraid of the monster inside, he was blind to how utterly human he really was." Aziraphale said calmly. "I see the man who just led an army of humans to believe they stand a fighting chance against the Almighty himself. You truly are a wonder Sam, and I hope someday, when you look in the mirror, you realize that you truly are the man that everyone who loves you sees."

And as the angel disappeared into the sea of people roaming the Halls of his home, preparing themselves for the impossible battle ahead, Sam couldn't help but hope that Aziraphale was right. Maybe someday he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AKF my friends. YANA.
> 
> Also, update: I got my monitor fixed today so, yay!!!! I will be spending som time going through the story so far and fixing some major mistakes( ie: autocorrects refusal to accept charai names). I'm sure there's still gonna be a few, but it will at least be a little more readable and it also means that there will be less of them from now on!


	20. In the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas spills the beans about the king of hell, Sam tells Dean about Amara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I...am not proud of this chapter. Honestly, that's why it took me forever. Adding Amara threw me off and i had to shove somethings together. Its sloppy, but hey, gotta make the plot somewhat cohesive, right?I did this to myself. But i added a nice little Crowley and Aziraphale moment that i wasn't planning on adding yet to make it up to you (and myself). so here we go with this mess. I hope you enjoy.

Dean groaned, his joints and muscles creaking in protest, as he jumped down from the snowplow. It had made the journey back easier, for sure (they were able to make the trip without stopping for the night, at least) but it still came with their fair share of fights. The population of actual humans was shrinking rapidly, with each passing day, leaving a slew of new monster behind. At this rate, he wasn't sure if there'd be enough humans worth saving if they waited too much longer. He held his hand out to Donna to help her down from her seat, Crowley falling in behind them, as they made their way over to the Impala, shivering in the early morning air. They had to park the snow plow a mile or so away from the entrance, due to the amount of vehicles crowded around out front, and none of them were in the shape to be walking that far, so Cas had followed them to a safe parking area so they could all ride back together. 

Dean opened the driver's side door, urging Cas to scoot over and settled in behind the wheel while the other two piled in back. They drove into the garage in silence, everyone to tired and beaten to strike up any type of conversation. Even Crowley, who was admittedly less worn out that the rest, kept his mouth shut. What would any of them even say? "Wow, it's a fucking mess out there!"? "Anybody else think we're totally screwed?" Nobody was willing to admit that they were all thinking that, so they just drove on in silence. He parked Baby in her usual spot and got out to wave Jody into an open one. He was glad none of the other hunters had managed to find the entrance to the garage. Sure, a mess of cars parked in front of abandoned old, abandoned building, in the middle of nowhere, at the dawn of the end time was just about as conspicuous as you could get but he would want any of those grunts coming in here and scratching up all these classic cars trying to find a spot to park. It was silly, he knew, but these cars had become like children to him and he didn't think he could handle anything happening to them, no matter how dangerous things were outside. The simple things in life were all they had to hold on to anymore.

They left the garage, leaving all the bags behind (it was too much for them to carry in their exhausted state) and made their way inside. The bunker was quite for the most part, a few late-night conversations still going on behind closed doors. The girls spread out to find themselves empty rooms to rest for the night, while Dean, Crowley and Castiel made their way to the library where they knew Sam and Aziraphale were waiting for them to check in. "Oh my word!" Aziraphale gasped upon seeing them.

"You should see the other guys." Dean chuckled as the angel jumped up to inspect each of them.

"What in the Lord's name happened to you?" Aziraphale demanded, paying special attention to Crowley's injuries. 

"Well the apocalypse is happening, my dear." Crowley said condescendingly. " There are still monsters and such to contend with, it's not like we could've avoided them forever. Will you stop that!" He huffed, waving off Aziraphale's worrying hands. " I'm perfectly fine!"

"The hell you are!" Aziraphale snipped back, shocking everyone in the room.

"I am." Crowley assured. "Besides we would all be a hell of a lot worse off if it weren't for Castiel here."

"Castiel?" Aziraphale's head snapped to Cas, taking him in with a disapproving frown. "He looks no better off than either of you."

"Cas?" Sam said, coming up behind Aziraphale. "Hey, man you okay?"  
Cas didn't hear him at first. He wasn't paying attention. His focus was fixed on the odd display of affection the other angel was showing for the demon. It wasn't too odd he supposed, Dean often showed similar concern for Castiel when he was injured (Castiel worried over Dean as well, but for entirely different reasons) so maybe it was just concern for his friend’s wellbeing. Still, it made him uncomfortable to watch anyone get to close to something that belonged to Dean.

"Cas?" Sam asked again, snapping Castiel out of his thoughts.

"I am fine." Cas assured. " I was able to heal the majority of our injuries, however it seems as though, even with my powers mostly restored I still require rest after so much exertion. It might have to do with the state of heaven, though I'm not entirely sure. I should be fine in a day or so." 

"Man, you should've seen him out there, Sammy!" Dean said excitedly. " Cas was kicking ass and taking names like he was getting paid to do it. It was awesome."

"It was a truly remarkable sight." Crowley agreed. "I underestimated you Castiel. Remind me never to meet you in a dark alley."

"You don't want to. " Dean chuckled clapping Cas on the back. " Believe me, I've been there. It ain't fun."

Cas dipped his head, half embarrassed about the memory Dean was referring to and half embarrassed about the unnecessary praise. "I did no more than what I could to the best of my ability, just like the rest of you."

"Yeah, well the rest of us ain't half as badass as you." Dean smiled. 

Cas finally looked up, losing himself in the hunter's smile for a moment before breaking out into a nervous chuckle. "What's so funny Cas?" Sam asked.

"Nothing." Cas answered, shaking his head. It's a little ironic, isn't it? That we've found ourselves here again. A couple of salty hunters working with an angel and the king of hell to stop the end of the world."

"The king of what?!" Sam and Aziraphale asked at the same time, shocked.

"The king of..." Cas trailed off looking between Dean and Crowley, noting they were both nervous and looked slightly ashamed. "Oh."

"Surprise?" Crowley said nervously to Aziraphale. The angel stared him down, disappointment and hurt taking over his face, and marched off towards the hall without another word.

"You didn't tell him?" Dean asked in an accusatory tone. 

"It didn't exactly come up!" Crowley snapped back. " Besides, it's not like I'm the only one who kept their lips tight!" He said, tilting his head towards Sam.

"Hey, Sam ain't the problem here!" Dean said. ' I've done much worse things than put someone I trust in charge of hell. I ain't the one who has to go home with a pissy angel." He looked at Cas (who looked guilty and confused) and nodded his head in his direction. "That's a hell of a whole lot worse than an annoyed sasquatch. Take it from me. I know."

Crowley let out a deep sigh and bowed his head. " I suppose I better go explain myself before he has a hissy fit." 

"Yeah. You do that." Dean said as Crowley followed Aziraphale down the hall.

"The king of Hell, Dean?" Sam demanded after the demon had left.

"Sam, look..." Dean sighed.

"What the hell are you thinking, man?! You don't even know the guy that well." Sam argued.

"So?" 

"So how do you know you can trust him?" Despite what Aziraphale had said, Crowley was still a demon, and Sam had his doubts. "What, so he helped you out a couple times and now he's suddenly not a bad guy? He's still a demon, Dean!"

"Well ain't that the pot calling the kettle black." Dean scoffed.

"Excuse me?" 

"Enough!" Cas's voice boomed throughout the library. "Now is not the time." Cas turned to Sam then, his face cold and sure. "Sam, what Dean has done is in our best interest. I know our dealings with demons have not worked out very well in the past, but right now it is our only option. We have to work with what we have right now. If your brother believes that Crowley is trust worth than we need to stand by his decision."

"Right." Sam scoffed shaking his head. Of course, Cas would take Dean's side on this. He always did, and now Sam knew why. "Just go along with whatever Dean says. That's worked out great for us in the past. Jesus Christ, Cas, how about you think for yourself for a change."

Cas's jaw clenched tight at Sam's words, as he moved dangerously close into the hunter's space. "Now is not the time for these petty arguments." He snarled in Sam's face. "We have more important matters to attend to. "

"Cas is right." Dean piped up. "We got bigger fish to fry. Fighting each other ain't gonna solve anything." He pulled at Cas's coat, gently trying to pull the angel away from Sam. "Cas buddy, you go get yourself some rest. We need you fighting fit ASAP. Can't have our biggest contender sleeping on the job." Cas took a final barrow eyed look at Sam and marched off towards the hall.

"Dean..."

"Look Sam," Dean sighed in resignation "I'm sorry okay. It was a spur of the moment decision. The demons weren't gonna cooperate and we had to do something. We'll talk about it later I promise, but right now...I am fucking beat dude. I think we all just need to get some sleep and cool off for a bit."

"That's not...." Sam started, then shook his head. "We have some other things we have to talk about..."

"I know." Dean nodded

Sam looked at him in shock. "You do?" 

"Yeah, Sam." Dean said. " I know things have been kinda chaotic lately and we haven't had a lot of time to hash things out. I know we're way over due for a heart to heart about everything that's going on and everything that's happened since...since Mom, but I can't right now, okay? I've had a crazy ass couple of days and I just need some sleep."

"No, Dean." Sam said as Dean started to walk away. " That's not what I meant. We have to talk about..." 

"Good night, Sammy!" Dean waved behind him as he left for his room.

"Damnit!"

 

********

 

"May I come in?" Crowley said peaking his head around the door of Aziraphale's room.

"Oh, but of course your majesty!" Aziraphale replied in a bitterly sarcastic tone and bowing dramatically. "Would you like me to fetch you anything? A drink, your robe, this dagger out of my back?"

"Oh, come on, Aziraphale...." Crowley wined, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him.

"Don't!" The angel warned straightening up. "Don't you dare act like this isn't a big deal."

"Angel, please..."

"What's gotten into you Crowley?" Aziraphale asked. " You've spent your entire existence doing the bare minimum to follow. Now you want to rule Hell?"

"No!" Crowley groaned. "I don't want to rule Hell. I don't want to rule anything!"

"Then why?" Aziraphale asked, his voice cracking. "Why would you agree to this?"

Crowley stepped forward into the angel's space, only for Aziraphale to take a step back. " I didn't want this." Crowley sighed. " It's not like I asked for it. Dean's the one who put me up to it. "

"I see." Aziraphale nodded. "And it just didn't occur to you to say 'no'?"

"I didn't really have that much of a choice." Crowley mumbled.

"No." Aziraphale huffed. " I suppose you couldn't say no, could you."

"Now what are you on about?" Crowley rolled his eyes.

"You like it here. Don't you?" Aziraphale accuse. " That's why you couldn't pass up on such a position. It gives you an excuse to stay here."

"Don't be ridiculous." Crowley scoffed.

"Then let's go home." Aziraphale said. "We have the means, we know the spell. This place is dangerous Crowley. I want to help these people as much as you do, but not if it comes at the cost of our lives. These people, those monsters...we can't do anything. This is way over our heads. Please. Let's just go home "

Crowley stared at the angel for a bit. He took his glasses off, setting them on the bed side table, and pinched the bridge of his nose. " We can't leave. Not yet. I'm sorry."

"That's how it is then, is it?" Aziraphale sniffled. "Not satisfied until your big adventure is finished? Fine. I'll just go home without you." Aziraphale moved as if to walk towards the door when suddenly he was met with a face full of angry demon, snake eyes glowing with rage.

"The hell you will!" Crowley hissed, causing the angel to step back.

"You don't control me, Crowley." Aziraphale said evenly. " I am an angel and you are a demon. If anything, you are beneath me. I won't allow you to make me a part of your sick game. I'm going home. With or without you." He managed to make it to the door, handle half turned, before Crowley spoke.

"It isn't safe." Crowley said quietly. "Please, angel. Don't go. It isn't safe."

Aziraphale turned to see Crowley sitting on the edge of the bed with his face down. " And it's safer here, how?" He asked.

"It isn't." The demon shrugged. " It's infinitely more dangerous, in fact, but...." The demon looked up then, his snake like eyes filled with moister. " It's bad out there, Aziraphale. It's a bloody shitstorm. Now I've never been a fan of the Almighty myself, but even Lucifer couldn't dream up the horrors I witnessed out there. I should know. I lived in Hell. I saw his work, but what's out there....even the cruelest forms of torture couldn't hold a candle to it. Those people are devouring each other. Becoming monsters, killing each other off in hoards and he barely had to lift a finger to make it so. He isn't following some divine plan, he isn't teaching some great lesson or anything like that , he's just mad. In every sense of the word. He's gone absolutely mad. He's letting everything fall to pieces and he's not stopping it. Not ever."

"Crowley?"

The demon stood up and began pacing the room. "I wasn't lying when I told you that I was worried he wouldn't stop here and, after seeing what I saw, I'm now certain of it. This isn't some child upset with one drawing, crumbling it up to toss it in the bin and start over. He's ready to burn the whole damn book, easel and all. So, we leave? Fine. We'll be safe for a while. Wait it out while he destroys world after world, universe after universe, waiting for the day that he gets to ours, and then what? Accept it? Wait in blissful ignorance until it's our time to go? I won't do it. I can't."

"Crowley..." Aziraphale sighed, letting the demon’s words sink in. "You can't expect to save everything..."

"I couldn't care less about everything!" The demon shouted coming to a stop in front of the angel. "Screw everything! What has everything done for anybody! I don't care about anybody else's anything. I just don't want him to kill you!"

"W..what?" Aziraphale stuttered in shock.

"You’re my best friend, Aziraphale." Crowley said quietly, looking everywhere but the angel. "You're my only friend really. Ever since the dawn of the earth, it's only ever been you. I've met a few good people over the years, sure but people die, and I move on. You have always been there. Through…through everything. It's always been you. I can't bear the thought of you being gone. Not when I can do something to stop it. I can't leave here until I know that you're safe. I don't care about losing our world or anyone else losing there's but losing you.... losing you would be losing everything."

"Oh ... Crowley." The angel gasped after a long silence, fighting back his tears.

"Shut up." Crowley groaned.

"You really do care." He smiled 

Crowley finally looked at him then, his eyes filled with sincerity. "After all these centuries, and you still question it?"

"Come here." Aziraphale said, holding out his arms and approaching the demon.

"What are you doing?" Crowley asked, backing away from the angel. "No. No! Don't you dare. I don't do hugs. Get back." He stopped when the back of his legs hit the bed and was scooped into Aziraphale's arms. 

"Ughh, no. Please stop. No! I don't like this!"

"It's too late." Smiled Aziraphale, nuzzling into the demon’s chest. "You've earned it!"

"Why?" Crowley asked, still trying to wiggle away. " What did I ever do to you?"

"You're my everything too." Aziraphale said, beaming up at Crowley.

"I said no such thing." The demon argued in disgust.

"Just accept my affection, Crowley." Aziraphale sighed. " I won't stop until you do."

"Ugh. Fine!" Crowley growled, rolling his eyes. He briefly wrapped his arms around the angel and landed a quick peck on his head before immediately pushing him away. "Now will you get off of me." He straightened up his clothes and shook himself out. " I still have some dignity, you know " he mumbled under his breath.

"So," Aziraphale said, unable to stop himself from beaming at the demon. He knew that there was something more there. He always had. He denied their friendship for years, but in his heart, he always knew it went even past that. "The king of Hell, eh?"

"Yes." Crowley nodded, trying his best not to smile back. "Strange isn't it."

"Certainly, a dangerous job for someone who's avoided confrontation for the past six thousand years." The angel mused.

"It's not that bad " Crowley shrugged. " The demons here seem more of a lazy bunch. Pretty mild compared to the humans, actually. At least they don't go around throwing holy water on every Tom, Dick, and Harry they meet."

"Holy water?!"

"It was nothing." Crowley quickly waved it off. " Misunderstanding is all."

"Are you alright?!" Aziraphale asked, stepping back into the demon's space.

"Would you stop?!" Crowley said, pulling the angel's hands away again. "I'm fine. Actually, it was Castiel who stepped in to defend me, which I found rather odd. I got the distinct impression that he didn't care for us in the least."

"Perhaps he changed his mind " Aziraphale offered.

"I doubt that." Crowley laughed. " I think he was more concerned about how my death would affect Dean. I doubt he would've stepped in had you not told him about the effects of holy water on the demons from our world. I feel like he may have enjoyed watching me writhe in pain, if it weren't for the sake of Dean's concern."

"He'll come around in time, I'm sure." Aziraphale assured. " Like Dean said, he just needs time to adjust. Besides, you tend to have a way of getting people to like you, no matter how much they don't want to."

"Oh, come now angel." Crowley pouted. "That's not fair."

Aziraphale smiled back at him sweetly. "So, if you're the king of Hell, what would that make me?"

"Nothing." The demon said cautiously.

"I could be your right-hand man, but that's not quite right is it...." Aziraphale teased, tapping his fingers over his chin. 

"Stop it." Crowley growled. " I'm warning you..."

"The king's consort, maybe..."

"I've changed my mind." Crowley snapped. " Go home. I don't care anymore. I take it all back."

"You don't mean that." Aziraphale smiled.

Crowley smiled back, shaking his head. " No, I don't."

Aziraphale’s smile faded a bit and he walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. " Do you really think that we can help pull this off?" 

Crowley shifted from foot to foot for a second, before moving towards the bed as well and sitting down next to the angel. He hesitantly placed his hand on top of Aziraphale’s, tapping it a few times in comfort before moving it to rest beside him. " We've already survived everything the world has had to offer over the years. We even helped stop the end of it. Why not try taking on God as well." He winked.

"It won't be easy." Aziraphale sighed.

"Nothing worth having ever is."

*******

 

It was chaos in the bunker as everyone shuffled around each other, some eating breakfast while other discussed their itineraries. Sam and Aziraphale had opted to stay up and wait for everyone to get home last night instead of going straight to bed, so they spent their time splitting the hunters up into groups based on their experience with different creatures. By the time Dean and the gang had rolled in at two AM they had it down to perfection. At least that's what they thought until Dean informed him of Crowley's whole 'king of hell' deal. Now he was trying his best to split his demon group into other categories, since apparently demons weren't going to be an issue. 

"Werewolves?" Garth chuckled, with a raised brow, when Sam told him his grouping. "A little ironic there, amigo, don't you think."

"Yeah, well..." Sam smiled back, shrugging his shoulders. " I figured you were the best amn for the job. You and the family can try and convert any of the ones that are willing, get them on our side, and those who aren't..."

"Feels a little wrong to be killing my own kind." Garth grimaced. "And it's not like we can go around with silver blades in our pockets."

"So, use guns." Sam said. " Just try not to shoot each other, and you should be good. I need you here man."

"Whatever you say, Sam." Garth shrugged. "It's gonna take some convincing on my part, but we'll do our best."

"That's all I'm asking." Sam said, patting Garth on the back as he moved on to give the rest of the hunters their assignments.

"This is bullshit!" Her heard from behind him as he finished up with the last of the hunters.

"Shit." He mumbled to himself. He knew this was coming, but it didn't mean he was looking forward to it. "Claire..." He said calmly as he watched the furious blonde approach. 

"Don't speak to me like that!" She snarled. " I'm not a child, Sam! I deserve to be out there fighting with everyone else!" 

"I know you're not a child Claire." Sam said. " That isn't what this is about..."

"Did Castiel put you up to this?" She interrupted.

"No." Sam sighed. " Look this has nothing to do with your ability as a hunter. I need someone here to help watch over the kids... "

"Then have Alex do it!" She screamed.

"Alex has a job." He shook his head. "She's got medical training. We need her to help patch people up when they come back to check in. We need Patience and Rowena keeping an eye out for everyone and they can't afford any distractions. I've gotta stay on call in case anybody runs into any trouble. That leaves you."

"I'm a hunter, Sam! Not a babysitter!"

"I know that Claire, but I need you." He insisted. " They'll listen to you better than anyone else, and besides, we need someone that can train them to defend themselves in case things go sideways"

"This is so stupid!" She growled, turning away from Sam and marching off in the other direction.

"Wooo." Dean chuckled behind Sam. "You sure pissed her off."

"Yeah well it was the best way I could think of to keep her safe, while still letting her be useful." Sam sighed turning to face his brother.

"Good luck staying in the bunker with that." Dean laughed. "So, what about me and Cas? I know you have Aziraphale and Crowley staying here with you to run the demon from and do research. Aziraphale said you had some kinda special project for us."

"Uh, yeah...about that..." Sam said, looking around the room at the other hunters. This wasn't a good place to break the news. Too many people to get caught in Dean's line of fire. "You mind if we talk somewhere else?"

"Why?" Dean scoffed. "What's up? You put is on some cupcake mission and you don't want the others to get pissy?" He smirked 

"Not exactly..." Sam grimaced. "Look, Dean, I really think we should..."

"The odd jobs then?" Dean interrupted again. "Tulpas, pishtacos? All the weird junk that only we seem to come across?"

"Uh, no." Sam shook his head. "Actually, I have Charlie and Bobby on that stuff. She does well with weird and Bobby's got her back. They should be enough to weed that kind of stuff out."

"Okay...?" Dean said skeptically. "Wait! You're not keeping us locked up here in the bunker, are you?" He was getting loud and angry, which is exactly what Sam wanted to avoid.

"Dean..."

"Damnit, Sam! We're not some fragile ass princesses you have to protect. I've been at this longer than you. I'm fine! I ain't just gonna sit around here twiddling my thumbs while everyone else is out risking their lives!" A few murmurs and stares are starting to float their way because of Dean's outburst. He was causing a scene, which is the last thing they needed.

Sam grabbed Dean by the arm and pulled him into the hallway, away from the, now nervous crowd, leaving Cas behind. "Dean, I'm not keeping you here! I just didn't want you to flip out in front of everybody!" 

"Okay! Damn!" Dean said wriggling out of Sam's grasp. " Sorry, I just know how you operate when you're worried. I didn't want to be sticking the side lines just cuz you think you can keep me safe."

Sam blew out a sharp breath and ran his hands through his hair. "You might change your mind about being benched in a minute..." He mumbled under his breath.

"I doubt that." Dean scoffed. "So, what is it? You're not sending me and Cas to Heaven or something are you!? I told you man, it's a lost cause."

"No!" Sam snapped, getting fed up with Dean's interruptions. " You're not...look, Dean I tried to talk to you about this last night so you could have some time to think it over, but you wouldn't listen. Aziraphale and I thought long and hard about this and I know you aren't gonna like it, but we're kinda out of options at this point..."

Dean's posture quickly flipped from defensive to offensive. Was Sam talking about sending Cas off to the pearly gates on his own? No way in hell! Over Dean's dead body! What the hell was Sam thinking? And if that's what he had planned for Cas... " Spit it out, Sam!" He growled.

"You need to find Amara!" Sam shouted, finally at the end of his rope. " She's the only thing powerful enough, that we know of, that even stands a chance against Chuck!"

Dean went silent. The tension in the hallway was thick enough to choke on and, if not for the hustle and bustle of a bunker full of hunters readying themselves for battle, he could swear that the world had stopped. Fear, anguish, regret...longing...all swirling around inside of him, threatening to drown him in waves. Anything. Anyone but her. He would take on Chuck with his bare hands if necessary and fail happily if it meant he didn't have to face her. "No." He managed finally, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Dean..."

"No, Sam." He said a little louder. "I c...I can't. You know I can't. I can't face her. You...you can't ask me to."

"You don't have to do it alone." Sam said sympathetically. "Cas, will be with you."

Anger now. Anger was added to the sea of emotions welling up inside of him. " Oh well in that case," he scoffed. "Fuck no!"

"Sam? Dean?" Cas said from behind him, finally managing to find where they had escaped. 

But Dean ignored him. Sam had just opened up a can of worms and Dean would be damned if he wasn't about to throw them in the giant's face. "You can just shove that idea right up your ass! I hope you choke on it, cuz it ain't happening."

"I knew you were gonna do this." Sam sighed in resignation.

"No shit!" Dean was back to shouting. " It's bad enough you wanna send me off to go head to head with that...with her! Of all fucking people! But there is no way in hell I'm letting her anywhere near Cas! Not after what she did to him! You've lost your god-damned mind!"

Cas was confused. He couldn't think of anyone Dean would despise so thoroughly on his behalf, let alone a woman. He looked between the brothers, both looking like they were about to explode waiting for one of them to speak. "Sam? Who..."

"Cas, go find Charlie and Bobby and tell the we're with them." Dean said, keeping his eyes locked with Sam. " Sam's just gonna have to find someone else for his little suicide mission, cuz it ain't gonna be us."

"Who, Dean?" Sam snipped. " No one else can get through to her! It's gotta be you! You're the one with the bond..."

"Exactly!" Dean huffed. "And that 'bond' or whatever you want to call it, almost got all of us killed! She's got a hold on me! I can't stop it! Believe me, I tried, you know I tried! I can't do it! If things go sideways, she's got the upper hand!" He heard Cas breath in sharply behind him. He turned to see the angel's face consumed with fear, finally letting it click into place who the two of them were talking about. " We're not going, Cas. I'm not letting her take you again."

"It's the only way..." Sam started.

"Find another way!" Dean demanded, turning back to his brother. Sam set his jaw and stared Dean down, making it obvious he wasn't going to change his mind. Fear became the strongest wave, then. How could his brother ask him to do this? Dean was strong, he was one of the best damn hunters ever to walk this Earth and he had taken down every creature between heaven and hell, even killing Death, himself, but against Amara....he was powerless. " Sam, please." He begged. " Please, I'll do anything else. You know I can't do anything to her. If something goes wrong...."

"That's why you're taking Cas." Sam said calmly.

The anger was coming back up now. He had put Cas through a lot of shit, but he wasn't about to let the angel walk into something neither of them can handle. "And what's Cas gonna do, huh? You saw what she did to him the last time. She may have been trying to hurt Lucifer, but he was riding shotgun in Cas's head at the time. She didn't care that she was hurting him! Full power or not, Cas can't do shit to her and as far as she's concerned, he's disposable! I ain't using him as some sort shield just to have a small chance of escape. Forget it!"

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose and tried his best to keep his voice steady and calm. " Look, I'm not gonna even try to pretend to understand why, maybe it's your 'profound bond', or some weird soul melding or some shit when he pulled you out of hell, but..." It was a lie, at least half of one, "you're right. Amara has some weird, unbreakable spell on you, and nothing seems to be able to snap you out of it. Except Cas." He did know why it was Cas. He didn't understand then, but he knew now. "The only time you were able to pull yourself out of it, is when she took Lucifer while he was inside of Cas. She knows that too. It's why she used him to track you. She knows she can't get to you if you have Cas with you and we need her. I don't like it any more than you do, man but we don't have a choice."

"No." Dean said again, shaking his head. He turned to walk away from the whole damn stupid conversation when Cas caught him quickly by the arm.

"Dean," he said sternly, catching the hunters frightened eyes. "We have to do this."

"No, Cas." Dean said weakly. "I can't do this. I'm not putting you through that again. I'm not..."

"This is bigger than me, Dean. This is bigger than you." Cas said. Dean opened his mouth again to protest but Cas cut him off. " I know you're scared. You have every right to be. But we have to do this. If she is our only shot, then we have to take it. Whatever it takes. You taught me that."

Dean swallowed and shook his head. " And what if something happens to us, huh? What then? We can't leave Sam to do this by himself."

"I won't let anything happen to you." Dean's verdant, frightful eyes were boring holes into his heart as he silently pleaded with Cas to reconsider. He wanted so badly to appease the hunter. To tell him that it was okay, that they didn't have to go, that they would find another way. Anything to erase the look of sheer terror off Dean's face, but Sam was right. Amara was their best chance. He didn't like it either. He was scared too. Terrified. She may have been trying to hurt Lucifer, but Cas suffered too. He was no stranger to torture, having been on both ends of the stick. However, the methods Amara had used were unlike any other he had ever experienced. He vividly remembered every cut, every burn, every shock. He felt the pain of every touch shaking him to his core. Even the times he had managed to black out, it was nothing short of hell. He had never wanted to just die, so much in his entire existence. Worse still was the fact, that even through all the endless agony, she had been able to keep him alive, just enough to use him to find Dean. It was something he had never been able to forgive himself for. It didn't matter how near death he was. He should have been able to hide his affections long enough to keep her at bay, but he had failed then, too. She could have killed him a thousand times over, in the most slow and painful ways imaginable, and it still would have paled in comparison to the pain he felt when he saw the betrayal on Dean's face, once he realized she had found him through Cas. He didn't want to be anywhere near Amara either, but the whole of the universe was at stake. That was far more important than his feelings.  
He tore his eyes away from Dean and fixed his gaze on Sam. " I will need another day to fully restore my Grace. I will fly us to Reno first thing in the morning."

"Cas..." Dean protested.

"This is what must be done, Dean." Cas said firmly. " I am leaving tomorrow, with or without you, however I don't think I will be as effective by myself. If you choose to stay behind...."

"I'm not letting you go alone!" Dean shouted, then looked down, lowering his voice and shuffling his feet. "It's just.... can't we drive? You know I hate flying."

Sam did his best to choke of the laugh that threatened to come out of him at Dean's irrational fear of flying. He only half succeeded when he saw Cas's eyes practically roll back into his head.

"Dean." Cas groaned. " I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to you. You can't expect me to defend us against Amara if I have to spend days on the road, fighting our way through the chaos and healing whatever wounds we will receive." Dean merely pouted in response. Cas sighed and shook his head. " I'm going to go check on Claire and make sure she hasn't bullied her way into one of the other groups. We'll discuss our mode of travel later." And with that, he turned and made his way back to the war room.

Sam smiled and let out a small laugh as he watched his brother pout in Cas's direction until the angel disappeared around a corner. " You know, you're lucky he lo..."

"You're not talking to me." Dean said marching away, the hard coldness returning to his voice. 

"Seriously?" Sam scoffed. " I thought we just solved all this! You can't still be mad at me."

Dean whipped around and fixed him with an icy glare. "Damn right I can. The only reason I'm doing this is cuz you've got it in Cas's head that she's our only option. He's going to hunt her down either way and I can't have him going at it alone. Not again!" He took a deep breath to compose himself, but to no avail. " This isn't gonna end well. Don't fool yourself."

"You're acting like a child, Dean!" Sam huffed. " She can't hurt you any more than you can hurt her."

"She can hurt him!" Dean growled. " What do you think's gonna happen Sam? I'm just gonna walk right up to her and say 'Hey Amara! How's it been? Remember me? The guy who tried to kill you with a bomb made of souls? So, you wanna help us ice God, you know, the brother you just reunited with after centuries of family drama?' and she'll just hop on board?"

"I mean..." Sam said.

"It's suicide, Sam!" Dean shouts. "Maybe not for me, but you're sending Cas to his death! How can you be satisfied with a decision that is gonna kill someone that you call a friend? A brother!"

"It's not the first time we've asked him to risk his life..." 

"Yeah. And we said we were gonna do better!" Dean huffed. " Guess I'm the only one who's tryin." 

"Yeah, and why is that, Dean." Sam was reaching the end of his rope again. Dean was already pissed so why not air everything out now. "Why are you suddenly concerned about Cas? Because you sure as hell didn't seem to care when you locked his kid in a box. Or when you blamed him for Mom and told him he was dead to you! But then, any time he dies or you two are separated, you're a complete wreck!"

"What the hell are you trying to say!?"

"I'm just trying to understand here Dean." Sam let out a mirthless laugh. "Why is it one minute he's dead to you and the next you can't function without him? You know, why is it that you're the only one who gets to hurt him? You get to yell at him and hurt his feelings over and over, but the second anyone else lifts a finger against him he's suddenly this fragile thing that needs you to protect him?"

"You're fucking crazy!" Dean scoffed. "I don't do that!"

"Oh, no?!" Sam laughed. He was becoming hysterical. "Look, there's something you should know about Cas..."

"You don't get to tell me shit about Cas!" Dean snapped. He realized, the second Sam shot him bitchface no.9, that he inadvertently proved his brother's poor, but he didn't care. "Whatever! I'm gonna go find something to eat. Why don't you use that all knowing brain of yours and try to figure out another plan that won't get our friend killed." He grumbled while walking away. He heard Sam call after him, but he ignored it. He probably wanted to tell Dean that Amara was their best shot, again. Dean wasn't stupid. He knew Sam was right, but that didn't mean he had to like it. He was halfway to the kitchen when he found himself wishing he had actually listened to what Sam had to say about Cas. It's not like he wasn't used to the two of them keeping secrets, but that didn't mean he liked the idea of Sam knowing something he didn't any more than he liked the idea of sending Cas off to his death. It hurt. He wasn't sure why, but it hurt that the angel would tell Sam something he wouldn't tell Dean. It felt like a betrayal. But that wasn't important now. So, he shook it off. 

He had to face Amara tomorrow, and (almost) nothing hurt worse than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for your support of this catastrophe! you guys are amazing! Next up...DARKNESS
> 
> Also: sorry if the formatting is a little wonky. I'm trying to get used to writing on the computer again, so bear with me.
> 
> *Also, also: I have a Tumblr now ( for the time being) 
> 
> dingobabywrites
> 
> So hit me up if you have any questions or suggestions or just wanna chat.


	21. Who Wants To Live Forever?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean venture into the Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. Imma put a heavy angst warning here right now. Adding Amara really messed me up, meaning I had to add a few things I wasn't intending on. BUT!!!!! never fear, it did give me a gateway to things i was initially stuck on. I will tell you that things are not as they seem at the end of this chapter, but unfortunately that is all I can say.

Sam hadn't found another way, of course. Not that Castiel had expected him to. He understood Dean's insistence that he at least try, but it was a fruitless effort. Amara was their only option. The man was just stubborn. Even after finally accepting that the trip had to be made, he still insisted on driving. He had told Cas that it was due to his fear of flying, but Cas knew otherwise. He was stalling. Trying to prolong the inevitable and as much as Cas wanted to agree, to stretch time out and spend just one or two more days with Dean pretending that they weren't about to face the woman who had rattled them both to their cores at the mere mention of her name, the embodiment of destruction, circumstances would not allow it. They needed to find her as soon as possible. It was a small argument, Dean's words were more full of wishful pleas than actual heat, but eventually it was decided. He was currently down the hall in the armory, filling a backpack with any weapons that would fit inside. It was pointless, as nothing they had would be effective against her, but Cas supposed it made him feel better, so he let him go. 

Cas was currently standing in his room, flipping his tape over and over again in his hands debating, on whether or not he wanted to listen to a song or two before they left. The music had always calmed his nerves before, but the tape almost seemed tainted now. He was sure Dean was correct when he said the original songs would be restored to it once they left the Impala, but he just couldn't shake the memory of the demon's interference, using his most prized possession to express his affections for the hunter.

"Quite a big day for you, as I understand it." Speak of the devil...

Cas turned to see Crowley leaned casually against the door frame, a cocky smirk plastered across his face. "Understatement." Cas huffed, twirling the tape once more.

The demon's snake like eyes flicked briefly to the object in Cas's hands, his face wavering a bit, before meeting the angel's. "So, I've heard." Crowley nodded. He pushed himself off the door frame with his shoulder and sauntered into the room towards the bed, plopping down on the end with a bounce. He crossed one knee over the other and spread his hands across the comforter to straighten it out. "Dean told us all about how nasty this woman is." He paused, his face twitching in though as though he was trying to decipher what he should say next. " He's quite concerned that the both of you won't be making it back alive."

So that's what this was about, Cas thought. "I assure you," Cas said, trying his best to keep an even tone, "I will protect Dean, to the best of my abilities."

Crowley's face scrunched up in an unreadable expression as he eyed Cas from head to toe and back. "I'd expect as much." He said carefully. His eyes flicked back down to Cas's hands, his wicked smirk returning. Cas briefly wondered if Dean would be so inclined to show affection towards the demon, if he could see the awful, serpentile creature beneath the human mask, as Cas did. " He thinks very highly of you. You know that, right?"

Cas sighed and rolled his eyes. "I'm sure Dean was being generous in his description of our history. I have done some truly terrible things, most of which he is likely with holding from you until we manage to take care of the situation at hand in order to keep the peace. It's what he does."

Crowley smirk slowly morphed into a grin as he gazed up at the angel. " You have no idea." The look sent a shiver down Castiel's spine, as he tried his best to ignore what the demon was most likely implying. Crowley slid his hands backwards across the bed, leaning back on them as he uncrossed and re-crossed his legs, (reminding Cas of a woman from a movie Dean had once showed him) a snicker boiling up under his words. " You know, Dean doesn't want me talking about this with you..." And here it was. The moment Cas had been dreading. Learning the exact nature of their relationship. "But I feel like, what with your impending mission and all, that it's only fair that you should know..." A knock on the door frame drew both of their attention. 

"Hey, Cas. I'm finished loading up so whenever you’re ready...." Dean paused, surveying the scene before him. Crowley was spread out on Cas's bed, looking oddly comfortable and weirdly suspicious, while Cas was standing, looking like a deer in caught in the headlights, fiddling with something in his hands. "Am I interrupting something?" He asked skeptically.

"Not at all." Crowley said casually, slithering off the bed to his feet. "Castiel and I were just having a little chat, is all." 

"About?" Dean practically growled, narrowing his eyes at the demon.

"Nothing." Crowley replied innocently, holding his hands up as he walked towards the door. "Really, Dean, it's quite rude to inquire after someone else's private conversations."

"Secrets don't make friends, Crowley." Dean said, a hint of warning in his tone as the demon approached.

"But friends make secrets." Crowley whispered in his ear with a wink, his tongue sticking out of his smile in an air of defiance.

Cas threw whatever was in his hands on the bed with a huff and stormed past them. " I'll be in the library waiting while you say your good-byes."

Dean watched in concern as Cas stormed down the hall, quickly turning on Crowley as soon as his trench coat flapped behind the corner. "What the fuck did you say to him?!" He hissed.

"Nothing to get him in a tizzy like that!" Crowley insisted as he walked over to scoop the tape off the bed. He twirled it in his hand once before walking over to place it on the desk next to the ancient stereo. "I think, he still doesn't care for me that much." He sounded a little defeated.

Dean sighed, feeling a little sorry for Crowley. The guy was really misunderstood. "Yeah, well don't get to offended. Cas doesn't even like me half the time."

"Oh, I doubt that very much." Crowley chuckled, turning back to Dean.

"Don't." Dean warned. "What were you talking about anyway?" He asked, trying to derail Crowley before he got started.

"I simply stated that you were worried about finding Amara." Crowley shrugged.

"Yeah," Dean scoffed. "Pretty sure he knows that. "

"You'll take of him, won't you?" Crowley asked, leaning against the desk.

"What do you care?" Dean grunted.

"Well, wouldn't want your angel to perish before we got the chance to know each other." Crowley smirked. "Besides, I'd hate to see you moping about while the rest of us are trying to save the world. It won't do anyone a bit of good to have to scrape you off the floor while we have an apocalypse on our hands."

"He's not my...." Dean started to argue, then shook his head in resignation. It was pointless anymore. " Yeah, I'll do what I can. You sort stuff out with Aziraphale?" He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Making that comparison again only served to add fuel to the dumpster fire, but he was genuinely curious.

"I did." Crowley replied cheerfully, thankfully ignoring Dean's slip up. 

"It went pretty well, then." Dean chuckled, noting the demons wide, confident smile.

"You can say that." Crowley said trying to regain his cool demeanor and he shifted back to his feet. "May have gone a little too well. He thinks he's my ...'consort' now." He huffed, trying his best to seem indifferent. "He's hardly even a concubine. So full of himself."

"Whatever." Dean laughed. "You love it."

Crowley dipped his head trying to hide his shy smile. " I do. Don't tell him that. His head is big enough as it is." 

"Well, I'm glad you two kissed and made up."

The demon flared red with shock and embarrassment as his eyes snapped up to meet Dean's "No one said anything about kissing." He snapped. " There was no kissing."

Dean stared at him in mild shock. "What ...so you two haven't...."

"Of course, we have, don't be ridiculous!" Crowley groaned. " We've been with each other for centuries. Everyone gets curious from time to time. That's not the point. If I don't get to comment on your relationship with your angel, you certainly don't get to assume my relationship with mine."

"Not my angel." Dean said on reflex.

"Keep telling yourself that, Dean." He sneered as he walked past the hunter into the hallway. 

"I will!" Dean huffed as he followed the demon down the corridor.

"I'm sure." Crowley replied without turning around 

"You're a pain in the ass, you know that!" Dean grumbled, catching up to him.

"So I've been told." He smiled 

"I hate you." Dean chuckled.

"You don't."

"I do." Dean said as he slung his arm over the demon's shoulder. "I really do."

******

It was a quiet calm in the library as Aziraphale settled in his, now usual, spot next to Sam with his book on demonology. The previous day had been torrent of chaos and stress. A few of the hunters had given him a tether wide berth, as expected, but a lot of them, assuming him to be Sam's second in command, ( mostly due to Dean's disappearance after his little chat with his brother) had questions about things he didn't know how to answer. Now that things had calmed down, he figured it was only right he learned about the creatures that were now to be partially in his charge, for the time being. He had offered to assist Sam in his organization of the hunters, but he made it clear his main focus would be on demons. He didn't want Crowley taking on more than he could handle by himself, after all. It was a nice feeling, though quiet tension hung heavy in the air, with the worry of Dean's mission filling them all, it was almost peaceful. That was until a static of ferocious energy sucked all the air out of the room, preceding the angel that stormed in after it.

There was not a doubt in Aziraphale's mind that Castiel was frighteningly powerful. He was a seraph, after all. An angel of the highest order. He radiated with it. Aziraphale had felt it the second he laid eyes on him. A principality, such as himself, would normally be unable to gaze upon such power without bowing down to its majesty, though he supposed things were a little different in this reality. Still, he had made a conscious effort to stay on Castiel's good side, as to avoid his wrath. Wrath, that was painfully evident now. He felt Sam flinch with him at the sound of one of the lamps shattering, while a chair from their table slid out, meeting the seraph beside the door on the opposite side from where he entered. Castiel whipped around, trench coat flapping like wings in the wind, and plunked himself down in the chair to face the hallway he had come from, arms crossed and face scrunched, looking (almost hilariously) like a petulant child.

"Woah, Cas..." Sam piped up in surprise. "You okay man?"

"Fine." The angel replied through his teeth, without looking away from the hall, power and distain dripping from the single word response.

"Okay..." Sam replied skeptically, stretching out the word as he set down his notes to focus on the angel. " Look, Cas, I know this is asking a lot, and you know if there was a way around it...."

"I said I'm fine, Sam!" Castiel snapped, leveling the hunter with an icy glare.

Sam shrunk back into his seat, his hands in front of him in surrender. "Okay! Sorry."

Castiel deflated a bit and let out a sigh, shifting his gaze to the floor. "No, I'm sorry. I'm just.... it's as you said. I'm just... apprehensive about the task at hand, is all."  
It was a terrible lie, Aziraphale knew. It was clear that apprehension was not what was causing the seraph's sour mood. Even Sam was able to sense that.

"Cas..." The man began before being cut off.

"You know the deal, Sam." The angel said gravely.

Sam took a moment to realize what the Angel was referring to, shaking his head with disappointment when it clicked. "Cas, that doesn't..."

"You. Know. The. Deal."

"Yeah." Sam scoffed. " Mine and Dean's deal. That we never follow."

"I'm not you or Dean." Cas said sharply.

"You're still family!" Sam snapped back. " We're not just gonna leave you behind just because your last name isn't Winchester! No, man! No way."

"It's for the best." Cas sighed.

"For who?" Sam asked. Cas stared at him his eyes almost pleading, before looking back down. "Besides Cas, I doubt that even applies in this case. You're deal? You said the empty wouldn't take you until it feels like you've suffered. "

Cas let out a mirthless chuckle and shook his head. " I think, if it knew any better, it would see that I'm suffering enough now to suffice."

Before Sam could ask what he meant, the source of the seraph’s ire became apparent, the air becoming electrified again, as Crowley and Dean emerged from the hallway, laughing, arms slung over each other's shoulders. "Hey, Dean." Sam greeted with a sad smile. " Looking pretty cheerful for a guy who's about to face his ex." It was a poor attempt at humor, but someone needed to break the tension.

Dean rolled his eyes and let his arm drop shaking his head. " She's not my..." He looked over at Crowley and scowled (he and Sam could start a club on stubbornly claiming people for Dean that weren't his) and let it drop. "Never mind. Might as well go out grinning, right?" 

"She's not gonna kill you. Don't be a drama queen." Sam chuckled. 

"Bitch." Dean huffed.

"Jerk!"

Dean smiled at his brother and walked over to pull him into a (admittedly awkward, given that Sam was still seated) hug. "Where's the girl's? He asked looking around the room.

"Alex is down in the infirmary, taking inventory." Sam replied. "Patience and Rowena are looking over some things in the archives, Claire's down in the range teaching some of the older kids how to shoot and Jody and Donna are checking some of the wards around the bunker, making sure none of them are damaged."

Dean nodded his approval. "Probably for the best. No one wants to see you getting all teary eyed, anyway." 

"You're coming back, Dean." Cas said quietly rising from his chair. "There is no need to alarm them. "

Dean glanced over at the angel, swallowing past the lump in his throat. It wasn't himself that he was worried about. " Yeah." He choked out. " Sure, Cas. Your right. Don't wanna make 'em worry." He walked over to the angel, placing his hand on his shoulder. "Ready to get this show on the road?"

"As I'll ever be." The angel said. He looked up and nodded in Aziraphale and Crowley's direction, purposefully avoiding eye contact before turning his gaze on Sam. " Sam." He nodded, giving him another pleading gaze. 

"You know the deal, Sammy." Dean said roughly, stepping further into Cas's space, saying out loud what the angel was trying to convey, silently.

"Yeah, yeah. " Sam said, trying his best not to sound choked up. " See you when you get back." And a moment later, with the flutter of wings, Dean and Castiel were gone.

"What's 'The Deal'?" Aziraphale asked finally, having remained silent through the entire exchange.

"Me and Dean have a deal " Sam said, still staring at the spot where his brother and best friend just stood. "If something happens to one of us, the other one has to promise not to go looking." He looked up at the angel, fear in his eyes, trying his best to convey his worry for Castiel's state of mind to ask for the deal to be applied to him. They both turned to Crowley, leveling him with twin looks of disapproval.

"What did you do?" Aziraphale chided.

"What makes you assume I've done anything." Crowley asked, offended.

"Because before you and Dean came in here acting like you didn't have a care in the world, Cas asked me for the same deal." Sam hissed.

"I merely tried to have a polite conversation with him!" Crowley defended, then pointed to Aziraphale. " You suggested I play nice! I hardly believe that would make him suicidal!"

"Yeah, well it did!" Sam sighed, running his hands through his hair. " Look, I don't know what you said to him, but whatever it was.... Cas has another deal. With the Empty."

"The what?" They both asked.

"The Empty." Sam repeated. " It's probably different where you're from, but...it's the place angels and demons here go when they die."

"I don't believe we have such a thing." Aziraphale said, now fascinated. " What sort of deal would Castiel have that would apply here?"

Sam blew out a sharp breath and prepared himself to explain." Well, nothing's ever come back from the empty before. Never. Nothing except Cas. The entity that runs the place was pretty pissed off when Cas woke up. It sent him back here, but I guess it couldn't rest even after he got rid of him. It got all vengeful I guess." He glanced up at the other two, making sure that they were grasping what he was saying before he continued. "When Jack... Lucifer's kid, died... we all took it pretty hard. The first time anyway. He was pretty much human at that point, I don't know if Dean explained Lucifer stealing his grace to you or anything..."

"He did." Aziraphale nodded, encouraging Sam to continue.

Sam nodded back. " Yeah, well I guess you know then that Cas went to heaven to get his soul back? 'Cept he didn't tell us that the Entity got there first." Crowley sat down then, both him and Aziraphale completely engulfed in Sam's story now. " I guess it was laying siege to heaven or something, because it thought, since Jack was still half angel, that he belonged in the empty. Cas wasn't having that. He loved jack like his own, you know? So, he offered himself in Jack's place."

"Really?!" Crowley interjected.

Sam huffed a sigh and shrugged. "He knew Jack was important to us. He wanted to make us happy. He'd do anything to make us happy."

"I still don't understand why this is my fault." Crowley pouted.

Sam licked his lips and thought, still not really sure himself. " He said that the Entity agreed to take him in Jack's place, but only after he had suffered. It said that it would only take him after he knew what true happiness was so it could snatch it away from him. An eye for an eye sort of deal." He glared at Crowley now, trying to work out what may have happened before they all came to the library. " When he came out here, he said that if the empty knew any better, it would know that he was suffering enough that taking him now would suffice. I don't know what you did to hm, but Cas has seen a lot of bullshit since then and none of it was bad enough to kill him, so I'm guessing it was pretty bad."

"Honestly! I didn't do anything!" Crowley insisted.

"Perhaps it was something you said to him, my dear." Aziraphale offered. " Your mouth does have tendency to get you into trouble."

"I didn't say anything!" Crowley snapped. "I went to his room, saw him fiddling with that ridiculous mixtape, tried to strike up a polite conversation, which was going decently enough, until Dean showed up. Then for some reason he got his feathers in a ruffle, threw the damn thing down, and stormed out. I'm as confused as you!"

"A mix tape?" Sam asked.

"Yes, it was something your brother gave to him." Crowley waved it off, like he found it to be nothing.

"Wait." Sam chuckled. " Dean gave Cas a mix tape? Like a legitimate mix tape?"

"Yes?"

"And he was messing around with it when you came in?" Crowley just nodded and Sam burst into laughter. "Oh my God. And he threw it down after Dean came in?" Crowley rolled his eyes and nodded again. " And I thought Dean was being a drama queen!" Sam howled.

"I take your laughter to mean that you understand what I did wrong then?"

Sam smiled and shook his head. "He thinks you’re trying to take Dean away from him. He's kind of...possessive of my brother. I don't think he's too keen on the idea of a demon taking his place."

Crowley scrunched up his face in disgust. "No offense to Dean, but I have no interest in your brother whatsoever!"

"Oh please!" Sam scoffed. "I've seen you two. Your practically attached at the hip!"

Aziraphale narrowed his eyes at that point, turning his gaze on Crowley. "You have grown rather close to the man, Crowley.

"Please, Angel!" Crowley rolled his eyes. " I can hardly handle being gone over you! I'm not adding some human to the mix. Calm yourself. Jealousy is a dreadful color on you."

"What?!" Sam shrieked. " I was talking about being Dean's new best friend. What the hell are you talking about?"

Crowley's eyes went wide as he grinned sheepishly up at Sam. "Nothing...."

"So, you know." Sam said grimly, in more of a statement than a question.

"What? That Castiel is completely, desperately and madly in love with your brother?" He said in a nasally, mocking tone. " I hadn't the slightest."

Sam nodded his understanding biting his lip. It was sad how obvious it was to everyone except Dean. "I think he always has been. I'm pretty sure he's not concerned about you taking him ...as a lover...or whatever. They don't have that kind of relationship. Cas has always just been content being near him. It's actually kinda depressing. Especially now, with his deal and all."

"So, neither of them gets to be happy?" Aziraphale asked sadly.

Sam thought about denying it first. He was so used to the image of his brother he had carried with him his whole life that the idea of him caring for Cas in the same way still seemed absolutely ridiculous, but the more he thought about the pay ten years...."Yeah...I guess not..."

******

The nausea hit Dean as soon as they landed, but it wasn't because of Angel Express this time. The streets of Reno were littered with corpses, human and monster alike, some of which had baked for weeks under the Nevada sun. Bile rose to his throat as the smell of death seared itself into his nostrils, while he surveyed the slew of bodies around them, in various stages of decomposition. He wasn't sure what was worse; the smell or the sight of the rotting, bloated corpses being preyed upon by the various scavengers of the desert. He barely suppressed a full-on gag as he witnessed a wake of vultures feasting on a particularly mangled carcass. He felt his knees go weak beneath him from the overwhelming stench, almost losing the entire contents of his stomach before he felt Cas place two fingers to his temple, dulling his sense of smell. "Thanks." He muttered, holding onto his stomach as he glanced up at the angel, relived that at least one of the puke worthy factors was taken care of.

Cas nodded, pulling his hand from the hunter's head. " My apologies, Dean. I fear that is the best I can do for you right now. I do not have the time to get rid of the bodies."

"It's fine, Cas. It would be a waste of energy anyway. At least I can't smell it anymore." He replied with a weak smile. 

Cas quirked the corner of his moth in return, before taking a deep breath (which ew! Dean thought) and closing his eyes in concentration. " There is an immense power radiating from a building three blocks away. I suspect that must be Amara." He managed to get two steps forward before Dean caught him by the sleeve. 

"Cas, can we... I know you've gotta save your Powers up and all, and I can't believe I'm asking this, but I don't think I can walk through all of this man." His voice broke at the end, causing the angel to look at him with sad, sympathetic eyes. 

"Of course, Dean." Cas said moving again to grip Dean,s shoulder. "I understand."

The scene inside of the large casino wasn't much better to be honest. There were bodies slumped over slot machines, strewn across poker tables in prices, even a dead rotating through a perpetual game of roulette. As they made their way through the carnage, towards the large neon sign blinking "Keno Lounge" Dean noticed that a few of the bodies had black, bulging veins, peaking out under their collars. They were definitely in the right place. He tightens his grip on the angel's sleeve, as Cas pushed the door to the lounge open, placing himself protectively in front of Dean. His other hand slipped up to the strap of his back pack on his shoulder (feeling a little like a small child, nervous for their first day of school as their) as he desperately tried to ground himself. It did nothing to quell the wave of emotions that crashed over him the moment he spotted her.

Amara was sitting at the bar in the back, completely unfazed by the rotting decay around her, a small paper clutched in one hand, a deep red drink (that suspiciously resembled blood) in the other, her face intently focused on the small screen above her. "Dean." She smiled, still looking at the screen, as she lifted the drink to get plush lips, her long black dress flowing with the gentle motion.

"Amara." He breathed out. It was like taking his first breath in years to hear his name from her lips again. Like a weight he hadn't know he was carrying had been lifted from his shoulders. A hole being filled that he wasn't aware was empty. He felt so utterly... whole. He hated every second of it. 

She set her drink back down, tucking her slip of paper underneath and swiveled in her chair, her long dark curls falling gracefully over her shoulders, her deep timeless eyes burrowing into his soul. Her smile slipped slightly as she took in the sight before her "Castiel. It's nice to see you back to your usual self, nephew." 

The noise Cas made in response could only be described as a literal growl, the dog lights in the dark room flickering around them. "Cool it, Cas." Dean whispered behind him, pulling tighter on the angel's sleeve. Cas's head snapped back to glare at him, his eyes glowing with Grace. "Not the time." 

"I'd listen to him if I were you Castiel." She smirked "You, of all my brother's creations, know what I am capable of when provoked." Cas glared back at her for a moment, before letting out an indignant huff, his shoulders sagging in resignation. "Good boy." She crooned. She turned her attention back to the bank behind him. " How are you Dean? I trust you enjoyed my gift?"

"I'm peachy." Dean snarked. " Nothing like having to attend my mother's funeral. Twice." He felt Cas tense beneath his fingers at the mention of Mary, but kept his gaze locked on her. It was still something they hadn't fully discussed yet, but now wasn't the time.

"I gave her back to you Dean." She pouted. "You gave me back my family, so I gave you back yours. It's hardly my fault you couldn't keep her alive. Isn't that right Castiel." She sneered in the angel's direction, causing him to curl up on himself slightly.

'Strike one, bitch!' Dean thought to himself pulling Cas closer to his side. "Your brother's to blame for that! Not Cas! You leave him out of this!" He snarled.

"What an excellent idea." She smirked as she rose to her feet. She tossed her arm out to the side as she began moving towards him, causing Cas to go flying across the room. He hit the wall with a shout, leaving an indention as he fell face first to the floor.

"Cas!" Dean screamed out, causing Amara to pause. She froze Dean in place and tilted her head to the angel breathing raggedly on the floor across the room before turning back to Dean with questioning eyes. She approached Dean slower then, letting a dog smile spread across her face. Dean kept his eyes fixed on Cas until he felt the backs of her long, warm fingers trail down the side of his face, sending an involuntary shiver through his core.

"It's so good to see you again, Dean." She said softly as he turned to face her, melting his entire resolve.

"The feeling ain't mutual." He lied, trying to keep focused on the task at hand.

"I doubt that." She hummed, bringing her face in closer. She was so close, the pull was irresistible, his mind became muddled as he leaned in close to her. He could feel her breath across his lips, when a pained groan in the distance snapped him out of it.

"Cas?" He snapped his head back in the angel's direction, pulling himself back from her touch. "Are you okay?!"

"I'm fine." Cas grunted, dragging himself to his feet. "You have to fight it, Dean. Fight her!"

Amara glared between the two of them, then flung her arm out again, sending Cas back into the wall, holding him there as he screamed for a few, long, painful moments, before she let him drop. Dean made a move to help him before she gripped him by the chin, pulling his attention back to her. " There's no use, Dean. You know you can't fight me."

"I don't want to." He breathed out helplessly, losing himself in her eyes. "I need your help." She raised a questioning eyebrow at him, studying his face for answers. "You know why we're here. "Her face went blank and she dropped his chin, taking two steps back. "You know what I need." 

"Do I?" She asked coldly. "Apparently last time I helped you it didn't serve you well at all."

"We don't...have time for...games, Amara!" Cas choked out as he tried to struggle to his feet. 

This time Amara left Dean to meet Castiel across the room, shoving him up the wall with her powers, further and further as she approached, until his head hit the ceiling as he screamed out in agony. "And maybe I don't have time for you."

"STOP!" Dean cried out, barely audible over Cas's screams. "Please! Stop." He begged.

She turned her head slowly back to Dean, wearing the same hurt and confused expression she had worn when Dean had called out to Cas when she kidnapped Lucifer. "It appears I don't know you at all." She said. She released her hold, letting Cas drop to the floor from the ceiling, his body landing with a sickening crunch, as she walked back to her place at the bar. 

Dean ran the Cas's side, crouching down to pull his friend into his lap. He lightly slapped the side of Cas's face muttering "C'mon, c'mon" over and over again under his breath until he felt Cas gasp for air. "Thank fuck!" He sighed, pressing his forehead to the angel's."

"You can leave now, Dean." Amara said from the bar, fixated back on the screen, with her glass pressed to her lips. "It's clear to me now, where your priorities lie."

Dean gently place Cas's unconscious head back on the ground and Rose to his feet. "He's going to destroy everything." He said taking a tentative step in her direction. "All of it."

"And?"

"You have to help us stop him." He pleaded.

"Why would I do that?" She asked looking from the screen to the slip of paper on the bar.

"He'll kill everyone. Everything." He explained. "Me."

Her face went dark as she crumpled the paper on the bar underneath one hand. " I offered you a place at my side before, Dean. You refused." She glanced back over at Castiel, briefly before switching to started at the bottom of her half empty glass. "I think I now understand why."

"I don't wanna die." He said meekly, stopping in the middle of the room. 

The glass shattered underneath her hand as she turned a cool, vicious gaze towards the hunter. "Neither did I." She said, before rising back to her feet. "I didn't want to be locked away for eons in a tiny cage with no escape. I didn't ask to be preyed upon by Heaven and Hell alike once you set me free." She was storming across the room as she spoke, power surging around her, causing Dean to fall back. Logically he knew that she would never hurt him, but fear knew nothing of logic. " I didn't want to be put against my own brother, to fight for my right to be alive. I didn't want to be put in the situation where I had to kill or be killed." She had him pressed against the wall, her face inches from his. "All I wanted, all I ever wanted, was to spend eternity, the way it was meant to be, my brother and I, alone." She backed off, turning back to the bar and started walking away. " Why should I interfere when he is finally wising up and realizing that this is how it should be?" She paused next to where Cas was laying and flung her arm out once more, sending him crashing down next to Dean. "Take your angel and leave Dean." 

"Amara..."

"You have nothing left to say to me." She said over her shoulder. "I have no reason to care about my brother's creations. Any of them. After all, it's not like any of them care about what happens to me."

"Then I'll kill him myself!" Dean snapped. 

"What?!" She growled, whipping back around.

Dean adjusted his stance to stand protectively over Castiel and took a deep breath, gritting his teeth. "You don't want to help? Fine! I was giving you a chance to save his life, trap him or something, like he did you.  
We can't do that without your help. So our only option is to kill him!"

"You can't." She said, sounding half sure, half scared.

"Probably not!" Dean huffed, feeling less and less inclined to fall for her charms. "But you damn well better believe that I'll try. You, of all people, should know better than to underestimate a Winchester. Especially when it comes to the things we love. And, of I succeed, and you're right I probably won't, but of I do.... that'll be on your head!" He felt the fury and power in the room building around him, but he didn't care. " I gave you the chance to stand by my side, Amara! And you refused. So, when you're brother dies, you'll know that you only have yourself to blame!"

The last thing he saw, was a fury of power as Amara's arm shot out towards him, before he found himself tumbling to the floor of the bunker's library.

*******

"Dean!" Sam shot up out of his chair, racing to his brother's side followed closely by Aziraphale and Crowley. "Dean, what happened?! Are you okay?” Dean pushed his brother away and scanned the room, tossing off his back pack before scrambling across the floor where he saw Cas lying in a seemingly lifeless hump. 

"Cas!" He called out before he reached the angel, pulling him back into his lap like before. "Cas! Cas, c'mon man wake up!" The angel's eyes fluttered open, looking around wildly before landing on Dean’s face above him. " Hey." Dean smiled in relief. "There you are."

"Dean." Cas croaked out, wincing in pain. "Dean I'm so sorry. I should've got you out of there sooner, I... I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey no!" Dean shook his head. " None of that. You got us out just in time. She was like one second away from toasting us both. You did good buddy. You did good."

Cas wrenched in pain again, tossing his head back and forth over Dean legs. " I'm so sorry, Dean. I should have never put you in that situation. I'm sorry." He let out a wet cough, wincing with every movement.

"You were right. She was our best shot." Dean assured trying his best to keep him still, so he didn't hurt himself. " What happened wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault."

Cas's body went limp under his arms as his eyes slipped close, his breathing becoming more and more ragged. "I'm sorry..." He whined..."I'm so... I'm sorry...I..." He stilled.

"Cas?" Dean asked, shaking his friend’s shoulders. "Cas?!" Castiel? No. No no no no no no! ALEX!!!!" He screamed out in a panicked tone, still shaking Cas's shoulders. "ALEX!!!" 

"DEAN!" Sam said, grabbing his brother by the shoulder. "Dean what happened?!"

"Sam, go get Alex!" Dean choked out, ignoring Sam's question. "She got Cas. He needs help!"

"Dean, I don't think..."

"Alex!!!" He yelled out one more time, realizing that he was shaking now himself.

"There's nothing the girl can do for him, Dean." Aziraphale said placing his hand between the man's shoulder. Dean looked up at him with panicked and tearful eyes, begging him silently to explain. Aziraphale took a deep breath and shook his head. " He's an angel Dean, she won't know what to do." He pulled the hunter to his feet and waved his hand behind him. "Crowley, dear, please take Castiel to his room. I'll need a quiet space to do what I can..."

"Is..." Dean swallowed starring down at his friend’s body. "Is he..." He let out a pitiful noise that he would vehemently deny later, as he watched the demon scoop up Cas, who hung limply in his arms as he rushed him down the hall.

"Dean. Dean!" Aziraphale grabbed Dean by his face, pulling his attention to him. " Dean, I need you to focus! Go get Rowena. Tell her I need her assistance. Be quick about it, alright?"  
Dean nodded and made a mad dash towards the archives, running as fast through the narrow corridors as his legs would take him, crashing into the room from too much momentum. "Rowena!" He gasped out before falling into a fit of coughing.

"What the hell!" Patience screeched out as both her and Rowena jumped back. 

"Please!" He begged between coughs. "Please."

"Dean, calm down!" Rowena said, placing a hand on his arm the steady. "What happened, dear? What's wrong?" 

"Cas." Was all he managed to say without breaking.

"Oh, no." She whispered. She turned to Patience, who looked equally concerned. "Stay here. Keep working." She pulled off her heels and grabbed Dean by the arm." Where is he, love?" 

"His room." Dean gasped "Hurry."

Rowena took off running, Dean only taking a few more breaths before following after her. He caught up quickly and scooped her up over his shoulder, figuring he could get them both there faster. He set her down outside of Cas's room where Sam and Crowley were waiting outside. They let her slip past and closed the door behind her, both of them pressing a hand to Dean's chest to hold him back. "What's going on!" He demanded, willing himself to try to adapt laser vision to see through the door. " What's happening? Is Cas okay?"

"Aziraphale will do everything he can, Dean. " Crowley said slowly. 

"You gotta tell us what happened." Sam said.

"I... I don't know...I don't know." Dean choked out. He let his back slam against the wall behind him, and slid down to the floor, letting his head fall to his knees. "She just, she kept slamming him. She would let up. She was tossing him around like a god-damned rag doll, and there was nothing I could do but watch."

"Amara's not helping us, is she?" Sam said quietly, after a moment of silence.

"What do you think?!" Dean snapped at his brother. He wanted to rip Sam apart right now for even suggestion it. He knew it was a bad idea, but he couldn't find it in himself to even keep his head up, so instead he just curled in further on himself. "No, Sam. She's not helping us. This is what she wants to happen. She got pissed at me for even thinking she would go against God...and...and he took it all out on Cas. I don't even know how he got us out of there when he did. He couldn't even move after she got done with him. I don't know...he saved my ass again, man. I was a goner, and that stupid son of a bitch managed to pull my ass out of the fire again."

"That's kinda what he does, Dean." Sam said softly.

"And look where it gets him " Dean shuttered. "Every fucking time. He just keeps saving me and I keep getting him killed!"

Crowley and Sam shared a look before Crowley walked over and let himself slide down the wall next to Dean. He placed a hand on the hunter's arm, as a form of comfort. Sam followed him soon after, choosing to rub the space between his brother's shoulders. "Hey. Hey Dean, it's okay. He's Cas. Cas is always, okay."

Dean nodded his head and looked up to stare at Cas's door. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Cas is always okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas is always okay.
> 
> Thank you all again for the continued support and i hope you stay with me after this.
> 
> Next up: hope


	22. Carouselambra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two days, waiting for any sign that Cas was gonna be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So time is kinda wishy washy in SPN. The months and the years and the weird unexplained time gaps....its a lot. For the purpose of this fic, it's mid August, to mid September right now...for reasons....i needed fluff...so yeah...enjoy....

Two days.

He sat there for two days, patiently waiting. Watching Rowena as she came in every so often with a bowl of ingredients, chanting some foreign words as she spread them around his wounds. Two days, listening to Aziraphale explain what he was doing as he laid his hands over the other angel letting bits of his power surge through him to ease the pain. Two days, observing Alex as she checked the cuts for infection and spreading antibiotic ointment on the ones that were slower to heal. Two days, waiting for any sign that Cas was gonna be okay. "You know, it's kinda funny, man." Dean chuckled after Alex had left that afternoon. It was the first words he had managed to say since that first night, and they were mostly to himself. "Me watching over you like this? I used to get so pissed when you did this to me. I thought it was fucking creepy as hell, but I guess I kinda get it now." He let his head hang down, watching his own hands as he wringed them around. " It's comforting. I don't really know what's going on in that dome of yours, or if you're even aware that I'm here, but it's comforting to me. Seeing you breath and stuff. Knowing your alive. I don't think I would've been able to keep it together this long if I just left you in here. Not knowing if you were still breathing, still okay. So, yeah. I think I get it now."

"You still get pissed at me, Dean." Came a quiet, rough and completely unexpected reply.

Dean's head snapped up to meet a pair of, barely open, impossibly blue eyes and a very disgruntled face. It was possibly one of the most heartwarming sights he had ever laid eyes on. "Heya, Cas." He managed to choke out, his voice cracking at the end as he tried to fight back his tears of joy with a wavering smile.

Cas gave him a weak half smile in return, before tilting his head back towards the ceiling and closing his eyes again." Hello, Dean." He sighed, just before falling back to sleep.

It was another week before Cas was able to stay awake for more than an hour at a time.

Dean finally left Cas's room after that first couple of days. By that time the demons had managed to get most of the souls back to hell where they belonged, and, under strict orders from Crowley, they had let all of the hunters and remaining humans be. Crowley suspected it was mostly out of fear of Castiel, rather than loyalty to himself, so he kept the angel's condition under wraps, demanding that they got hell back to proper working order, getting it ready for the surplus of souls that would most likely be joining them. Aziraphale refused to visit Hell with him, so he kept his business mostly above ground, trusting that the demons would get it done.

Dean still spent most of his days by Cas's bedside, chatting it up with whoever came to check on him while he slept. Jody and Donna had visited a few times, mostly for Dean's sake but they held some light conversations with Cas when he was conscious, keeping careful to steer the conversation away from anything too stressful. Rowena came in once in a while to tend to Cas's wounds and make sure he stayed in bed, much to the angel's protest that he was feeling much better and would be more useful if she allowed him to move. " You'll do no one any good, dearie, if we have to scrape you off the floor because you refuse to let yourself heal properly." It's what she told him every time, and after a while, it was more routine than anything. Sam even brought "Sorry! " in one night for the three of them to play. They all got a kick out of the dark humor behind the memory, and even though the game had ended with Cas angrily flipping the board off his bed and rolling over, pretending to fall back asleep, like the sore loser he was, it was a good night. 

The others would flit in and out every so often, making sure both of them had everything they needed, but for the most part they let the two of them be. The most frequent visitor, besides Dean, was Claire. Whenever she would get fed up with watching over the kids, she would stomp her way down the hall with a chair and set it right next to Dean, slumping down with her arms crossed over her chest and a permanent scowl on her face. "It's complete and utter bullshit, you know." She huffed angrily one morning while Dean was drinking his coffee, reading a book on angels, while he waited for Cas to stir.

"What is.? Dean asked, casually, not looking up from his book, already knowing what she was going to say.

"I'm not a fucking babysitter." She huffed, repeating the same sentence she did Every time she joined him. Dean chuckled, as he usually did, earning him the same bitchface he got every time. "I'm serious!" She snapped "Do I look like some fucking 'Holly Homemaker' to you? I'm a hunter. I've had a fucking angel live inside of me before! I should be out there, slashing monsters, not playing tea party with a bunch of snot nosed brats! It's humiliating!"

"We all got a role in this, Claire." He shrugged. "You gotta play the hand that you were dealt."

"Can't you make Sam give me something else?" She whined. "I mean, Jesus Christ, you're the older brother, right? I swear I'd rather be spit shining the blood off boots, than be submitted to this crap!"

"Who'd make sure those little heathens don't tear this place apart, then?"

"You've been sitting on your ass in here for days." She sneered. "Why can't you wrangle the little shits, and tell Sam to let me go fight?" 

Dean glared at her over the edge of his book before glancing over at Cas's sleeping form. The, bruises were long gone by now, the only evidence of the scrapes were the quickly fading scars they had left behind. But the black marks remained, though they had shrunk to the size of cigarette burns, they still served as reminders of why Cas was even sleeping in the first place. He gritted his teeth and set down his book, looking at her out the side of his eyes after tipping his head in Cas's direction. "I think it's pretty clear that Sam won't change his mind, once it's set on something." 

She looked over at Cas and grimaced, nodding her head. "Yeah, guess you're right on that one." She looked back at Dean and studied him for a moment (ironically, reminding him of the angel she refused to admit any relation to) before she spoke again. "You're still pretty pissed at him, aren't you?"

Dean sighed and shook his head, setting his coffee and book on the night stand. "I'm not pissed at Sam. I'm pissed at the situation. It was our only option, and he knew that. It's not his fault things went sideways."

"You might wanna tell him that." She said. Dean lifted his eyebrow at her, and she laughed. "Moose has been tiptoeing around here like he's afraid you'll lose your shit on him if he makes the slightest sound. He thinks you blame him for what happened."

"Well I don't." Dean grunted. " I'll track him down after Cas wakes up and talk to him."

She bit her lip and turned back to face the wall. "It's not your fault either you know." She said, after a few minutes.

Dean shrunk in on himself a bit and shook his head. "I don't know what you're talking about." 

Claire flopped her head towards Dean and rolled her eyes dramatically. "You're not as mysterious as you like to think, Dean. I know part of the reason you've holed yourself up in here with Castiel is because you feel guilty."

"I never claimed I was 'mysterious'." Dean mumbled. "I'm about as open of a book as it gets. Jesus, can't a guy just be concerned for his friend’s wellbeing? The guys just got blasted by God's sister. Someone's gotta make sure he doesn't keel over."

"Yeah, okay." She chuckled.

"What!?" He huffed, incredulously.

"You know P can read minds, right?" She snickered. "Yours included."

"So?"

"So, she's seen all those little 'not so secret' thoughts you've got banging around in that noggin of yours." She replied.

"What, thoughts?" Dean gulped, trying his best to keep his voice even.

"Oh, C'mon Deano!" She was full on rolling now. "Do I have to spell it out for, ya? We got a kick out of it that first night, back at the cabin, but now it's just sad!"

"I don't..." Dean was interrupted by the flutter of wings. Both he and Claire turned to see Cas, sitting up in bed, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. "Cas! What the hell, man!?"

"I was cold." The angel said, indignantly, looking like he wanted to smite the button in his hand as he struggled to push it through the hole.

"You coulda asked one of us to get your shirt for you." Dean grumbled as he stood. " You shouldn't be using your wings and stuff yet, dude. You’re still healing." He leaned over the bed and batted Cas's hands away to finish buttoning it for him. "Let me help you with that."

"I'm not a child, Dean." Cas pouted, as he let Dean finish buttoning his shirt. "I'm perfectly capable of dressing myself."

"You sure about that?" Claire chuckled. "Cuz, you sure as hell sound like one. I should know, I've been stuck with those little shits for weeks now."

"Language, Claire." Cas admonished.

"Still not my dad, Cas." She smiled before shaking herself out and standing up. "Speaking of, I better go make sure those little tyrants haven't killed each other. I'll catch you two on the flip side." She shot them a peace sign as she left the room, shutting the door gently behind her.

"You're a terrible influence on her." Cas said to Dean as he sat down.

"Someone's gotta be." Dean chuckled as he picked up his book and continued where he left off.

 

It was two weeks later, when Sam got the call that they lost their first hunters. Dean was in the kitchen, pulling slicing into his freshly baked apple pie when Sam came in, to break the news. "Kaia called." He said grimly, watching his brother place a candle in the middle of a scoop of ice cream on top.

"What’d she have to say?" Dean asked, meeting his brother's eyes. They had sat down and had a good, long talk about what happened, about how Dean didn't blame him for any of it, but Sam was still weary, for some reason, anytime they were alone.

"They ran into a nest of vamps, just outside of Topeka." Sam said. " It was bigger than they thought. Her and about three others were able to make it out but.... they're on their way back now. She's got a nasty cut on her stomach, and the others aren't much better off. I let Alex know to prep some supplies." Dean nodded, gripping the edge of the counter. It wasn't he worst news they could've gotten, but for some reason it was hitting him hard. They needed to gain every bit of ground they could, and every man lost was a step in the wrong direction. "What's the occasion?" Sam asked after a while, nodding towards the pie. 

"It's the 18th." Dean said. "We haven't had a whole lot to celebrate around here lately, and I figured Cas could use a pick me up, after being locked up for so long." 

Sam bit back a smile and nodded his head. "Rowena said he should be back to his old self in a couple days."

"Yeah." Dean nodded. He didn't want to think about what that mean. Cas would want to get back out there as soon a she was given the all clear, and that thought scared the ever living piss out of him. It was scary as hell in the beginning, watching Cas struggle, watching him fight for his life, but once everything calmed down, it was kinda nice. Not that he'd ever admit it out loud, but he always hated it every time Cas took off without them. He was always sure that every time he saw him would be the last. Having him here, stuck in one place where Dean could keep an eye on him and make sure he didn't get himself killed....it was just...nice.

"Better get that to him before the ice cream melts then." Sam smiled. Dean nodded and picked up the plate, the two of the fumbling through their pockets to find a lighter on the way to Cas's room. Sam lit the candle just outside the door and while Dean opened it wide enough for them both to step inside. Cas was standing at his desk, a clad in his suit pants and rumpled dress shirt, angrily pressing buttons on his ancient stereo. 

"I think there's something wrong with this machine." Cas grumped without looking up. "I was listening to music and it made a weird noise and just stopped."

"Yeah, well that thing almost as old as you are!" Dean chuckled. "I'm surprised it made it this long."

Cas turned to him with an annoyed huff, eyes flicking briefly between him and Sam before landing on the plate in his hand. "Your pie is on fire."

Sam laughed and shook his head. "It's your pie, dude. And it's called a candle."

"Happy birthday, Cas!" Dean said cheerfully holding out the pie.

"I'm an angel, Dean." Cas said. " We were created before the concept of time. I don't have a 'birthday'." And damn, those stupid air quotes.

"Yeah well, 'happy birthday' sounds a hell of a whole lot less cheesy than 'happy anniversary' would." Sam laughed. Earning him a very confused look from Cas and a burning glare from his brother.

"I don't..." Cas started before Dean shoved the plate in his hand.

"Just blow out the candle and eat your fucking pie!" Dean grunted.

Cas nodded and blew the candle out, picking up the fork gingerly before sitting himself down on the bed. He took a large bite, swirling the taste around in his mouth before swallowing. "Thank you." He smiled, taking another, smaller bite.

"How's it taste?" Dean asked.

"Like molecules." Cas said with a guilty smile after a moment's hesitation.

"That's a good thing, isn't it?" Dean said, only a little disappointed. "Means your almost back to normal right?"

"I miss food." Cas sighed, staring down at his pie like it had personally offended him.

"We know you do, Cas." Sam said sympathetically. "But we're glad you're getting better."

Cas took another reluctant bite and scrunched his face up in concentration. " I'm ready to get out of this room. I hate being a burden while there are more important things to focus on." 

"You're not a burden, Cas." Sam said. 

"Perhaps not, but I feel like one. I hate to be stuck in here when there are people, our people, out there dying when they shouldn't have to be."

"You talked to Claire, huh?" Sam said, sitting in the chair across from Cas.

The angel nodded his head. "I heard her storming through the halls, yelling at Alex about what had happened." He turned to Dean then, narrowing his eyes. "You should really stop teaching her new insults." 

Dean chuckled and sat down next to Cas patting him on the back. "It's not like you could've done anything to stop it, Cas. None of us could. We're as helpless as you are here. They all knew the risks going into this. It's bad out there, man. We're all kinda flying by the seat of our pants, and hoping for the best."

It was silent for a while after that, the three of them letting the knowledge of that swirl through the air. "What if...what if what we're doing is for nothing?" Cas said. "What if we're already too late. What if, after a while, the hunters are the only people even left? What if there's nothing left to save?"

Sam and Dean shared a look, each of them sure that the angel was probably right. Dean chuckled, trying his best to lighten the mood. "Well then, I guess it's up to us to repopulate the world." Cas and Sam both glared at him, before Sam started laughing himself. Cas, however, still looked rather unamused. "What? What else are we supposed to do." Cas narrowed his eyes further and turned away. "Oh, C'mon Cas, what are you worried about? It's not like every sexual encounter you have is gonna end with the chick sticking you like a pig. If that were the case, I'd have been dead years ago."

Cas sighed and shook his head. "I believe it was a nephilim that got is in trouble in the first place. I don't think creating more would solve any of our problems."

Dean had to fight hard not to wince at Cas's words. It was the first time he had brought up Jack on his own since this whole thing started. "Okay, fine." Dean smiled trying to keep the mood light. "Me and Sammy will just have to pick up your slack."

Dean and Sam both broke into a nervous laughter, but Cas remained sullen. "C'mon Cas." Sam said. " We gotta find humor in this somewhere."

"I know." Cas said. "I know it's just.... I can't help but feel like all of this is hopeless."

 

*****

 

Crowley pushed himself off the wall outside Castiel's room and made his way down the hall. He has made it a habit to check in on Castiel at least once a day since the incident. The first few days were to assist Aziraphale in the healing process, but after that he stuck to peaking in whenever Dean wasn't around. It was easier for everyone if they left the two of them alone. He would pop in, whenever the Angel was sleeping, shrink a bruise here, erase a scrape there, it was those damning black marks that kept him coming back though. Try as he might, he could do nothing to make them dissipate, and that.....  
On the rare occasions the angel was awake while he was present, he mostly just talked with him. He'd come up with some excuse about needing to check his vitals or bring him a book, then he would linger a little longer, telling him the progress of the demons or Sam's hunters, pretending not to listen as Castiel gave his input. He would never admit to the fact that he was keeping up the ruse of being cordial to keep himself grounded. In reality, he was terrified. He had witnessed, first hand, how powerful the angel was. He was able to see the manifestation of sheer mana, surging underneath his human shell. He had watched how effortlessly the seraph had dispatched those creatures, two, even three at a time. To see him so broken after his encounter with the Almighty's sister was more than a little unsettling. Crowley was nowhere near as powerful, there were very few beings that were. How were any of them supposed to fare well against the Almighty himself, if a being, such as Castiel, hardly made it out alive against Amara? Truth be told, (though no one even dare to mention it to Dean) he wasn't even wholly alive. He had been mostly dead when they had brought him to the room. It had almost drained everyone working on him, entirely, just to keep him breathing. 

So, Crowley would visit him, if for nothing else but to see that he was, indeed, alive. It helped him keep from giving up. He let out deep sigh as he snuck passed the angel's door, so as not to interrupt the, rather melancholy, birthday celebration and made his way through the halls towards the library. Aziraphale sat at a long table, close to the door, surrounded by books containing information about various creatures. The demon sauntered in and plopped himself down in the chair next to the angel, letting out a long, drawn out sigh. Aziraphale kept his eyes fixed on the page in front of him, paying Crowley no mind. Crowley sighed louder, then, making a show of propping his elbows on the table, placing his chin in his hands.

" What is it, Crowley?" The angel asked, clearly exasperated, eyes still fixed on the book.

"Do you think this is hopeless." Crowley asked, tilting his head to one side towards the angel with a pout on his face.

"You?" Aziraphale glanced at Crowley from the corner of his eye before returning to his page. "Absolutely. You are, without a doubt, the most hopeless creature I've ever come to know, in all of existence."

"Shut up." Crowley rolled his eyes, bumping his should against Aziraphale's. "You know what I mean."

"I told you from the beginning, that this was a dangerous plight." Aziraphale said casually, as he licked his finger to turn the page. "You're the one who insisted that we had no other choice but to at least try." Crowley replied with an annoyed huff, tilting his head back to stare straight at the wall in front of him. "How is he?" Aziraphale asked after a while.

"Better." Crowley answered. "He should be back to normal by tomorrow morning, but it would be safer to give him an extra day."

"It's rather sweet of you to be checking in on him like this." Aziraphale said, biting back a grin.

"Watch it." Crowley warned. " I'm not doing it to be sweet. I merely want to make sure we haven't lost our most powerful ally. I'm tactical. Not sweet." Aziraphale responded with an amused hum as he turned another page. "They lost a few hunters today." Crowley said, cryptically.

"So I heard." Aziraphale nodded, keeping his tone even. "Quite loudly, actually. That Claire has quite the mouth on her."

"It's only the beginning." Crowley sighed. "There are people out there losing their lives. They don't even have to face the biggest threat."

"You're worried we don't stand a chance at winning this."

"I've a right to be." Crowley huffed. "I saw what was out there. I know how terrible it is, but we were able to manage. We got through, relatively unscathed. We fought those monsters for days and came back in one piece. It gave me a sort of, indestructible feeling. Then Dean and Castiel left for hardly more than an hour and when they returned...I don't think we can fight this, Angel."

"Probably not." Aziraphale agreed. " We're probably going to die, horribly. Neither of us are nearly powerful enough to hold our own against an angel of Castiel's rank, I doubt we'll last even a minute against the Almighty." He turned another page, fully aware that the demon was staring at him with his mouth a gape. " I have no doubt that something will go horribly wrong. However, I would rather spend my final moments, fighting for what is right, than laying down and waiting to die. I have certain things, certain people, that I would prefer to fight for. I don't want to die, but it's been made clear to me that I have no choice in the matter. If I must, then I want to go out standing by what I believe in. I want to go out by your side."

Crowley couldn't help but smile, his heart full as he stared at the side of Aziraphale's face. He knew the angel was just as terrified as him, but he was keeping a brave face. Keeping strong, because one of them had to. They were going to die either way, but instead of waiting it out, Aziraphale chose to join Crowley in his crusade against the Lord. They had started out in the world together and that's how they were going to end. Before he even realized what he was doing, Crowley found himself leaning forward to place a soft kiss on the corner of the angel's mouth.

"Wh...what was that for?" Aziraphale stuttered out, blush creeping up his face as he gripped the book tighter, refusing to look at the demon, who currently had his forehead pressed to the side of his face.

"For staying with me, after all this time, even though I'm utterly hopeless." Crowley hummed.

"Somebody has to." Aziraphale smiled. "Your quite useless on your own." He leaned into the touch, letting the demon’s hair brush against his cheek. " You've been rather affectionate lately, is there a reason?"

The demon seemed to snap out of his daze at the Aziraphale’s words. He sat back up and stared back at the wall, his brows pinched in defiance. "Oh, you know," he waved his hand in the air as if to brush the matter aside, "end of days and all. Smoke 'em while you got 'em and all that jazz."

"Hmm." Aziraphale hummed with a quirked brow, trying to look like he was still busy reading (he had lost interest in the book halfway through the conversation, but, well, appearances). "I seem to recall you saying something similar to me during Sodom and Gomorrah."

It was Crowley's turn to blush, though he tried his best to hide it. "That was different." He said, turning back to face the angel with his tongue peeking out between his grin. "Everyone was doing it then." 

Aziraphale rolled his eyes and Crowley's waggling eyebrows and switched his book to one hand, lacing the fingers of his free on with one of Crowley's. "And if everyone were to jump off a bridge, would you follow?"

"That depends." The demon smirked resting his chin on the angel’s shoulder, lips barely brushing his ear. "Would you be there to catch me?"

Aziraphale knew he had broken a dam with that hug a month ago. Crowley had been determined to keep up demonic appearances. That included proving that he didn't care about a single thing, which he did by avoiding physical contact with a single soul whenever necessary. The problem with that was, that he had a huge heart, though he tried his best to hide it, and if someone were to even put a dent in that wall, the whole thing would come crumbling down. When it came to Aziraphale, it was especially important to build that wall back up every single time. It had happened several times over the years, but nothing screamed "undemonic" like fraternizing with an angel. It was the same reason Aziraphale had kept himself reserved when it came to Crowley. Corruption was the quickest way to find one’s self tossed out of Heaven. It was different now. The true end was in sight. They were on a plane, so far from their own. Aziraphale had no one to answer to here. Crowley had somehow become the king of Hell. There was nothing holding them back.

Before Aziraphale could respond, they were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. Both their heads snapped up to find Sam, leaning against the wall next to the entrance. "Sorry to interrupt," he said with an awkward smirk, "but, uh, I just got word that the others are a few minutes out and from the sounds of it, we could use some help in the infirmary. I'd ask Cas to do it but...."

"Of course." Aziraphale said, squeezing Crowley's hand once before letting go. "Duty calls."

 

*****

 

The past couple of days had been eventful, to say the least. The hunters that came in were a little more worse for wear than Kaia had let on. It took everybody with some sort of medical experience, most of the day to get everyone healed up and settled. After that, it was dealing with the kids. Three of them had lost their parents and we're in absolute hysterics (understandably of course) which Claire had to deal with on her own. It wouldn't have been so bad, (Claire was an expert on losing her parents to the supernatural after all, so she was able to relate) but she was already in a sour mood. She was torn on being upset over seeing Kaia injured, (having forgotten, temporarily, that it wasn't her Kaia) pissed that she had to deal with kids, livid with Alex for helping Kaia after what she had done and just all around upset about the people that they had lost. She had spent a good part of the following day brooding about and biting off the heads of anyone who came near her.

The next part was getting everyone's story on what happened and getting things reorganized. About the only thing they could get out of anyone was "massive best of hybrid vamps." They had to retreat before they were able to wipe the best out at the risk of losing more people. Sam spent a good majority of the day on the phone to call in other groups nearby to take care of the issue. It was a bunch of chaos and high-strung people, but Dean was more concerned about the day ahead. It was the day that Cas was gonna be given the okay to leave his room.

He should be happy. Cas had been going crazy locked up like he was. He should be elated that his friend was able to get back out and fight the good fight, but he couldn't find it in himself to smile about it. At least when he was in his room, he was safe. He was here. Dean had almost lost his best friend, again. He had almost watched him die right in front of his eyes, again. He watched Cas put himself on the line for him, again. And now Cas was better. Fighting fit. Which meant, it was only a matter of time before he left to go fight a battle that was never really his. Again. Leaving Dean to wonder whether or not he would ever see him again. He knew it was selfish, but he wanted Cas to stay. Just this once. One time. As long as he was trapped in his room, he had no choice, but now...

Dean wiped the grease from his hands on a rag, after closing Baby's hood. She had been through a lot on their little road trip and working on her always helped set his mind at ease. Never mind the fact that he had already detailed her five times in the last three weeks. She was a lady and should be treated as such. It wasn't so much that he was avoiding Castiel today, he was just trying to figure out the right words to say to him. To ask him to stay, without sounding like he was fucking begging. He was a man, damnit. It shouldn't be an issue for a man to tell his friend he didn't want him to go off and get killed, but Every time Dean thought of something to say to him, it just came out sounding mushy as fuck. He knew why it was so hard, but he put the reason in the back of his mind (just like everything else he didn't want to deal with) and tried his best to come up with something that came off just on the good side of desperate. Before he could gather his nerve though, he was met face to face with a towering pile of puppy dog eyes.  
"What's up Sam?" He asked, tossing his rag into the utility sink in the back of the garage.

"Nothing much." Sam shrugged, looking like he meant the complete opposite was true. "Got everything with the other hunters sorted out, so I have some downtime. You free to talk?"

"Little busy here." Dan said, nodding over towards Baby. He knew this was coming. Despite the talk they had about what happened with Amara, Sam and Dean hadn't actually sat down and talked about anything  
since he got back. There was a lot that needed to be said still, about Mary, about Jack, about everything. He knew that it all needed to be laid out on the table, but now wasn't the best time. He had to focus his energy on what he wanted to say to Cas before it was too late again, and he didn't have time to hash out all that family drama with his baby brother like some fucked up episode of Dr. Phil.

Sam narrowed his eyes and looked over at Baby, before turning that glare on Dean. "You've been out here more times this month than you have in the last year. There's only so many times you can give a car a tune up before people start to get suspicious."

"Well, when I got that limit, give me a shout." 

"Dean..."

"Sam, look." Dean sighed. " I know okay. I know we got some stuff we need to get off our chests. We all do. It's been a long time coming a frankly I'm surprised we haven't spontaneously combusted with all this pent-up bullshit. We got stuff that we need to unpack, but now isn't a good time. I got a lot on my mind right now and I don't have time for 'sappy family time hour with Dean and Sam."

"I think everyone has a lot on their minds right now, Dean." Sam grunted.

"Yeah well this is kinda time sensitive, okay?" Dean argued. "Kinda just focus on this one thing right now."

"Dean! The car's..."

"It's not about the fucking car!" Dean snapped, immediately sending a silent apology towards Baby before continuing. " I almost lost my best friend again. We almost lost Cas, AGAIN, Sammy. I watched Amara beat him within an inch of his life. Can you imagine what would've happened if I wasn't there? He would've died! Our friend, our brother, would've died, because we weren't there. I don't know about you, but I can't go through that again! Besides you, Cas is all I got left, and I don't want him out there on his own because he's too damn stupid to keep himself safe! So, I gotta figure out a way to keep him here, where we need him!"

Sam looked at him with pity in his eyes and took a deep breath. "Dean, if you're worried about Cas...."

"You're damn right I am!" Dean cut him off, storming across the garage towards the door. "And you should be too! He's your friend too, in case you forgot. He's pulled your ass out of the fire just as many times as he has mine."

"I know he has." Sam said, hurt. More times than either of us probably even know about. I'm not trying to make it sound like I don't care, Dean, but I really need to...."

"I know we need to talk about everything that happened, and we will, but right now I want to get to Cas before he goes off and does something stupid." He made a move to walk down the few short stairs into the bunker, but Sam stepped in front of him to block the way.

"Dean, this is important!" 

"Yeah, well so's this!" Dean said muscling passed Sam to get to the door, hand gripping the handle before Sam spoke.

"It's about Cas!" Sam snapped. Dean stopped and turned to face him, eyebrow lifted in a question. Sam took a deep breath, preparing himself for the shitstorm that he was about to unleash. "He made a deal."

"What kind of deal?" Dean growled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had something important to add to my notes....I KNOW I did....but for the life of me, I cannot remember what it was. Oh, well...I'll add it later...
> 
> Thanks again to all of you for being awesome, and sticking with me thus far! Coming soon, to a Fic near you: Secrets Revealed!
> 
> *Edit: I remember now! Thanks to a wonderful reader. For those of you strictly in the GO fandom who don't know: it is not a true Destiel fic until Sam Winchester interrupts a moment! (Hell it's hardly a real episode featuring Castiel unless Sam interrupts a moment). So I had to put one in there, I'm just sorry that it fell on the husband's this time.


	23. I Want to Break Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's reaction to Cas's deal is expected, his confession is not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as I was writing this, I realized that it was a very destiel heavy chapter( which was necessary to the plot) and severely lacking in the ineffable husband's area. So I did a little thing to make up for it. 😊

"Son of a BITCH!" 

Sam flinched as he listened to various items fall on the other side of the wall that Dean punched, but he keeps moving. Dean is on a warpath through the bunker and he has to catch up to him before he does (or says) something really stupid. "Dean!" He calls after him again, not that it does any good. Dean just shakes out his hand, letting the blood from his knuckles splatter across the floor, and keeps walking. It's not like Sam didn't expect this kind of reaction. Dean does anger better than anyone he knows, and when he isn't ready to process any other emotion that may be plaguing him, that anger only intensifies. He hadn't even let Sam get passed "traded his life for Jack's" before he was out the door, face fire truck red, as he screamed obscenities through the halls. Sam narrowly dodged the chair Dean through behind him as he turned another corner, try to keep up with his brother’s pace. 

This was Dean's biggest problem. The good old John Winchester way. If at first you don't succeed, throw a fucking fit until your problems cower away. It was the one trait Sam wished Dean hadn't inherited from their father. The border-line alcoholism he could deal with. There wasn't a single person he knew that didn't enjoy a little dose of hunter's helper to get through those rough nights. They were both stubborn as mules and it's not like Sam could complain about that, considering how many times that stubbornness had saved their asses. But this.... this is why Sam spent most of his childhood trying to get away. He could still hear the shouting matches that would occur anytime one of them messed up or put themselves in danger. He couldn't let them know he was scared, so instead he would scream his head off, throw things around and "whoop their asses into shape", because it was easier. It was the same reason he and Sam had gotten into it the night left for Stanford. John Winchester had no problem staring down everything that went bump in the night without blinking an eye, but when it came to dealing with actual emotions... fighting was just easier than feeling. And now, here was Dean, reaping the benefits of his upbringing.  
"Dean, stop!" He didn't even know the full story yet. If he got to Cas before Sam could finish telling him...

"That, stupid, lying son of a bitch!" Dean screamed as he turned another corner bumping the wall with his shoulder causing him pause for a second. "Damnit! CAS!"

Sam took the opportunity, placing himself in front of Dean and shoving his arms out to stop him. "Dean, hold on, just hear me out!" The look he saw in Dean's eyes was terrifying, murderous. He hadn't seen that look since Dean was possessed by the Mark, and it was almost enough to give him pause, but he needed to tell his brother everything before things got worse.

"How could he?!" Dean shouted. "Where the fuck does he get off?! How could he do this? Again! He promised us he wouldn't pull this shit again! How could he this to me, again!"

Sam tried to ignore that last part, keeping a firm grasp on Dean's shoulders as he spoke. "I know. I know Dean, but you need to listen, okay?"

"He lied to us, Sam!" Dean said, voice dangerously close to cracking. " We trusted him, and he lied to us, again!"

"I know." Sam said. "But he had a reason. He thought he was...."

"Bullshit!" Dean spat. " He always has a fucking reason! He always thinks he's doing the right thing, and we're always left to pick up the pieces when it blows up in his face!"

"Kind of a moot point right now, man."

"Is it?" Dean snapped. "Because he's the strongest thing we got on our side right now, and if he goes...he dies and he's not coming back! Where does that leave us? If he dies...fuck man!" He scrubbed his hands over his face then ran them through his hair, pulling at the roots to keep himself grounded. 

"Dean," Sam sighed, letting his hands drop. " He was trying to help. He knew that Jack...."

"Fuck Jack!" Dean growled.

"Dean, c'mon..."

"No, Sam! Fuck him!" Dean was near hysterics at this point. " Don't you get it? Jack lied too! He knew what Cas did and he didn't say shit! Worse! He watched Cas trade away his life for him and still burnt it away! He knew what was at risk and it's like he didn't even care! How can you still be defending that kid?" Sam shrunk back a little. He hadn't even thought about that. " Face the facts Sam, that kid was the biggest fucking mistake we ever made. He was the son of Lucifer for Christ's sake! He was trouble from the get-go, and I should've killed him when I had the chance."

Dean was just emotional. That's what Sam was telling himself. His brother was just emotional right now and he was saying things he didn't mean. This wasn't Jack's fault. It wasn't any of their faults. This was on Chuck. "Dean, listen...."

"No, I'm done listening." Dean said, stepping passed Sam and making his way back down the hall. "Right now, I'm gonna go find Cas."

Sam groaned and followed him again. " What are you going to do when you find him, huh? "

"I'm gonna tear him about ten new assholes, that's what." Dean replied without looking back.

"And what good is that going to do, Dean? " Sam asked. " It's not like yelling at him for something he can't control is going to make it better. There's nothing we can do." This isn't how this was supposed to go. Dean's reaction was expected but he needed to let Sam explain. Cas wouldn't die until he was happy. He wanted to tell Dean that they didn't need to worry until everything was over. He had a fleeting thought that he should just let Dean go at it. It would definitely keep Cas from even smiling for a while if he just let his brother tear into him, but that wasn't fair. "Besides, we've already been over this. You think I didn't scream my damn head off at him when he told me? It's not going to do a damn thing but make things between you worse!"

"Yeah, well maybe you just didn't yell at him right!" Dean grunted.

And there it was. That's what it always boiled down to. Dean's sense of superiority. Yeah, sure Sammy, you can do it, but I can do it better. No Sammy, you don't know what you're doing, let me show you. No Sammy, I'll take care of this, I don't want you to get hurt. He was thirty-six god damn years old and Dean was still treating him like a fucking child! "Oh, forgive me then, for not knowing how to yell at your boyfriend properly!" Sam snapped. 

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

He didn't mean to say that. At least it got Dean to stop. He watched his brother go rigid, feet Frozen in place, whole body tense. This is not how this was supposed to go. 

"What...the fuck... did you just say to me?" 

Sam was still pissed, that was for sure, but Dean was madder. He took a step back as soon as dean turned around with that look in his eyes. The one he wore when he was about to tear through a monster that had personally wronged him. He felt his heart leap to his throat, blocking the words that he tried to get out as Dean took a step closer. This was it. In the back of his mind, he always knew that Dean was going to be the one to kill him. Their own father had told him he had to. And why not now? They probably weren't gonna make it out alive this time any way. At least, this way, Sam would get to avoid the messy end. He probably wouldn't mean to do it. Sam was bigger, stronger, sure, but he was no match for his brother's blind rage. Dean was about to beat the ever-loving shit out of him. Except....was he laughing? He was. It wasn't a good laugh. It was the kind of laugh you hear walking passed the mental dorm of a high security prison. No, Dean wasn't gonna kill him. He had finally fucking lost it. "Dean.... I.. "

"I can't fucking believe you!" Dean said between cackles. “Really living it up to the legacy there, aren't you Sammy?" He fell against the wall with one shoulder, his breaths heaving. " Demon blood still coursing through those veins of yours?" 

Sam just stared at him, confused as hell. Jesus Christ, he actually broke his brother. Dean had no idea what he was saying anymore. 

"I mean I'd expect this kind of shit from Crowley, but my own fucking brother?" 

Wait...what?

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked, finally finding his voice.

Dean looked him in the eye, his own watery with tears that were threatening to spill, face filled with a million different emotions. "Crowley's been on this bullshit since I first said Cas's name. He won't let it go. I've had to run damage control since the moment I got back to keep him in line. He's a demon though. I expect that kinda shit from a demon. But you....shit Sam. "

So, that's what all the whispering and private conversations have been about? Crowley teasing Dean about Cas. Well that was....not what he expected. At least Dean had calmed down a bit now, though his mood was completely unreadable. If Sam could keep it going in this direction, he might have a chance to explain the rest of Cas's situation without Dean flying off the handle. "Crowley's been teasing you about Cas, huh?"

"Yeah," Dean chuckled, slumping further against the wall. " He's been a real little shit about it too. I think it's cuz it was the only thing he had on me. Demon's gotta do what a demon's gotta do. Can't even get the son of a bitch back with his relationship with Aziraphale because any time I do he just uses that as some fucking admission, which it's not! I don't....those two have been together since the dawn of time. Me and Cas ain't like that. Fucking asshole thinks he knows everything. "

Sam felt a warm feeling creep up on him as he watched his brother talk about the demon. Dean had actually made a friend. An honest to goodness friend, without even trying. " You really like him, don't you?"

"Crowley?" Dean smiled. " Yeah I do. He's a really good guy, Sam. He helped me out a lot when I was with them, and not just by letting me crash with him either. He's just misunderstood, is all. He's just a really cool guy."

"Okay, if you say so, Dean."

"Don't tell him I said that though!" Dean laughed. " We got kind of a thing going, I don't wanna mess that up."

"Your secret is safe with me." Sam smiled. Good. This was good. Dean was calm now. He could use this opportunity...

"Don't think this gets you off the hook." Dean said, effectively squashing Sam's train of thought as he stood up from the wall to continue his rampage. "I ain't gonna forget what you said. And I'm still hunting down Cas." Shit! So close. "I gotta few things I need to say to that ..."

"Don't bother." Cas said as soon as they rounded the corner. His face was cold, his stance was fierce. He looked well and truly, like a warrior of God. "I heard enough."

This is not how this was supposed to go.

 

******

"The freedom bells are calling your name Castiel!" Crowley crooned as he leaned up against the door frame of the room. " Answer their call. Fly free!" Cas turned to him with a confused look, setting the screw driver in his hand down on the desk next to the pieces of his stereo. Crowley rolled his eyes and stood up, sauntering into the room. He sat down on the edge of the desk and picked up the screw driver, twirling it around in his hands. "Your prison sentence is over, Angel. You're all healed up and free to roam."

"Oh." Castiel replied, a smile spreading across his face. "That is excellent news. Thank you." He stood up and stretched out, moving to grab his trench coat off the bed.

"What is it that you're trying to accomplish here, then?" Crowley asked, gesturing to the pile of stereo parts scattered over the desk.

"My stereo broke." Cas answered as he slipped one arm into his coat. " I was getting bored without any music to listen to, so I was trying to repair it."

Crowley looked at him with a confused, almost offended look before snapping his fingers. All the parts clattered on the desk before reassembling themselves, music beginning to play softly through the speakers. You and Aziraphale, I swear. You have powers! I've seen them! At great lengths! Why bother fixing anything the human way?" 

Cas gave him an annoyed glare as he settled his coat over his shoulders. "Well I was also trying to pass the time. I've been stuck in here for too long. Besides," he leaned over to pop the tape out of the deck and place it back into its case, " not every problem can be solved with powers, Crowley." He ran his hand over the words on the case before sliding it into his pocket.

"But you're an Angel..." Crowley argued.

"I don't think I am anymore." Cas replied sadly, forgetting who he was talking to.

"You are." Crowley insisted. " I can see you. All of you. What else would you be?"

"To be honest?" Cas scoffed, suddenly not caring that he was opening up to a demon. " I don't know anymore. I used to believe that Heaven was righteous. That God was good, and angels were created to carry out his word and protect his creations. That's what angels are supposed to do but....over the past several years I've come to find comfort in humanity instead."

Crowley nodded, his face thoughtful. " You're not a human though, I don't think you ever really could be. You aren't made for it."

"Hence my conundrum." Cas smiled bitterly. " I don't know what I am."

"Well, if you want my opinion..." Crowley said " I believe angels like Aziraphale and yourself, are better angels than any of the others. They might not think so, but I do. Instead of blindly following the orders from an absentee creator, you have taken it upon yourselves to protect those in your charge. So, you've had to break a few 'rules' to do so. So what? What is that saying about eggs and omelets? You’re still doing more good than harm. Those guys?" He paused to point upwards, waving his hand around. "All they want is war. Vengeance. Over the centuries, humans have come to view angels as a sign of peace and harmony. If you ask me, the only angels that I've met who seem to fit that bill, are the two of you."

Cas looked at him in awe. He shouldn't take comfort in the opinion of a demon, but for some reason it made him feel better. "Thank you... I...."

"And as such," Crowley interrupted, sliding off the desk, his usual wicked smirk returning to his features, " I believe your entitled to a little abuse of power every so often. Just because you love humanity, it doesn't mean you have to act like them."

Cas rolled his eyes. That definitely sounded more demon like. "Perhaps I find comfort in a few things that humanity has to offer." 

"Oh, I'll say." Crowley said, his smirk morphing into a full-on grin.

"CAS!"

They both turned their heads, listening to Dean's angry call somewhere deep in the bunker. "Well that sounds ominous." Crowley said, turning his gaze back to Castiel. "If I were you I'd go see what he wants. I think we both know how little patience that man harbors and after all," he smiled and leaned into Cas's space, his lips just a few inches from the angel's ear, "Hell hath no fury, like a lover scorned." He rocked back on his feet scanning Cas's face for a reaction. " I'd hate to see you stuck back in this room because you made Dean wait."

Cas felt his entire body go numb as he stood there, frozen. Crowley knew. He knew this entire time. That's why he had checked on Castiel after the accident, that's why he was being nice. It wasn't sympathy, it was pity. He knew everything. Cas turned on his heel without another word and practically ran out the door. He'd use his wings, but it was hard enough getting his feet to move as it was, in his state of panic and humiliation. Crowley knew. Had he told Dean? Was that why he had stayed by Cas's side while he healed? Pity? Was he really so pathetic as to think Dean actually gave a crap about his wellbeing? No, no, no, no, no. He had worked so hard, kept this hidden for so long. Why now? What was to happen now? Would Sam and Dean shove him away as soon as this was all over? They needed him, for the time being, but what would happen if they managed to pull this off. No one wanted someone around, constantly pining for unrequited affections. The Winchester's were all he had left. What was he supposed to do without them? Where would he go?

"Me and Cas ain't like that. Fucking asshole thinks he knows everything. "

Dean was laughing. Dean was laughing at him. God, how did he ever get so pathetic? Dean didn't care. He never did. Castiel was never more than a tool to him. How could he ever...

"You really like him, don't you?"

It was wrong. Cas knew it was wrong. He should to walk away or let his presence be known, ask what they needed him to do and leave so he could wallow in his pity alone.

"Crowley?"

But he couldn't move. He needed to hear it for himself, straight out of Dean's mouth. He needed to know how hopeless he really was. 

"Yeah I do. He's a really good guy, Sam. He helped me out a lot when I was with them, and not just by letting me crash with him either. He's just misunderstood, is all. He's just a really cool guy."

Eleven years. It was just a blip in time for an angel, no longer than a few seconds really, but they had been the most important eleven years of Castiel's life. Eleven years he spent he spent doing everything he could to keep Dean Winchester safe. Eleven years he wasted trying to make the righteous man realize his worth. He had thrown away his home, all of his beliefs. He had killed his own brothers and sisters, sacrificed his own life. Eleven years proving, that he was never good enough.

"Don't tell him I said that though! We got kind of a thing going, I don't wanna mess that up."

It was the last thing Cas wanted to hear, but it was what he needed to hear. The Winchester's Neve cared about him. They never loved him. He was their weapon. That was all.

"Your secret is safe with me."

Cas heard them moving through the hall, so he got into position. Waiting for his orders, like the good little soldier he was. It's all he would ever be.

"Don't think this gets you off the hook. I ain't gonna forget what you said. And I'm still hunting down Cas. I gotta few things I need to say to that ..."

"Don't bother." Cas said, as soon as they turned the corner. "I heard enough." He tried his best to keep the hurt out of his voice as he stared the two of them down.

"You son of a bitch!" Dean growled as he marched his way towards Castiel. "How could you do this to me?" 

It wasn't quite the reaction Castiel was expecting. It's not like he could help how he felt. It wasn't his fault. He didn't love him on purpose. He would give anything to change that. He watched as Dean approached him, fist posed to strike, and let it happen. Normally he would weaken himself, let the flesh of his body take the blow to prevent Dean from hurting himself. Not this time. There was a sick, twisted part of him that wanted to see Dean in pain. It wasn't anything like he was currently feeling, but it was something. He barely even felt Dean’s knuckles connect with his nose, but by the look of agony on the hunter's face, Dean most certainly did.

Dean grabbed his shattered hand in his other fist, but kept his eyes squarely on Castiel, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. " You promised me Cas!" He screamed, the pain evident in his voice. "You promised me you weren't gonna do this again!"

Castiel stared at him, confused. He had never promised not to care for Dean. Quite the opposite, actually. It wasn't until he looked at Sam that he really understood what was going on. His face was filled with guilt and anger. "You told him."

"I had to Cas." Sam shook his head. "He needed to know."

Cas nodded and turned his gaze back to Dean. "You're right. Though I would expect it should come as somewhat of a relief to you. "

"What the fuck do you mean by that?!" Dean yelled.

"It means that I will be available to you, for whatever you require of me." Cas said. " As soon as this is over, we can go our separate ways. I promise not to be a burden to you any longer than necessary. I'm only sorry I couldn't make my bargain for Jack's soul a little more binding, so that it would be possible for you to be rid of me sooner, more permanent."

"What the fuck are you talking about?!" Dean was getting louder with each word. "FUCK JACK!"

That was the line. Dean had said plenty of hurtful things to him over the years, but that..." Watch it, Dean." Castiel growled through gritted teeth.

"No! Fuck him! All of this is his fault!"

Cas squared his shoulder, using all of his strength to keep an even tone. " Jack was important. He was needed to keep the world safe. He was supposed to fix everything. He..."

"Fuck Jack!" Dean yelled again. " None of this would be happening right now if it wasn't for that little bastard! Lucifer would've never got his strength back! Michael would've never been released! Gabriel would still be alive! So would mom! And Kelly! And so many other people! Chuck would've never pulled this shit! You would've never ..."

Cas wasn't even aware he had thrown the punch until he saw Dean stumble back. He didn't care. "ENOUGH!" he boomed, causing the walls to shake. "Shut up! Just. Shut. Up! You don't know a thing! Jack was good.  
He was going to save the world! You're the one who messed that up! He never would've lost his way if it wasn't for you! I did the right thing by trading my life for his and I would do it again! He wouldn't have even lost his soul if it wasn't for you!"

Dean spat the blood from his mouth and turned his icy gaze back on Cas. "You, stupid, self-sacrificing, son of a BITCH! He was never going to save us! He was the spawn of Satan! We would've been just fine without him! It's always been us!" 

No. No Castiel wasn't going to break. 

"You, me and Sam." 

It was an act. Castiel knew that now. Those tears weren't real. It was a manipulation. 

"Team Free will against the world." 

Dean didn't care. He wasn't hurt. He was mad that he was losing his lap dog. That's all this was.

"And now you've gone and fucked that up too, just like everything else!"

There it was. The sliver of Truth in all of Dean's lies. He would never take responsibility for his actions. Not when he had Castiel to blame. Those days were over now.

"I don't wanna do this without you Cas!" His voice was breaking and Castiel could care less. "I can't do this without you! I..."

"Fuck you, Dean." It came out of Cas's mouth in a near whisper, completely without his permission,  
and it felt great.

******"

Dean stopped, his mouth snapping shut. His eyes were wild and wide as he processed the words that just came out of a god-damned angel's mouth. " E...excuse you?" There was no way he just heard that right. 

"You heard me." Cas said, in a cold, ruthless tone. He stepped forward into Dean's space, his eyes calculated and dangerous. He hadn't looked like this since he backed Dean against Bobby's counter and threatened to throw him back in hell. Dean wanted to retreat to run for the hills out of fear that the angel would snap his neck, but he couldn't. He was frozen as Cas moved his face not two inches from his own, his eyes and words burning holes into his soul. "Fuck. You."

In the blink of an eye, with the flutter of wings, Cas was gone revealing half the Bunker's occupants that were standing behind him, jaws practically hitting the floor.

"We heard the yelling." Aziraphale explained, as Dean kept his eyes fixed forward.

"What the hell just happened?" Claire demanded, standing between Donna and Jody.

"Dean just inadvertently saved Cas's life." Sam grunted angrily from behind him. "That's what happened." Dean finally turned to face his brother, only to see pure rage in his face. "So, congratulations, Dean. Looks like you being a complete and utter asshole actually came in handy for once."

"W...what?" Dean stuttered out, unsure how he managed the word at all.

"Maybe if you would've fucking listened to someone other than yourself for once in your life Dean, you could've saved yourself from running Cas off. " Sam said. "You were so damn concerned with making him stay and yelling at him for keeping things from you, you wouldn't even let me explain why he did!"

" I don't...."

"You told him about Castiel's deal?" Crowley asked from across the hall.

Dean whipped around and stare the demon down. "You knew?!"

"Part of it!" Sam answered ignoring his brother's outrage. " He went storming off before I could tell him anything past trading his life for Jack's!"

"He what?!" Claire yelled, concern filling her face as she stepped forward.  
Rowena grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her back. "Don't worry, dearie. It doesn't matter now. "

"What the fuck does that mean?" Dean snapped, furious that apparently everybody except him (and Claire) knew what was going on.

The witch turned an angry eye to Dean. "Well, Winchester, you just efficiently sealed his fate! A horrible existence for sure, but after that little tantrum of yours, I'm sure it will be eternal."

"Any one care to explain what the fuck that's supposed to mean, instead of talking like a bunch of fucking fortune cookies?!" Dean shouted.

Aziraphale stepped forward, walking up to Dean and placing his hand softly on his shoulder. " The way Sam explained it to us, the entity that runs to your so called, Empty, will only take Castiel once it feels like he has truly suffered."

Dean stared at him with wild eyes, panic and bile rising to his throat. " Is he...did I...?"

"Don't worry Dean." Sam huffed. "He's not dead. Though I'm pretty sure he wishes he was. I don't know where he is, but he's alive and, by my guess, pretty fucking miserable, so ..safe." Dean turned to Sam again, a million questions filling his eyes. " The Shadow told him it wanted him to suffer like it did when Cas woke it up. Said it wanted him to know what it was like to feel true happiness and peace, so it could be the one to rip it away. Guess you beat it to the punch."

"I...I don't..." Dean stammered. " That can't be right. Cas has been happy since then. He's been happy...he..."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Dean." Sam scoffed. "Whatever helps you sleep at night. Honestly, I don't think anyone could be happy if they cared about you the way he does." 

Dean's response was cut off when all the phones in the bunker started to ring. He looked around as everyone shook their heads and took off to answer them, giving him hateful looks over their shoulders. Aziraphale and Crowley were the only two to stay behind. "Why do I make Cas so unhappy?" He sniffed, looking at the two of them with pleading eyes.

"That's not really our place." Crowley said, shaking his head.

"I just... I didn't wanna lose him...I didn't... I wanted him to stay this time... I...what did I do?" Dean choked out, tears threatening to spill over his face.

"None of that now." Aziraphale hushed him, grabbing him by the shoulders to usher him to his room, Crowley falling close behind. He slipped one hand down the hunter's shoulder and rested it on his shattered fist to heal it. "There you are." He smiled hopefully. "All better." But dean didn't seem to care.

"How long has he been this miserable? Is that why he's been so careless... because he thinks he's invincible? Because he thinks he can't be happy?" Dean muttered as he let the angel push him through the halls.

"As harsh as it sounds," Crowley answered, "my money's on yes."

"Crowley!" Aziraphale admonished as he led them into the room shutting the door behind them.

"What?" He said. " As long as we're being brutally honest, it's only fair for Dean to know the truth."

"I don't know what came over me." Dean said pacing through the room. " Sam told me that he traded his life and I just fucking lost it. I didn't want him to leave. I just wanted him to tell me why he would do that again."

"Well, good job with that." Crowley scoffed. "You ever think that maybe, just possibly, the reason you got so upset about the idea of him dying is because..."

"Crowley, that's enough!" Aziraphale snapped. " Dean's going through enough right now. This is hardly the time for..."

"Because I love him." Dean said, cutting the angel off. They both were silent, staring at Dean in shock. "Yeah, no shit." Dean scoffed plopping himself down on the bed. He scrubbed his hands over his face, listening to the deafening silence that filled the room. "If you're waiting for some kinda big gay freak out or something you can cool it. That happened like twenty years ago." He lifted his head to see the two of them still frozen in place with the same expressions of shock plastered on their faces. "I told you guys, I may be dumb, but I'm not a complete fucking idiot! I know what my feelings are."

"But...you..." Crowley finally stammered. " What about all that 'I dig chicks' nonsense you were spewing at me when we got here?"

"It's the truth." Dean shrugged. "I do dig chicks. Doesn't mean I don't dig dicks, too. It's called being bisexual, but I guess we'll have to discuss that later."

"But..."

"C'mon man," Dean sighed., " it's not like I go around telling every Tom, Dick and hairy that I like my Toms with hairy dicks." The angel and the demon made twin faces of disgust. " Okay, bad joke. What I mean is that it's not something I go around broadcasting, okay? I don't know about your world, but stuff like that's generally frowned upon here."

"How long have you..." Aziraphale asked, leaving the question open ended.

"Purgatory." Dean shrugged. "Longer. I don't even fucking know. It just kinda happened. He always made me feel like I was worth something, ya know. That...that doesn't happen a lot. I spent my whole life thinking all I was good for was saving other people, and that fucker bursts in and tells me I'm worth being saved, too. How could I not fall for that."

"Have you ever told him?"

"All the time." Dean smirked. " I tell him he's like family, that I need him, that he's my best friend."

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. "Alright yes, but have you ever actually said the words?" 

"No." Dean shook his head. " No, I can't. It's not like that with us. It can't be."

"You don't know that, Dean." Crowley said. " Haven't you ever considered..."

"No." Dean said again. "No... just...no. Cas doesn't...he can't...no. it doesn't matter anyway. Even if there was a slim chance that he felt anywhere close to what I do, it wouldn't matter. I'm poison. Everything I care about, everything I love, it turns to ash. I destroy everything I touch. Case in point." He's said gesturing towards the door. "I can't do that to him. Not that it even matters now. He's gone. With any luck for good this time. I'm sick of holding him back anyway."

Crowley and Aziraphale shared a look, before the angel turned to Dean. " Dean, you really ought to know that he..."

"Look," Dean said, cutting him off, "I really appreciate you guys checking up on me and everything and letting me vent or whatever, but if it's any difference to you, o just kinda wanna be alone right now, okay."

"Very, well." Aziraphale nodded, tilting his head towards the door. "Call us if you need anything, Dean. We're here for you." He grabbed Crowley by the sleeve and pulled him out of the room, closing the door behind them. What else could they do. He knew the pain of losing his best friend because of things left unsaid. There wasn't going to be anything they could say to make the human feel any better in that moment. There was only one person who had the ability to do that now. It wasn't until they had managed to make it halfway to the library when he realized something.  
He pulled Crowley back and pressed him against the wall placing his hands on either side of his face before pressing his lips to the demon's. 

"Well, hello." Crowley smirked between kisses, running his forked tongue over the seams of their lips "I wasn't aware that tragedy was your thing, Angel and but I'm game if you are."

"Oh, shut up!" Aziraphale said, pressing in for one more kiss before pulling back to look into Crowley's eyes. "I love you."

"You do?" Crowley sneered.

"Stop it!" Aziraphale scoffed. "Yes. I hadn't even thought about it until we were in there with Dean, and then I realized, I've never actually said the words. The world is ending, all of existence is as a matter of fact, and I realized, we might very well die without me ever telling you that I love you."

Crowley bobbed his head side to side, a cocky grin plastered across his face. "As well you should, Angel." He laughed. Aziraphale scowled and dropped his hands, marching away in a huff. "Oh, come on! How couldn't you. I mean I think I'm rather charming myself." He teased running after him. Aziraphale let out another huff and picked up his pace. "Angel! C'mon!" 

Suddenly, Aziraphale felt himself pulled backwards and slammed up against a wall. Crowley kissed him hard enough to take his breathe away, his hands sliding up the Angels arms before coming to rest on the sides of his neck. The demon took a deep breath, drowning himself in Aziraphale's scent before pulling the angel's head to his chest and leaning into his ear. "You know that I love you too." 

******

Sam sighed as he plopped down on his bead, exhausted for the chaos of the day. He'd been answering phone calls for hours from frantic hunters explaining what they saw. He wasn't so much surprised as he was worried. It was a good thing he guessed, but that didn't make it any less dangerous. "Cas." He said closing his eyes. " I know you can hear me man, and I really need you to listen. I know what you're doing, okay. It's great that you're trying to help out, Cas, but you need to slow down. You're gonna get yourself hurt. You just got better after that thing with Amara and....we need you to be okay Cas. Just...please be careful."

"And what else would you have me do, Sam."

"Holy shit!" Sam screeches, almost falling off the bed at the sound of Cas's voice.

"Yes, I believe that is an accurate summary of how I was earlier described." Cas said, tossing a headless body to the floor.

"No, Cas. That's not...you just scared me is all." Jesus, now he understood how Dean felt all those time Cas had snuck up on him. "I didn't exactly expect you to answer." Just as he feared, Cas looked like shit. His clothes were torn and blood, his hair was scattered across his head, matted with God knows what, and his eyes were sunken and red. 

"You called, so I came." Cas said bitterly, holding his arms out wide before letting them drop. "At your service, as always."

"Cas, it's not like that and you know it." Same shook his head.

"Are you sure about that, Sam?" Cas grumbled. " Because according to Dean..."

"Dean doesn't speak for everybody." Sam said. "He sure as hell doesn't speak for me. I'm worried about you, man. I got like a million calls from all the hunters today. They told me what you were doing. Cas, you can't..."

"Don't." Cas snarled. "Don't pretend like you actually care what happens to me. I know what I am to you. You don't have to pretend anymore. I am at your neck and call until this is over, then I'm gone. I won't bother you ever again."

"What are you talking about?!" Sam demanded. "I'm not pretending anything. You're still family Cas! Just because Dean's being a dick, it doesn't make you any less!"  
Cas stared at him, searching his face. " You seem sincere, and I want to believe you Sam, but if history has taught me anything, it's that the Winchester's don't care about anything as much as they do each other. I highly doubt you would go against Dean's wishes and let me stay with you."

"What?!" Sam yelled. "Dean never said anything like that! I mean yeah, he's pissed but he would never...you know what? Never mind, this isn't about Dean, okay? This is about you. It's great that you’re taking out all those monsters, don't get me wrong, but it's way too much to take on by yourself, man! We sent the hunters out there for a reason. You're more than welcome to hunt down the ones that they can't get a handle on, but you’re crazy if you think you can do all of this by yourself!"

"Perhaps I should seek help from the other angels then." Cas said, mechanically. "I'm sure there is at least one or two left in Heaven that would be willing to assist."

"No, dude!" Sam argued. "That's just suicidal!" Cas let out a bitter laugh and shook his head. "Okay, fine! But you can still hurt yourself! Despite what you might think right right now, I do care about you. You can't run yourself ragged like this, just because your pissed at my brother! It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to the other people who actually give a shot about you!" Cas stared at him, his face still cold and unmoved and Jesus Christ, he and Dean deserved each other. Nobody else could put up with this amount of stubborn ignorance! " Okay, whatever! Fine! Do whatever the hell you want. If you really don't think we care about you then, go ahead! Get yourself killed, or whatever's closest." Cas looked down then with a frustrated frown on his face. "Go on man, do you! If you don't care that you're hurting us, then just go. Take the corps with you, and don't let the door hit you on the way out."

"I....I can't" Cas said, his shoulders slumped.

"What do you..." Sam looked at him again. Really looked at him. Cas was drained. " You used the rest of your powers to get here, didn't you?"  
Cas huffed and turned his head away, staring angrily at the floor. "They will recharge, but I need some time to rest before they can do so. I may have over done myself, I've been running on adrenaline for a few hours now."

Sam sighed and slipped off his bed, walking over to Cas and pulling him into a hug. "You still came for me even though you knew you were running low." 

The angel dropped his he'd against Sam's chest and sobbed. "You and Dean are all I have. I know you don't feel the same, but I don't have anywhere else to go. You're the only family I know, and I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I'm sorry Sam. I'm so sorry. Please, just let me...."

"You stink, Cas." Sam said interrupting him. Cas lifted his head and stared into Sam's eyes another apology on his lips. "I mean you really stink. You smell like the dead, dude. C'mon." He stepped back from the angel and went to his drawer, pulling out the smallest clothes he had. "Let's get you cleaned up so you can get some sleep. I'll crash in the library tonight until we can get rid of the body, and we'll talk some more about you being a dumbass for not thinking we care in the morning." 

Cas took the clothes from his hand and stared up at him with watery eyes. "Thank you, Sam." 

"It's nothing, Cas." Sam said, ushering him towards the door. "It's what families do. We take care of each other."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, I want to take my usual time out to thank all of you for the love you have shown this beast. Y'all are my life blood!
> 
> Second, I would like to state that I, in no way, share Dean's opinion of Jack. I love him and he is precious. 
> 
> Also, I would like to say, Dean has had this coming for a long time. The writers won't kick his ass for being such a dick to everyone, so I did. I couldn't let everyone abandon him completely, because I still love him, bit it's about damn someone shoes him he's being a hateful prick 
> 
> Lastly, I am sorry for all the angst. I need a build up to the Apex and the little engine of fluff that could, just ain't cutting it. But it will all be worth it I promise!
> 
> Next up: problems solved ...not necessarily in a good way....


	24. How Many More Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean spirals, Cas smiles, Aziraphale and Crowley are sweet, then things change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imma be honest up front, I got distracted by life this week and all my free time was consumed by reading and i kinda forgot about this chapter. Ive also been dreading it a little. Also, I'm definitely gonna have to comb through it again to re-edit because its late where i am and i'm tired, so, i only checked the basics but i felt awful for waiting as long as i did....so...yeah. spelling, grammar and nonsensical hoobla will be fixed. i promise. any who....hope you enjoy.

It was habit, at this point, walking down that particular hallway every day to swing by Castiel's room to check on him. It wasn't until he was halfway there, that Crowley remembered it was no longer necessary. Not only was the angel fully healed, but he had also buggered off without a trace after his and Dean's argument. That's why he found himself doubling back after passing the room, because there was no way he had actually seen him in there. He was pleasantly surprised to learn he was wrong. 

"And just where the hell have you been all night, young man?" Crowley smirked, leaning up against the door frame. " Your mother and I have been worried sick!"

The angel rolled his eyes and heaved an annoyed sigh and the book in his hands down on the bed in front of him. "Hello, Crowley."

Crowley couldn't help but smile at the lack of effect the angel's bitter greeting had, when his vessel was dressed in such a ridiculous way. "You realize that you would probably be more intimidating if you actually dressed properly. This isn't the 90's, Castiel. The baggy, unkempt look went out ages ago."

Cas looked down at the loose clothing swallowing his frame before narrowing his eyes back up at Crowley. "Sam lent me some clothes while mine were washing. He is significantly larger than me. Forgive me for not having the foresight to be fashionable while waiting for my clothes to be laundered."

"Not like those fit you any better." Crowley scoffed as he meandered into the room. "You ought to try something a little more form fitting occasionally. Wearing the same drab clothes everyday just makes you look like some sort of cartoon." He picked idly at the scratches on the desk while he waited for the angel to respond. After no reply he looked up to see Castiel had resumed reading his book, ignoring the demon completely. "Is there any particular reason your clothes needed to be cleaned anyway?" Nothing. Not even a grunt. "Why are you waiting for it do be done the human way anyway? I thought we had a discussion just yesterday, about using the powers at your disposal."

"Can I help you with something?" Cas finally muttered. " Or are you just here to annoy me?"

Crowley hid his victorious smile behind a fake pout as he moved to place himself at the foot of the angel's bed. "Oh, come now Castiel. That isn't fair. I thought we had grown rather close these past weeks. You should know better than that." That just earned him an angry scowl. "I heard you got yourself into quite a bit of a tizzy after you left here. " He said, swirling his finger over the comforter. "Smiting everything within reach. Is that the reason your currently sitting in bed, reading, looking like a little girl who just got done raiding mummies wardrobe, or perhaps it's just that time of the month?" A full-on growl that time. Progress perhaps? "I was under the impression you were sick of being holed up in this room. I guess I was mistaken, considering how quickly you decided to drain yourself just to wind back up here."

"Are you done?" Castiel's voice was teetering on the edge of angry.

Crowley slid back, hands up in surrender. "I'm merely making sure that you are alright. Like I said, we were all rather worried about you." Cas rolled his eyes, like he didn't believe him. " Dean, in particular..."

"I don't care what Dean thinks." Castiel practically hissed, snapping his book closed.

"Is that so?"

"I'm done being his pet." The angel snarled. " Let him worry. I doubt he even did. If anything he was just concerned that he lost a weapon. That's all I am to him anyway. I know that now. "

"Is that really..." Crowley began to ask before being cut off.

"You can go ahead and tell him that I'm not going anywhere until all of this is over." Cas said in a dead tone as he picked his book back up. "After that, he's all yours."

"Yelck." Crowley made a face and recoiled. "Thank you, but I think I'll have to decline that offer."

Castiel looked up from his book and tilted his head in confusion. " I don't understand...I thought."

Crowley shook his head and flapped his tongue like the thought left a bitter taste in his mouth. "No offense to Dean, he's an alright fellow and everything but he's not exactly my cup of tea."

Castiel's face slipped from frustrated confusion into quiet revelation, his eyes as wide as saucers. "Oh..." 

"Oh, for Hell's sake! Is that what you thought?!" Crowley demanded. The angel’s eyes shifting down to his lap was all the confirmation he need. "Well that certainly explains a lot, but, no." A full body shiver ran through him as he flapped his tongue. " No. My interests lie in someone of a more... celestial persuasion." He didn't realize his mistake until Castiel's confused and panicked eyes shot up again to meet his. "No! Not you! Are all angels this daft?! Aziraphale!"

Castiel let out a relived sigh, and nodded, mulling that over for a minute. It made sense. The two of them were suspiciously close. At first, he assumed it just stemmed from years of working together. He and Dean often shared a similar comradery for the same reason, though the longer he thought about it, the more he realized how obvious it should have been. "You two have been together for a long time." He said, more of a statement than a question.

A fond smile replaced Crowley's scowl and he nodded lightly. "Since the beginning of it, actually. It started as a working relationship of course, but as time went on...well you know how it goes."

"Not really." Cas replied, grimly.

Crowley opened his mouth to say something but closed it and shook his head instead. It wasn't his place and for the first time in forever, he felt like he needed to stay out of it. "Well, at the very least, I'm glad we got that confusion out of the way. I hope this means that we can finally get around to being friendly with one another? I've rather enjoyed getting to know the others but I have to say I find you rather intriguing."

"I'm really not."

"Oh, I'm not so sure about that." Crowley sneered. "I suspect there's quite a bit to you that you keep hidden. Who knows, perhaps you could, divert my interests after all." He winked teasingly, which earned him another, unamused glare. "Kidding!" He laughed. "Glad to see that you have made it back in one piece. I'm sure there are others that will feel the same." One other to be specific, but he felt like it wasn't the best idea to bring that up again. Before he could say anything else, an angry groan sounded from the hallway, causing them both to flinch. " And that's my cue!" He made his way out, pausing at the door way to face the angel once more. " That daughter of yours has quite the temper...."

"He's not my dad!" Claire snapped as she stepped into the room, tossing Castiel's clothes on the bed. "Here. I pulled these out of the dryer for you. They probably shrunk, and I can't promise they aren't covered in like, a million little grubby hand prints! Where the hell did you even go last night?!"

Crowley used the opportunity of Claire's ranting to slip away unnoticed. He continued his path down the hall towards the library, feeling, a little more than conflicted. He was glad that he found the reason for Castiel's disdain towards him, but it didn't leave him feeling any better about the situation with Dean. As much as he hated to admit that he had grown rather fond of the lad, it was an undeniable truth. He considered him a friend. And (terrible demon that he was) he absolutely hated seeing people he cared about in pain. It wasn't his place, it really wasn't, but he couldn't stop himself from changing course and marching towards the hunter’s room. At the very least, Dean deserved to know that Castiel had made it home, safely. He certainly didn't expect Aziraphale to have beat him to the punch.

******

Dean had spent a good portion of his night having a mild panic attack. In his onslaught of actual emotions, he had told two people (or entities he guessed) that he hardly knew from Adam, his biggest, most shameful secret. It wasn't hard for anyone to deduce that he was bi, not if they paid enough attention. It's not like he went around waving a flag or anything, but he didn't exactly keep it that well-hidden. If anyone bothered to ask him directly (which very few people, including his own family, ever had) he wouldn't outright lie about it either. Half-truths, maybe, but he got over being scared about that part of himself years ago. But he had never, not once, not ever, told ANYONE, about how he really felt about Cas. Not out loud. Not even to himself. He's thought it load enough, plenty of times, sure. There were even times he almost said it to Cas directly, hell he did, multiple time, in different ways, bit using the actual words? No. Just no. He couldn't do that. Not to Cas. Not to himself.

Because Cas was man-shaped, wasn't the problem, at all. It's because he was Cas. It wasn't the angel thing either. He had no qualms about hooking up with Anna when he had the chance. But Cas...Cas was his best friend. His super powerful, super intimidating, super scary, best friend. His first, very real, best friend. He had friends in the hunter community of course. You don't do what they do without feeling a sense of comradery with others in the same field. He had met father figures galore in his years on the road, with and without John. Bobby, of course, being the most important, but that was a role that always needed filling. It wasn't until Cas came around, until they lost him the first time, that he even realized how desperately he needed an honest-to-goodness, actual friend. He was sure that Sammy was enough to fill that role for him. He always had been before. Then, Cas appeared, and Wham-O! He suddenly had someone who didn't expect him to take care of his little brother, and only his little brother. He actually had someone who expected him to take care of himself too. Someone he could talk to about his issues with his family without telling him to suck it up and do his job. Someone who actually cared for HIS well-being, too. Sure, at first Cas was just doing what he was told, being a good little soldier, just like Dean had always been, but he stopped. He rebelled, because Dean asked him to. For the first time in his life, he had someone, other than family (and even then, it was only ever Bobby and Sammy) who actually believed in him. Dean had no idea what that was like, until he didn't have it anymore. Then Cas came back. Over, and over again, Cas always came back to Dean when he needed him the most. 

For the first time in his life, he had someone who didn't want to leave and stay gone. His dad was always coming in and out of his life, making sure Bobby or others were only around when necessary, hell, even Sam dipped out on him. To this day he's not sure whether or not Sam would have stayed with him after that hunt in Jericho if Jess hadn't got caught by a demon. But no one ever told Cas that he had to stay with Dean. He didn't do it out of responsibility or familial obligation, he did it because he wanted to. Dean was being honest when he said he wasn't sure when he started to fall for him. It just happened. One day, Cas was just some feathered asshole who raised him from the grave to do Heaven's dirty work, then he was suddenly a friend, and then he was just...more...and it scares the ever-loving shit out of him. So, he kept it to himself. Until last night....

So, yeah. For a good few hours after Crowley and Aziraphale left him alone, Dean went into a spiral. A panicky, nauseating spiral, because now, not only were the actual words out there, but they were said to at least one person who wouldn't know the meaning of discretion if it slapped him in the face. Crowley had been relentless when he assumed Dean just had a mild attraction to his best friend. Now that he knew that Dean...fuck what did he just do?! This. This is exactly why hunters weren't supposed to feel things. Weakness isn't a good trait for anybody to have...but for a hunter. Chuck strike him down, now! It was a terrible few hours of freaking out over every single scenario that would come to pass, from endless teasing to Cas leaving and....and then it wasn't. After the first few hours he was just....numb. Because, Cas was already gone. He did that. Just like he always did. He drove Cas away again, with his big stupid mouth. It shouldn't upset him like this. Cas always came back. But this time was different. The last few times had been different actually. Cas had started to fight back. They had always had kinda heated arguments, but, for the most part, Cas usually backed off and gave Dean space or agreed with him later. But ever since this whole bullshit with Jack had started...he had been fighting back, or worse, just walking away. 

It wasn't something Dean liked to dwell on. Mostly because, at the time, there were more pressing matters to attend to, but there was also a tiny part of him that was terrified of what that meant. He was actually succeeding in pushing Cas away. And now....it usually tickled him to the bone to hear the angel swear. It was usually silly little insults that made no sense (c’mon, "assbutt"! Seriously?!) or even that time he called Raphael his little bitch. It gave him a weird sense of pride, because he knew how seriously Cas had taken to the rules of Heaven when they met, and just that tiny bit of corruption...it gave him a warm fuzzy feeling knowing how much Cas had grown since then. It was also because such "foul" words from the mouth of an Angel had never before been directed at him. Cas only cussed when he really fucking meant it. "Fuck you, Dean." That's what he said. Using his name and everything, just to make sure his message got across. And Cas really fucking meant it. And he left. He didn't tell anyone where he was going, what he was doing, if he'd be back, he just...left. Gone. Maybe this time for good.

And that's when the numb wore off and visceral, agonizing pain took its place. Cas was gone. Because of Dean. And he couldn't even be relieved about the fact that at least now, that Cas was finally free of him, he might get the chance to be happy, because that meant Cas would die. That brought a whole new sting into the equation. Was Cas keeping himself unhappy to stay alive? Was he really so unconcerned about the state of his life hanging in the balance because he knew staying with Dean would keep him from happiness? Had Dean actually fucked him up so bad, that he was using him as a safety net of gloom and doom? Has he really been that bad of a friend? It was those spiraling thoughts that had Dean so sick to his stomach that he couldn't force himself to stay upright. Instead, he opted for laying down on his side, head buried under his pillows, in the closest thing he would allow himself to the fetal position ( he was still a man, damnit!) trying to breathe through the ice that was currently freezing its way through his lungs. And that's how Aziraphale found him that morning.

"Dean?" Aziraphale asked as he poked his head into the hunter's room, receiving a particularly pitiful groan in response. " Oh, honestly!" The angel huffed as he marched across the room, tossing the pillow from the hunter's face. "I understand that you're upset, but that is now reason to curl up in a ball and cry into your pillow like a child!"

"You're a child." Dean croaked back, mostly on reflex.

Aziraphale sighed and rolled his eyes. "There are more important things to worry about right now than your bruised ego."

"My ego's fine, thank you very much!" Dean huffed. "I've just gone and put all of existence in danger again, given Crowley enough teasing material for the next five centuries and effectively killed my best friend. I'm just peachy!"

"You're melodramatic is what you are."

"Am I?" Dean sat up and leveled Aziraphale with a glare, and began counting on his fingers. " In case you haven't noticed, things are currently going to Hell. None of that would've happened if I would've just played my part like Chuck wanted me too, but my EGO wouldn't let me. I just told a fucking demon that I love my best friend, which you and I both know he isn't going to let go of that for shit! And Cas...." He paused, taking in a stuttering breath, letting his hands drop to his lap." Cas is just better off without me in his life. Even he knows that. That's why he left. That's why everyone always leaves. I thought Cas was different...he was different...but I screwed that up too...and now... Jesus! Now he gets to go off and be happy, 'cept he made that stupid fucking deal. He's gonna die. He's gonna die happy, away from me and it's all my fault."  
Aziraphale tilted his head and stared at Dean with wide eyes. "You really think that?"

Dean nodded. " Look, I know everyone thinks that me being a dick yesterday saved him, but let's face facts. I'm always a dick. That's why he stayed. Because being here makes him unhappy. Me upping the ante didn't save him anymore than it does on a daily basis. I'm pretty sure it actually did the opposite. He's probably fucking sick of putting up with my shit. with the way things are going, I'm gonna be honest, I don't think any of us are getting out of this alive. He probably left to go out on his own terms. I don't know about angels, but I heard that dogs sometimes go off into the woods to die alone. Not that Cas is anything like a dog! It's just...he probably knew the only way for him to be happy was to get the fuck away from me...."

"Hmmm...." Aziraphale nodded thoughtfully. "Then I suppose it wouldn't do you any good to know that he is currently in his room, reading."  
Dean's head shot up, his eyes wild with a mix of confusion and relief. "What?!"

"It's true." Crowley piped up from where he was leaning against the door frame. How long has he been standing there, Dean wondered. "Just talked to him myself."

Dean looked back and forth between the angel and the demon. "when did he...?"

"Last night." Aziraphale answered the unfinished question. "Sam came to me and told me Castiel had suffered a few injuries and asked for my assistance. The physical damage was nothing too terrible, but he certainly looked like Hell. Happy is probably the last word I'd use to describe the state he was in." Dean jumped up from the bed and immediately moved towards the door. He had to go see Cas, he had to apologize, he had to do something. If only Crowley wasn't blocking his way. 

"I wouldn't if I were you." The demon said as he pressed a hand to Dean's chest. " In my experience, it's bet to let someone cool down after a fight. Based on some of the unsavory things he was saying, I think it would be best to avoid him right now. He's certainly not pleased with you. Not in the slightest."  
"I don't care!" Dean said pushing against Crowley, trying to get past. " I have to tell him I'm sorry."

"I doubt he'll be willing to hear it." Crowley pushed back. "He certainly won't want to hear that dog comment. He said that he was done being your pet. I don't suppose that analogy would go over to well."  
Dean swallowed and dropped his head. "I never thought of him as my pet."  
"Maybe not." Crowley shrugged. "But it isn't the first time something like that has been said. You may not see it that way, but he certainly does, and I don't think you'll want to hear anything else he might have to say to you at the moment. You seem rather down about yourself as it is."  
"Maybe I deserve it." Dean huffed. "I probably do. All I know is I can't keep doing this. I can't keep driving him away and expecting him to come crawling back without apologizing to him." He pushed Crowley out of the way and started marching his way down the hall towards Cas's room.

*******

"Suit yourself!" Crowley called after Dean, shaking his head.

"Unsavory things?" Aziraphale asked from behind him.

Crowley grinned and turned to his angel with a shrug. " Well, I may have exaggerated a bit. Though the words weren't too kind, it was the energy he was giving off that was really frightening. Remind me never to get on Castiel's bad side."

Aziraphale pursed his lips and took a few steps closer to the demon. " Forgive me, my dear, but I was quite certain that you actually live on his bad side." He grabbed Crowley's hand and brought it up high before leaving his fingers through the other's. "He never seemed to be done of you in the first place."  
Crowley used their connected hands to spin Aziraphale's back into his chest. He hugged the angel's arms tight, hooking his chin over one shoulder as he spoke into his ear. "You underestimate me, love. I've already fixed all that mess."

Aziraphale let his eyes slip closed as he let Crowley sway them back and forth. " You have?"

"Just a misunderstanding, is all." Crowley crooned.

"It always is with you, isn't it?" Aziraphale smiled, one eyebrow quirked. His smile only grew wider as he felt the huff of Crowley's answering chuckle breeze over the skin on his cheek. "What was it this time then?"

"Oh, nothing too serious. He merely thought that Dean and I were an item." Crowley smirked.

"He did?" Aziraphale asked, turning his face slightly to stare at Crowley. "I guess Sam was wrong about that then."

"Hmmm." Crowley hummed in agreement as he moved his head to nuzzle the back of Aziraphale’s neck. "I told him I was much more likely to fall for him, given my preferences." Aziraphale tensed up and Crowley snickered placing a soft kiss to the base of his skull to calm him. " I'm only joking. You're more than enough angel for me."

Aziraphale relaxed slightly, though it wasn't Crowley's poor attempt at humor that was keeping him on edge. " Dean said he doesn't think any of us will be coming out of this alive."

"I heard as much." Crowley replied, continuing to rock them in place.

"That doesn't frighten you?"

"It terrifies me." He replied, too calmly. Aziraphale turned around in his arms and studied his face, a million questions hanging in the air. Crowley sighed and pressed his forehead against Aziraphale’s. " I've already told you that I don't have high expectations in this fight. We're going up against the Almighty himself. This was never going to be easy, and I never had any allusions of it being as such. War never is. It's bloody, and cruel and heartbreaking, for everyone involved. That is why it is utterly pointless to engage in, unless you have something you believe is worth fighting for. Lucky for me, I happen to be fighting for the most important thing in all of existence."

Aziraphale leaned back to start at Crowley's face, once again seeing nothing but utter sincerity in his words. " You would really be willing to die fighting the Almighty, himself, just to save me?" Though Crowley had already said as much, several times, it never seemed to amaze Aziraphale. In all of their centuries together, he had never known just how much Crowley did, indeed, care for him. He knew it was something more than he should, they were hereditary enemies, after all, but he never imagined it was quite as much as this. He couldn't get enough of it.

"Well," Crowley scoffed turning his head the other way and looking around. "I already fought against Hell and the Dark Lord himself to keep you safe..." He tuned his face back to Aziraphale, a fond smile spread across his face. "I figured why not have a go at the other side. The universe is all about balance after all. Might as well."

Aziraphale rolled his eyes and put on his best face of annoyance. "Then I suppose you leave me no choice but to do the same."

Crowley let him go and stepped back, holding out his hand. "It will be an honor to die at your side, Angel."

Aziraphale straightened up and grasped Crowley's hand, shaking it firmly three times. "Likewise, my dear." He laughed and pulled Crowley back to his chest, draping his arms over the demon's shoulders, before placing a firm but sweet kiss on his lips. " You really are quite a softie, you know." He murmured against Crowley's lips.  
"I am not." He replied after another peck, none of the usual heat backing up his argument. "I'm a demon." Peck. " I'm vicious. And terrible." Peck. "I am the serpent of Eden. The master of deceit." Peck, peck, peck. " I am not soft."

Aziraphale hummed into another lingering kiss, his hands curling over Crowley's collar. "Whatever you say, love." He smiled.

Crowley smiled back, hooking one long finger under the angel’s chin. "What do you say we go find you something to eat."

Aziraphale smiled brighter, stepping back to flourish his arm towards the door. "After you, your heinousness."

*****

Dean had, somewhat of a plan. He really did. It wasn't his fault that it got derailed the second he discovered Cas wasn't actually in his room. That's where Aziraphale and Crowley told him that he would be. So, really it was their fault that he was currently running through the Halls of the bunker like a manic. Emotions were high and it was a little more than obvious, that wasn't when Dean's brain power functioned at its highest. In hindsight, he realized that basically drifting around each corner wasn't the safest, but it's not like he planned to run into Claire full speed, effectively Knocking her on her ass. 

"Watch it, asshole!" She screeched, wiping her hands on her jeans before trying to stand back up. "What, treating your friends like dog shit not enough for you? Decided to move on the beating up girls half your size?"

"Shit! Claire! I am so sorry!" He bent down to give her a hand up, but she just scowled at him and hit it away.

"Don't you fucking touch me!" 

Dean pulled back his hand, a little more than hurt. He and Claire had always had a close-ish relationship, more so after the last month, and it had always been slightly teasing, but never downright hateful. "Sorry." He said again as he watched her stand up. Maybe she was just irritated at the kids again. At least he hoped that's all it was. "Um, do you maybe know where Cas is? I heard he was back and I kinda have a few things I need to say to him."

"Yeah, I know where he is." She said, crossing her arms over her chest. Dean stared at her, waiting for an answer, but all he got was an icy glare in return.

"Well...?"

"Forget it, Dean." She snarled. "Like I'd ever tell you." She turned on her heel and began stomping away.

Shit. So, it wasn't the kids. She was pissed at him too. " Claire, wait!" He grabbed her by the arm, but she quickly snatched it away. 

"I said, don't fucking touch me!"

"Claire..." He pleaded.

"What you wanna yell at me too?" She growled. "Gonna call me stupid? Wanna take a swing at me? You already insulted my family, so you're halfway there! Come on! Come at me like you did him! I can promise you I'll do a lot more than tell you to fuck off!"

That...hurt. it was deserved, but it still fucking hurt. Maybe he could try and salvage this conversation a little? At least enough to get a little information out of her. "Insulted your family, huh?" He half smiled. " What happened to Cas not being your dad?"

She was not moved. "What happened to you loving him?" She bit back.

Well, fuck.

It's not like he could deny it. That probably what her a Patience had been giggling about. So he could tack her on to the list of people who knew how pathetic he was. Might as well add Jody, Donna and Alex too. Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Last time I checked, you don't treat people you love like garbage beneath your boot." She huffed.

"Claire, I wasn't.... "

"Save it." She turned away again. "No one wants to hear it. Least of all, Castiel."

Dean squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You don't understand..."

"DON'T!" She snapped, suddenly up in his face. "Don't. You. Dare!" He eyes were on fire and she looked more like Cas than he had ever seen, even when Cas was actually inside her. Not Jimmy. Cas. Firey wrath and all. "Don't you even fucking dare tell me that I don't understand, Dean! I am not a child anymore! I'm a grown ass woman and I understand a hell of a whole lot more than you think! You think I don't know what it's like to lose both my parents to some supernatural entity? You think I don't understand having my entire life flipped upside down because of things beyond my control? Because something wanted to use my family for their own personal gain? You think I don't get wanting to hunt down the things that took my life away from me? That I don't understand what it's like watching myself become a monster? Is that what you think I don't understand Dean!? Or maybe you don't think I understand what it's like to watch the only person I ever loved, die, right in front of me. Maybe you think I don't get what it feels like to see someone, something else wearing their face? Well guess what? You're WRONG!" 

Angry tears were flowing down her cheeks, as she stepped in even closer. "I would give anything, ANYTHING, to have just one of them back. Instead I have to settle for two people wearing their skins. But I manage! You know what you don't understand, Dean? You don't understand what it's like to lose someone and know that they're never coming back! You don't understand how lucky you are to have gotten so many chances that you don't deserve! I have to look at Kaia and know that's not the girl I fell for in there. I have to look at Castiel and know that's not my dad. But at least they try! They try and make me feel better about losing who I loved. And you? You get to look at Castiel and know that's who he is, and what do you do?! He has done nothing but bend over backwards, for me and for you! And all you do is treat him like shit, over and over again. So yeah, I think he said it best. Fuck. You. Dean!" 

Dean stood there, speechless. If he wasn't already feeling like shit about himself, that definitely would have done the job. The worst part was, she was absolutely right. Every single bit of it was true. All it did was strengthen his resolve. He needed to find Cas and beg his forgiveness, but he wouldn't be asking Claire. She had enough to deal with. He watched and she swiped the angry tears from her face and turned to leave. He wouldn't stop her this time. What did stop her though, also stopped Dean's heart.

"Claire, I was wondering if you might be able to help me with this new application on my phone." Cas muttered as he came around the corner, glaring at his screen in frustration. "I can't seem to..." He looked up, and his face switched to concern as he pocketed to phone. "Claire, what happened? Are you okay?" It wasn't two seconds after the question was asked that he seemed to register that there was another person in the hallway with them. "What did you do to her?!" He snarled at Dean, moving to push Claire protectively behind him.

"Cas, it's fine." Claire said, placing a gentle hand on his arm. "It's fine. Dean didn't do anything." She shot a look at dean while Cas was busy staring him down, mouthing the words "don't fuck up again" before pulling the angel's sleeve to get his attention. "Really, I'm okay. I'm just tired, and I'm fed up with those little fucking ankle biters. I promise, dude. Let me go take a nap and I'll help you whenever I get up okay?"

"You're sure?" He asked, turning a much kinder face to her than what he had shown Dean.

"Yes." She nodded. " I'm good. Cross my heart."

"Alright then." He nodded. "Rest well. And don't worry about me. I'm sure Sam will be able to assist."

"Whatever floats your boat." She shrugged with a smile. She gave Dean one more warning glance before disappearing down the hall.

Dean nodded in her direction, turning his head to Cas so he could start his grovelling session only to find him quickly walking away, phone back in hand. "You know I can probably help you with that, Cas. " He said jogging up beside him.

"Leave me alone, Dean." He grunted, not looking up from his screen.

Dean ignored him and made a grab for the phone. "I've gotten pretty good with these things lately. I'm pretty sure I can..."

Cas snatched his phone away and shoved it back in his pocket, leveling Dean with the same glare Claire was giving him not moments ago. "I said, leave me alone." 

"Cas, please. Just..."

"No!" He growled and stormed away. 

Well fuck. So much for the plan. It was now or never he guessed. "Cas, I'm sorry!" He yelled. It wasn't as eloquent as he imagined, but at least it got him to stop. "I'm... I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I'm so, so fucking sorry. For everything!"

Cas turned back to him then, his head tilted, eyes narrowed in that frustratingly adorable way. He took a few steps back towards Dean, causing Dean's heart to race and his body to relax a bit, especially when he saw Cas's expression soften. "Dean." He said softly, that little hint of a smile almost peeking through. Oh thank...well not God, but something. That was so much easier than he thought it was going you be...except...Cas's smile wasn't right... It was...hallow...the closer he got the worse it seemed until he was finally only a few inches from Dean and suddenly Dean felt his stomach sink. 

"You can take your little apology..." Cas said quietly, before letting his smile slip completely, "and you cram it up your ass."

Oh. Oh, fuck. Is this what Cas felt like when Dean said that to him? Did he feel like someone had just ripped out his heart through his stomach, too? Probably not. Sure, he probably felt miserable, but he didn't deserve it then like Dean does now. That had to be what was making those words hurt so fucking bad. Or maybe it was having his own words thrown back in his face when all he wanted to do was make things better. Or maybe because...Cas stepped back then turning away from Dean again and that's what made it worse. Cas hadn't been trying to beg forgiveness from the person he loved. He was trying to beg forgiveness from a friend and was denied it. So, yeah, Cas probably felt terrible when Dean said it to him, but at least he wasn't heartbroken. Dean wanted to yell. He wanted to tell Cas to go fuck himself. He just wanted to say he was sorry and Cas wouldn't let him....but then....he wouldn't have known to use those words if Dean hadn't done the same to him. So, did he even have the right to be angry? The answer was simple. No. Cas just gave him a taste of his own medicine...and it wasn't easy to swallow at all.

"I deserved that." Dean admitted, so quietly he was almost sure Cas couldn't hear him. But he stopped again, and it was hope Dean didn't need, but he was grasping at straws here and he would take whatever he could get. "I know I'm fucked up Cas. I know I've fucked you up. I've said and done some really hateful shit to you. I...I deserved that." Cas turned to him, mouth open slightly in shock and confusion written all over his face. Fuck. Had he really fucked up so many times without apologizing that one little 'sorry' was enough to confuse the guy? He was worse than he thought. There wasn't even a point in wanting forgiveness anymore. Now he just wanted to apologize. Fuck his forgiveness. 

"I'm not gonna lie, it stung like hell...but I guess you knew that." Dean said. Cas closed his mouth and set his jaw, nodding slightly. Dean took the opportunity to point to his cheek and chuckle. "Face hurts like a bitch too, but I punched you first, so...I guess I deserved that too." Cas swallowed and turned his head, looking slightly guilty. Was...was he breaking? It wasn't what dean was aiming for anymore, but he couldn't help but hope. Cas took a few steps back towards him, refusing to meet his eyes as he lifted his hand to the hunter's cheek, before Dean batted his hand away. "Don't." He said softly. "I don't want you to. I'd have stopped Aziraphale from healing my hand, if I was in my right mind at the time, because I pretty much deserved that too." Cas met his eyes then, and they were full of hurt. He lifted his hand again and suddenly he felt the pain disappear without Cas even touching him, which was odd, because he was pretty sure Cas had always had to touch him when he heals. He always had before, but he filed that away for later.

"I deserved all of it, and more. I know you're not gonna believe me, I don't expect you to. Hell, I ain't even expecting your forgiveness at this point, but I am sorry Cas. I just wanted you to know that. I'm really fucking sorry." He could feel his voice breaking, but it wasn't enough to stop him. "I am so God damned sorry for every awful thing I've ever done to you. I..."

"Dean, stop." Cas said. Dean closed his mouth, making a valiant effort to hold back any tears that were threatening to fall. He wasn't gonna cry. He had no right. This wasn't about him. "I believe you."

"You do?" Dean sniffed.

"I believe you feel sorry for some of your actions yes." He said coolly, and there it was. He was struggling. He wanted to forgive Dean. He was trying to keep cool and distant. Cas was breaking and suddenly Dean was full of hope all over again. "I believe that you realize that some of your actions have been uncalled for and you wish to apologize." Cas licked his lips. He was breaking. Dean could see it. It probably wasn't noticeable to anyone else, at least not anyone who hadn't spent a ton of time around him and knew every one of his ticks. "Thank you." He swallowed and his eyes turned sad, but thoughtful, like he was sorting  
through that big, computer-like brain of his, searching for the right words to convey what he needed to say. "I wish this changed anything."

Dean was as good as forgiven. Cas was still pissed for sure, but he knew exactly what he was doing. He was using Dean's words to tell him what he really meant without actually having to say it. And Dean remembered those word too. Cas had just healed Lisa after she got kidnapped by demons and Dean was still livid with him, he wanted to hate Cas more than anything back then, for everything he was doing, everything he had become, but he couldn't. And he did eventually forgive Cas for all of that too. It took fucking forever for him to get over it, but he did, and that's what Cas was saying. So, Dean played along. 

"I know." Dean said, and he couldn't help the smile that crept its way across his face. "So, do I. All else aside, I just wanted to fix what I could." Cas's returning smile and sigh of relief told Dean that he had read the situation right and he couldn't help himself from going the extra mile. "I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you."

Cas's smile slipped again, and he let out a pained sigh, squeezing his eyes shut. No, no, no, no, no! What did he say? Thing we're going so well! Why would that make him upset? "Dean...I..." Cas choked out. Then he stopped. His eyes shot open and sheer panic and fear overtook his features. His breathing became erratic and his body stiffened. "Run." He breathed out in a scared whisper. Dean stood, staring at him, confused. Frozen. What was happening, what the hell did he just do?! "Dean..." he hissed, his voice shaky and terrified. Were they still playing the game? What the..."RUN!!!" 

Castiel's shout echoed through the halls, but he was nowhere to be seen. Dean felt a cold chill run through his veins as he choked out Cas's name, but no reply came. "Cas?" He called a little louder. Nothing.  
"CASTIEL?!" He whipped around, but the angel was nowhere in sight. "Sam?! SAMMY?!"

Sam came barreling around the corner before Dean has finished calling his name. "Dean, what the hell?! I heard you and Cas shouting again and..." 

"Sam I can't find Cas!" Dean cut him off.

Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. "What the hell did you do this time?"

"Nothing!" Dean shouted, still looking around. " We were just talking and then he yelled at me to run and then he just fucking disappeared!

"Why would he tell you to..."

The alarms began blaring the second all the lights shut off. The sound of screams and stomping feet began echoing over the noise and Sam and Dean took off running. Neither of them knew why they headed to the war room first, but they did, and the alarms stopped the second the reached it.

"Wow, those are loud!" Came a familiar voice that had Dean's blood freeze and his heart stop. "So, much for a surprise entrance." With a single snap, the lights were back on and Dean lost every last shred of hope he had been holding onto as soon as they illuminated the scene before them. "Hey guys! What's new?"

 

"Chuck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank all of you for being so awesome. your comments and kudos make my day. 
> 
> ALSO!!!! I am officially over 100k!!!! CRAZY!!!! especially considering this was supposed to end like 10 chapters ago and i really didnt see it getting past 25k max. The beast keeps building and there is so much more to go!
> 
> next up:............


	25. Under Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmm num ba de  
> Dum bum ba be  
> Doo buh dum ba beh beh
> 
> Pressure pushing down on me  
> Pressing down on you, no man ask for  
> Under pressure that burns a building down  
> Splits a family in two  
> Puts people on streets
> 
> Um ba ba be  
> Um ba ba be  
> De day da  
> Ee day da, that's okay
> 
> It's the terror of knowing what the world is about  
> Watching some good friends screaming  
> "Let me out!"  
> Pray tomorrow gets me higher  
> Pressure on people, people on streets
> 
> Day day de mm hm  
> Da da da ba ba  
> Okay  
> Chipping around, kick my brains around the floor  
> These are the days it never rains but it pours  
> Ee do ba be  
> Ee da ba ba ba  
> Um bo bo  
> Be lap  
> People on streets  
> Ee da de da de  
> People on streets  
> Ee da de da de da de da
> 
> It's the terror of knowing what the world is about  
> Watching some good friends screaming  
> 'Let me out'  
> Pray tomorrow gets me higher, high  
> Pressure on people, people on streets
> 
> Turned away from it all like a blind man  
> Sat on a fence but it don't work  
> Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn  
> Why, why, why?  
> Love, love, love, love, love  
> Insanity laughs under pressure we're breaking
> 
> Can't we give ourselves one more chance?  
> Why can't we give love that one more chance?  
> Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love  
> Give love, give love, give love, give love, give love?
> 
> 'Cause love's such an old fashioned word  
> And love dares you to care for  
> The people on the edge of the night  
> And love (people on streets) dares you to change our way of  
> Caring about ourselves  
> This is our last dance  
> This is our last dance  
> This is ourselves under pressure

There's a certain point, in every creature’s existence, where things feel like they cannot possibly get any better. Where everything that is needed is actually wanted and everything that is wanted is had. It's a happy little bubble of euphoria, that makes one feel as if they could face any bit of strife with nothing more than the smile on their face. Unfortunately, that bubble is fragile, and more commonly known as "The Eye of the Storm." It's easy to forget, when one is floating on the high of unbridled bliss, that because things can't possibly get any better, it means that the only way to go, is down. 

Aziraphale smiled across the kitchen island at Crowley, as he finished chewing his final bite of the sandwich the demon had actually made him by hand. It was amazing to him, after the years of petty arguments and fighting on opposite sides of an everlasting war, that Crowley still managed to surprise him with his, unexpected, kindness and affection. It was hard at first, when a strange human had landed in the middle of his shop and began spouting crazy notions of monsters and evil, for him to accept the fact that the Almighty might not be as great as he always believed. However, in moments like these, as he watched Crowley beaming back at him, proud of his ability to put a smile on Aziraphale’s face with an act as simple as hand making him food, he found it hard to believe that that he ever thought anybody willing to cast aside such a kind and caring creature for such a minor offense, could be completely benevolent. Crowley had never been like other demons. He was wily, no doubt, but he was never evil. He did as he was told, just as Aziraphale always had. It wasn't his fault that his instructions happened to come from the Dark Lord. It was business. Even so, he always got by doing the bare minimum. There was certainly something to be said about a demon wanting to cause the least amount of pain and chaos that his position would allow.

"Was it up to your standards, Angel?" Crowley inquired, as soon Aziraphale swallowed.

Aziraphale couldn't help but smirk at the nervous tone in the demon's voice. He had been working with Dean in the kitchen over the past month, learning how to cook things the human way because, as Dean had told him (and as the angel always believed, himself), 'food tastes better when the person who makes it puts their heart into it. It's not the same if you just pull it out of thin air!' It was a simple sandwich, nothing fancy or over complicated, yet every bite filled him with a sense of pride and affection, just knowing that the demon had put in the effort to show how much he cared.  
"It was as good as the person who made it." He replied, using his napkin to dab the corners of his mouth.

Crowley's smile slipped as he reached across the counter to grab the plate. " Well if you didn't like it, you could've said something before you finished. I would've found something more suitable for you."  
Aziraphale sighed and shook his head. " Why is it so hard for you to accept that you're good?"

"Why is it so hard for you to accept that I'm not?" He replied, placing the empty plate in the sink 

"Because I know you."

Crowley hunched his shoulders and closed his eyes, shaking his head. It was a centuries old argument, one that would likely never be solved, but it never stopped either of them from trying. "I'm a demon, Aziraphale. Demons aren't good. If I we're good I never would have fell."

"You didn't choose to fall..." Aziraphale argued, just the same as he always had.

Crowley turned around and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned against the sink. "None of us 'chose' to fall, Angel. It's not like there was a group of us sitting around, chatting it up saying 'Oye! Yeah, Heaven's great and all, what with the perfect, clean, shiney wonders of it all, but you know what would make it even better? Fire an brimstone! I bet if we add some tortured souls and endless screaming, maybe a dark pits and dank caverns it would be great!' No! We just made a few, unappreciated, comments and the Almighty picked us up and tossed us down, getting rid of the taint on his perfect little world."

"You know that isn't true." Aziraphale sighed, moving to stand in front of the demon.

"That's how I remember it. " Crowley pouted turning his head away.

"You aren't like them, Crowley." Aziraphale said, placing his hand on the side of Crowley's face and turning it back. " They were evil. They wanted destruction. They wanted Lucifer to reign. It wasn't your fault. You were just there. You aren't evil."

"If I'm not evil then why did the Almighty choose to toss me out with the rest of the lot?" Crowley asked.

"As much as I am loath to admit it," Aziraphale explained, “given what we've seen as of late, I do believe it's safe to say that the Almighty might not be the best judge when it comes to what is good and what isn't."

"Or maybe you're just corrupted enough that you can't tell the difference yourself." Crowley smiled, leaning into the hand on his cheek.

It was something Aziraphale had questioned, more than once since the garden. He truly believed, at the time, that giving his sword to Adam to protect Eve and their child, had been the right decision. He has no idea that it would later be used to create the concept of war. He didn't see how protecting humanity, as he was made to do, would somehow bring about it's most evil creation. His fears only became worse once he agreed to work with Crowley. Angel's and demons do not mix, and yet, somehow, he had found one that, not only showed sympathy for the humans, but actually spent a great deal of time helping the in little ways, more so than any other angel he really knew. He had tried to convince himself for years, that it was simply his influence that had rubbed off on Crowley, but more often than not, he feared that it was actually the demon who had rubbed off on him. It wasn't until recently that he discovered that it was neither. They were who they were, and who they were fit together. Neither one of them was inherently good, nor were either one of them inherently evil. They were just...them. two cosmic beings, just...being. "Perhaps your right." He smiled back.

And that was okay. It was perfect. Because above all, they had each other. Come Hell or high water, they always had each other through all of it. Even in the darkest of times, the lowest of lows, to the end and beyond, both of them knew that they would never have to suffer it alone. Even now, facing the end of everything, they were together. It was probably wrong to feel as happy as he did in that moment, but he dared anyone to blame him. He had friends. Not co-workers or commanders and subordinates, but friends. Friends who believed in good, and righteousness even when they had no right to. He got to see the true strength of the human spirit (perhaps the only good thing the Almighty had created) grow and strive through adversity. He was witness to the true embodiment of hope. And through it all, he had the one person he never dared to hope could ever be his, and his alone, standing by his side, just as he always had, knowing now that he would be there, forever. So, yes. In the darkest days he had seen in all of his centuries of living, Aziraphale found himself, completely, undeniably happy.

Even as the warning bells went off in his head (as they always do when he leaned in to kiss his demon) he couldn't find a damn thing that could make his life better. His only concern was that they seemed to be louder this time, and that the room had gone dark. The overwhelming sense of raw power should have been enough to tip him off that something was actually amiss, but he wanted so badly to believe he was allowed to have everything he ever wanted, if only for a moment, that he chose to ignore it. It wasn't until he saw the fear in Crowley's eyes that he resigned to the fact that nothing would ever be perfect.

"Zira...." Crowley gasped.

Aziraphale nodded and dropped his hands, squeezing his eyes shut and feeling himself deflate in the breath he released before the two of them took off running. He didn't need Sam's confirmation, to know who the man sitting on the war room table was. The power radiating from him was all he needed to know that he was in the presence of the Almighty. He assumed the woman who had Castiel in the air by his throat was his sister. It took everything in his power not to bow down to the deities before him. This was not the God he believed in his entire life. This was a monster.

"Chuck."

*******

Sam was really starting to wonder how Bobby had managed to do this all those years. Granted, the old man's network was probably much smaller and it's not like he had to deal with this big of a disaster, but he dealt with of his fair share of apocalypses and he still managed. Sam had only been at this for a year, really the most of it only being in the last month and it was already wearing him down. Who knew spending hours on the phone with panicked hunters would be so exhausting? On the bright side, Cas had managed to take out some of the worst hoards in the US (in other places too, Sam, your country is not the sole concern here. They are not as well equipped to deal with ... blah blah blah) so that just left the ones that were in hiding, meaning the hunters could regroup and re organize to, hopefully, take the rest of them.  
As mad as he still was at Dean, at least causing another one of Cas's freak outs actually worked in their favor this time. He hated thinking that way, especially seeing how broken Cas had been last night, but in times like these, you take a victory when you can get it. He had managed to talk the angel down last night at least, and that is what was important. Now all he had to do in that situation was talk to his titty-baby of a big brother about how he treats the people who love him, but he would take care of that later. He had managed to gather everyone that was currently in the bunker, down in the gym. As much as he trusted Claire to take care of the survival training for the kids, he thought it would be bet to get everyone together for a refresher. Now that things were a little less dangerous on the outside, he felt comfortable in sending out a few more people. 

"Alright, so for those of you that don't know, Castiel went on, uh...a special mission yesterday. He was able to take down a good portion of the threats surrounding our fellow hunters, leaving an opening for is to make a more effective strike. The groups that are closest to us are on their way back now. Once they get here and get some, much needed rest, we are going to regroup. A few of you are going to split up and join other groups. Jody, I'm putting you on zombies, since...well you know." He smiled meekly over at Jody, who gave him a small, sad smile and return. "Donna I want you on vampires. Alex and Patience are still needed here, along with Rowena. Claire. When Garth gets back, you'll be joining his group."

"Werewolves?" Claire scoffed, trying her best to hide the excitement she felt about actually getting to fight. 

"Yeah." Sam nodded. " I figured since you know how they work that would be the best place for you. And I trust Garth to teach you anything you might not know, but remember, try to convert first. Killing is a last resort. Okay?"

"Loud and clear." She saluted.

"The rest of you will get your assignments once we get a final headcount. As far as we know, there haven't been any more losses, but I could be wrong. Communications could have been cut off, some might get killed on the way back, there's no telling. I can say that it's looking like we might actually have a decent chance now, but that doesn't mean that something can't still go wrong, so for now I want everyone to go over their basic defense methods while we wait for the others to arrive. I know everyone here is pretty good on everything they need to know, but it never hurts to practice. I want all the kids to follow Alex to the infirmary for a rundown of basic medical training. We're gonna have a lot of people coming in and she's gonna need help patching them up. Everyone has their part to play in this. So just uh, yeah pair up and do some sparing, maybe brush up on some knowledge and..." He paused and looked around. So many faces. So many people depending on him to make the right decision. "Let's do this." A small round of applause followed as everyone split off into groups. 

He should feel honored. He waited his whole life to lead. To live up to his potential, but the overwhelming fear was keeping him from feeling any sort of joy. He'd been down this road before. He led a group of people who relied on him to save them, and that ended so...bloody. No! Now wasn't the time for doubts. He had to keep his head on straight. Too many people were depending on him. Things were going well. Half the battle was getting rid of the monsters and that was already mostly one. There was no point in getting stuck in his head. He had to...

"Thank you." Jody said as she placed her hand on Sam's shoulder breaking him out of his thoughts. "Claire's been driving everybody crazy cooped up in here, stomping around like a child. I know why you did it, and I appreciate that, I do, but I think it'll be good for her to get out of here for a bit."

"Don't thank me just yet." Sam smiled back. " I told Garth to keep her out of the killing ranks and keep her out of trouble."

"Eh." She shrugged. " I'll take what I can get. She's been intolerable since yesterday. As long as she's safe, and out of the way I think you’re doing everyone here a favor. Yesterday just made her worse and I don't think the others can take much more of it." 

"Yeah." Sam laughed.

"So ..." She pursed her lips and crossed her arms, rocking back and forth on her feet. " Special mission, huh."

"Sounded a whole lot better than 'angelic hissy fit'." Sam shrugged.

"How's he doing?"

"He's alive." Sam said. "He drained his powers, but other than that, nothing too bad."

"That's not what I meant." She sighed.

"I know Jody." Sam groaned. " It's just...this shit's been building for a while now, it was bound to happen, I just had no idea how bad it was. I didn't think he felt that bad about about himself, and if it were any other circumstances, I'd be pushing those two to talk it out, but we really don't have the time to play Dr. Phil. There's no telling what else they have that they need to get out and we can't risk him taking off again. I could strangle Dean for doing this now, but we need him too, and we're just gonna have to live with it until this all blows over."

"And if it doesn't?" Rowena said from behind. They both turned to face her, as she stood cradling the Book of the Damned in her arms. "Face facts here, Samuel. The creatures of the night may be at heal, but you have yet to come up with a plan to trap God."

"I've got an idea." Sam said defensively.

"Aye. Another soul bomb." She huffed. "And that leaves us at the mercy of unbalance. What of Amara then? Are you going to kill her too and hope that doesn't destroy everything? What's to stop her from coming after us? I love a soap opera as much as the next woman, but I feel like your brother's sordid love affair with an angel isn't exactly the most important thing we should be focusing on."

"Well what crawled up your butt today?" Jody asked., Placing herself in front of Sam on a protective, motherly manner. " You know as well as everyone else that, if those two aren't willing to work together, things are going to get dicey."

"Some of us are more connected to the earth and the powers that be." Rowena glared. " There is something powerful and dangerous brewing on the horizon. I can feel it "

"Then why don't you do something about it." Jody glared back. "I'm sure there's something in that book of yours that can ward off whatever you think is brewing."

Jody and Rowena stood in a staring contest for a while, until Rowena sighed and shook her head. "Very well. I will be in the library if you need me. Just remember that I tried to warn you when you are staring into the face of certain death."

Sam heaved a heavy sigh as she disappeared down the hall and laid a hand on Jody's shoulder. "Thank you, Jody."

"Don't worry about it, kid." She smiled. " You have enough on your plate. You don't need to be concerned about the crazy ramblings of some old witch. "

"She's right though." He frowned. " Things might be going right on the monster front, but we still have no idea on what to do about God. Aziraphale and I have an idea, but it's gonna take a lot of work and we're kinda running out of time here."

"Hey," she said, "Your smart, you'll figure it out. You Winchester's always do."

And that would've been encouraging. It would've been the point where he smiled and pulled her into a hug and thanked her again before he went off to wait for the other hunters to arrive so he could reorganize them before he found Aziraphale to get some work done on their plan. It would have been...if he didn't hear Cas's voice echoing through the halls.

"You better go make sure they don't kill each other." Jody grimaced, tilting her head towards the door. " I'll make sure everyone stays here and does what they're supposed to."

Sam nodded his thanks and made his way down the hall in in the direction he heard the scream come from. He wasn't worried about them killing each other, he was just hoping to avoid another meltdown. His hopes for that were dashed as soon as he heard Dean screaming the angel's name. It wasn't until his own name was thrown in, that he realized something might actually be wrong.

"Dean, what the hell?! I heard you and Cas shouting again and..." 

"Sam I can't find Cas!" Dean cut him off.

Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. Jesus Christ, this was the last thing they needed right now. "What the hell did you do this time?" 

"Nothing!" Dean shouted, still looking around. At least Dean tried to look concerned but he wasn't about to beloved that he hadn't done anything to make Cas fly off again. "We were just talking and then he yelled at me to run and then he just fucking disappeared!"

'Sure' Sam thought to himself. 'Talking'. He didn't believe that for a second. He has been on the other side of one of Dean's 'talks' before. He wouldn't even bother with his brother's excuses if something he said didn't catch his interest. "Why would he tell you to..."

Shit.

No. No, no, no! What was going on? Why were the alarms going off?! He didn't waste a second as he took off running towards the war room, Dean close at his heels, the sounds of the others screaming and fleeing in the opposite direction tearing through the halls almost as loud as the alarms themselves. He hadn't prepared them for an emergency in the bunker. He shouldn't have had to. They were supposed to be safe. He only hopes they were all smart enough to hide from whatever threat had managed to break in. He shouldn't have been surprised when he skidded to a stop inside the war room.

"Wow, those are loud!"

They had the place warded and armed to the teeth.

"So much for a surprise entrance."

It's not like anything else could have broken through.

"Hey guys! What's new?"

"Chuck."

*******

" In the flesh." Chuck smiled with a shrug in response to Sam's statement. " Well, metaphorically. This form isn't actually flesh, more of a metaphysical manifestation of my personality to appear to your mortal eyes without your heads exploding."

Dean couldn't find himself to be bothered by his hand gestures to emphasize his point. He couldn't even find it in himself to care that the dick had made himself comfortable, sitting Indian style on their fucking table. He wasn't even fazed by the looks of shock and horror on the faces of Aziraphale, Crowley, and Rowena as they stood in separate entrances of the room from him and Sam. His focus was on Amara, who was standing next to him, with Cas held in the air by his throat. "Let him go." He said, his voice a little weaker than he hoped.

Chuck and Amara shared a look as Chuck sucked in air through his teeth. " Sorry, Dean. No can do." Chuck said. "See, Castiel here kinda messed up my plans, and we can't have that so..." Amara squeezed harder, causing Cas to let out a choked yelp.

"Please!" Dean yelled, and Amara paused. She glanced at Dean with a confused look but kept her hold.

"I thought you were omnipotent, Charles." Rowena said, stepping forward. "You would have known what Castiel was going to do. Why come for him now instead of before?"

"That's actually a common misconception." Chuck said as he slipped from the table. "I mean, yeah I created everything and had a basic plan for how app of time would play out, but really I'm just a writer. And the thing about writing is, sometimes you just have these characters who slip away from you and go off on their own. Sam and Dean here are perfect examples of that." He smiled proudly at the two of them and it made Dean sick to his stomach.

" Let him go." Dean said again, trying his best to ignore Chuck completely. "Amara, please."

"See what mean?" Chuck shrugged. "Here's the part where you should be quaking in fear, and yet...." He glanced back at Amara and nodded his head. She let out a snarl and rolled her eyes, releasing her hand to let Cas crumble to the floor. " You Winchester's are truly baffling. I mean, I gave you life. I created this entire world, plotted out every detail to the end and everything was going exactly how it should have and then...blam! You go and change it up on me. It's pretty frustrating actually." He looked down, a tight-lipped frown on his face as he shook his head. " I really thought I got it right this time."

"Is that what you've been doing then?" Aziraphale said, distracting Chuck long enough for Cas to crawl across the floor to the Winchester's sides. "Just creating more and more world's, abandoning them when you feel something has gone wrong, until you get it right?"

"Well, duh." Chuck chuckled. "Nobody's satisfied with their first draft. I mean you read enough Aziraphale, you should know that."

"And what of those of us who you abandoned?" Aziraphale asked. "Do you feel no remorse for leaving us to fend for ourselves?"

"Not really, no."

"Our world almost ended. We were almost destroyed!" He asserted.

"But you weren't." Chuck shrugged. "You figured it out."

"What was so wrong with our world?" Crowley asked. " What made us so easy to abandon?"

"So much." Chuck scoffed. "I mean yours was pretty much doomed from the get-go. I did not stick with that story line long. I mean, look at you two! An angel and a demon? That's just..." He shuddered "...icky. the second Aziraphale decided not to strike you down for entering the garden, I knew I had messed up. So, I moved on, changed a few characters, an boom. Fixed!"

"We're your children..." Aziraphale shook his head.

"You're characters." Chuck replied. "Failed drafts. I don't get why you're complaining everything worked itself out. What do you care anyway? You abandoned your world too, to be here. Big surprise by the way. I was not expecting that."

"Brother… " Amara warned.

"Right. Sorry." He winced. "So much going on. It's easy to get distracted."

"What are you even doing here Chuck?" Sam demanded.

"Kinda thought that was obvious." He shrugged.

"Why?" Dean asked as he bent down to pull Cas to his feet. "Why now? You could've iced is in that grave yard. Why wait all this time?" Chuck just gave him a wicked smile in return.

"Suspense." Rowena answered for him. " He wanted to build the suspense, to have you die in an epic battle for your life and watch the world fall after you."

"Bingo!" Chuck said, putting one finger on his nose and pointing another at Rowena. "You weren't actually supposed to get out of the graveyard, but I wasn't even mad when you did. I mean, nothing builds  
suspense like hope and I figured there was no way you'd survive with all the monster's lurking about. It's not like you two were gonna sit around and hide out in here while everything else turned to ash. I'd still get my epic ending, it was just drawn out."

"What do you mean we weren't supposed to make it?" Sam asked. "Why else would you give Cas his powers back?"

"Oh, that wasn't me!" Chuck said, excitedly.

"It had to be." Cas choked. "No one else could have possibly restored my Grace."

"I swear." Chuck insisted, hands up in surrender. "Looks like the power was inside you the whole time, Dorothy."

"I don't..."

Dean placed his hand on Cas's shoulder and shook his head before turning to Chuck. "If Cas had his mojo and his wings this while time, why couldn't he use them?"

"Beats me." Chuck shrugged. "Could've been any number of reasons. My guess? Depression. It's a hell of a disease."

Dean swallowed down the lump of guilt that was bubbling up from his chest before squaring his shoulders. " You still didn't answer my question. Why now?"

"Well, because now you have a chance." Chuck scoffed. " I mean not against us, obviously, but a chance against the monsters and that's... frustrating. I worked so hard in this plot. I didn't want to have to be the one to kill you, but you kinda gave me no choice." He chuckled a little and shook his head. "You know, I wasn't even worried when Mar mar here came and told me about your grand plan to take me out. It was actually kind of amusing."

"Amara?" Dean looked over at her, face full of hurt.

"I am bonded to you Dean." Amara answered slowly. "We share a strong connection through the mark, it is true, but he is my brother. I love him. That is far stronger. I could not stand by while you threatened to hurt who I love."

Dean nodded. He understood. He would have done the same. "So, if you aren't worried about us killing you, then why bother? Just let us go and die the way we're supposed to."

"You see, I would, but this story has gone on long enough." Chuck said. "Ever since Castiel went and killed all my monsters, it could take years now. I'm done. And so are you."

"So, you’re just going to cast them aside because they didn't follow your plan?" Crowley hissed.

"It's kind of what I do." Chuck shrugged. " You should now that better than anyone here." He smirked.

"You bastard!" Aziraphale snapped. Crowley placed his arm over the angel's chest to keep him from lurching forward. " They're good people. "How could you possibly do this to good people?"

"Because they messed up!" Chuck snapped, his care free demeanor gone. " I spent years creating the perfect story and they messed it up! They were supposed to die years ago. Heroically! But they kept going. I had the perfect ending and the screwed it up! So, screw the Winchester's!"

"You're a child." Castiel growled, stepping forward. "These men have gone above and beyond to keep the world you created safe. They never once threw a fit because things didn't go their way. They adjusted. They grew. These men have taken your creation under their wing and shielded it from danger. They are far better than you could ever hope to be."

Chuck narrowed his eyes and stepped closer shaking his head. "You, Castiel... You were my biggest mistake. I thought it was Lucifer, but I was wrong. It was you."

"I believed in you." Cas snarled. "I trusted you. I was your most loyal soldier. I..."

"You were a literary tool." Chuck said coldly. "That's it. That's all you are. That's all you'll ever be. You were interesting and dynamic. An angel fallen from Grace to carry out 'gods true intentions'. The angel who took humanities side over heaven. You were a trope. That's it." His voice remained icy, his glare burning hot. "I rebuilt you to add dynamic to an already epic story. But you just...you kept screwing up. Then these guys?" He shot a hand out towards Dean and Sam before letting his arm drop. "They just kept taking you back. It was astounding. It took me an embarrassing amount of time to figure out why but when I did...oh...it was perfect." He let out a mirthless laugh and shook his head. "It gave me an edge, a twist so great it would rival any story ever written. I would use you to finally break Dean Winchester." He turned his gaze on Dean. "See, everyone expects the hero to pull through and win in the end. But I didn't want that. No, I believe the greatest stories are tragedies, so I needed a twist. A pivotal moment where everything would go downhill," he smiled and turned back to Cas, "and the Winchesters' devotion to you handed me that on a silver platter. I would wait until they were on top of the world, and then pull the rug out from under them, by taking away everything they love." 

All amusement slipped from his face as he took a deep, angry breath. "But you screwed that up too! I had it all worked out. You would die at the hands of the very thing you swore to protect them from. The very reason you came to be with them in the first place. Lucifer. It was poetic! But you.... you had to go and save his damn kid. You and your bleeding heart just couldn't handle it." He paced back and forth in front of Cas and shrugged. "What harm could one little Nephilim do, I thought. As long as you were dead and Mary was gone and hope was lost, who cared that Lucifer's offspring was brought into the world? One. Little. Infant. I honestly didn't expect him to be able to bring you back. That wasn't supposed to happen. You were supposed to die and stay dead, and you couldn't even manage that!" He shook his head and stood still, leveling Cas with a look of pure disgust. "So no, Castiel. You weren't my most loyal anything. You were just...poor writing."

"Then take me now." Cas said, his voice wavering, but full of rage. "Erase your mistakes and take me out of the equation because I promise you, if you don’t, I will continue to keep fighting against you to save my family."

"Why?" Chuck scoffed. "So, you can just weasel your way back and screw everything up again? No, I have something else in mind for you Castiel. You messed up my story, so now I'm gonna make you suffer. I'm going to make you watch as I destroy everything you hold dear, and when it's over, I'm going to keep you alive, to live alone with nothing but the fact that all of it was your fault."

Dean watched as Cas's face twisted in pain, fist clenched at his sides. The air began to crackle with energy as he gathered every last bit of his grace, a look of determination dancing behind his eyes. Cas wasn't gonna give up. He wasn't gonna let himself go down without a fight. It was the first time in forever that Dean could remember Cas willing to fight for himself for a change, and it was breaking his heart. They were going to die. No do-overs. This was it. 

As Cas positioned himself, ready to strike, ready to try his best to get God to take him out, a wave of panic began coursing through Dean's soul. He was going to watch Cas die again. As long as he lived, however short it would be, he was going to have to lose Cas again, knowing that he just stood there and watched. "Cas, wait!" But what was worse? Living through that pain, that anguish, that emptiness again, for the rest of his incredibly short life, which could very well be a matter of minutes, or Cas having to suffer for the rest of eternity? "Please ..just...wait...." His voice came out in a broken sob. Cas paused turning to face Dean, cerulean orbs pleading with him just to let him get it over with. He had caused the angel too much suffering already. He wasn't about to let it happen again. 

Or he was about to make it worse. That was the only thing stopping him right now. The way Dean saw it, there was one of two things that would happen. He was going to die. That wasn't a question. He was going to die, and everyone else too. But he wasn't going to die without Cas knowing the truth. He wasn't deaf to the comments made over the years. He willingly ignored them, for one reason or another, never believing any of it to be true. But now...now he had to hope that they were. 

"Dean..." Cas pleaded.

He had to believe, because he was going to die, and it was the only way he could hope to save Cas from having to suffer for it. It was silent around them, the whole world balanced on the head of a pin as he took a ragged breath and stepped forward, grabbing the angel by his sleeve pulling his arm down. "Don't. Please. I can't watch him kill you. Please." He shook his head and ran his hand up Cas's sleeve and let it one to rest behind his neck, tears welling up in his eyes.

Cas close his eyes, leaning slightly into the touch, a single tear falling to the back of the hunter's wrist. "Dean... I... I can't...I can't live knowing..."

"I know." Dean interrupted, squeezing the back of Cas's neck. "I know, buddy, okay but look, we're toast. Me, Sam, everyone, everything, it's all gonna be gone and I..." He lifted his other hand, shaking as he brought it to the back of Cas's head, pressing their foreheads together, causing the angel to open his eyes in shock. The tears were falling freely now from Dean's eyes as he gathered the courage to say what he needed to, before it was lights out for them all. "See, Cas I'm stubborn. I know this is the end of the line for me and I just can't let go before I get something out. Deathbed confessions and all that or whatever. And I just can't stand by and watch someone tear you apart before I... before you know..." He searched the Cas's questioning eyes, feeling his heart disintegrate as he pulled the angel's head down, placing a gentle kiss into his hair. "I love you, Castiel."

Cas's face shot up to meet Dean's, his mouth a gape, his eyes wide as they searched the man's face for the lie. Knowing that there was none to be found, Dean closed his eyes, cringing against the pain when he saw the glimmer of hope in Cas's as he reached for Dean's face, preparing himself for what he knew was coming next.

"Dean...I..." Cas's words came out in a reverent whisper, echoing in Dean's ears, ripping him apart knowing they were the last thing he would ever hear his angel say.


	26. In My Time of Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> emptiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *calls out into the void* Hello? Is...is anybody still there? If you are...I'm sorry!
> 
> things got uh...sad...real quick...i have my reasons i promise...but yeah...you'll see....

LOVE

/ləv/

noun

1\.   
an intense feeling of deep affection.  
"babies fill parents with feelings of love"  
synonyms:deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment

verb  
1\.   
feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).  
"do you love me?"  
synonyms: be in love with, be infatuated with, be smitten with, be besotted with, be passionate about; care very much for, feel deep affection for, hold very dear, adore, think the world of, be devoted to, dote on, cherish, worship, idolize, treasure, prize

There are several different types of love. The ancient Greeks broke it down into eight different categories. Agape, which is unconditional love. Eros; romantic love. Phila, which is affectionate love. Philautia, love of one's self. There is Storge (the love one feels for their family) and there is Pragma, which is enduring love. There is Ludus, which is defined as "playful love", though a better definition is desired. It is the type of love one feels in the beginning of a new relationship. The kind that causes butterflies in your stomach. And finally, there's Mania. Obsessive love.

Throughout all of history, love has been the source of pretty much everything. It was why God created the Earth. His need to feel loved. It was what caused humanity to grow and expand. The love of adventure is what caused humans to travel further than their surroundings. Love has ended wars, as well as caused them. Every great novel, every hit song, every poem, every movie, every charity, everything ever made, would not have existed, with out some form of love pulling it together. It is arguably the most powerful force in all of existence. 

Love is what finally broke the Righteous Man.

Dean let his hand fall limply to his sides as Cas's head disappeared from between them. He wanted to crumble, to let the hole that was swelling inside him with every passing second swallow him whole. He felt sick. Like the world was spinning and tilting and swaying, trying it's best to knock him of the surface and send him careening into space. He was angry. He wanted to scream, and cry, and break things. He wanted to kill, he wanted to fight. He wanted to curl up into a ball and let the world cave in around him. He felt everything. Each ragged breath slicing through his lungs, like a razor-sharp blade across skin. He was numb. He couldn't feel anything, not even the beating of his shattered heart. Dean Winchester was broken.

"What did you do?"

Chuck's livid voice sounded a million miles away and right next to his ear all at once. 

"Where is he?"

Dean's head shook itself, his eyes refusing to open, knowing that everything he ever wanted, everything he needed and was too stupid to know that he already had wouldn't be on the other side of the safety of his closed lids.

"Where is Castiel?"

His knees hit the ground, his body felt like jelly; his legs could no longer hold him, and he tasted copper when he swallowed. (Had he been screaming? Was his throat bleeding?) He was vaguely aware of the voice booming commands and questions at him, but it was coming from miles away and he really couldn't bring himself to care. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. They were right. Every snide comment made over the years, every joke, every skeptical look he pushed aside and ignored. All of it. It was all true. Cas loved him. And now he was gone. For good; forever. No resurrections, no miraculous escapes. Gone. Dean did that. The angel had survived for eons, broken, beaten, taken out by just about every major creature in existence only to come out the other side, still fighting. And it was Dean Winchester who finally killed him. He let the tears fall freely from his eyes; it didn't matter who saw him cry anymore. What did he care? Nothing mattered.

He felt two hands grip his shirt collar and allowed their owner to lift him to his feet, his head still dangling towards the floor with his eyes squeezed tight. "What did you do with Castiel!!" Chuck screamed in his face, gripping him by the chin to force Dean's face up.

Dean let his eyes open, finally, his blurred vision registering cold, angry eyes that were the wrong shade of blue, so different from the ones he met before he closed them. "I saved him." He said, his voice shallow and weak. It was about damn time too. He thought about all the times Cas had pulled his ass out of the fire. Sure, Dean had been there to patch him up, but he always had help. Cas had risked everything to fight for Dean's life, because he loved him. It was about damn time Dean did the same. So, he did. He just laid everything on the line to pull Cas out of the fire. 

"What are you talking about?! Where is he?!"

"Hopefully somewhere where no one can ever hurt him again." Dean said, despondently. "Not you. Not me. Not anyone. The Empty has him now. And there is nothing you can do about it."

" How...dare...you." Chuck seethed. "You selfish, useless.... no...no that's not possible. How is that possible?"

Dean chuckled. There was no joy behind it. It was pure defiance. "You said it yourself, Chuck. Cas was just poor writing on your part. What did you think would happen when you have a damn angel the ability to care? To feel?"

Chuck glared up at him, his grip tightening as he waited for the hunter to explain, but Dean could barely manage to form those words. The only thing keeping him one his feet was Chuck's iron hold. All he wanted to do was crumble to the ground and accept his fate. The air was thick, electrified by Chuck’s rage, the ground began to quake.

"You created humans to feel." Aziraphale piped up, the shaking stopped as Chuck turned his attention to the angel. "You created them to grow, and learn, and love." He grabbed Crowley's hand and squeezed it tight.

"It was never free will that was the problem. " Crowley added, squeezing back. "You never really gave anyone that option. Anyone who even dared to think for themselves had to be punished. You knew that anyone with the ability to think would rise against you. That's why you gave up on every world that you created before and made this one anew, but it's also where you went wrong. Because thinking was never the problem. A person can have a million thoughts in their mind at once, but they're absolutely meaningless unless they feel compelled to act on those thoughts."

"You gave Cas a heart." Sam chimed in, his voice watery, but strong. “Because of that he wasn't just some mindless drone full of holy wrath. He was loyal, and thoughtful and he learned to love."

"He loved humanity." Rowena added quietly. " And he loved the Winchesters, and he loved Jack. He loved that boy so much, he was willing to sacrifice his happiness, his life, to the Empty, to save that boy's soul."

"He was so willing to give up his happiness to keep him safe, that it blinded him from the truth." Aziraphale said, staring at Dean sadly.

Dean closed his eyes again and let his head slump between his shoulders. "The truth shall set you free." He muttered.

Chuck turned back to the man in his grasp with a fiery glare. He gripped Dean by the chin and shook his jaw until the hunter opened his eyes. "You just keep taking, don't you? You keep taking over my story; taking over my ending. No matter what I do, you just won't stop."

"Then kill me." Dean croaked. "If you want me to stop, kill me." It was already coming anyway, and it was Chuck's last chance to choose an act of mercy. Every second he was left alive was an eternity of living hell.

"What?" Chucked asked, completely bewildered.

Dean used the confusion the remove on of Chuck’s hands from his clothes and place it on his own neck. "Kill me."

"Dean!" Sam begged, but he was ignored.

Chuck gripped down on Dean's throat, squeezing tighter as his eyes shot back and forth between Dean's. All at once, the rage in his face amplified, tenfold, but he released Dean's neck and stepped back. "No." He gritted between his teeth. "You don't get to decide. This is my story. Not yours!"

"Please." Dean choked out in a raspy breath. "Just kill me you son of a bitch. You're gonna do it anyway."

"No!" Chuck said again. Dean watched carefully as indecision and panic filled his expression, barely visible beneath the wrath, but it was there. He was calculating. "I'll kill Sam instead." He said, raising his hand towards Sam, but keeping his eyes on Dean, watching, waiting for a reaction. And that was it. There it was. The last miniscule shred of hope.

"Do it." Dean challenged.

"Dean, what the hell?!" Sam squawked behind him but the older Winchester kept his eyes forward.

"C'mon Sammy, we've lived a long life, For hunters, at least. It's inevitable anyway. Why fight it. Kill him, Chuck." Dean said.

"I'll kill all of them." Chuck said, his voice reaching new levels of hysteria. "Every, single, solitary soul you saved."

"Brother...stop..." Amara said, reaching out to grab his shoulder, but he shrugged her off and ignored her.

"I will kill every one of them. I'll make each of their deaths more slow and painful than the last, and I'll make you watch." 

"Go ahead." Dean smirked. "What's stopping ya?"

"Nothing." Chuck snarled.

"Then do it!" Dean snarled right back. "End it you fucking coward."

"I...am NOT....A COWARD!" Chuck's voice boomed with the power of thunder, knocking them all off their feet. "I am the Alpha and the Omega. I am the creator. The great I Am. I took star dust and created entire universes! I am creation! I am the light! Everything you are, everything you know, all of it exists because of me!" He looked over Dean, his voice gaining power with each word, drowning out the cries and screams from the bunker shaking apart around them. "This, all of his, everything is mine! I get to decide how it goes. Me! Not you! You are NOTHING!!!" 

And then he was gone.

*****

"I thought he had changed." Amara said weakly, her hands held out in front of her. "I thought he was different. He promised me that he was different, but he's still the same."

"Di...did you...." Sam stuttered, staring at the spot where God had just stood.

"I sent him away." She answered, quietly.

"How far?" Aziraphale asked through heaving breaths.

"Not far enough." She shook her head, her voice breaking.

"How long can you hold him off?" Dean asked, pulling himself to his feet.

"Not long."

"Then we better get to work." Dean said brushing himself and moving while he spoke. "Rowena, come with me to check on the others, make sure no one got hurt. We'll move them to the dungeon, it's probably the safest place. Crowley, you and Aziraphale get started on that cage idea, Sam, call the others and tell them to turn tail. When he comes back, he's coming for us first. It won't do any of them any good to be caught in the line of fire. Come on let's get a move on people."

"Dean." Sam said following his brother down the hall, as he dragged the witch in tow. "Dean. Stop!"

"Kinda on a time crunch here, man." Dean called over his shoulder.

"You were gonna let him kill me!"

Dean stopped and took a deep breath. He leaned down to say something in Rowena's ear, jerking his head down the hall. She nodded and took off before Dean swiveled to meet Sam's eyes. "He was losing it, Sammy. Didn't you hear him? He was pissed because we kept making our own decisions. As long as I agreed to what he said, he was gonna do the exact opposite. He wants a fight. He doesn't want us to go out on our own terms. He's desperate. He only said he would kill you to get a rise out of me. I knew if I just went along with it, you were safe. It was the last act of a desperate man. You know I wouldn't have given you up so easily."

Sam sighed, and nodded, relieved that his brother hadn't actually gone off the deep end as much as he thought when he offered them all up as sacrifice....and yet...he didn't start pushing until..."You wanted him to   
kill you." He said quietly.

Dean clenches his jaw, his eye twitching slightly but remaining otherwise unmoved. "Last act of a desperate man, Sam."

"Dean, Cas wouldn't..."

"I know." Dean cut him off. "I know. And that's why I'm fighting this. Because that's what Cas would want. He'd want us to fight. It's what he did. He fought for us all the way to the end." His voice broke and he turned away, continuing to walk away.

"It isn't your fault, Dean." Sam said sympathetically, tears welling up in his own eyes for the loss of their friend.

"I know it isn't." Dean whispered as he paused. 

And that was new. 

Because Dean always swore it was their fault. That everything was. They both did. It was the Winchester way.

"It's God's." Dean croaked leaning one shoulder against the wall like it was the only thing keeping him up right, back still turned towards Sam. "He just wanted to do what was right, Sam. He never asked for any of this. He just did what he was told." He sobbed. "He just wanted to do what he was told and make his father proud. And none of it was good enough. It was never gonna be good enough."

If Sam had ever questioned why those two fell in love, his answer would have been in Dean's words at that moment. Because, it was true, that all Castiel had ever wanted was to protect humanity, and do what was right by God, it wasn't just the angel Dean was talking about anymore. He closed the distance Dean had put between them and scooped his crying brother into his arms, squeezing him with everything he had as the broken man sobbed into his shoulder. 

"He deserved so much better." Dean cried. “We deserved so much better than this." And he was right. Because none of them had asked for this. It was just thrust upon them, without a choice.

"I know." Sam sniffed. "I know."

*****

"Do you honestly think this is going to work?" Crowley sighed. He was leaning back in his chair, his feet on the edge of the library table, next to Aziraphale's plans, being about as helpful as an umbrella during a hurricane.

"I hope it does." Amara answered as she sifted through the plans. "For all your sakes."

"No one was talking to you, Elvira." Crowley sneered.

"Crowley..." Aziraphale chided, halfheartedly as he scribbled down a few notes, but Crowley ignored him.

"Don't think that just because you decided to go noble at the last minute, that any of us have forgotten about what you did to Castiel." Crowley said

"I could have turned Castiel to ash." Amara replied. " I could do the same to you. I showed him mercy for Dean's sake."

"Mercy!?" Crowley scoffed. "You roasted him alive! You call that mercy?"

"Yes." She said coldly. "And it is something that my brother has none of."

"So, basically," Crowley tipped his chair forward, landing with a thud, and place an elbow on the table, cradling his chin, "your saying we don't have a snowball's chance in Hell."

"Forgive me, my love" Aziraphale said, still jotting down notes, "bit weren't you the one who lead me to believe that as long as we had each other, there was hope?" 

"Yes, well that was before we came face to face with the Almighty himself." He mumbled. " He shook the Earth with his voice, Angel. I should have known better. I was foolish to think that a being capable of killing children would be anything less than horrifying. Of course, hearing the stories and living through the after math is entirely different than seeing it up close, I suppose. Basically, dear, we are utterly fucked." Aziraphale paused and looked up from his notes, meeting the demon's eyes, his own filled with sorrow and dread. "We would have been better off dying in blissful ignorance." Crowley lifted his hand and pulled the angel's forehead to his. "I'm so sorry I dragged you into this."

"My brother is powerful, yes." Amara said, pulling their attention to her. " But he is also wrathful. I have learned from experience, that it is easy to make mistakes when filled with an excess of emotion."

"So, you think it'll work?" Aziraphale asked hopefully.

"I don't know." Amara answered. "He is nearly impossible for any of you to kill. The universe would end regardless unless I died with him. Though I don't like the idea of caging him, it is certainly the more preferable option."

"Why have you decided to help is then, hmm?" Crowley asked. "From the way Dean tells it, you were more than willing to let us burn while the two of you danced in the flames."

Amara swallowed and turned her gaze downwards. "Since my release, I have learned to love his creation as he once did. I have learned to appreciate the beauty of his work...."

"Liar." Crowley scoffed. 

The air grew tight as she turned an icy gaze on the demon. "He told me I was nothing." She snapped. "When he locked me away, he gave me the same speech he gave Dean. He told me I didn't matter. That the world being born was more important than his ties to me. His own sister. We were all that was in the beginning and he threw me away! When I returned, he seemed changed; remorseful. But it was all lies. I would love nothing more than for him to destroy everything that came between us and go back to the way it was, but he won't. What is to stop him from starting over? What is to stop him from locking me away when I break his precious little toys, again?"

"What's to stop him from letting history repeats itself?" Aziraphale finished quietly.

"Exactly." She said. "If you don't find a way to stop him now, then nothing ever will."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Sam asked from the entry way. "Let's build this thing." He strode across the room, his eyes red rimmed and hair a mess, and plopped down in the chair next to Aziraphale, pulling the angel's notes to him.

"How is he?" Crowley asked.

"How would you be?" Sam snapped. Crowley sunk back into his chair and began twiddling his fingers. Sam sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "He's not great. Cas... Cas was family, ya know. We've lost so much family, lately and...I think he's mostly in denial. He keeps saying we gotta fight this, that we gotta win, and I just..."

"You don't actually think that it's possible." Aziraphale said. 

"Do you?" Sam sniffed. "I mean last time we tried anything like this, we had Death to collect souls for us. Even then, that was only enough to make a bomb, and we don't even know if it would have worked because what it was supposed to kill is sitting right here with us." He threw his hand out to gesture towards Amara and let it fall back down. "We don't even know if that wasn't part of his plan the entire time. I've spent my whole life believing in good, fighting against evil, believing that, no matter how many lives were lost, no matter what the consequences, what my brother and I were doing, that was the right thing to do. Because we were saving the world. And I prayed. I prayed so many times for a better way, for a clearer answer and when none came, I figured it was because that was the way God wanted it to be. And I was right. And now I know it's because God is a sadistic asshole and just wanted to watch the world burn. He wanted to break us. To watch us fail. And he always got his way. So, no. I don't think any of this will work."

"Then why bother trying?" Amara asked.

"Because, it's literally, the only thing we have left."

******

It was dark. Pitch black. Quiet. The air was neither cold, nor was it warm. It was just there. He tried in vain, to open his eyes, to blink, searching for light, only to realize that it was impossible. His eyes were already open, there was just no light to be found. He took a breath, but it lacked the relief of cold air entering his lungs. He sat up, scrambling for purchase, for something around him to grab onto, for something to ground him, something to touch. Anything. But it was pointless, because the everything around him was empty

"No."

******

Crowley didn't like visiting Hell. He avoided it as much as he could since he had been appointed King interim. For one thing, it was certainly bleaker here than it was in his universe. Not that any version of Hell was particularly bright and sunny, but for some reason, this Hell seemed so much worse. The torture was louder, the smells were danker, and the feel was just...Hellier...in general. The other reason he avoided it, was because he was technically the King. He didn't like demons to begin with. Ones that groveled at his mercy were decidedly worse, especially when it wasn't even him the respected, or rather, feared. Sure, his wings made him seem dangerous and the fact that he had once been and angel gave him a powerful edge, reminding them all of their former leader, but he knew the truth. They listened to him because he was friends with the Winchester's. With Castiel. It wasn't like he was a natural born leader, quite the opposite actually. He spent most of his existence flying under the radar and doing the bare minimum, making mole hills look like mountains, just to get by. He wasn't a king. He was a con artist, who just so happened to be aquatinted with an angel that the demons and angels of this world had a healthy fear of. Which made this particular trip to Hell, all the more nerve wracking. 

Because that angel, was no longer alive.

He wasn't planning on divulging that piece of information, of course, but there was no telling whether or not they already knew, which is why Aziraphale had insisted on accompanying him on this particular voyage. Yet another reason, Crowley was practically shaking in his snake skin boots. There was no doubt in his mind that the both of them were stronger, more powerful than most all of the demons of this world, but they were significantly outnumbered should their request cause uproar. He could care less about what happened to him, the world (all of them, most likely) was ending anyway. He would die one way or another but watching any of these cretons lay a single finger on his angel.... he shuttered at the thought. 

“Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Aziraphale muttered beside him.

"Are you honestly, quoting the Bible to me right now? Now!?" Crowley hissed as the turned down the hallway leading to the throne room of Hell.

"I'm merely pointing out that your lack of confidence in this moment may not be the best approach." The angel sighed. "Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident." He quoted again. "A king should be nothing, if not confident. I doubt the demons will be inclined to listen to you if they see you are teetering on the edge of madness."

"Oh, yes, right, of course." Crowley nodded. "And spouting off words from the holy book, dictated by the very entity, Heaven bent on destroying us all, where any one of them can hear you, is most definitely a better option." Aziraphale stopped walking to fix the demon with an unamused glare. Crowley rolled his eyes and grabbed Aziraphale by the sleeve to keep pulling him along. "Forgive me if I'm not oozing with confidence at the moment." He said in a harsh whisper. "I'm a tad fixated on the fact that regardless of whether we accomplish anything here, we are still utterly FUCKED!"

"They don't have to know that." Aziraphale replied calmly, pausing again."

Crowley turned on him in disbelief. " THEY DONT HAVE TO...." He huffed, abandoning his intention of yelling at the angel after seeing the look of surety on his face. "You know what?!" He hissed, taking off his jacket and tossing it for Aziraphale to catch. "Fine! You want Confidence?" He tossed off his sunglasses and began rolling his sleeves. "I'll show you confidence!" He lifted his head towards the ceiling and let out a ball of fire as he flared out his wings, letting the flames fall and light them on fire (they wouldn't burn and he figured flaming wings would add a certain flare.) "And when we are being torn to shreds, either by demons or the Almighty himself, you can go to your grave knowing that I was 'confident'!" He turned on his heel, pointedly ignoring the delighted smile that passed over Aziraphale’s face, as he marched down the rest of the hall and threw open the doors of the throne room. "I demand every soul in Hell that we can spare, brought to me, right now!" He bellowed.

"Lord Crowley!" Said one demon nervously as all of them (except one) scrambled to their feet from their poker game at the table. "To what do we owe the honor..."

"Did I fucking stutter?!" Crowley hissed, hoping like hell his tone would hide the fact that he felt like he was going to be sick. "Ssssoulsss! NOW!"

"But my Lord," another demon replied, "w-we just went to all that trouble to bring them back here. Why would we..."

"Are you seriously questioning a demand from your king?!" Crowley hissed in the demon’s face.

"Temporary king." Said the one demon still at the table.

"Excuse you?!" Crowley said, his resolve cracking, just slightly. One thread was all it took. One thread pulled just the right way, and the entire plan would unravel.

"You're only our king temporarily." The demon said placing his cards on the table. "It's only a matter of time before the Winchester's decide to get rid of you too."

"That won't happen!" Crowley scoffed.

"That's what the last king thought. The demon replied in a bored tone. "And the one before that, and the one before that. Azazel, Lilith, Abaddon, Asmodeus, Crowley, Kip...Even Lucifer himself wasn't safe from the Winchester's wrath. If not them, then God will certainly take you out." The demon pushed back from the table and stood up walking slowly towards Crowley. "It's a simple fact. Your only our King until your gone and I suspect that will come a lot sooner than you think, so give us one good reason why we should even bother listening to you."

"Because your life depends on it!" Aziraphale said from behind Crowley.

The nameless demon peeked around Crowley's shoulder with a smug smile. "It's already happening. They didn't even see you fit enough to bring along their usual guard dog." The demon turned his attention back to Crowley. "Where's Castiel?" 

"Busy." Crowley snapped, hoping that was enough of an answer.

"Riiight." The demon chuckled striding back to his seat and plopping down. "My guess? You pissed them off and they wrote you off, so you figured you'd just come here and push us around to get back at them. Either that or they sent Castiel off to get killed and sent you here with stunt angel number two to figure out a way to bring him back. Either way it doesn't matter. Word around the grape vine is, world's ending anyway and there's nothing that can stop it. Sorry, but I'd rather die a free demon, than listen to some fuck boy like you boss me around." And as last words went, those were rather inelegant.

Crowley couldn't help but smirk as he watched the demon go up in flames under Aziraphale’s hand. The startled gasps around him only added to his mirth.

" Oh." The angel said as he wiped his hand off on his jacket. "Oh, my. I haven't done that in years. I'm terribly sorry, I've no idea what came over me."

"That's quite alright, Angel." Crowley said, trying his best to regain his authoritative tone, but finding it difficult to keep the proud smile out of it. "He was a traitor to the throne and needed to be punished. You've done well. You may stand down." Aziraphale's eye twitched at Crowley's statement, not liking being spoken to as a subject but understanding the importance of keeping up the facade. "Now," Crowley looked letting his flaming wings flare out, "any more questions?" He looked around as the other demons shook their heads, eyes wide with fear. "Good. Then I believe I requested some souls, yes?"

*****

No.

No.

This wasn't happening. It wasn't fair. 

He had worked so hard. He had suffered for so long. He had done everything that was asked of him for most of his life, only disobeying when his orders seemed unjust. He was faithful he did what needed to be done. He had fought through hell for forty years to rescue the righteous man, to rescue the world from destruction. He fought against Heaven and hell to keep humanity safe. He did what was right. He did what was good. He fought for choice. He fought for love. 

It wasn't fair!

He didn't deserve this.

*****

"I don't think we're gonna get much on the Heaven front." Sam sighed.

"And why not?" Aziraphale demanded, high on endorphins, as he placed the box of souls down on the table.

"I've been praying for hours and not a damn one of those assholes has responded, if there are even any of them left." Sam huffed angrily.

"They're up there." Amara said, as she restored the protection sigils for the third time. " If they weren't then we would have noticed. Heaven would fail without them, and all the souls would fall."

"Okay, so they're alive." Sam grunted. "They're just being dicks."

"Send me then." Aziraphale said, brightly. " I'm an angel. I'm sure I could talk to them."

"No." Crowley said. "Nope. Uh uh. You aren't going."

"Crowley..." The angel began, but Sam cut him off

"Crowley's right. We can't send you. Whoever might be left up there is probably the worst of the worst. They won't listen to reason for shit. I wouldn't even send Cas up there if he was .... you’d be killed or captured on the spot."

"Then I'll go " Amara suggested. They all turned to look at her, shock on their faces and arguments on their tongues. " They can't kill me." She shrugged. "They have tried and failed before. As for capture, well I'd like to see them try. I can't hold too many souls without consuming them, but I can grab a few thousand and get out before being noticed."

"But the sigils...." Sam argued

"Should hold for a few more hours without fading." She said. "You understand though, in doing this, whatever souls I take from Heaven, good souls, they will be sacrificed. Lost forever."

"I know." Sam swallowed. He had battled with himself over it for a while before he decided to start praying. "I know. But if we don't try then all souls will be lost anyway."

"The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few." Dean said as he walked into the room. They all turned to look at him, taking in his sunken eyes and lifeless stare. He marched across the room stopping a few feet before Amara and nodded. "Do it."

"Why Dean," Aziraphale said, " I had no idea you were familiar with the policies of utilitarianism."

"If that's a fancy way of saying I like Star Trek, then yeah." Dean shrugged. "Spock had a point. I don't like sacrificing good souls any more than the next guy, but we don't really have any other choice here." He turned his sad, broken eyes to Amara and nodded again. "So, do it."

Amara nodded back, then disappeared.

Dean stood in silence, very aware of the sympathetic stares aimed his way and ignoring him with every bit of strength he had left. "Well come on." He said. "Cage isn't gonna build itself." He started to walk away, before any of them could respond, when they heard a knock on the bunker's front door.

All of them were frozen in fear.

*****

Dean loved him.

Castiel sat with his wings curled around his form, his head hung low. He shook violently with silent sobs, dry, salt-crusted streaks down his face were the only evidence he ever had tears to begin with, as his ducts had long ago run out. He had screamed himself horse for hours, in every language, every tongue, only to heal himself so he could do it again, so many times that he had drained himself, and now all he could do was sit, and shake.

Because Dean loved him. And Castiel would never get to say it back.

*****

"Garth, I told you NOT to come here!" Sam scolded as he lowered his gun.

"Well, howdy to you too, Sam." Garth replied as he pushed his wife and three other werewolves through the door ahead of him.

"Where's my baby?!" Bess cried as the door shut behind them. 

"Down stairs in the dungeon with the others." Dean replied, tucking his gun into his waist band, as she and the others took off down the steps. "What part of 'God's on our asses, don't come to the bunker' did you   
not understand Garth?"

"Probably the part where you have my daughter here and I ain't leaving her here without her family." Garth shrugged. " 'sides it's not like we're any safer out there. If I'm gonna die, might as well be with the people I love."

Sam chuckled softly, shaking his head at the guy's ridiculously, unending optimistic tone, even in the face of certain death. "Yeah. Okay, point taken."

"So, what's the plan guys?" Garth said as they reached to bottom of the steps, turning to face to two of them. " Whoa! Dean, you look like hell warmed over! You alright there buddy?"

Dean opened his mouth to say something, he really tried to say he was fine, but it wouldn't come out. He shut it again as he felt the pain welling up, his throat closing around the words and shook his head. He took a few shaky breaths and tilted his head towards his brother. " Sam here will give you the details." He managed to choke out. " I gonna go get Rowena so we can get started on the cage." He practically ran off down the hall to avoid the rest of the conversation.

"Cage?" Garth asked turning his head to Sam.

"We're gonna try and build a cage of souls to trap God in." Sam answered, staring off in the direction Dean went. "Amara agreed to help us, but she refused to kill him, so it's the only other thing we could think of."

"Oh, is that all?" Garth laughed shaking his head. " Sounds like an average day for the Winchester bothers to me."

"Yeah." Sam scoffed, eyes still fixed on the hall.

"Is that what's got Dean so messed up." Garth asked, following Sam's gaze. "I mean, it's dangerous for sure, and yeah, the end is nigh, but it's not like y'all haven't been down this road before. I ain't ever seen him look like someone shot his puppy in front of him." He chuckled. "I mean good God, who died?"

Sam squeezed his eyes shut and sucked in a sharp breath. He knew Garth didn't mean it that way, he was just being Garth, but it struck a chord. The sound was enough to catch Garth’s attention. He turned his head back towards Sam, the hunter turning to meet his gaze. Garth didn't need to ask. It was written all over Sam's face. The werewolf closed his eyes and shook his head, letting out a defeated sigh.

"Balls."

******

Castiel lay flat on his back, his wings spread out beneath him, eyes squeezed tight. It was pointless he knew, even with his eyes wide open, there was nothing to see, but if he kept them shut, he could pretend that was the reason there was nothing but blackness before him. He had no idea how long he had been there. Hours, days, centuries. It didn't really matter. However long it had been, he still had eternity ahead of him. However long it was, he spent a great deal of that time wondering why he was even aware of it to begin with. He should be in an eternal sleep. That's what the Shadow wanted it wanted sleep. That was the reason it had sent him home to begin with. It couldn't sleep if he was awake. 

Then the question answered itself.

The shadow wanted him to suffer. It wouldn't do any good to have him die and not be aware of the fact he was dead. It was sacrificing its own sleep, just to make Castiel suffer. And it was succeeding. 

Tremendously.

Castiel had heard of the five stages of grief, several time in his millennia. Denial, depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance. He'd seen it firsthand. What he didn't know was how many times one was supposed to go through the cycle before it was all over. After he concluded that he was doomed to live out eternity in suffering, he had probably gone through it at least ten times. He had walked forever, searching for a way out, thinking that maybe it was a trick. When he found none, he had cried. And cried. And cried. He had screamed himself through at least three cycles of healing and waiting for his powers to regenerate just to scream again. He was only slightly ashamed of how pathetically he begged for sleep. And when it was all done, he would lay quietly, and wait for the tears to start again. 

Which is where his was now. Laying quietly, eyes squeezed shut, pretending that this wasn't what he would be doing, for the rest of forever.

"I love you Castiel."

The words rang through his entire being, playing on repeat over and over in his head. He had never dared to hope...never thought he would be so lucky...to have his affections returned. It was maddening, staying by Dean's side, always wanting, needing his attention and having to settle for the bare minimum, but he had been content with it. As long as he had Dean, in any way, it was enough. Hester had been wrong when she said Castiel was lost the second he laid a hand on Dean's soul in Hell. No one creature in all of existence had ever been so wrong. He was not lost at all. He was found. 

He was saved. 

Without Dean he would have fallen into the ranks. He would have continued to carry out the orders of his superiors, however cruel they seemed (or otherwise be brain washed into doing it anyway). He had always been a little different, yes, but without Dean he never would have known why. Dean taught him about choice, about freewill...about love. Who knows how lost he would be without him?

And yet....

There was the anger again. 

He realized early on, that the stages sometimes skipped around. This time anger won out

Because if it weren't for Dean he would still be in Heaven. He would still be a soldier, blissfully unaware of the horror of his father's true nature. If it weren't for Dean, he never would have rebelled. He never would have fallen. He never would have felt. And Castiel would give anything not to feel right now. He wished he didn't know what it was like to be angry. To be sad. He didn't want to know what it felt like to know loss. To know love. To be happy. It was Dean's fault that he knew what it was like to feel happy. It's the reason he was here. The reason he was dead.

"I love you Castiel."

He wanted so badly to say it back. To tell Dean that he loved him, that he always had and always would. He saw it in Dean's eyes. He meant it. Not as a friend, not as family, not a s a weapon or a tool. Castiel was loved. For the first time, since the dawn of time, he was truly loved. And it was the most painful thing he had ever experienced. 

Tears began to fall again from the corners of his eyes as he wondered if Dean had known what he was doing when he said those words. If he knew that Castiel loved him too. They flowed even harder when he realized that's exactly what he wanted to do. Dean knew. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

God was going to make him suffer, so Dean did the one thing he thought would save him. If only he knew how wrong he had been.

He let himself cry, until the tears ran out, waiting until the next stage flowed through him again. Because this was it for him now. And endless cycle of emotions. Forever. The only solace he took in it, was that at least he knew what to expect. Forever.

"Hey, little brother."

He certainly didn't expect that.

Cas tilted his head and opened his eyes, blinking away the blurry vision until he focused on the face that was hovering over him.

"Gabriel?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love a cliff hanger. I know they're evil...but so am I so it works.
> 
> As always thank you all so much for your kudos and comments. this story has given me so much to look forward to and has helped me improve on so many things and none of it would be possible with out all of you. <3 <3 <3
> 
> next up: WTF GABRIEL??? I dont even know what's going on anymore...or do I?


	27. Hammer to Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything's coming together while everyone falls apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I saw you in my sleep, darling  
> I think I saw you in my dreams you were  
> Stitching up the seams on every broken promise  
> That your body couldn't keep.  
> I think I saw you in my sleep.  
> oh, I think I saw you in my sleep darling  
> I think I saw you in my dreams  
> You were stitching up the seams on every broken promise  
> that your body couldn't keep  
> I think I saw you in my sleep  
> I thought I heard the door open, oh no  
> I thought I heard the door open but  
> I only heard it close.  
> I thought I heard a plane crashing, but  
> Now I think it was your passion snapping.  
> I think you saw me confronting my fear, it  
> Went up with a bottle and went down with the beer and  
> I think you ought to stay away from here  
> There are ghosts in the walls and they  
> Crawl in your head through your ear.  
> I think I saw you in my sleep, lover  
> I think I saw you in my dreams you were  
> Stitching up the seams on every mangled promise  
> That your body couldn't keep  
> I think i saw you in my sleep
> 
> ~Such Small Hands~
> 
> La Dispute
> 
> (The original title to this chapter, but I didn't want to break my pattern of Zep and Queen)
> 
>  
> 
> Happy October all! hope every one is ready for a new chapter. it's...it's a chapter.

"It's not enough."

The planning had been meticulous. Every spare moment that Sam and Aziraphale could find over the last month, had been dedicated to figuring out the specifics of the cage. Weeks of working and reworking the plans until they came up with something that might actually work. The design had been similar to the Ma'lak box, with a few tweaks to make it stronger. In reality the shape wasn't really what mattered. The metal, the sigils, they were nothing more than fancy decoration considering what they hoped to contain within it.  
They had decided that the interior would be built out of angel blades, smelted by holy fire and formed to create the shell. It seemed logical at the time. They were weapons forged by God himself, and though a single blade would likely have no effect, they thought maybe, just maybe a few hundred could give him pause. The outer layer was slightly more complicated. Along with the intricate sigils from Billie's book that had to be carved into the metal work, they had decided it should be made from metal that had been forged in the fires of Hell. It had taken a lot of smooth talking and quite a bit more theatrics on Crowley's part, but eventually, they had been able to acquire enough materials for that as well. 

The shell of Heavenly weapons would sit inside the Hell born case, leaving a gap between them. That gap was the most important part of the structure. That gap was where they would place the souls. The plan was to lace bottom of the Hell case with spell work, allowing the Heavenly shell to levitate inside, just long enough for them to fill the gap with enough souls, finally sealing it off with a mixture of both metals. They had also made a latch and lock out of the arch angel blade, just for good measure.  
It had been one week, since Chuck had invaded their home, threatening to end them all. One week of hard labor, of sweat and blood, and tears. A week of sleepless nights, and panic attacks. A week of watching the protection sigils around the bunker fading quicker and quicker each time they were renewed. A week of arguments, of breakdowns, of relentless worry. But it had finally come together. There was just one, major, problem.

"It's not enough." Sam repeated, as he watched Rowena lace the last of the souls into the gap. And wasn't that just the perfect metaphor for all of this? They had worked and slaved for so long, poured everything they had into the last bit of hope they could find, only to come up short on the end. "GODDAMNIT!" He threw his just into the wall beside him before heaving a pained sigh. 

"Calm down, Samuel!" Rowena chided staring down into the box. "It could still work."

"No." Sam scrubbed his hands over his face and into his hair, gripping it at the crown as he began to pace. "No, it won't. We've been over this. It only works if the souls are laced all the way through. We don't even have enough to fill the gap between the body of this stupid thing, and we still have the lid! Fuck!!!!" 

"What about Death?" Aziraphale supplies. "You said she helped you collect souls the last time. Couldn't you..."

"You don't think I've tried?!" Sam snapped. "I've been summoning Billie for days! She's not answering!"

"Couldn't you try again?" Aziraphale argued. "Perhaps if you explained to her what's at stake ..."

"You can only call someone so many times, Angel." Crowley sighed. "If she hasn't answered by now, she isn't going to."

Rowena sighed, placing a magic seal over the gap, to keep in the souls. "We do have another option..." She said quietly.

"What are talking about?" Sam asked, skeptical of her nervous tone.

"Well," she said nervously, "we've already agreed that sacrifice is necessary in this process. The needs of the many and all that. I know it isn't ideal, but we do have access to a few more souls. We just need to extract them first."

"What do you..." Sam started to ask, as he looked to the witch, who gave him a shrug, jerking her head towards the door with a raised eyebrow. "No! Hell no!"

"Well unless you have a better idea ..." she argued.

"We're not killing our friends to collect their souls, Rowena!"

"Your friends!" Rowena huffed. "I never claimed any kinship with the likes of them. Most of the people here would like nothing more than to see my head on a platter! They've hunted my kind for years. We might as well put them to use!"

"No!" Sam yelled. “It’s not an option."

"And why not?"

"For one?" Sam huffed. "It still wouldn't be enough, and you know it! Even if it was, how would that make us any better than Chuck?"

"I'm not trying to be better than anyone!" Rowena snapped back." I'm just trying to survive! "

Sam stared at her, eyes wide with disbelief, brain scrambling for another solution. "Crowley. Do you think maybe... "

"Forget it, Sam." Crowley shook his head. "The demons have already told me that they won't spare another soul, end of everything or not, they won't relent."

"Maybe we can ask Amara..." Aziraphale tried.

"The protection sigils are fading too fast now." Sam groaned. "We can't risk her leaving. If she's gone too long and they fade we're screwed. Even if we did kill everyone here and collect their souls it would be enough. We'd still be stuck at square one."

"Then what are we going to do?" Aziraphale asked, the question hanging heavy in the air.  
None of them had an answer.

******

Amara weaved her way down the Halls of the human home following the sounds she had come to learn was called music. To her it was simply noise. She listened as the pitch started high, lowering with a punch and reverberating, growing louder as she drew closer to the source. Soon she noticed another sound, in the form of words, not quite matching the pitch coming from the strange black box resting on the desk of the room she eventually found Dean in. 

🎶...try to love you baby, but you push me away  
Don't know where you're going, only know just where you've been  
Sweet little baby, I want you again🎶

She wondered if he even knew his voice didn't match the tone of the one coming from the box. She observed the man in silence for a while, as he screeched along to the music, laying in the bed with his eyes closed, twirling a clear plastic box in his hands over his torso. 

"Can I help you?" He muttered, peaking through one eye.

"I thought you were supposed to be sleeping." She replied.

"Ha." He slid up the bed to rest his back against the head board, looking down while he thumbed across the small plastic box in his lap. "Yeah that ain't happening." It was odd seeing Dean so broken. He always seemed to be full of fight and fury. 

"You haven't slept in days." She said. " Or eaten. While these are things that may not be necessary for someone like myself, it is my understanding that they are thing that humans require."

"Maybe I just don't feel like it." He grumbled. "What do you care anyway? You just come find me to play mother hen?"

She shook her head and stepped into the room, looking around. "Most people like to decorate their living spaces according to their personalities. I have to say Dean this room doesn't look very much like you." Dean squeezed his eyes shut and scrunched up his face, his knuckles going white against the box in his hands. "This was his room wasn't it?" The only sound between them was the obnoxious tones coming from the black box on the desk for a while, until eventually the sounds changed into something much softer.

"Get out." He said softly, pulling his knees to his chest, dangling the box between his finger as he crossed his arms over them.

 

🎶It is the springtime of my loving  
The second season I am to know  
You are the sunlight in my growin So little warmth I've felt before🎶

 

He mouthed along to the words, resting his chin on his knees, his eyes still closed.

"Dean, I understand...."

"You lose your hearing or something?" He snapped his bleary sunken eyes open, fixing her with an icy glare. "I said get out."

"I understand what it is like, to lose the person you love." She said, ignoring his demand.

"Don't." He hissed straightening out. "Don't you dare compare whatever fucked up thing we got goin on to....what?" He asked, cut off by her laughter. "What's so funny?!"

"He is right." She smiled, shaking her head. "You are arrogant." She chuckled again and his indignant huff, striding over to the desk to slide on top of it, crossing her legs and leaning her on her hands behind her. 

"While it is true that you and I share a very powerful bond, it is not what I would call love."

"As long as we're on the same page on that " he grunted. He slid the box on top of the table and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

🎶It is the summer of my smiles  
Flee from me, keepers of the gloom  
Speak to me only with your eyes  
It is to you I give this tune  
Ain't so hard to recognize, oh  
These things are clear to all from time to time🎶

"Please leave." He said weakly, his eyes falling shut once more.

"You feel lost." She said, ignoring him again. " You feel broken. Your angry and sad all at once, yet somehow numb. His glossy eyes met hers once more, his head tilting to the side in confusion (a trait he  
undoubtedly picked up from her nephew). "You wish to scream and fight, but you can't find it in yourself to care enough to try." He let out a ragged breath and turned his eyes back down. "My brother was all I had.  
We were all that was. And I loved him. It was all I needed, but it wasn't enough for him. And that broke my heart. He began creating creatures and worlds to bow down at his Mercy because my love was not enough and when I resisted his new mode of tyranny, he locked me away."

🎶...I felt the coldness of my winter  
I never thought it would ever go  
I cursed the gloom that set upon us...🎶

"Despite what you think of me, Dean, I do feel. I do know what love is."

🎶But I know that I love you so🎶

"And I'm very aware of what if feels like to lose it."

"I don't wanna feel like this anymore." He choked out.

"I'm afraid you have no choice in the matter."

"Why are you here?" He hissed. "Why are you even helping us? What are you getting out of this?"

She slid off the desk and took a step away from it, holding her head up high. "I don't like the idea of caging my brother away for the rest of time as he intended to do to me. However, it is necessary, to prevent him from harming anyone else, ever again." He stared at her blankly, waiting for her to continue and get to the point. "There aren't enough souls to complete the cage" she said bluntly.

"Great." He huffed, scrubbing his face with his hands. " That's just fucking great!"

"But I may have a solution." She added. "One that works for everyone involved. Your world will be saved, and my brother will be locked away and you won’t have to concern yourself with me and my powers again."

He eyes he skeptically, still unsure of whether she could be trusted, but hell, he'd take what he could get at this point. "What are you thinking?"

******

"Hurry along, Angel, we haven't much time." Crowley said, pulling Aziraphale along behind him.

"Crowley!" Aziraphale yelped, trying to pull his sleeve from the demon's grasp. "Crowley, where are we going?"

"We're going to find that witch's orb, crack it open and go home." He said, taking a sharp turn down another hall.

"What are you talking about?" Aziraphale demanded, finally wrenching out of Crowley's grasp and coming to a full stop.

"You heard them in there!" Crowley hissed, turning to face him. "They're talking about killing people and taking their souls! Not, monsters, Aziraphale. People! They've gone completely mad with desperation! I'm getting you out of here before they decide to ad us into the mix for extra measure!"

"They wouldn't actually do it..." Aziraphale argued weakly, not entirely convinced of his own statement.

Crowley rolled his eyes and made a grab for the angel’s sleeve again. "Right, of course, because human beings have the capability of logical thinking in times of turmoil." Aziraphale pulled his sleeve from his grasp again, fixing him with a determined glare. "You've seen it yourself, Angel. You've seen how far their kind will go to win wars. They will stop at nothing!"

"These are good people Crowley."

"They are people, Aziraphale." Crowley snapped. "In case you have forgotten, they're the ones who got us into this mess. It was people who made the world what it is today. Not angels, not demons; people!"

"What difference will it make?" Aziraphale sighed. " You said it yourself, love, we're doomed either way."

"Yes, well I'd rather be dead at home than trapped forever with the rest of those hopeless souls trying to contain the wrath of the Almighty. Now let's go!" Crowley huffed.

They stood in silence, staring each other down, neither of the relenting. Crowley was those first to break, his face twitching slightly, an action that would go unnoticed by anyone who hadn't known him for thousands of years. "What is it that you’re really afraid of?" Aziraphale asked sternly.

"I told you..."

"No." Aziraphale cut him off. "You gave me an excuse. I have known you for far too long not to know when you are lying. You've never been one to shy away from mischief and chaos, it's your bread and butter. Now tell me the truth." Crowley narrowed his eyes in defiance, to which Aziraphale responded in kind. Crowley scrunched up his nose and let out a groan, turning on his heel and continued marching down the hall.  
"Crowley..." Aziraphale called, following after him.

"When is the last time you saw Dean?" Crowley said, almost conversationally, without looking behind him as he turned a corner. 

"Yesterday evening." Aziraphale replied, annoyed by the change of subject.

"And how did he look to you?" Crowley asked in the same casual tone.

"Crowley, I don't see what this has to..."

"Answer the question, Angel." Crowley said calmly, too calmly, as he picked up his pace.

"Fine, I suppose." Aziraphale sighed.

"Did he really?" Crowley paused, barely glancing over his shoulder.

And Aziraphale stopped too, a few places behind him. "No " he admitted, still confused on the subject change, but wanting to answer honestly. " Not at all. Not one bit." He was a shell of a man. The fight and fire he had when he landed in Aziraphale’s shop seemed nothing more than a distant memory. He was lifeless, going through the motions without any true motivation. It was jarring, to say the least. Seeing a man, who was once filled with seemingly impossible hope, a beacon of light in the shadowy darkness of certain death, now so utterly.... broken.

"There are fates worse than death, Aziraphale." Crowley said grimly, as he began walking again. "The Almighty promised that date to Castiel, for messing with his plan. Dean may have saved him from that, but in turn is suffering said fate himself." He opened the door leading to the archive room beyond the dungeon, lowering his voice to avoid being overhead by its current occupants as he began riffling through the boxes. "I screwed up, Angel. I thought of we could help them take down the Almighty, we could avoid death all together, but seeing such raw, ruthless power first hand.... I'm afraid I've doomed us to so much worse." He pulled out the witch's orb containing the portal, poised to smash it on the floor, when Aziraphale placed his hand over the demon's stopping him.

"Crowley...."

For the first time since the hallway, Crowley met Aziraphale’s eyes. They were filled with fear, regret, anger, sadness and tears. " We messed with his plans, Aziraphale. He knows our faces, he knows our weaknesses. He knows torture. It was the Lord who created Hell, we just ran it. 'For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell, putting them in chains of darkness to be held for judgment....' I can tell you, from firsthand experience that the Almighty does not take kindly to those who disobey him."

"And you think running away is the answer?" Aziraphale asked.

"No." Crowley whispered, his eyes turning from full to haunted. " We will go home, and you will bring me holy water and...." 

"I most certainly will not!" Aziraphale gasped, but Crowley ignores him and went on.

"...I'll call up some hell fire and we can do it together. It will be quick and painless and...."

"No!" Aziraphale shouted, finally getting the demon's attention. " Murder suicide, Crowley? You're not a coward!"

"I am." Crowley choked. " I don't want to live knowing...."

"And I don't want to die!"

" We haven't much choice in the matter!" Crowley snapped back, tightening his grip on the orb. "Odds are he'll keep one of us alive to suffer and I don't want that! I have suffered enough, and I certainly don't want that for you. I can't bear the thought, Angel. I can't..." 

Aziraphale snapped, the room around them changed to the one they had been staying in, the orb left behind. He placed his hands on the sides of the demon's face, planting a bruising kiss on his lips, as softer, more tender one after that. "I don't want you to die Crowley." He said tearfully, pressing his forehead against the demon's. " I don't want you to suffer, but I won't help you kill yourself, either."

"Please." Crowley cried pitifully.

"No."

"I don't know what else to do." Crowley sagged limply into the angel’s arms, Aziraphale dutifully wrapping his arms around him.

"We fight." Aziraphale sighed, rubbing over Crowley's back. "We win. Whatever it takes." He lifter the demon's chin staring deeply into his eyes. "Together. Just as it has always been."

"And if the Lord refuses to allow it?"

"Fuck him." Aziraphale simply, the ease of which surprised even himself, but he went on. "Heaven and Hell couldn't keep us apart. It will take more than God to keep me away from you "

"That's disgustingly sentimental, Angel." Crowley said, trying his best to hide the smile that shone through his words. "I thought soldiers were meant to be hardened warriors, not blasphemous emotional twats."  
Aziraphale rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. " Oh, shut up." He smiled leaning in for another kiss.

********

"I found him!" Gabriel called over his shoulder before reaching down offering Cas his hand. "Up and at 'em baby bro, times a wastin." 

Cas grabbed Gabriel's hand, allowing the archangel to pull him to his feet, confusion still swirling through his core. "Gabriel, I don't understand, how are you...?"

"Castiel?" 

The voice that cut him off sent shivers through his spine as he looked over Gabriel's shoulder to find its source. "Jack?" He choked out, as the boy ran into his arms. "Jack!" He cried holding him tightly.

"I'm so sorry Castiel." Jack cried squeezing his face into the angel's shoulder. "I never meant for any of this to happen. This is all my fault. I let you down. I'm sorry."

"No." Cas shook his head, squeezing his pseudo son once before grabbing him by the shoulders and holding him firmly at arm's length. "No, Jack I'm sorry. None of this is on you. I should've taken better care of  
you. I should have paid more attention to the signs that you were faltering. This isn't your fault. It's mine. I made a promise to protect you and I failed, because of my own selfish wants. Don't you dare take this on yourself." Jack nodded, his face still scrunched up in guilt, but he made no attempt to argue. "Now I need one of you to explain, just what the hell is going on? How are the two of you even awake?"

"She said she needed an army." Jack answered. "I didn't know of any other angels that would be on our side, so I told her to wake Gabriel, because I knew he had fought for us and when she told us you were here...."

"Jack, hold on, slow down. " Cas interrupted. "An army for what? Who is 'she'?"

"Hello, Castiel." Came a familiar and frightening voice from behind him.

He turned around to see the former reaper smiling, leaning casually against her scythe. "Billie." He nodded stiffly, resisting the urge to back away.

"Relax." She chuckled. " I'm not here for revenge or anything. I should be thanking you actually." She smiled wider spreading her hands out. "I got a pretty good gig out of the whole thing."

Cas relaxes, marginally. There wasn't anything to fear, really. It's not like he could get any deader, but coming face to face with Death herself, well that would set anyone on edge. "How am I awake right now? Jack and Gabriel? What is it that you want from us?"

"Patricide."

If Billie's voice was enough to frighten him, the one that answered was enough to kill him....again. He whipped around again eyes wide as he took in the shape of the man before him. His silver, thinning hair, slicks back over his narrow head, the sharp angles of his face stretched on a wicked smile, boney hands gripping tightly on the cane he held in front of him. "Death." Cas breathed out, confused beyond all reason.

"No," the man said, pointing his cane towards Billie, "she's Death." He placed his cane back in front of him and shook his head. "I have no more penchant for fired foods in this form than I did for emotionally unstable humans when I appeared to you as yourself." Cas tilted his head in confusion, prompting the man to let out an aggravated sigh. "I've already explained this to you Castiel. I show up in my true form and it's a bloody affair for us all, and while I would like nothing better than to watch you tear yourself to shreds, you are necessary to the plans in place. Unfortunately."

The Shadow then. "Why Death?" He asks first, only receiving a smile and a shirt that said 'why not' before changing his question. "What plans?"

"Didn't you get the memo?" Gabriel says, slinging his arm around Cas's shoulder. "Dad's screwing with the universe and no one's happy about it." 

"There are far too many souls in the veil." Billie supplies. " With Heaven running on empty and he'll more or less out of commission they have nowhere left to go. It's only a matter of time before it rips and spills onto the earthly plane."

"God seems to forget that he isn't the only everlasting being in existence." The Shadow added." And unlike God, I don't have the privilege of being able to die. If he succeeds in his plan to destroy the universe, every soul, human angel, and demon alike will have nowhere else to go but here. While the soulless, such as yourself, have never given me any problems, human souls are a bit more restless. As I've told you before, I like my sleep. If my home is filled with trillions and trillions of wailing and mournful souls for the rest of eternity, I will never be able to close my eyes again. I will not stand for it."

"What is it that you expect me to do?" Cas asks, overloaded with a sense of dread.

"Fight." The Shadow replied. "Win. Build yourself an army of angels and demons from what I have here, the likes of which that has never been seen. Rise up against God and take. Him. Down."

"You have the wrong angel." Cas shook his head. He wasn't a leader. He failed in every attempt to be one. All that would happen if he tried, would be sure and utter chaos. "I am not a leader. I will fail. Find someone else."

"Thing is, Cassie," Gabriel shrugged against him. " There is no one else."

"You could..." Cas tried before Gabriel cut him off, shaking his head.

"I've been out of the game too long. Heaven's changed a lot since I was parking my ass in the clouds. I don't know them anymore. I wouldn't be able to tell who's good, who's bad or who's on first. But you can."

"I can't." Cas insisted. " Gabriel I can't lead, I don't...."

"You also know people better." Jack said. "You've spent time with them. You know their limits, what they can take. You know what would break them." He finished his sentence mournfully, obviously still guilty about the deaths he caused. A fact that proves to Castiel that his soul had not been completely lost, but his words still did nothing to ease the fear of failure. 

Cas tried to argue again before Billie cut him off. " The kid's right." She said. " We're all going to have to fight this war together, the more souls we save, the better. We need someone who knows how much the humans can take before we need to step in."

"I can't do this!" Cas said firmly." I am part of the reason this is happening now. I am the reason the Winchester's have failed so many times before. I have killed more than I have saved. If you choose me, the only thing you will succeed in accomplishing is causing more destruction. I lead, and we all lose. Everyone. Everything. Every time I have tried to fix things it has made them worse."

"Everyone deserves a redemption story, Cas." Gabriel said sympathetically.

"I have had plenty of chances and I messed those up too." Cas explained. "My answer is no. Find someone better."

"Cas..." 

"NO!"

"They'll die." Jack told him. "All of them. Every single person left on Earth. All of them ."

Cas looked at Jack, eyes pleading with him to understand why he couldn't do this, why it was for the best. "Jack...please...."

"Sam's gonna die, Cas." His voice full of hurt. "Dean will die." Those words cut through Cas's heart like a million razor blades as jack went on. "They will die Castiel. They will die and their souls will be trapped here forever, miserable and lost. They'll never rest. Is that what they deserve? Is that what you want?"

Cas pictured it. Their souls writhing in agony and lonely despair for all of eternity. He thought about Sam. How much he has suffered at the hands of a cruel fate. Cursed to carry his mother's burden, traded away in a deal with a demon before he was even born. Forced to Cary demon blood in his veins, a normal happy life stolen from him by the hands of God for his sick, twisted, pleasure. A man who spent his entire life, thrusted into a world of darkness and despair, never knowing anything more. A man who had tried to escape the only life he has ever known, determined to be something greater only to be pulled back in by the prickly tendrils of his father's will. Sam had only ever known loss and still managed to be good. He was born to be evil, to be the sword of Lucifer, born for death and destruction, and still managed to be good. He fought against the evil that consumed him, he sacrificed himself to do what was right, tried to close the gates of hell, suffered at the heads of the devil himself and still came out the other side willing to do more. And Dean....

Dean's soul had sung to Castiel in Hell. For forty years, he had fought in the pit against demons, taking blow after blow, striking down every demon that stood in his way, and he would be lying if we're to say that it was his sense of duty to the mission that drove him. For forty years he longed to find the source of that song, to bask in the glory of it tune and let it consume him. Forty years he dredged through fire, and sulfur, battered and worn, unwilling to accept defeat until he could lose himself at the feat of what was creating such an exquisite sound. It was pointless ugly noise compared to the moment he saw Dean's soul. In all his existence, he had never seen anything so divine (blasphemous implications be damned). Even torn to shreds, laying broken and bare in the deepest, darkest pits of Hell, it was beautiful and bright. It was agonizing, glorious, perfect. He had never held so much purity as when he was piecing Dean's soul back together. Never felt so much love. Dean had sacrificed his life for his family. He gave up his childhood to make sure his brother had some semblance of one. He had dedicated his freedom to helping others, to saving the world. He was willing to save the souls of humanity, even those who were unwilling to save themselves, never wanting anything in return. Never expecting anything for himself, because he truly believed that was what he was meant to do. Castiel had fallen for his soul before he had ever even met him.

It was strange, to say the least, the hold something so selfless and pure in his hands, only to be faced with the snarky and stubborn ass he found one other side. He had thought that, surely, he had messed up somewhere along the way, but over the years he learned to see through the mask and had eventually fallen in love with the man, as well as the beautiful soul he carried inside. The more he learned about humanity, the more he understood why the human felt the need to hide that was inside. Humanity was scorned, jaded by the cruelty of his father, and therefore, though it had the potential to be a wonderful thing, humanity itself, had become cruel. But not them. Not Sam and Dean. They took him in as one of their own, forgiving his mistakes on the way he knew Heaven never would. They made him a part of their family. They were good and kind; pure. They deserved more than the world had to offer. They certainly deserved more than this.

"No." He answered finally, anger seeping through his core as he thought about the horror of such wonderful beings forced to spend eternity in pain.

"Then what are you going to do about it." Billie asked, voice dripping with something akin to pride.

"Make a list." He booked in a commanding tone, wings flaring out above his head. "We have an army to build."

*****

"What if it doesn't work?!" Sam threw his hands in the air in anger. " We don't have time to come up with anything else! If she can't do this, we're screwed!"

"How much more time do you think we have here, Sam?!" Dean shouted back. "The warding is fading quicker by the minute and we've had a group of people living ass to elbow in a cramped space for a friggin week! Chuck ain't getting any calmer and it only a matter of time before her bursts in here and takes us all out anyway! Would you rather he kill us all in armed and helpless or would you rather have a plan!"

"She's the only defense we have right now!" Sam argued. " If she drains herself and it's still not enough, we don't even have a plan! If we could just get Billie to..."

"Billie ain't answering!" Dean yelled. "My guess is she flew the coocoo's nest as soon as she got word Chuck was on a warpath!"

"It will be enough." Amara said, cutting off Sam's next outburst. " I can renew the warding beforehand, but it is true, once I pour what I can into your trap, I won't have the strength to keep them up. He will come as soon as they fade again."

"Are you sure?" Sam asked her. " Are you absolutely sure that it will be enough?"

"I am." she replied confidently."

"It's all we got to work with, man." Dean asserted.

Sam nodded and scrubbed his hands over his face. "And Rowena, you're sure you can do this?" 

"Please Samuel," Rowena scoffed, " soul magic is my niche, after all. I've been extracting souls since before you're great-grand parents were soiling their nappies. A few thousand from a cosmic being should be a piece of cake." Sam leveled her with a glare for her tone. She rolled her eyes and tried again. "Yes, I can manage it."

"Well, then!" Crowley said impatiently. " What are you waiting for?! Get on with it!" 

"Patience, my dear," Aziraphale chided, "let them decide first. It is their plan, after all."

"Sorry, fresh out." Crowley huffed. "Their plan or not, it all of our lives that are at stake! We have a plan and it's time to put it into action."

"You're sure about this?" Sam asked Amara again. She closed her eyes and nodded. "How long is it gonna take? He turned to Rowena.

"A few minutes, tops." She answered. "We can have it finished with time to spare if I have absolute silence."

Sam sighed, weighing the options, his shoulders slumping in resignation when he came to the conclusion that there were no other options the be had. "Let's do it then."

Amara nodded, and released a pulse of power they had all become too familiar with as she renewed the warding and stepped towards Rowena where she stood by the box. " No this may hurt a bit, dearie, but I need you to stay absolutely still, understand?" Rowena said, holding out her left hand to Amara and placing her right one over the gap. Amara nodded again and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as she gave Rowena her hands. The witch took a deep breath as well, her eyes glowing purple as she began chanting in Latin. After a few words Amara winced as a river of white-blue light began pulsing out of her body, flowing across Rowena's body and into the gap. They all watched in silence as the box filled up with the remaining souls, Rowena's words growing garage as she sealed them in with magic. Both women toppled to the floor in exhaustion. It was done.

Dean and Sam scrambled to pick them up off the ground checking to make sure they were okay. Once they both, weakly confirmed that the were alright, the room grew silent as the group stared at the box that they hoped would be God's future prison. “What do we do now?" Sam asked.

"We wait." Rowena said calmly. And the quite grew sting once more. It was Aziraphale that broke the silence, with a terrifying realization.

"Oh." He said suddenly, his voice shattering the calm, despite his quiet tone. " Oh, no. Oh, dear...oh..."

"What?" Dean asked. " Dude, we did it. What are you freaking out about?"

"Well, um, you see...." The Angel stammered nervously "We've got the box. Good, yes? And we'll, we know the Almighty will come to us, so that's really no trouble, it's just, well there might be a slight problem we may have over looked."

"Fuck!" Crowley exclaimed in understanding.

"What?!" Everyone else asked in unison.

"How are we supposed to get him in there?!" 

"Oh, shit!" Dean said, at the same time the bunker began to shake.

******

"Balthazar. Inias. Hanna. Joshua. You've gotta be kidding me with this, Cassie." Gabriel said, marching alongside Castiel as he paced. "You asked for a list and all you gave us was cliff notes. You've got like forty angels here dude. We need an army, not a matching band!"

"What can I say Gabriel?" Cas snapped. "I made a lot of enemies in my time on Earth. These are the angels I know that can be trusted. They are the only ones I know that would be willing to follow me into battle, again. I am more than willing to hand the reigns over to you if you think you can do better."

"No." Gabriel groaned, rubbing his hand over his forehead. " Pretty sure they're not real big fans of me either after ditching out on Heaven and all." He sighed, closing his eyes as he rubbed harder. "What about  
Michael, or Raphael? It can't hurt to have another archangel on hand."

Cas paused and shook his head. " Michael is still trapped in Lucifer's Cage. He's been there for far too long to be of any use to us. He is likely in no sort of mental state for battle. Not to mention his dedication to our father. It would take too much time to explain our side. As for Raphael...." He grimaces, looking up at Gabriel sheepishly.

"Right." Gabriel nodded with a small chuckle. " I forgot you misted him when you were trying to play God. Not really sure there's a good way to convince him that you aren't a complete dick."

"I'm sorry, Gabriel." Cas sighed, his shoulders slumped. "I knew this was a terrible idea. I have burned too many bridges to be an effect leader. No one wants to follow someone they despise. I have killed so many of our brothers and sisters, I fear that I have doomed us to failure before we could even begin."

"Hey, hey no. None of that." Gabriel said, grabbing Cas by the shoulder and giving him a gentle shake. "Look, even if you did go crazy with power, you were still a better God than Dad ever was. You made sure all the bad people were taken care of. You wiped out a bunch of self-righteous assholes who were doing nothing more than creating even more self-righteous assholes. I mean, you could've been a little less smitey about it, but you got the job done. That more than dad ever did."

"Gabriel, I decimated Heaven." Cas choked.

"So, you killed a few dicks, so what? It's not like they were really missed."

"I caused the angels to fall." Cas said. " They lost their wings because of me, those who didn't die anyway...."

"Who're you trying to convince that you aren't worthy here?" Gabriel asked, eyebrow raised. "Me or you? Cuz all I'm hearing is you tellin me how you managed to put them in their place."

"I chose the humanity over them." Cas sighed, sadly.

"No, you didn't." Gabriel laughed.

"Yes." Cas replied. "Yes, I did."

"No. " He laughed again. "You chose the Winchester's over them. You chose Dean. That's not on you. That's their fault." Cas tilted his head and raised his brow, confusion written all over his face. "Oh, come on, man! Heaven's been watching you two make goo-goo eyes at each other since day one. If they were stupid enough to think that they would've won over him, even for a second, then they're the ones to blame. Those two have been more like family to you than any of those nimrods ever have. And Dean? Not even death itself can tear you two apart. Scissors beeats paper, rock beats scissors, Dean beats angels. They should've known better."

"I don't see how my weakness makes me anymore qualified to..."

"You’re missing the point here, Cassie." Gabriel sighed. " Yeah, you did a lot of terrible shit. You killed more angels than any other creature in the universe and you brought destruction to us all. "

"Is this supposed to make me feel better?" Cas asked incredulously.

"It is." Gabriel smiled. " You know why? Because you did all of that and there was not a damn force in existence that stopped you. Not heaven, not hell. Not a single one of those assholes managed to slow you down. Broken and beaten, cut off from heaven with both wings tied behind you back and you still came out on top. Sometimes being a leader doesn't mean being liked. People like bacon, but the only thing it's gonna lead them to is an early grave. You gotta be respected in order to lead, and I can't think of a single person who's earned mine more. I will gladly follow you into battle, and so would any angel with a brain." 

Cas felt tears well up behind his eyes as he slung his arms around his brother's shoulders. " Thank you, Gabriel."

"Hey, don't worry about it kid." The laughed, patting Cas on the back. "You got this. Even if you can't think of any more angels to help out. You spent the last few years with the Winchesters after all. Those guys are the Kings of the flying by the seat of their pants. You were bound to pick something up from them. We'll think of something."

"Hate to break up this little love fest," Billie said from behind them, "but, we managed to wake up the angels you requested. They're waiting on your command."

Castiel stepped back from have, giving him a smile and quick nod, before turning to Billie. " They can wait a little longer. I have a few more in mind that would be useful."

"Peachy." Billie replied rolling her eyes. " And it's just angels? You sure there aren't any demons we can use to spice things up."

"I told you." Cas shook his head. "Demons are unreliable. They can't be trusted not to break ranks as soon as we return to earth. Besides, if I can't even get the majority of my siblings to listen to me what makes you think ..... actually, you know what.... there may be two."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all for your support, your kudos and comments give me life.
> 
> Next up: old friends and big problems


	28. The Battle of Evermore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is sure to come for those who least expect it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet again, I began a project during hiatus that I intended to finish before the premier....and failed ( to be fair it would've been done months ago but...things happened and stuff got added and yeah...shit got outta hand quick).
> 
> Thursday SPN folks! The beginning of the end! I am so not ready!
> 
> Sorry for the kinda short chapter, but it's got a lot going on! Hopefully its quality makes up for the lack of quantity. I had to split it up otherwise it would have been waaaaay too long.
> 
> Enjoy?

"I don't like this Castiel." Jack shook his head. "You told me demons can't be trusted, I don't understand why you would...."

"These two are different." Cas interrupted. "Well, one of them at least. The other one can be trusted if the situation benefits his interests but, this one...." He peered off into the darkness from where he stood, waiting for Billie, Gabriel and the Shadow to finish assembling the troops. " She's special. Trust me."

"I do." Jack sighed. " I trust you Castiel. It's them I don't trust. Every demon I've ever met..."

"She's not like them." Cas insisted. "Not anymore. She's good. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have made it this long. She saved me. She's..."

"As I live and breathe...." A voice rang out behind them, in a faux southern accent. "Howdy, Clarence."

"Meg." Cas smiled, whipping around and closing the distance between them to scoop her up into a hug. 

"Is that an angel blade in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" She whispered in a breathy chuckle into Cas's ear before he let go.

"Um...Meg... I..." Cas stammered awkwardly taking a step back.

"Relax." She smirked. "I'm teasing. Tall, pale and gangly back there tells me there's trouble brewing topside." She said, nodding her head towards the Shadow standing behind her. " Said you asked for my help."

"My father has gone 'off the rails', as it were." Cas explained " I've been asked to build an army to rise against him, and I wanted people I could trust..."

"Yeah, yeah," she dismissed, with a wave of her hand. "Daddy threw a tantrum and you want to knock him down a few pegs. You can explain the details later, but first...." She slid around Cas and began circling Jack, 

"What's this?"

"My name is Jack." Jack said carefully as Meg continued to inspect him 

"I didn't ask your name boy scout." Meg sneered. " I asked what you are. You aren't human, that's for sure, but that meatsuit is yours." She paused, a wicked smile crossing her face before she turned to Cas and it morphed into a mock pout. "Clarence? Have you been moving furniture with someone else while I was gone?"

"He's Lucifer's." Cas answered.

"No!" She gasped, smile returning. “You’re telling me the devil sprung his cage and decided to get down and dirty with a human? What have I missed?"

"Too much." Cas sighed woefully, before giving her a tender smile. "But you haven't changed a bit."

"I can't say the same for you." She said, eyebrow raised. " Something is definitely different about you." She walked behind Jack and draped her arms over his shoulders, ignoring the way he tensed at her touch and spoke into his ear while keeping her eyes fixed on Cas. "When I knew Clarence, he was a broken shell of an angel. All, mournful and pathetic. Now? Well, look at him he's practically glowing."

"Who's Clarence?" Jack asked but was promptly ignored.

"Tell us." Meg smiled. " What's turned that perpetually adorable frown upside down. Did somebody finally ring your bell? Have you earned your wings Clarence?"

"No." Cas huffed nervously, "Well yes but...that wasn’t...Meg you have to understand...."

"Oh...my…God!" She laughed, dropping her forehead to the nephilim's shoulder. "Don't tell me Winchester finally manned up and made an honest angel out of you."

"Meg!" Cas chided. "There are more important things to discuss right now and I'd appreciate if you would refrain from such subjects in front of Jack."

"Please." She groaned. "Like he hasn't heard worse from Daddy dearest."

"Castiel is my father." Jack said confidently. Meg turned a confused and mistivious look to Castiel, eyes begging for an explanation.

"Jack chose me as his father before he was born." Cas sighed irritability. " I don't have time to explain all of this. Will you help us or not?"

"Oh I'm in." Meg nodded. "Any chance to stick it to the big man himself. " She stepped up to Cas and put a hand on his shoulder. "Besides, I can't pass up the chance to shake the hand of my competition in person." 

Cas rolled his eyes, causing her to let out another laugh. " So what's the plan?"

Cas shifted nervously and gave her a sheepish glance before switching his gaze to the floor. " Well we have all the angels ready, I just needed to wake you and...uh....one other demon that has proven useful."

She stared at him for a long time, realization coming to her slowly. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me!"

******

"How the Heaven was that not part of the plan!?" Crowley yelled over the thundering boom of books clattering to the floor around them.

"Well, we were a little preoccupied with other things at the time!" Aziraphale shouted back, grabbing the table behind him for support as the ground shook beneath him.

"And you thought getting this thing built was more important than coming up with a fucking plan on how to get the jackass in there?" Dean barked, holding onto a door frame.

"Like you were any help Dean!" Sam said from the floor. "At least the rest of us actually did something! We weren't locked away in our rooms crying like bitches!" 

"Lot of good that did Sammy!" Dean growled. "This is fucking pointless of you can't trick him in!"

"Then perhaps we should be figuring that out instead of arguing!" Rowena screeched. "You're wasting precious time acting like a couple of school children when we should be coming up with something!"

"Amara?" Aziraphale screamed. " Do you think it's possible..."

"It's taking everything I have left to hold him off!" She yelled back. "I won't have the energy for anything once he breaks through!"

"What about you, witch?" Crowley demanded. "Got any bright ideas in that firey head of yours?" Rowena flinched as a bookshelf fell behind her, tears streaming down her face as she shook her head.

Dean jumped out of the way as one of the overhead lights came crashing to the floor. "Well somebody better think of something before it's...."

"Too late." Chuck snarled bitterly, and everything once again, became still.

******

"New number, who's this?" Crowley responded smarmily.

"Crowley, please?" Castiel sighed, hoping he wouldn't have to be reduced to begging.

"Fat chance, Cas." Crowley snipped. "I'm not about to put my life on the line for a matter that doesn't even concern me."

"This concerns everyone, Crowley!" Cas snarled. "God is destroying everything!"

"In case you've forgotten, I'm dead! I have no interest in repeating the process. I am no longer a part of the earth; therefore I am no longer concerned with what happens to it."

"Typical." Meg scoffed. "I don't know why you thought he would help you, Clarence. The only thing Crowley cares about is himself."

"Oh, because you know me so well, don't you, darling?" Crowley snapped back. "I'll have you know that I was more helpful in saving the world than you could ever dream of." 

"That's why I came to you." Cas said firmly. "You were good once Crowley. You helped us trap Lucifer."

"And look what that got me!" Crowley huffed. "I gave my life for the bloody Winchester's once. I won't do it again. It isn't my fault you lot can't keep your shit together! Sorry, but my answer is no."

"We need you! The world needs you! Your mother..."

" That rancid bitch tried to kill me and take over my throne! Several times!" Crowley barked. "You really think that she's a good bargaining chip? I relish in the thought of her being destroyed! My only hope is that it's slow and painful!"

"She misses you." Cas said quietly. "Very much."

"She does?" Crowley said, faltering a bit.

"She regrets how your relationship played out." Cas nodded. "She tried, very hard, to get you back. Your death was a heavy blow "

"Good." Crowley said, only half convincingly. "It's her turn to suffer the pain of loss."

"C'mon Clarence, this is pointless." Meg said, trying to pull Castiel away.

"Crowley, please?!" Cas begged again, one last ditch effort to break through. 

"Why?" Crowley scoffed. "There's nothing there for me anymore. Why do you insist on saving the world when all it has done, is spit in your face for trying?"

Cas opened his mouth to speak, the closed it and shook his head instead. "Even the things that cause us pain are worth saving." He said finally."

"I see." Crowley said, a knowing smirk. "Well, unlike you, I have no reason to believe so. Hell doesn't want me, I have nothing on Earth, the Winchester's don't hold the same appeal for me as they do for you. I am at peace here. And I would like to be left that way. I fought my battles. Even with what I lost, I won. I'm not fighting anymore."

"There's nothing I can say to persuade you?"

" 'fraid not. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to doing nothing." Crowley turned on his heal and walked away. "Nice to see you again Castiel," he called over his shoulder "give your boyfriend a kiss for me, would you?" And with that he was gone.

"Well that was a giant waste of time." Meg scoffed." What now?"

"We go forward as planned." Cas said. "Without Crowley, we'll have to double the efforts of the angels in your charge. I will be difficult, but I believe you can manage."

"Whoa, slow down there cowboy." Meg balked. "Your putting me in charge of angels?"

Cas tilted his head and nodded. "I'll need to split them into groups, it would be most effective to attack from all sides. I want my most trusted in charge of each faction. It will be you, Gabriel, Gadreel, Inias and  
Balthazar at the lead"

"You trust me that much, huh?" She smiled.

"You are one of Hell's oldest demons." He said. " You walked beside Lucifer himself you know evil better than anyone I know, and you know it's weaknesses. Plus, you and I have history. Of course, I trust you."

"You really know how to make a girl blush." She laughed. "Wait did I hear you say Gadreel? Like THE Gadreel. The angel who toppled Eden? That Gadreel?"

"As I said, you've missed quite a bit." Castiel nodded. "He redeemed himself honorably. His counterpart is currently watching over the Winchester's. Having both of them there might be an advantage. I only hope they were successful in their part of the plan."

"Ok, I'm going to assume we don't have time to unpack all that..." Meg sighed. " But speaking of the plan...what is that, exactly?"

"I can answer that." Billie said, appearing beside them. "Or really, this can." She pulled a big black book from her jacket and handed it to Meg, before turning to Castiel. "Your troupes are waiting your command, soldier. Are you ready?"

"No." Cas said grimly. "But I suppose I never will be. And I am not a soldier. Not anymore."

"Well, right now? You have to be."

"This is completely bonkers." Meg said closing the book. " None of that's possible. What even is this?"

" Destiny." Billie said, taking the book back. " The only thing that even God can't mess with."

"And why do you have it?" Meg sneered.

"That's a story for another time." Billie smiled. "For now, we have work to do."

******

"How dare you?!" Chuck boomed striding across the room coming to a stop in front of Amara. "I gave you everything! I sacrificed everything for you! I...."

"I didn't want it!" Amara shouted back. " I didn't want any of this! I was happy, how we were! You didn't do this for me! You did it for you! You wanted life! You wanted to be worshiped! And when I told you I was  
unhappy you locked me away! None of this was ever for me!"

"I wanted to show you beauty!" Chuck snarled. "I wanted to show you creation! I thought I could change your mind, but you were nothing but an ungrateful brat!" He pressed his hands to her shoulders and she flew across the room, crashing into the wall behind her. He looked at his own hands in shock, then glanced up to see Amara struggling to her feet. "You're weak. How..." He turned an angry glare to the others and snarled. " What did you do to her?!"

"She did it to herself jackass!" Dean snapped.

"She weakened herself to help us stop you!" Sam said.

"No." Chuck shook his head. "She wouldn't do that. She wouldn't..."

"She saw what kind of monster you've become." Aziraphale said.

"What kind of monster you've always been." Crowley added bitterly.

"She wants your ass gone just as much as the rest of us!" Dean growled.

"Liars!" Chuck snapped.

"It's true." Amara coughed, staggering in place. Chuck turned a pained look to his sister, staring at her in awe. " Brother, I love you, but you need to be stopped. You have to stop." 

"I won't." Chuck gritted between his teeth.

"I know." She gulped, before raising her hands and letting out a surge of power.

*****

"I understand, that several of you may have reservations about following my lead, but now is the time to put the past behind us and work together to fight for what is right." Castiel said as he paced along the lines of angels, an air of command in his voice that he thought he had lost years ago.

"And why should we listen to you?" Came a question from the back of the group. " You have led us astray before, Castiel. What makes now any different?"

"Because this time it's God!" Castiel barked coming to a pause. "Our father abandoned us, left us to our own devices with nothing but a vague promise of righteousness, left us to rot. He left us without choice, and  
this is our chance to make him atone for his mistakes."

"You gave us a choice." Came another voice. " You promised is free will and all it did was destroy us!"

"I know." Cas said, confidence wavering slightly. " I know that it was my own mistakes that brought is here, but I assure you..."

"You expect us to trust you? After everything you did? All the pain you caused? How do we know you’re not just setting us up to fail again? What does it matter to us if the world is destroyed? You've already gotten us killed once. Why should we die again?"

Murmurs of agreement began to rise through the ranks, causing Castiel to panic. This was worse than he thought. Even the angels he thought he could consider friends were ready to rise against him. “He killed me." Balthazar said loudly over the crowd, and Cas felt his heart drop. "I was his best friend and he ran me right through with a blade. Literally, stabbed me in the back." Balthazar had moved the front of the group, his face solemn and serious, until he threw a wink in Castiel's direction before turning to face the rest. "I have just as much reason to write him off as any of you. However, I did betray him first."

"Is this supposed to inspire confidence?" The first voice rang out.

"Precisely!" Balthazar beamed. "This man is willing to work with demons." He nodded towards Meg. "He has defied death, several time over. He has fought against Lucifer, and Michael. Hell, he stood toe to toe with Fate. He gets what he wants and will kill anyone that stands in his way when he believes what he is doing is right. He has always fought for the greater good, and I can't think of a better person to lead us in a fight against God himself. If blind determination isn't the best quality to have in a leader, then I don't know what is."

"But he wasn't right." Another argument came. "He promised us freedom and instead he led us to destruction!"

"Yes, he was!" Gabriel piped up. "You dickwads were just too stupid to see it! You're the ones who fucked it all up!"

"And what do you know Gabriel? You abandoned Heaven as well! You have been gone far too long to know the horrors that Castiel brought upon us."

"Okay, first of all: fuck you." Have responded. "Just because I wasn't up there doesn't mean I didn't see it. And secondly: at least he tried! All Dad ever did was make the world and when things weren't going his way he left for a pack of smokes and never came back." The murmurs of disagreement rose but this time it was Meg who stepped forward.

"And here I thought demons were stupid." She snarled.

"You keep your mouth shut, Hell whore!"

"I don't think I will." She smirked wickedly. "You over glorified pigeons are about the dumbest group of creatures I ever met. When Daddy wanted Lucifer to burn the earth, who put out the fire? And when big brother Raphael was gonna do the same? Who fought to keep you free? Time and Time again Castiel has fought for you even after you continued to treat him like shit and now he's offering you a chance at a new life and you’re writing him off again? "

"He was never on our side! He fought for the Winchester's! Not us!" 

"And who said the Winchester's weren't fighting for you, dumbass?" Meg growled.

"I like this one Cassie." Gabriel whispered in his ear. "She's spicy."

"That is an apt description, yes." Cas agreed proudly.

"Those two fight for humanity." Meg continued. " Without human souls, you and me are out of business. They tried to lock me and mine away to keep us from corrupting those souls and let's face it, less business for us means more for you. Are you idiots really so blind that you can't see the bigger picture here? The Winchester's are good. Last time I checked, that's the kind of stuff that's supposed to tickle your jollies. Now you can either shut up and let him explain or you can go one living in your butt hurt little world but know this:" she paused, her eyes flashing black as night as her smile grew even more wicked. "I will personally make sure every second you spend here for the rest of eternity will be a living hell." 

"Oh yeah?" Said another defiant angel towards the front. "How?" He wasn't expecting her to appear right beside him.

"You ever hear the sound of a million wailing souls." Her voice somehow echoed though her tone was quite as she licked the outer shell of the angel's ear. "It's quite the song, let me tell you. If you refuse to help us take down God, all those sad little people, every single one that was ever born, will end up here and I'll make sure you'll never sleep again. You will spend the rest of eternity listening to the cries of all those you refused to save. Capiche?" The angel gulped and nodded. " If you were smart, you'd be batting for the team that wants to take you home." She said as she walked back to Castiel's side. " Not the guy who wants you to spend eternity in pain. So?" She turned around to face the group again. " What's it gonna be?"

"What do you need us to do, Castiel?"

******

Chuck slid backwards a few feet before tossing another ball of power towards Amara, sending her flying again. "Pathetic!" He shouted in her direction. "You let them corrupt you, and now look at you." He threw another shot, and another, pinning her to the floor. "Pathetic! Weak! Just like them!" He bent down and grabbed her battered face by the chin pulling her up to his face. "We could have had everything, Amara. We could have ended this all and started over fresh." He shook his head angry tears welling up in his eyes. "We could've made a whole new world on our image, erase the mistakes and made it perfect this time."

"Perfect for who?" She cried, tears streaking through the streams of blood. 

"Both of us of course. But it's too late for that now. You let your sympathy for these creatures make you weak." He pressed his lips into a tight, barely believable frown as he raised his free hand, letting the power build around it. "And now you left me with no choice but to end you too...."

A small burst of light dropped his hand. It felt no stronger that a burst of static shock, but it was enough to spark curiosity. He turned to see Rowena standing behind him, both arms extend outwards. " Sympathy is not weakness, Charles." She cried. And cold indifference does not make you strong. It does not make you powerful. It makes you a coward!" 

"I am not a coward." He said bitterly as he flicked a hand out and tossed the witch aside, breaking three of her ribs as she flew into a tilted pillar behind her and toppled to the floor.

"Aren't you?" Sam said angrily. "Only a coward runs away when things go sideways. If you were anything else, you would try to make things right." 

"Only a coward takes the easy route." Dean added 

"I am not a coward." He repeated, causing them both to fall on their asses as he stood. "I am God! I gave you life, and I can take it away as I choose!" Another, slightly stronger burst of power struck him across the face, just before Aziraphale spoke.

"You didn't though." The angel said firmly. "You may have created us, but we made life for ourselves!"

"We taught ourselves how to survive." Crowley hissed, striking Chuck across the head, with little to no affect, but he kept going. "We taught ourselves how to live, how to love, all you did was provide the outline, we made the story our own!"

"No!" Chuck boomed, sending both of them flying backwards as well. "You're wrong! You are nothing! Without me, you are nothing! I created you! I created everything. I am all that there is, and all that will ever be!" The bunker began to shake apart again, chunks of the ceiling crashing to the floor, screams from deeper in the bunker piercing the air. " I wrote this story! Me! Not you! I'm the reason you exist! Everything! All of it is mine! You're nothing but characters of my own making!"

"But you see," came a familiar gravelly voice, breaking through the chaos...and just like that...the world stopped..."the thing about writing is, sometimes you just have these characters who slip away from you...." Cas smirked (a terrifying sight, rather than joyful) as he flipped his blade in his hand. He looked down and ran his fingers over the blade, his actual wings flaring over his head as he glanced up through his lashes "and go off on their own."

*****

Dean was dead.

He had to be.

There was no other explanation.

There was no way he was really seeing this.

His eyes tracked upwards from the large, dull, black boots covered by the cuff of wrinkled suit pants, to the ends of the tattered, tan coat. He followed that trail all the way to the backwards blue tie sitting over the loose, white dress shirt when a flash of black off to the side of the broad chest caught his eye. His gaze immediately shot upward to the expansive mass of feathers, the color of an oil spill glistening in the sunlight, trickled down from wings expanding at least twenty feet out, over a mussy brown tuft of hair. He finally let himself gaze upon the face of the angel standing tall amongst the rubble and felt his heart stop.  
He had to be dead, because it wouldn't start back up again. He had to be dead, because suddenly he couldn't breathe. He had to be dead, because there was no way in Heaven, Hell, or on Earth that this was...

"Castiel." Chuck gasped, looking as confused as Dean felt. 

"Guess when you made everything in your image, you didn't expect your creations to fight back." Came another, almost equally unfathomable voice to the right.

"Gabriel?!" Chuck said whipping around.

"Hi pops!" Gabriel smiled, twilttling his finger at Chuck from where he was leaning against a wall, his large golden wings tucked neatly behind his back. " Long time, no see."

"No.... you're dead!" Chuck muttered.

"Like father like son really." And no. Dean wasn't dead. He had lost his fucking mind. It finally happened. He had actually gone insane and was hallucinating, because there was absolutely no way Meg was standing behind him. " Lucifer didn't expect his demons to turn on him either...and....well...you know the rest."

They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die, but Dean had died enough times now, to know that was all bullshit. All you see is darkness, nothing, but maybe that was just because he had never stayed dead. Now that this was really the end though, his final farewell, he could say for certain it was still completely untrue. You don't see your life, you see the dead, rising out of the blackness to greet you. Why it was only angels he was seeing, popping up out of the black goo surrounding him, he had no idea but that's what had to be happening. All around them a wave of sticky black sludge produced angel after angel ( some they had seen destroyed with their own eyes) standing with their wings flared out, blades in hand until the room was flooded with them and the goo gathered in front of Chuck, taking human form, and this had to be the end because, as the goo receded in left Death himself in its wake...except that wasn't possible either... because Death was dead too!

"I do love a good twist." Death (not Death?) smiled at Chuck gripping his cane. "Don't you, Chuck?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted more Crowley ( Fergus) but 1: would've been confusing to read and write and 2: it wasn't right. He deserves so much better than what he got and in the end it was better this way. I tried to make up for it by sort of adding the line that was cut from the show that should've been his last line. Please don't be mad. I tried.
> 
> Thanks for the support of this madness as always as we near the end.....
> 
> Next up: a twist!


	29. Death on Two Legs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes:  
> first, I am so unbelievably fucking sorry it took me over two weeks to update! the kids both had projects due all last week and most of my time was used helping them. Also, this chapter fought me, HARD. once i finally  
> did get the chance to sit down and write....basically i wrote erased and rewrote this chapter like four times. It still didn't turn out the way i wanted it too but i'm kind of loosing my mind looking at the damn thing (which is why you will probably notice quite a few spelling and grammar errors. I will fix them soon, i promise, but i swear if i have to read this chapter one more time this week i might delete the whole thing!)
> 
> Second, how all my SPN peeps feeling about the new season so far? Personally i love Belphegor. he is my new baby and i hope he stays a bit! *Edit* wellnotanyfuckingmorejesusfuckingchrist!
> 
> also we are nearing the end of this fic now....its getting harder to write....because endings are hard...i will try my best to make sure the quality doesn't completely decline....
> 
> so...new chapter...enjoy!!!

It was during his third day in hell, that Crowley decided that you can't trust anyone, no matter how attractive they were.

Lucifer was charming, an excellent speaker, and charismatic for sure, not to mention that he was, without a doubt, the most beautiful creatures he had ever laid eyes upon, but really, that was where his good qualities stopped. Anything else about him that was even remotely redeeming was washed away after three days of being drenched in fire, drowning in the scent of sulfur and burning flesh. Sure, Heaven had its flaws, but he never wanted to leave his home. He had just wanted a few changes made so; he fell in line with a few other angels who felt the same way. It was hardly a damnable offense, in his opinion, alas, there he was, stripped of his divine nature and forced to wallow in misery for all of eternity, doomed to be a servant of the Dark Lord because he dared to question management. It didn't seem fair in the least, but he had made his bed, so therefore he must lie in it. Do, he did his demonly duties, as instructed, getting through each day with just enough effort to make it to the next. He was sure never to make the same mistake again.

It was his first meeting with Aziraphale, when his previous knowledge of putting his faith in someone before getting to know them, went completely out the window.

The angel was absolutely adorable, for starters, what with his confidence in the Lord's will, coupled with his kind nature and flustered speech, how was he not supposed to fall for him. What really sold Crowley though, was when he learned what had happened to the angel's flaming sword. An angel (a well trusted one at that, given that he was meant to guard the very first humans ever created) had gone against his orders and given his weapon away. It was hopeless from that moment on, really. Crowley had no choice but to fall in love with him. It was ridiculously unfair and (what he thought at the time) probably the worst mistake he would ever make. That little act of rebellion on Aziraphale's part would most likely be the demon's downfall.

It was not.

Crowley continued to make several more mistakes over the centuries due to faulty judgement, including thinking that moving a few traffic cones during the construction of the M25 would be nothing more than a harmless prank, or trusting the Antichrist in the hands of a bunch of blabbering nuns or, most recently, trusting a man who fell out of the sky not to lead him to ultimate doom. It turned out that the only good decision he had managed to make in all his time was falling in love with someone he had no business in loving. Still, Crowley prided himself on being, at least, somewhat intelligent, albeit, slightly naive. Therefore, it should stand to reason that an army of angels popping up out of black goo lead by a demon, a scrawny, pale man who looked like he could be blown over by a slight breeze and someone he saw die, right in front of his very eyes only a week ago, couldn't possibly mean anything good, yet somehow he couldn't help the little flutter of hope that was bursting through him at the sight.

It had been a little over six thousand years since his heart had made the right call. It was about time for another one.

Crowley grabbed Aziraphale by the hand and brought them both to their feet, extending his wings and nodding to his angel to do the same. They moved to stand with a group that seemed to be headed by none other than an archangel, waiting for instruction as they watched the curious scene play out before them.

"You." Chuck gasped at the frail looking creature before him, stumbling backwards, only to be caught by an even more curious creature that appeared behind him. It was an angel of sorts, but it had traces of humanity as well. It was like something neither of them had ever seen, a super nova trapped inside a mason jar.

"Hello." The creature said in an oddly boyish and joyful voice. The fear in the Almighty's face was the last price of the puzzle as to what (and who) the creature was.

"Jack? No...no that's not possible I killed you."

"What story have you been reading?" Chuckled the female demon. "Death doesn't really stick around here."

"It does when I say it does." Chuck snarled, raising his fingers to snap

"I wouldn't, if I were you." The slight man sighed in a bored tone.

"Why not?" Chuck seethed.

"Well, I mean you could," he replied walking a circle around Chuck as he spoke " but I would just bring him right back, so it's just a wasted effort really."

"Why? What is this freak to you?"

"A soul!" The man said angrily stopping in front of Chuck once more. "A rather restless one at that! We had a deal, Chuck. I would leave you alone to do whatever you so choose with the universe as long as you kept your silly science experiments far away from me. I tolerated playing host to your little angels, I even accepted your son's creations. At least when they die, they have the decency to sleep. But souls? Nasty things won't shut up!"

"I kept that deal." Chuck said. " I left you alone, now leave me!"

"Except you didn't." Said a woman dressed in black as she walked through the crowd.

"Billie." Chuck spat. " Should've known you were behind this. I liked it better when he was death and you were just a pitiful reaper." He shot a glare towards Cas then Dean. " I have you two bone heads to thank for that I guess."

"It isn't their fault you have weak plot points." Billie smiled.

"What do you know?" Chuck scoffed. "I created them! All you do is collect them when I've run out of use for them."

"I know that souls have to have someplace to go." Billie answered. "I know that once you destroy everything, Heaven, Hell, every soul you have ever created will be doomed to the Empty for all of eternity, or did you miss that little plot hole?" Chuck gaped, then closed his eyes and shook his head, rubbing his temples in frustration.  
"You can't destroy souls, Chuck. You can make them, and you can send them away, but you can't get rid of them, not completely. Believe me I've tried."

" Did you honestly think I would let you get away with turning my beautiful void into a refugee camp for your broken toys?" The man hissed.

" What are you going to do about it?" Chuck huffed. "I'm God! I am literal CREATION! You are nothing!"

"Me?" The man scoffed, shaking his head. " Who said I was going to do anything. Them?" He smiled, throwing his hands out and gesturing around the room with his cane before replacing it to the ground. "Your forgotten children? They're the ones you need to be afraid of."

And once again Crowley felt he had misjudged the situation. How in the hell were they supposed to take out God?  
******* 

"Dean." Sam whispered crawling over towards his brother, trying to get his attention. "Dean!" He tried again, but it was pointless. Dean looked as though his mind was completely fried, his eyes were wide, his jaw was slack and he was pretty sure his brother hadn't been breathing! C'mon, we gotta get out of here man." That finally got Dean's attention.

 

"We can't." Dean shook his head, still not looking at his brother. "We can't. We gotta get Cas first, we gotta..." Dean started to stand up and Sam pulled him back down.

"Dean, Cas is fine! Things are about to get ugly. We gotta grab Rowena and leave before..."

"No!" Dean growled, shoving Sam off of him. "We're not leaving him behind again. I'm not doing that to him again, just let me grab Cas and we can..."

"Them?!" Chuck scoffed, letting out a vicious laugh. " I made them! They're powerless against me." Chuck snapped his fingers and half the angels fell to the floor writhing in pain as bright, blinding lights began pouring out of their heads.

The Shadow yawned and rolled his eyes at Chuck's display, waving his hand in the air, causing black sludge to rise up around the fallen soldiers and right them again, completely okay. The smug smile slipped from Chuck's face as he glanced around him and back to the Shadow's bored expression. "We could do this all day, Chuck. You can waste all your energy killing the over and over if you'd like, but I'll just keep bringing them back."

Chuck narrowed his eyes and pressed his lips into a thin line. "So what? They still can't hurt me! They're powers are nothing. To me, static shock at the most."

"Even a boulder can be worn down by water over time." The shadow replied.

"So, you're going to bore me to death?" Chuck huffed, stuffing his hand in his pockets and shrugging. "Gotta tell you, not a bright idea. You kill me, you destroy the universe anyway, so...."

"Oh, c'mon now pops, we wouldn't kill you." Gabriel chuckled.

"Oh, really?" Check said sarcastically.

"No." Cas practically hissed. "Death is much too good for you."

"Okay!" Chuck laughed, pulling his hands out of his pockets and placing holding them out. " You know what Castiel? Shut up. Just shut up!" He said hysterically. "I've had enough of you, and your stupid little rebellious streak and your boring speeches of 'faith' and 'freewill' and your stupid, pointless resilience! I mean come on! I swear, you’re like a cockroach that just refuses to give up! It's over! You're not gonna win! None of you are!" He chucked glancing around the room. "I mean what's the plan here? Give me a few boo-boos? Weaken me? I got news for you! Wounds heal. You can't fight me forever! I. AM. GOD! I made all of this! If I want to destroy it I will! I've done it before and I'll do it again. You're not special! You're not unique! You're rough drafts. Scribbles on a page that I can change however I see fit!"

"You are wrong!" Cas shouted over him. "Maybe that is true for us!" He said gesturing around the room with his blade before pointing over to Sam and Dean. "But them? They are special, they are unique. Are you so blind to your own creations that you can't see the beauty of a soul? I have traveled between the world's you have created; I have seen your copies and I can tell you that, no. Even the souls that you think you have made the same.... they're all different. Each and every one of them. You may have created them, but that does not give you the right to destroy them. Just because you have given up doesn't on them doesn't mean we will. You gave us something to love and protect, and I'll be damned if you think you can take that away."

"Ugh!" Chuck groaned. "Again with the speeches! You are so ANNOYING! So, you want to save all this for what? To protect them? Fine! I'll just take away your motivation."

A pair of golden, black tipped wings suddenly blocked Sam and Dean's view, spreading out high and wide as Jack's voice booked above them. "You will leave the Winchester's Alone!"

"Oh, I will?" Chuck scoffed, and suddenly went flying to the side, only to be replaced by Cas a moment later.

"Yes." Cas hissed, his wings flaring out sharply. Sam saw Dean reach out a trembling hand to touch them and pulled at his brother’s wrist, shaking his head and nodding it in the direction of Rowena. Dean nodded, taking one last look at the wings before the two of them started crawling across the floor towards the trembling witch.

"They have suffered enough by your hand." Cas continued, without sparing a glance at the two of them so as not to draw attention as the tried to make their escape. "I will not let you harm my family again. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way, Father, but you will leave them out of it."

"Oh, yeah?" Chuck laughed, and suddenly the brothers found themselves standing two feet in front Chuck as he raised his fingers to snap once more, an evil smirk spreading over his face. "Make me."

In the blink of an eye, a ball of fire consumed Chuck's hand and he pulled it to his chest with a slightly pained hiss.

"Sorry!" Crowley called out awkwardly from behind Chuck as the Almighty whipped around, the demon's hand raised in a half wave. "Sorry, I didn't think that'd actually. I just thought well...hellfire...and you're Holy and maybe...I don't know...my apologies..."

Chuck glanced at his hand as it healed quickly from the burn before narrowing his eyes at the demon. "You son of a..." He marched forward, before another ball of fire hit him square across the shoulder. He gripped his shoulder with a grunt and whipped around towards Meg, who was inspecting her hand with a smirk.

"Well isn't that a neat little trick." She gleamed, whipping more flames into her hand.

Chuck moved towards her, only for Cas to whisk her to the other side of the room when two burst of bright light shot just past Sam and Dean and hit God across the back, causing him to stumble Amara stood behind the shakily, holding both her hands in front of her. "It's over, brother! Enough!"

"It's over when I say it is!" Chuck snarled. Amara shoved Dean and Sam out of the way before a burst of power hit her across the chest, sending her stumbling back.

Cas swooped in while Chuck was distracted and grabbed Sam and Dean before grabbing Rowena and flying them in front of Meg. "Get them out of here." He commanded the demon. " Now!"

"You got it Hot Wings." She winked, before turning to a couple angels behind her.

"Cas, wait!" Dean called out before they found themselves standing in a field a little over a mile away. "No!"

"Sorry, Deano." Meg crooned behind him, two angels surrounding her on each side. "Boss's orders."

"Take me back!" Dean yelled at the angels.

"Dean..." Sam tried but his brother ignored him.

"Take me back to Cas, NOW!"

"Not happening Winchester." Meg shook her head. "You won't last a second in there. Your part in this is done, we can handle the rest."

"Meg," Sam said, cutting off Dean's argument before he could start " there's more people in there. We need to get them out before they get hurt."

Meg nodded and turned to the angels. "You heard him boys. Go get the meat-suits out. Castiel will want every single one of them safe and unharmed. If any one of them has so much as a scratch it'll be on your heads." The angels nodded and disappeared, before she turned back to the brothers. "Well, boys, long time no see."

"Meg, how is this possible?" Sam asked bewildered as angels began dropping the others off around the two at a time. "What's going on? How are any of you alive?"

"It's a miracle, Sammy boy." She giggled as the angels finished dropping off the rest of the bunker’s residents. "All will be revealed in time, I'm told, but for now we've got a deity to trap." She walked back towards the angels but Dean reach out and stopped her.

"Meg, wait! You gotta take me back with you! You gotta get me back to Cas!"

Meg bit her lip as the angels approached her, screwing her face up in concentration. "Hmmm...nah." she smiled, and then they were gone.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean yelled, causing the others to flinch. He turned on his heal and made towards the bunker but Sam stepped in front of him."Out of the way, Sam!" He growled pushing against him.

"Dean, you can't go back there! You'll die! We've got to get these people out of here and get them safe!"

"He's got them Sam! They can't win this! He's got Crowley and Aziraphale and Jack. He's gonna tear them to shreds and it's our fault!"

"And what are you gonna do about it, Dean? They've got powers. You're human! We need to...."

"He's got Cas!" Dean cried, shoving against him harder. "You can get these people to safety. I'm not leaving Cas behind! I can't! I'm not letting him go again! " He managed to push Sam out of the way and started sprinting away.

"Dean!" Sam screamed after his brother helplessly, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
"Go." Rowena said when he looked at her. "I'll take care of the others. I can cast a protection spell and get us somewhere safe. Go, save your idiot brother before he gets himself killed, again."

"Thank you." Sam nodded, before taking of towards Dean, the ground shaking with power beneath him as he ran.

*******

"Well, I certainly hope you're proud of yourself! " Aziraphale chided and he pulled Crowley from Amara's returning strike. "Just look what you've started!"

"Well somebody had to do something!" Crowley retorted and he pulled aziraphale deeper into the crowd and pressed behind a crumbling support beam.

"And that somebody, just had to be you?" Aziraphale snipped.

"Oh, forgive me for living in the moment, Angel! Next time, perhaps I should just let them finish that lovely little chat they were having!?"

"Next time!?" Aziraphale shouted.

"You know...."came a weirdly calm and joyful voice from behind them as a price of the ceiling crashed to the floor. They turned around to see the arch angel leaning casually against a pile of rubble with a lollipop in his mouth. He pulled the sucker out of his mouth with a pop and used it to gesture between the two of them. " I'm loving this dynamic you two crazy kids got going on here, really, I am, I'd love to see more of it, but we got kind of a situation going so..." The two of them stared in awe at the angel before them, in awe of his caviler attitude, as the world literally fell apart around them. Another crash rang out behind them, another body slammed to the floor and words escaped them entirely. "Okay... introductions then..." He said popping the candy back into his mouth. "I'm Gabriel, archangel, trickster, porn star extraordinaire and judging by the fact that you look completely unfamiliar I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say you're the snake that dicked over Adam and Eve in that other world, and the choir boy that's dicking him.....so we're good now yeah? Okay, so auntie Amara over there is running on empty and sooner or later and just so we're up to speed some one's gonna have to back her up sooner or later before we all turn into a pile of goo."

The two of them, still at a loss for words, simply nodded their understanding. Gabriel smile and clapped his hands together. "Great! So, Flame Boy," he said, pointing to Crowley. "We're gonna need you standing on the opposite side of that vivacious little hell spawn over there, when I give the signal you shoot good old Days there with everything you got. Comprende? And you, Fairy dust? I'm gonna need you to come with me."

Well he was certainly different from the Gabriel from their world.

It was Aziraphale's last thought before he was suddenly across the room, whisked away from Crowley without so much as a warning. And wasn't that just a perfect metaphor? Everything with Crowley was always without warning. He had no idea that a serpent had managed to slither its way into the garden. He had completely taken by surprise having an actual conversation with the demon that had forced his hand into an act of minor rebellion. It was certainly unexpected when he had become aware that a business relationship with said demon had blossomed into more of a friendship and the love? As far as Aziraphale was concerned, it had completely hot him out of left field, as they say. One day it was just a casual lunch, celebrating a job well done and the next thing he knew he found himself physically pained to be separated from the demon after every encounter from then on. No signs leading up to it, no hints to clue him on as to what was happening, just one second everything was one way and the next....

And now, there he was, perfectly willing to die at his unexpected companion’s side only to be ripped away, without so much as a final goodbye. Suddenly there, suddenly gone. He met the Crowley's eyes across the way, the booming chaos around them drowned out by the pain and loss each of them felt as they realized this might actually be goodbye. He put as much as he could into that final stare, trying to convey everything he wanted to say with a simple look, vaguely aware that instructions were being shouted in his direction, before he managed to tear himself away. He listened to his prefers as well as he could, while a couple of old sayings he found to be quite stupid swirled through his thoughts.

'Expect the unexpected' they say. Clearly an impossible task. If you expect the unexpected, then the unexpected, clearly becomes expected. It's the most contradictory phrase that has ever been uttered, really.

'Live in the moment.' As moments went, this one in particular was rather unpleasant. He was fairly certain that this would be the moment he died. How could he possibly live and die at the same time?

'It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never have love at all.' Utter bullshit.' he thought to himself as everyone sprang into action. He spared one last glace across the room, taking in the form of the only being he had ever truly loved. They would die. Both of them. Aziraphale hoped he would go first; even a second on a world without Crowley was a though so agonizing, it brought tears to his eyes for the first time in centuries. Alfred Lord Tennyson clearly had no idea what he was talking about when he came up with that little gem. There couldn't possibly be a pain that was greater than this.

******

He was mildly aware that he probably shouldn't be running. There were shooting pains up his legs and across his back with every single movement and judging by how hard it was to take a breath, several ribs had been bruised at the very least, but the pain was the last thing on his mind. Dean pushed through it and kept his feet moving as fast as they would go over broken limbs and uprooted trunks of trees that had been blown over in Cas's wake when he left the bunker to scour the earth for Dean. Cas had searched an entire planet for him, to being him back safely, the least he could do was manage a few hundred yards. He had to get back to Cas. He had to keep him safe. He couldn't lose him again.

The entrance to the bunker was in his sights, just a few more feet, a couple of steps, a steel door and a possibly broken staircase and he could get back to him. He could pull Cas out of there. They could hide. They could escape all of this together like it should be; like it always should have been. A few more places and he could ....

"DEAN!" Sam shouted grabbing his brother around the shoulders, the momentum causing the both to tumble to the ground. "Stop!"

"Let go!" Dean barked trying to wiggle out from beneath the behemoth. "Sam, we gotta get Cas! We gotta get him out of there! Let go!" He managed only to wiggle one arm free, the other still effectively pinned beneath them on the ground. He used his free hand to pull at Sam's arm, trying to loosen his brother's grip. "Sam, please!" He cried out, fighting against him with all his strength. "I gotta get to Cas! We can't leave him again! Please!" He managed to free his other arm and began pulling himself across the ground, his fingers scraping across the gravel and dirt, blood seeping from his nail beds as the nails peeled away from his efforts to pull away. He managed only a couple inches before Sam heaved both of them back, sitting up on his knees, still holding tight.

"Dean, there's nothing we can do!" He said, pulling further back to used his feet to push them further away. Dean was trying to use his own feet as an anchor to keep them in place, pulling at Sam's arms and pushing against his hold to free himself. "There's nothing we can do. We have to get out of here!"

"No!" Dean shouted back; his eyes still fixed ahead. He was so close. "We can't leave him!" He tore and scraped at Sam's arms, feeling the pains in his ribs cut through him like a knife, the sky darkening as the evening set upon them, cool air flooding his stinging lungs. "I can't leave him!"

"Dean, you'll die!!!" Sam shouted, making a herculean effort to pull them back a bit more.

Dean paused. So would Cas. Even if the plan worked out, even if they managed to capture God, Cas could die again with no way back. And if he let Sam pull him away, he might live. Cas would be dead, really, truly dead, and Dean would have to live. One week. He barely managed to survive one week knowing that Cas loved him back and was gone. He thought about ending it all at least three million times in that one week. He had to stay away from his guns, every sharp object, every length of ripe, every poison, potion and spell for the entire week because he knew if he even got close....one week was agony on par with his torture in hell. An entire lifetime....

"I don't care." Dean said firmly, finally turning to look his brother in the eyes to make sure he understood. Sam would be fine. They had a family now, people to look after. Sam had hunters to train. He could go on, finally be his own person. Be the man, the leader, he was always meant to be. Bit Dean? This was it for him. He had wanted out for so long. He deserves the life he wanted too. He had spent almost forty years taking care of everyone else. He wanted his life back, he wanted his life period, but the thing was, this was it for him. Cas was it for him. And without him...

Sam was dumbstruck. He had known Dean to feel hopeless before, to feel like he wanted to die, to give up completely. It came with the job. Underneath it all though, there was always still a hint of fight. A spark of hope that kept him going. And that's exactly what this was. It wasn't giving up. It was that spark. That fight for what he wanted, what he thought was right, and he wasn't going to give up until he got it. Dean used his brothers shock as a distraction and elbowed him in the chest to get away. "Sorry, Sammy. " He said as he scrambled back onto his feet. "I'm not letting this go."

He was conscious for all of six seconds, before a burst of power followed by a blinding light sent them flying back and the bunker crumbled in on itself.  
*****

Castiel only allowed himself a moment to worry, after Meg and her angels took off with the boys. He wished he could explain that they needed to leave as soon as possible, but there was no time. The plan was in motion now and he needed them safe. All the angels needed to focus their energy on Chuck now, there was none to be wasted on protecting them from the falling rubble or healing them if they got hurt. There was no time to tell them everything would be ok. It might be a lie, but it would be a lie that would possibly prevent them from doing anything reckless.

He sees a few more angels from Meg's group disappear and reappear in quick succession out of the corner of his eye. The boys must have asked them to retrieve the other humans. 'Good.' he thinks to himself. It means they are aware of the danger. They won't put themselves in harm's way. He turns to watch the ensuing battle play out before him. Amara and Chuck exchanging blows back and forth. The power they're using against each other has little more effect than two siblings wrestling on the floor over a toy, really, but the distraction is necessary.

As soon as Meg reappeared, he began whispering instructions to her. The hellfire she can call upon was obviously usefully on weakening Chuck, even if it was just a tiny bit. Every little bit is necessary if they are hoping to pull this off. Crowley will be useful as well, he tells Gabriel as much, instructing his brother to retrieve him. He continued his whispered orders through the room, keeping a careful eye on the squabble between God and his sister. Her powers are dwindling fast, and soon, the real fight will begin. He continued to flit swiftly around the room, taking great care to remain out of sight while he insured that everyone was clear on their instructions, finally ending between Gabriel and Jack, already in place. All that was left to do was wait.

"You never let me have anything!" Chuck roared, the floor trembling with the power of his voice.

"You wanted everything!" Amara cried back, thunder booming over head as she gathered what strength she could. "You are a selfish, spoiled, little brat!" The marble started to crack beneath her feet, splitting a line all the way to Chuck's just before a bolt of lightning struck him. Chuck staggered back.

"Take it back!" He yelled, pushing a gust of wind in her direction, sending her crashing into another pillar. She quickly regrouped sending another, slightly weaker bolt his way, squared across the face, leaving an ugly gash in its wake.

"No." She said, firmly. "That's all you've ever been. A little brat who threw a fit when he didn't get his way." She sent another bolt to the other side, leaving a twin gash on the opposite cheek. " You're the one who deserved to be locked up for eons! Not me! You're the one who needed a time out, you child!"

Chuck stood in shock, his mouth slightly open as he raised a hand to one cheek and traced the cut, pulling it away to inspect the blood. "All I ever wanted was for us to be happy." He half whispered, staring down at his hand, running a thumb over the bloodied fingers. "I wanted us to be loved. All I ever asked for was cooperation, support in creating perfection." He looked up at Amara, his face almost pained. "You're never going to let me have that, are you?"

"It won't be enough." She shook her head. "Nothing is ever enough. Not for you. Nothing will ever be perfect in your eyes."

Chuck looked down and his feet, his lips stretched into a lopsided frown. " Maybe your right." He sighed, before he shifted his gaze back to his sister looking almost apologetic. "But I'm not gonna let you stop me from trying." He raised his hand to strike a final blow, and that’s when everyone moved into action.

Meg nodded across the room to Crowley and the two of them engulfed Chuck in hellfire. Castiel and Gabriel dove for the box, standing it upright in just the right place and leaving it open. Soon Chuck was ready, hand in the air ready to smite the demons away when the angels began dealing out blows, group by group in quick succession, in random patterns to keep him confused. Gadreel’s group began throwing blades, hitting him in various places. It did little harm, but served as a distraction while Balthazar's crew did what they could to help Amara. Balthazar himself, began whispering the plan into her ear as the rest of the angels continued to blast Chuck with everything they had. Chuck threw out an arm and threw back a group of angels in front of him, just in time for Jack to use his own powers and throw a fallen pillar at his head. The stone broke on impact, but blinded Chuck long enough for Jack to throw a book shelf straight after with no interference.

'Keep him distracted.' that was the plan. Keep him weak. Don't let him gain a second of clarity to gather his thoughts. Attack from all sides. Keep him confused. Just long enough for the small group of angels to sacrifice most of their Grace to Amara to give her strength. Once she had enough power, all the angels would release a collective smite onto Chuck on Castiel's command and she could deal the final blow. Not strong enough to kill, just weak enough to capture. Just a little more time, everything was going fine, they were going to pull this off...

"CAS!"

It was a scream off in the distance, still fairly far away.

"CAS!"

The second one was closer, the third closer still and approaching rapidly.

No. No, no, no. Dean, please, no! He was too close; he could get hurt! He could...

"Cas...." Jack peered over at him with wide, worried eyes, having heard the call as well.

"I know, Jack. I know." Cas nodded with gritted teeth.

 

'No, Dean, doesn't matter!'

They've had this talk before....

'He has to be stopped'

The world is more important.

'And if that means Dean dies too?'

The words rang through his head, a shadow of the aching pain he felt then surging through his heart as he shot another blast.

'Then Dean dies!'

"Get your head in the game Cassie!" Gabriel hissed from beside him, dealing out a blow of his own.

'He matters to me...' Cas thought. '

"Dean!"

He heard Sam scream and oh, no! They were both too close now. It wasn't time. Amara still needed more power; it was too soon. He couldn't make the call yet. They shouldn't be this close....

"Sam, please! I gotta get to Cas! We can't leave him again! Please!"

Cas found himself praying (ironically enough) to any force that would hear that Sam was able to hold him back, just a few for minutes, just long enough. Even this close they might stand a chance of survival but inside? They would be destroyed for sure. He briefly contemplated if he had enough time to fly them away, before God took a shot and a group of angels before they could strike. No. There was no time. Chuck was figuring them out; regaining his ground. He glanced over towards Amara, she was almost healed up, almost...but not quite.

"I can't leave him!"

'Please.' Cas found himself begging silently, throwing a blade towards Chuck to throw him off. He was praying again, but this time to Dean. 'Please get out of here. Please leave. Get yourself somewhere safe.'

'Let me bottom line it for you, I'm not leaving here without you.'  
'We're just better together."  
'I need you.'  
'Sorry, but I'd rather have you. Cursed or not.'  
'I love you, Castiel.'

Dean's words swirled through his head, distracting him from his focus.

"Dean, you'll die!!!"

'Please, Dean!? Please?' He prayed 'You stupid, stubborn man! Please just go! Please don't make me lose you again.'

"I don't care."

Chuck was weaker now, they were wearing him down, but he was striking back now as well. They were losing the element of confusion and surprise and Amara still wasn't ready. They were so close, just a little bit longer...

"Sorry, Sammy. I'm not letting this go."

No. They had run out of time. If Dean entered the bunker now, it was over. He'd be gone. Forever. Life would go on. The world would be safe, Heaven restored, and Dean would be gone.

'You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?'

Dean was getting closer, and it was now or never. Make the call, and hope it's not too soon, or lose Dean forever. Those were his options. Time seemed to stop, every second taking an eternity to click by, as the sound of Dean's boot crunching over the gravel outside tore him apart; each tiny pebble rolling back over the ground ripping a giant hole through his core. He couldn't do this. Not again. He had worked so hard, fought for so long, it couldn't come down to this. It wasn't fair. He shouldn't have to make this decision. They needed more time, but there was none. Why did he ever agree to this?

"NOW!" He screamed, making the call.

 

'Oh, that's right -- to save Dean Winchester.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you have never listened to Death on Two Legs by Queen, I highly suggest that you do. It's amazing.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for the glorious support and all the wonderful Kudos and comments!
> 
>  
> 
> Next Up: what the fuck happened?!


	30. That's the Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is officially 5 months old today!! woo!
> 
> so this chapter is...alot...
> 
> it's a fucking lot.
> 
> i had alot to unpack, alot to describe and i wanted to get it all shoved in because we are actually nearing the end here.
> 
> some stuff may feel rushed, others dragged out, i did what i could do, things keeps slipping further away from me here and i have completely lost control.
> 
> fair warning: a good majority of this chapter is Dean's POV. our five main all have a section, but a big hunk is dean...for reasons. i hope yall dont hate it too much. there is a suprise at the end!
> 
> enjoy.

"Take your brother outside as fast as you can! Don't look back! Now, Dean! Go!"

It had been the sound of the roaring fire that had woke him out of his sleep that night; the smell of burning flesh. He ran as fast as his tiny legs could carry him, clutching his infant brother in his arms as he clambered down the steps of his childhood home. He desperately tried to ignore his father's panicked screams as he scrambled onto the front lawn, (John had given him an order and he needed to follow it) telling Sammy it was okay before looking up to see the orange flames blazing from the nursery window. Three hunters were born that day, in those flames and from that day on Dean would forever hate the smell of fire and smoke.  
It always meant destruction.

Fire took his home, his happiness...his life. It was a useful tool in killing monsters, sure; for burning bodies and bones. It always meant that something was coming to an end. His home had gone up in flames, Bobby's had too, the Impala on several occasions. Too often he had had to burn the bodies of his family, his friends and every single time he came to despise that smell even more. It was likely the reason he never picked up smoking. Though, no doubt, it probably would have helped over the years, in times of stress, that particular vice never appealed to him. He couldn't relax around that smell.

It was the reason now, that he couldn't bring himself to open his eyes.

He had no idea how long he had been out, but when he began to regain his senses and the smell of smoke filled his nose, he found himself wishing he had never woken up. What now? What had he lost now?

Everything.

John gave him an order and he was supposed to follow it. Take care of Sam.

He failed.

He let his own selfish wants get in the way again and Sam had tried to go after him. That blast was huge. There's no way they both managed to survive. He let John down, by putting Sam in danger. And the blast....

The bunker was gone. That had to be where the smoke was coming from. The only stable home he had ever known; obliterated right before his eyes. The only place he had ever had a bed of his own. An actual roof over his head. A place to park Baby at night...and the Impala too. She was in there. His car. His only constant in life. The only thing that never abandoned him. Nothing but scrap metal now.

It fit.

He had given his entire life to saving the world, and what did he get in return? Nothing. Everything was gone. The world was finally safe, it had to be if he was alive, and he had nothing to show for it.

It was almost funny really.

Dean had ignored it at the time it was said. The poor guy had lost his marbles at that point. All he could talk about was fucking bees and monkeys with lipstick. Nothing coming out of his mouth made any sense, but Cas was right. Resurrection was a punishment. Worse every time...

Cas...

 

"Dean?"

 

The pain in his voice still echoed in Dean's mind. Clawing away at what was left of his sanity.

"Settle down, wee cherub, he's coming around."

Rowena's too? Had she gone after him as well? Did she die because of him too? Or had she found him in the wreckage and pulled him to safety?

"I am not a Cherub; I am a seraph! Well.... actually, I'm not really sure any more what I am. Now that Heaven is without a leader, it's quite possible that species and rank have no meaning..."

"It's a term of endearment, darling. I just meant, that everything is going to be alright. No need to get your feathers in a twist."

Was he dreaming?

"My feathers are none of your concern. Are you sure he's alright?"

There's no way....

"Aye. I've only been doing this for a little over three centuries, but I believe I may have picked up a thing or two about concussions in that time."

"This is no time for sarcasm, Rowena. I'm fully aware of your capabilities, I'm just concerned that..."

"Cas?" Dean rasped, daring to open his eyes. He was in his bed, in his room inside the bunker. Rowena was sitting beside him, a bowl of various spell ingredients smoldering in her lap and in the doorway stood Cas. Somehow, he seemed to be the only thing that looked changed. The room was spotless, the hall behind him looked completely unscathed but Cas...he looked powerful; dangerous. There was a glow around him; an aura of authority, a look he seemed to have lost, so many years ago. Cold. Calculated. A soldier.

"There he is." Rowena said warmly. "I told you he was alright, didn't I?"

"Good." Cas replied. "I'll go inform Sam." And then he turned away. Not hint of emotion, no smile of relief. Just a few short words and he was walking away.

"Cas, wait!" Dean called. He tried to launch himself out of bed to go after him, but it hurt. It hurt like Hell.

"Easy now, dearie." Rowena said, placing a gentle hand on his chest to guide him back down. "You've been properly banged up rather recently. It's really best that you get some rest." She stood up and placed the bowl on the night stand before smoothing down the front of her silken gown.

"What..." Dean coughed, feeling a sharp pang in his ribs before trying again. "What happened?"

"Dean!" Sam cried running into the room, cutting off her reply.

She took a small step to place herself between the two brothers, putting both her hands in front of her. "Careful, Samuel. He just woke up."

Sam nodded and stood in place, awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He was a mess. His normally flawless hair was stuck up in a million different directions, his eyes rimmed red and puffy. His splotchy face looked as if he had aged five years, his clothes were torn and filthy and honestly it was almost the best thing Dean had ever seen. Sammy was standing in front of him, looking like he had just crawled out of a dumpster fire, because Sam was alive.

"I'll give you two a moment while I go fetch Aziraphale to finish patching you up." Rowena smiled, leaving the two of them alone.

"Sam..." Dean choked, not even sure what there was to say. "Sammy I...."

"Shut up." Sam said, causing Dean to sink back. " Just shut up. You, stupid son of a bitch." His voice was breaking and he looked like he was on the verge of tears. "Don't you ever, EVER do that to me again. I thought I'd lost you, Dean. For real this time. Do you have any idea what would've happened to you if you would've made it inside? Do you realize how selfish it was to just go off like that and leave me with all those people? Do you realize what it would have done to me to lose you? To Cas?"

"Sam..."

"No!" Sam barked, holding his hand up to stop him. " Look, I get it okay. I know why you felt you had to do what you did just...just promise me you won't ever do anything like that again. Promise?!"

Dean licked his lips and dropped his head, giving a weak nod in return. " I promise, oaky? I promise."

"Okay." Sam sniffed, quickly wiping the back of his wrist over his face and nodding back. "Okay good."

They sat in silence for a while, absorbing the fact the other was actually alive. Something had happened. Something big and world ending had happened and somehow, someway, they had both managed to come out of it relatively unscathed, but it wasn't too long before the question hanging in the air finally got the better of Dean.

"Sam, what happened?"

********

It's funny, in a sense, how things can seem so chaotic in everyday life. Going about, day to day just like always, no distractions, no worries, and yet somehow everything just seems to jumble together, thoughts, people, events, just flying about with no rhyme or reason, everything just happening all at once. What they don't tell you, what no one ever tells you, is in times of battle, in times of true, unbridled chaos, every single second, becomes crystal clear.

Crowley was painfully aware of every micro movement in the room the second the true battle had begun. Every speck of rubble hurdling through the air, every single sound to form each and every letter in every single whispered syllable, trumpeting through his ears; every molecule of air that brush against his skin. It was, in reality, a matter of a few minutes at most, but to Crowley those few minutes were the longest years of his life. Time creeped by so painfully slow he was sure each fallen bit of ruble could be fossilized and rediscovered before the battle would end. Was this typical of war? Is this what it felt like to every soldier? Permanently locked in a time that barely exists, where everything is happening all at once yet, at the same time never ending? A constant state of worry, that every breath might be your last? Why would anyone choose this for themselves? For Honor? Glory?...for love??

He kept his aim steady, using up every bit of strength he had hoping, to anyone that could care to listen, that he might be having, at least some affect. It was terrifying, really; witnessing something so powerful. As an angel you're told to bow down to the glory of the Almighty's presence, but really, there was no glory. In reality, they should all be quivering in fear. As a demon fear was a foreign concept. It was something that made no sense. A demon lives in what is the darkest of darks, the most horrible of horrible, the most painful agony every imagined. One would assume that a demon should be immune to fear because of that what could possibly scare a such a creature?

This.

This moment. This was fear.

A dash of hellfire was known to make even the strongest of men cry out as he burned into ash and yet, here he was, blasting the Almighty with everything he had and making about as much progress as a wooden toothpick against stone.

A single angel can smite entire cities with barely a thought and yet, here were several, barely singeing a hair on the Almighty's head.

A blade, if sharpened properly, can slice through flesh like a hand through fog and the Almighty was plucking them from his skin like stray hairs off a sweater.

This was fear.

Glancing across the room to see the only creature he had ever come to love get knocked down, barely able to pick himself up and put everything he had into the hope that he was helping, only to be knocked down again.

This was horrible.

Hearing the panicked cries in the distance of a man who wanted to save the one he loved, knowing there was nothing that could be done. They would all die. There was nothing anyone could do to save any of them.

This was pain.

The look on the seraph's face, knowing the cries were for him. Knowing that if the man succeeded in entering the battle he would surely be lost forever, but if he made the call to soon in order to save the man, it would be everything else that was lost.  
This was darkness.

Knowing full well the decision Crowley, himself, would make, were he in the seraph's position, and the brief moment he came to accept that this was truly the last moment he would ever see. If he had to choose between the person he loved and everything else....

This was the end.

"NOW!"

This was Hell.

******

"I found the other one!"

It was a weird thing to hear, especially when he thought he was dead. Even more so when the voice came from none other than Death herself.

"Sam? Are you awake?" She asked, nudging him in the side with her foot. "I would know if you were dead, so you can stop pretending."

"Billie?" Sam groaned opening his eyes. "What...what happened."

"You and your brother just about fucked us all, that's what happened." She sneered down at him before calling out behind her. "He's alive!"

"Did...did you do it? Is Chuck gone?" He coughed.

"Sam!!!" Cas screamed as he came barreling towards them, Aziraphale trailing behind, cutting off her response. Cas dropped down to his knees and scooping the larger man's torso up into his arms and sobbing against his shoulder. "Sam! You're okay! I thought I had lost you both. You're okay, you’re okay."

"Yeah." Sam chuckled softly, patting the angel on his back. "Yeah I'm good Cas. I'm here." His brain finally caught up to the 'both' part of the statement and immediately went into panic mode, but before he could ask Cas had let go and was speaking to Aziraphale.

"I can take care of Sam's injuries. Please...please get back to Dean. I...I need someone there with him...I need..." He sputtered to the other angel.

"It's going to be alright Castiel." Aziraphale nodded. "We're doing everything we can." He turned away then and both he and Billie disappeared behind Cas.

"Cas...."

"Sam, I need you lay back down so I can assess the extent of the damage." Cas said turning back to Sam without making eye contact. "You may be suffering from internal bleeding, more than likely you have a concussion, possibly a few broken bones..."

"Cas..." He tried again.

"I need you to be completely relaxed or I won't be able to see everything. My powers are weakened from battle so my vision isn't quite...."

"Cas."

"Sam, either lay down and relax or I will do it for you." Cas said in a firm tone, still avoiding Sam's eyes. "I need to heal you and you are risking further injury if you don't..."

"Cas, where's Dean?!"

Cas closed his eyes tight and placed a hand on Sam's head. Sam felt himself fall backwards and Cas began waving his hands over Sam, his face scrunched up in concentration. "Your brother is in the infirmary right now. He sustained quite a few injuries in the blast. There is a team of healers working on him as we speak." He replied in a dead, business like tone, his eyes still shut tight.

"The infirmary?" Sam asked. "How is that possible? Last thing I saw, the bunker was..."

"It's a gift." Cas said as Sam felt him reset a bone in his leg. "After the explosion.....I told Gabriel that the two of you would want your home back if...." He took a deep breath, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice as he moved from one leg to the other, pulling out a piece of shrapnel and quickly healing the wound before the bleeding began. "You two have lost so much, for everything you have done for the world. I told him it was only right that we restored your place of residence."

"How long did that take?" Sam asked in a suspicious tone. "Fixing the bunker?" How long had they left him and Dean out here to die?

"Over night." Cas replied in the same dead tone and he began healing Sam's arms. " It would have taken less time, but as I said, we were all rather drained..."

"And no one bothered to come looking for us?!"

Cas paused, his jaw clenched slightly, before moving onto Sam's torso, not so gently putting a couple broken ribs back in place. "I began searching for you immediately after the dust had settled. The others believed it to be a waste of time, but I had to know if ...I couldn't fly so it took longer to find you on foot which was... frustrating. The others were unwilling to help me, and then I..." He took another steadying breath, and continued with his work, obviously trying to keep it together. " It wasn't until I found Dean that they were willing to accept that you must be out here too. Billie and Aziraphale have been helping me search for you for several hours while the others....they took Dean inside to see what they can....but you're here and alive so it worked out."

"Cas. How bad is he?" Cas ignored him and finished with his healing, standing up and holding his hand out to Sam to help him up. "Cas, answer me!" He demanded brushing away the angel's hand. "Is Dean gonna die?!" It had to be bad. An entire team of angels working on him and Cas was avoiding the question.

Cas bent down and pulled Sam up by his shoulder to his feet before starting to walk away. "You need some rest Sam. Your body suffered through great trauma and it needs time to recuperate. It's best if we return to the bunker and..."

"If Dean is dying, why the hell aren't you there with him?!" Sam cried.

Cas whipped around and was instantly in Sam's face, standing several inches below him and somehow making him feel about two feet tall as his glowing eyes burrowed deep into the hunter's soul "Why the hell did you two come back?!" He bellowed, a hint of his angelic voice leaking through. Sam felt himself backing away as Cas began moving forward. "You could have ruined everything! I sent you away to be safe! If you would have stayed you would have been obliterated! The fact that any of us made it out alive is a God damned miracle. But you? You're human! You would have been destroyed and there is nothing I could have done! Nothing! The world would be fine without me! But you? Dean?! It would have been nothing! Do you realize how selfish it was?! You two are all I have! What would I have done?!" Sam tripped backwards over a branch, breathing hard in fear of being destroyed by and angel throwing a temper tantrum, but Cas stopped. His eyes stopped glowing revealing blood shot and red rimmed orbs of blue as a sob escaped him and he dropped back down to his knees in front of Sam, burying his face in his hands. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was so scared. I searched for so long...he was so broken when I found him and I couldn't do anything, I couldn't....."

"Hey, hey no, Cas, no." Sam said, scrambling over to his friend on the ground and hugging him around his heaving shoulders. It was something he had never seen in all the years he had known the angel. Cas had lost so much in that time. His home, his family, his purpose, his life. In all those times he had seen Cas go through a range of emotion, from uncaring to horribly upset, but in all those years he had never seen him so, utterly broken. "Hey, hey it's okay, it's okay, I'm sorry, man okay."

Cas cried for a while longer before swallowing and taking a series of deep breaths to calm down. "They said I was too emotional to focus." He sniffed. "I tried to heal him several times, draining myself, before I thought to call out for help. They told me I risked putting us both in danger and I should focus my energy elsewhere. I put a call out to Rowena, she is in there with him now. I was told to gather myself before I even thought about returning. I put my efforts into finding you because I didn't believe the others capable of doing a sufficient job. I needed to find you, make sure you were okay. I couldn't stand the thought of losing you too."

"I'm right here, Cas." Sam assured. "I'm good. You fixed me up, I'm right here. I'm okay. Dean's gonna be okay. He's always okay. You probably saved his life, too. He's gonna be okay." He kept repeating the same thing over and over, trying to calm down his friend; trying to convince himself. He was alive. Dean was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay... except....

"Cas?" He asked after a while, after the sobbing had calmed down. "Cas? What happened to Chuck?"

 

*****

"It was quite extraordinary timing actually." Aziraphale explained as he finished wrapping the wound on Dean' upper arm. "I do hope you aren't opposed to healing the old-fashioned way on this one. It might take a while to heal, as it was inflicted by Amara's powers in the cross fire, but it will heal none the less. I don't think anyone has much energy left at the moment to heal it immediately after everything...."

"Yeah, yeah, no, it's fine!" Dean said pulling his sleeve over the bandage and sitting up in his bed. "Don't worry about it! What happened next?"

Aziraphale backed away, giving the man a thoughtful smile. It had been touch and go with Dean over the first three days. Most of the Angels (save Gabriel, Castiel and a handful of others) had returned to Heaven immediately after the bunker was restored, so it fell to those left, to help heal the human. It was done in shifts so no one angel found themselves completely drained after using a small amount of power to restore all of the warding. The witch has been a great help as well, but the man had been so near death, struck down with godly power, there was no telling if he was going to be able to pull through. Now here he was bouncing up and down with anticipation, listening to the events that almost caused his demise.

"As I said, the timing was extraordinary." Aziraphale continued as he put away his supplies. "A fraction of a second sooner and Amara would have been bested, most certainly. A second later and the Almighty would have broken free of us all, and well....anyway, when Castiel made the call, it was so desperate and loud, it confused the Almighty for a moment, causing him to pause, just long enough for the angels who were assisting Amara to finish their task. By the time he regained his senses Amara was already on the strike, along with the angels that were on reserve. Jack then let out some sort of sonic scream causing the Almighty in his weakened state to stumble backwards into the box, but just as Gabriel and Castiel began to lock him in, he let out a burst of power, the likes of which I have never seen! If it weren't for Amara's quick thinking in shoving the door closed just as the building began crumbling and Gabriel managing to get the lock closed just in time, he surely would have escaped."

"But we're all good right?" Dean asked. "Chuck’s locked up? He can't get out?"

"I believe his last effort to break free must have drained him immensely." Aziraphale explained. "We have kept the box under careful observation for several days, but it seems with the way it was built, he is unable to restore himself entirely."

"And you're sure he's not just biding his time? Waiting until we're not expecting it so he can burst out and gank us all."

"Oh, no." Aziraphale said gravely. "He's made attempts, let me assure you. The first day or so it was nothing but screaming. Then, rather crafty attempts at bargaining. At one point the box was levitating almost to the ceiling before crashing to the floor. We think he was trying to break it, but the box held strong. It seems as though his final act of arrogance, his thinking that he could destroy us all before we managed to lock him away, ended up being his demise, as arrogance usually always is."

Dean looked down and nodded his head, possibly reflecting on the times his own arrogance almost did him in as well. "Good." He said breathlessly. "Good, that's...that's pretty frickin awesome actually. Guess karma's a really bitch right?"

"It is indeed." Aziraphale agreed with a tiny smirk. He tucked the box of medical supplies into the bottom drawer of the wardrobe where he found it and turned to leave before Dean cleared his throat.

"Hey, uh...is ... how's Cas doing?" Dean asked awkwardly, shifting on his bed.

"I think that's probably something you should ask him yourself, Dean." Aziraphale stated calmly.

"Yeah." Dean scoffed bitterly. "Guy hasn't even been to see me since I woke up."

"And?" Aziraphale said carefully, knowing full well what the reason was for that.

"And? That was two days ago! Kinda hard to talk to someone when they can't even be bothered to be around you in your time of need."

Aziraphale sighed and put on a sympathetic smile. "Perhaps you should find him then, I'm certain he is more than willing to speak with you if you were to seek him out. You're well enough now to move about the bunker...."

"Why bother?" Dean pouted. "I've been sitting here, practically on my death bed and it's like he doesn't even care. He was so pissed at me, he sent me away when I could've helped. I just....why bother, you know?"

Aziraphale sighed again and shook his head, making his way towards the door. "Sometimes ignorance, Dean, can be just as deadly as arrogance. It would do you some good to keep that in mind. For future reference, of course."

"Did....did you just call me ignorant?" Dean asked, slightly offended.

"Yes." Aziraphale said, walking through the threshold, before shooting a small smile over his shoulder at Dean. "I suppose I did."

He made it most of the way down the hall before a strong pair of arms wrapped around him from behind. "The seraph is driving absolutely everybody nuts you know." Crowley whispered into his ear.

Aziraphale smiled and reached up to squeeze the demon's hand, pulling it off of his waist and holding it to his side so he could turn and face him. "It's his own fault. Had he not poured so much of himself into the man trying to heal him they wouldn't be so connected now. The emotional distress Dean would have been under had we let them anywhere near each other would have surely done him in. His body was having hard enough time healing, adding anything else to that would've been deadly."

"He's fine now though, right?" Crowley asked, gripping the angel’s hand tighter and leading them back down the hall. "He can go find Castiel and they can live their happily ever after and that blubbering fool can leave the rest of us the hell alone?"

"Physically, yes, Dean is fine." Aziraphale nodded. "However, emotionally, I fear he will always be somewhat stunted. You know he actually believes Castiel hasn't been to check on him because he simply doesn't care? "

"Can you imagine?" Crowley scoffed. "Being utterly devoted to someone for so long, and having them think it was for nothing? Going so many years being absolutely oblivious to that kind of love?"

They both paused a moment, looking at each other before breaking into a round of laughter.  
"Seems utterly ridiculous to me." Aziraphale said once they continued on. They turned the corners in blissful silence before Aziraphale spoke again. "Would you have done it?" He asked quietly.

"Done what, Angel?"

"We all know how close we came to ending." Aziraphale said. "We all know how lucky we were that the Almighty found himself distracted. The call was made too early, the Almighty's confusion at his desperate scream was the only thing that saved us, we all know that. We're you in Castiel's position.....would you have done it?"

Crowley stopped and pulled Aziraphale in front of him. He looked at him with a frown on his face and an eyebrow raised. "Would I have put the entirety of existence, everything that ever was, and everything that could ever be, at risk, just for the fraction of a chance that I might be able to save you?"

"Would you?" Aziraphale asked again, feeling a little bit ridiculous for asking.

"Absolutely." Crowley said in a serious tone. Aziraphale smiled then, kissing the demon on the cheek and continuing on their way. "Would you?" Crowley asked after a while

"Oh, honestly Crowley!"

"I'm serious!" Crowley protested.

"Is that even a real question?" Aziraphale sighed exasperated.

"No, it's a limerick." Crowley sneered. "Yes, it's a real question! And I want a real answer "

Aziraphale let go of his hand and shook his head. " I don't have time for this nonsense."

"Where are you going? Is that a 'no'?" Crowley snickered behind him.

"I can't believe you would even doubt such a thing!"

"Oh, please it's no more ridiculous than you!"

"Gabriel is expecting is in the library. " Aziraphale said, turning down the final hall.

"You still haven't answered my question." Crowley chuckled following close behind.

"And I won't." Aziraphale huffed. "Such an outlandish question does not dignify a response."

Crowley caught up to him then, wrapping his arms around Aziraphale’s waist and kissing the top of his head. "Love you too, Angel." He laughed.

******

"It's safest if I take it to the Empty with me." The Shadow said simply, leaning against its cane. "Even if he were to escape it, he would be stuck in the Empty and I'm the only thing that has any pull there. Since I have no desire for a sequel to this little debacle it seems like the best solution."

It had been a day’s long discussion on where they should store the box, ranging from the dungeon to the cage in hell (even the original idea of throwing it in the Pacific had come up but was quickly shot down) and they still hadn't come to a conclusion.

"I should take it to Heaven with me." Amara interjected. "I can keep an eye on it there and make sure he doesn't escape. He is my brother; therefore, he is my responsibility."

"Yeah, alright, " Gabriel laughed, "that's all well and good but what makes you think I'm letting your ass into Heaven?"

"Excuse you?" Amara gaped. "What makes you think you can stop me?"

"No offense, auntie Am, but you're not exactly most likely to be named homecoming queen of the sky kingdom." Gabe laughed. "You did quite a bit of damage up there, and last time I checked you fit in more with the ...evil variety. They don't take to kindly to your type."

"Then who do you suppose should rule over the universes?" Amara snipped.

"Ideally?" Gabe said. " No one. These people have fought for free will their whole lives and I'm pretty sure they earned it. But....since we don't really want a Lord of the Flies situation going on, and since I'm the last rightful heir to the throne, so to speak, I guess that burden falls on me."

"You?!" Amara scoffed, ready to launch into an argument before Dean spoke up from where he had been quietly standing by the door, watching the exchange.

"Gabe's right." He said as he hobbled into the library.

"Deano!" Meg smiled as he walked past. "So nice of you to finally join our little powwow." He was trying his best to ignore he at the moment. It was hard. The only reason he had stopped at the door instead of immediately joining in the conversation was because of her; because of where she was. He had walked into the library to see her arms draped over Cas's shoulders, her chin resting on his head. In the half hour Dean had been hiding in the shadows he had seen her whisper something in his ear at least twice and Cas reach up to squeeze her had in response. It had become painfully clear why Cas hadn't come visit him then. Dean has messed up way too many times, and now Cas had moved on. He moved on to someone who had never abandoned him. Someone who didn't hesitate to let him know how they felt. It was what he deserved of course, but Dean would be lying if he said it didn't fucking sting. After everything that happened, after everything they had been through....he almost died trying to save Cas, and he didn't even know it was already too late.

He almost walked away, but this was something that needed to be solved. He needed to put his feelings aside for now. Fix this first, cry later. "Sorry I'm late to the party," he winked over at Meg, trying to keep a brave face, "slept in a little late. "

"Dean..." Cas rasped out in shock, and a sick warm feeling of relief flooded over Dean, but it was best if he ignored him for now.

"Anyway, Gabe's right." He repeated, sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the table, next to Amara. "You're powerful as shit Amara, but that power is dark. As much as you might have changed you can't help who you are. Heaven is not the place for you."

"I won't leave my brother alone." She argued.

"Then don't." he shrugged. " Look, the shadow man here likes his sleep, yeah? Say God gets our and starts causing a ruckus. Shadow wakes up, get annoyed, no one's happy. But with you there? I say it's a win-win situation. "

"I have been alone for quite some time." The Shadow said contemplatively. "If another rouge were to somehow wake up, it would be nice to have someone else there to handle the situation."

"See it's all settled." Dean said. "Darkness meet Nothing, Nothing meet Darkness. Perfect match."

"I wouldn't necessarily be alone." Amara nodded. "I would finally have peace from my brother's creations. I could help him, without worrying about him finding a way to destroy me."

"That's all I'm sayin." Dean said. " You both live, neither of you rules, everyone is happy. The end."

"Okay." Amara nodded. "Okay, I'll do it."

"Excellent!" The shadow exclaimed standing up. "Then let's go home!"

"Now?!" Amara asked.

"My dear, I am terribly tired, we have settled the matter, and I would like to go home, as soon as possible, so that I can sleep."

"Oh." She replied almost sadly as she stood up. "I guess that's it then..."

Dean pushed back his chair and pulled himself up leaning over to give her a hug, followed quickly by Sam. "Thank you." Sam said as soon as both brothers let go.

"For everything." Dean added, slinking back into his chair. "We couldn't have done any of this without you.

Amara smiled then and brushed her hand gently over Dean's cheek. "No. You couldn't have." She said. " I'm glad to know you are well, Dean. I will never forget you. And thank you, for everything, as well."

Dean smiled back and leaned in to kiss the palm of her hand. Part of him was sad to see her go, but it was the best decision for everyone. At least he knew someone he cared for would be happy. An odd flare of jealousy shot through him then, probably because he wanted to be happy too. But...that wasn't in the cards for him now.

There was no fanfare, no ling goodbyes. Just the shadow holding out his hand, walking Amara over to the box, and then they were gone. Another big part of his life, vanished, like it was never even there.

*****

"Wow, Dean! " Gabriel huffed. "We've been going on like that for a while. Coulda used you hours ago."

"Yeah, well, nice to know I'm still useful to someone." Dean said. And he was not bitter. He wasn't. Really. "So since that's all cleaned up, my family is all back in one place, I'm pretty sure we'd like a little alone time to sort something's out so....scram Gabe."

"Real nice Winchester." Gabriel laughed. "You really know how to make a guy feel welcome, but unfortunately that was just problemo Numero uno. We still got a whole list of stuff to sort out."

"Like what?" Dean scoffed.

"Like who's going to rule Hell now..." Crowley added softly.

"What do you mean?" Dean said. "You've been doing a great job. I don't see any reason to...oh...yeah...huh. You probably want to go home now that everything is over...don't you?"

"Oh, Dean." Aziraphale answered for Crowley. "It's not that we haven't grown fond of you, all of you, it's just that...well we have lives back home, people, a business and we can't...."

"It's cool." Dean cut him off, holding up his hand. " I get it. It's not like we can't come visit you or someone, or vice versa since we got a way to now. It's not like it goodbye. Just 'see ya later'. Right?"

"Exactly!" Aziraphale smiled back. He wrapped an arm around Crowley's shoulder and gave the demon a squeeze. "We'd love to have you visit us on holiday. Wouldn't we."

"Speak for yourself, Angel." Crowley said teasingly "You won't be the one providing room and board. I'm not a bloody B&B!"

"It will be our pleasure!" Aziraphale smiled again.

"I think Meg should rule Hell." Cas said, abruptly steering back to the subject.

"Wait what?" Sam whipped around to glare at Cas.

"Clarence?" Meg asked leaning her face around Cas's shoulder.

"It's part of the reason I brought you back with me." Cas answered, smiling at her fondly (which did NOT make Dean sick!) "You are smart, and loyal, and strong. I trust you more than most anyone I've ever met. These are excellent qualities for a leader. I trust that you will not let the power get to your head and will rule over Hell with fairness, only taking the souls who deserve punishment, as it was meant to be."

"Clarence!" She smiled rubbing her nose to the side of Cas's face and missing his hair (and Dean seriously needed this meeting to end, now) "you flatterer, you."

"I certainly wouldn't mind having such a saucy counterpart." Gabriel said with a wink. "What do ya say toots? I take the good souls, you take the bad, maybe occasionally meet in the middle to do a little soul searching of our own?"

"Sounds like my kinda party." Meg winked back (and what the actual hell was that!)

"Alright, well I guess that settled." Gabe clapped.

"What about the other universes?" Sam asked. "All Chuck's forgotten drafts? What are we gonna do about them?"

"We've been doing alright on our own." Crowley offered. "As long as nobody come to destroy us, I think we can manage. Nobody has to know that the almighty has gone missing. It's not like he's been present for the past few centuries anyway. No one will notice."

"Well that's, great for you," Sam said, "but what about the others?"

"Look, Sammy boy, " Gabe shrugged, "we don't even know how many worlds there are out there. If you want to go out and find them, that's on you, but I'm not going out of my way to try and fix things that may not even be fixable. There's no telling how lost some of those worlds may be, how long they've been forgotten. I know it's kinda against your code and all, but you can't save everyone."  
"I...but...." Sam sputtered in response.

"This world still needs help too. You gotta fix your home before you try to fix the neighborhood."

Sam nodded, conceding to the point. It sucked, but what else could they do?

"And on that super depressing note," Gabe said "I think it's time me and Hot Pants head out. We can settle the rest later, this place is kinda killing my high. So, I'll just take the kid and...."

Cas, Sam and Dean all shot up (well Dean as well as he could) out of their seats and moved in front of Jack. "Like hell, you will!" Dean shouted, uncaring about anything else in the situation.

"We just got him back!" Sam protested. "You can't take him from us.

"I promise we will be more attentive towards him." Cas pleaded. "You heard the Shadow; he still has a piece of his soul. We can keep an eye on him. We won't let him get out of control again."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Gabriel said holding up his hands." Call off the dogs! I'm not trying to punish anyone here."

"I don't want to leave my family." Jack said, from behind the wall of his surrogate fathers. " I'm not going to hurt anyone anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone."

"I get that kid, I do." Gabe shrugged. "But I can't exactly leave you here. You screwed a lot of thing up and well...."

"He's not gonna do it again." Dean said. It was weird, how protective he felt of Jack at the moment, the kid had killed his mom after all, but honestly, Mary was happy now. She was in heaven, with his dad, she felt no more pain. He missed her of course, he always would, but there was nothing he could do. Even if he did manage to bring her back, why would he? She had everything she ever wanted now, Jack had given her that, what good would it do to tear her away from that for his own selfish wants.

"You don't know that." Gabe insisted.

"Please!" Sam begged. "He's our kid."

"He's dangerous." Gabriel boomed. "But he might be useful, too."

"You will not use him for your own selfish gain!" Boomed back.

"No...I mean..." Gabe rubbed the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "Look, you can make angels, right kid?"

"I....um... I guess kinda ...yeah." Jack replied.

"Good! Great! Yeah, so here's the deal!" Gabe said excitedly. "There are a fuck-ton of souls lost in the veil right now. Some of them are going down south but I'm pretty sure there's gonna be plenty coming topside. I got like a hundred angels trying to power up heaven right now, but that's not gonna be enough to hold it together once all the new souls come in...."

"You're not killing innocent people to make new angels, Gabriel!” Sam said. 

"No, no, look will you just listen! Like for once?” Gabriel snapped. "When Mikey was here, he pumped a bunch of monsters full of Grace. That's half the battle! If me and the kid can figure out how to drain the monster part out and pump more angel juice in...."

"Then Heaven could have all the angels it needs, and the monsters will be gone...." Jack finished.

"Jack, no!" Cas said. "I won't let you be used..."

"I can help people, Cas!" Jack said. "Gabriel's right, I'm too dangerous to stay here on Earth. But if I can help make heaven better for the souls that are there..."

"You don't even know if it's possible!" Dean snapped.

"I have to try!" Jack argued. "I hurt you. I hurt Mary. Please let me make for it. I can watch over her. I can help you. I can help everyone. Please."

"Jack..." Sam choked out.

"I owe you guys everything. You're my family, and you always will be, but this is something I have to do. You raised me to believe that we do whatever it takes to help the world. Let me do this. Please?"

" I'll let him visit." Gabe offered. "You can come visit him too Cassie. I don't care who has a problem with it, you are always welcome in Heaven as long as I have a say. You deserve to be there way more than any of those dick bags do. You guys too, whenever it's your time to go. I'm not trying to separate anyone, but I gotta do right where Dad went wrong."

"Are you sure about this Jack?" Cas asked him.

"I am." Jack nodded. " It's what's best for everyone. And it's not like it's goodbye, it's just...."

"See you later." Dean finished for him, pulling him into a hug. "We are so proud of you, kid."

"Thank you, Dean." Jack smiled pulling away and going towards Sam.

"Don't forget about us, okay." Sam choked out, squeezing jack tight before letting go."

"Never." Jack nodded before turning toward Cas.

"We'll miss you, Jack." Cas said, crushing Jack in his arms. "I love you."

"I know." Jack said as Cas rocked him back and forth. "I love you too, dad." He squeezed Cas tight once before letting go and walking towards Gabe.

"Ugh!" Meg groaned from behind them. "That's enough lovey-dovey crap to last me the next thousand years. I need to go torture something." She walked up to Cas and grabbed him by the shoulders, gaining his attention. "You sure you're gonna be okay without me, Clarence?"

"I think I can manage now, yes." Cas nodded wiping away a ear.

"Then I guess it's time I go sit in my new throne. Those demons are probably gonna shit a brick when they see me waltz up in that bitch." She chuckled, before kissing Cas's cheek. "Stay golden Pony Boy." She smiled before turning back to give gave another wink. (And seriously? What the hell was that?) "I'll be seeing you later, Short Stack." And in a puff of black smoke, she was gone.

"Yes, you will." Gabe replied, with a returning wink ( what the actual fuck?!) Before nodding to Jack, and with a flutter of wings, both of them were gone too.

******

"What the fuck?!" Dean found himself saying out loud.

"Yeah, I know." Sam said. " It still kinda sleeves me out."

"Still?!" Dean squawked.

"I don't know." Cas said, almost fondly. "I think it kind of fits."

"It doesn't fucking bother you?" Dean asked. He may not like the idea of Cas going back to Meg, but that didn't mean he wasn't upset for him. Instead of a response, though, Cas just shook his head, rolled his fucking eyes and started walking away. "Seriously, dude?!" Dean snapped going after him.

"Yes." Cas said curtly, walking away faster, practically shoving Crowley and Aziraphale out of the way.

"What the fuck is your problem?!" Dean barked, still trying to hobble after him.

“I’m still angry with you.” He replied

“Yeah, no shit!”

"Dean, just...." Sam said trying to pull him back.

"No, Sam!" Dean said shrugging away from him. " No! I want to know what his fucking deal is!"

Cas stopped dead, rolling his shoulder and cracking his neck. "You want to know my 'deal', Dean?" He bit out, air quotes and all, without turning around.

 

"Yeah, I really do." Dean snapped.

"Dean we can talk about this later, when you both have calmed down, please, just let it go." Sam begged as Aziraphale and Crowley backed away.

"Fuck that!" Dean shouted. "I gave everything to you! I fucking begged for your forgiveness and you brushed me off! I gave up what I wanted so you wouldn't have to suffer! I told you I loved you and you fucking threw it back in my face after I almost lost my life to save your ass, just so you could go running back to that demon whore! And now you're fucking pissed at me for asking a simple fucking question, so yeah, I want to know! What...the fuck...is your problem?!"

And suddenly Cas was there, not two inches from his face, full of fiery wrath, and he should really be scared, he should, but all he could feel was blind rage. "You, Dean!" Cas growled. "You are my fucking problem! You stupid, selfish, ignorant, asshole! You are my fucking problem!" And there was the fear, as everyone, including himself took a collective step back.

"You're really gonna start this shit now?" Dean said, a little bit of hurt spilling into his voice. "After everything we just went through?"  
"Actually, no." Cas snarled, tilting his head in a dangerous way. "I wasn't, going to. But because your impatient ass just has to know, now I am! You are my problem! You are always my problem! You think you were trying to save me?! You almost got everyone killed! You almost ruined everything because you couldn't trust my judgement for one minute and stay put! I got you out of here to keep you safe and you, and your damn hero complex just couldn't handle that someone else had everything under control! I almost screwed everything up, because I was so concerned about saving you! AGAIN!"

Cas was full on shouting now and the fear was growing strong. Dean found himself limping backwards. He knew it had been a close call, Aziraphale had told him as much but he had no idea he was the reason why. "Cas, man, I..."

"Don't!" Cas growled again, the power in the bunker starting to surge, causing the shadow of those midnight black wings he had seen in person before, rise against the walls. "I am so SICK of your half assed apologies. You only give them out when you’re scared or there is something you want from me, so save it! For once, FOR ONCE, you are going to listen!" Cas was backing him down the stairs into the War room now, a wicked smile spreading across his face. "That's YOUR problem., Dean. You never, NEVER listen."

"Cas, you're scaring me, man...." Dean said, shuffling towards the table.

"Good!" Cas shouted. "Now maybe you can understand how I felt when I had to choose between saving existence and losing you! Maybe now you'll understand how helpless I felt without my powers, as I spent HOURS searching for you in the rubble. Now you can know how I felt when I found your broken, bloodied body half a mile away, barely alive, doing everything I could to save you and coming up short! Why I had to seek the comfort of that so called 'demon whore', who did nothing but console me over the last few days while they kept me away from you because I was so sick with worry, it became a danger to you! All because you wouldn't fucking listen!"

Dean kept shuffling backwards past the table, almost to the stairs. This was it. Cas was actually gonna kill him this time.

"You want me to feel sorry for you, Dean? Why? Because you had one fucking moment of clarity that caused you to lose something you cared about. Try eleven fucking years, Dean! Try losing everything, over eleven fucking years, over and over to protect something you love, only to have it shoved back in your face!" Dean was scrambling up the stairs now, with nowhere else to run, as the others skittered I the room to watch his demise from below. It's not like there was anything they could do to stop him. Cas's every step was calculated and cold, barely missing stepping on Dean as he spoke. "You want me to forgive you, Dean? You want me to forget the hell you have put me through over the past eleven years, the utter agony you have caused me over the last few days? Is that what you want, Dean?"

Dean had managed to slide himself off the floor and back himself against the bunker door, and now there was really nowhere else to run. "Yes." He cried weakly, unsure if the tears were from the guilt or the fear. He would give anything to take it all back, but it was too late now. He had made it through the end of the world and this is how he was going to die.

"Why?" Cas asked bitterly, placing himself back in Dean's space. "Because you love me?" Venom dripped off each word, causing pain to shoot through Dean's chest.

"Yes." Dean cried again, closing his eyes trying his best to hide from the fucked-up truth. Because it was true. It had always been true. Even now, as Cas was probably second away from killing him dead, and Dean was still hopelessly in love with him.

"I can do that." Cas said calmly, leaning slightly back.

"You...what?" Dean cracked open an eye in confusion to see an eerie calm on the angel's face.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. " Cas quoted with his eyebrow quirked. "I will not forget the things you have done, Dean. Not the good, and certainly not the bad. I will never forget the pain you have put me through, but of you think, for one second, that I can't forgive, then that just proves you haven't been paying attention. If being by your side these past eleven years has taught me anything, it is forgiveness. That is the most important thing I have learned from loving you. I will forgive you for almost anything, because that is what love is. If that is what you desire, then that is what I will do."

And that really should've been it. Dean should've been thanking his lucky stars that he was still in one piece, let alone forgiven; that he was loved. But something Cas had said was nagging at him and he knew he could never forgive himself of he didn't ask..."almost?"

"Almost." Cas said, slamming his fists on either side of Dean's head causing Dean to close is eye again as he was back to waiting for his impending doom. "You see, Dean," Cas snarled, so close Dean could feel the angel’s breath on his face, "I have learned a great deal, living amongst humans for so long. I have learned emotions such as joy, and pain. I have learned how to text, how to drive, how to live every day to the fullest, in case it is my last. I have learned the importance of food, and water, and rest. I have learned how to enjoy movies and music. And of all the things I learned, there is one thing I know, I will never be able to forgive you for."

"What?" Dean sobbed pitifully, just wishing Cas would end this already. It was like a cat playing with his food before devouring it. It was cruel, and unfair, and Dean was just ready to die.

But Cas was dragging it out as he leaned in close to Dean's ear, dragging his nose across the shell, slowly until his lips were barely touching the lobe. "That was not, how you kiss someone goodbye." He whispered.

What the actual fuck?! Dean's eyes shot open and he barely had a second to register what Cas has said before a pair of plush, cracked lips were crashing into his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, y'all rock, kudos and comments feed the beast, i am tired and need sleep time now.
> 
> Next up: all the fuckery! (no actual fucking though, as i suck at smut)


	31. Update: not part of the story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read and forgive me !

So this isn't an actual chapter guys but I had to get this out there. I feel terrible for not updating the past few weeks and I wanted to explain.

I was finished. I had written it all out and had most of the editing done. I even started working on an AU that has been tickling my brain and my computer...fucking.... CRASHED! So we did a reset.

IT ALL GOT WIPED OUT!

I can't even begin to describe to you the frustration and anger I felt. I had been so busy juggling the kids and life and preparing for the holidays that I had to set it all aside for a minute and when I finally got some spare time I wrote like a madman and finished and it was all...lost.

Even an original piece my husband and I have been working on for almost a year.

I have begun rewrites. I am halfway through the next chapter and will have it out as soon as possible. I just feel terrible because I always managed to stay within a two week time frame and now...

I am so sorry. I know how frustrating it can be to ha e a story you've been reading put on hold like that. Please forgive me. I promise I haven't abandoned this . 

*Will delete after actual update*


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